User talk:Psieye

Proofread of Chapter 1 edits

Good job spotting all those little things. I didn't even think to convert "Fifth class" to "class 1-5". Since you wanted someone to proofread your edits, here are a few changes you made that I changed/tweaked:

Line 195: "Once I came to the classroom in the morning and to discover that all the tables were moved out to the corridor, or printed stars on the school roof; another time she was going around the school pasting curse papers all over the place...you know, those Chinese vampire ones where you paste the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just can't understand her."

"to discover" doesn't have a tense so it conflicts with the past tense used in the verbs "I came...", "were moved out...", "was going around...", etc. I swithced "to discover" back to "discovered" to be consistent with the past tense.

Psieye: Ah point. I'd meant it to read more as "Once I came to the classroom in the morning to discover all the tables moved out to the corridor" but seems I lost my attention and thought it was done when I came back. Well, "discovered" flows just as well I guess so we'll stay with your version.

Line 309: Taniguchi, long winded as always, boasted how he met some cute girls at his workplace, and how he plans to use the money he saved to go on dates etc... Frankly, topics like what dreams people have, or how amazing or cute someone's pet is are, in my book, are some of the dullest topics in the world.

Line 370: Therefore when I came to school the next day and discovered that instead of tying three ponytails, Haruhi had cut her long and slender hair short, I felt quite depressed.

I think leaving in the "cut" at the beginning carries more of the shock at Kyon's observation of Haruhi's new haircut.

Psieye: Fair enough. I knew one "cut" had to be removed but I guess your choice emphasises better.

Line 602: "I thought after I graduated to senior high, I would encounter some awesome club! Sigh, this is like trying to go into the Major League, but then you discover that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team."

You'll have to talk to Thelastguardian about whether "kick ass" is consistent with Suzumiya's tone in Japanese. I personally think toning "kick ass" down to "awesome" might be going too far in altering Suzumiya's energetic voice. I'm reverting it back to thelastguardian's original and letting him know what he/she thinks.

Psieye: True, this one needs the original translator's eye on it. "Kick ass" didn't quite seem to fit but "awesome" is toned down... I wonder if there's a re-phrasing that tones up and also fits the flow...

Line 640: The warm sun made everyone in the classroom sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force was suddenly exerted on my collar and pulled me backwards. Because the force was so strong, my head hit the corner of the table behind me. Tears came out of my eyes instantly.

I fixed a tense conflict and sided with the past tense. Again, it's that tense issue.

Psieye: *nods* yeah I got careless there. Thanks for the correction.

Thanks for going through and highlighting trouble spots that I missed. I don't have the time to run through Chapter 1 again. -- Baltakatei 01:07, 19 April 2006 (PDT)

Oreimo

Maybe you could add your name to the project staff? Kira (Talk) 11:14, 11 July 2011 (UCT)

Whoops, I knew there was something I forgot Psieye 11:22, 11 July 2011 (UCT)

Excuse me, I am working on OrenoImo vol 4 chap 1 atm, but my editor is unavailable. Can your editor help with my work too, please ?