Talk:The Longing Of Shiina Ryo:Volume1 Chapter 1: Ryo

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Revision as of 18:22, 8 October 2010 by Idiffer (talk | contribs) (→‎Edits)
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This story is very good. Please continue it into a published novel!

  • I kind of lost hope on getting this properly published because, unfortunately, I've been told by every publishing house that works on manga these days we don't have a market for this. That's not going to keep me from writing this story, though; just from getting money. Then again, what is money when you can finally say you have something in common with the best novelists and artists of all time (and by that I mean "not being appreciated in his own time") despite being just an unemployed youngster sitting in front of a computer all day? - Ryuno

There are some noun/verb agreement errors here and there, but overall there are few errors.

  • If you find those, you're free to edit the page; my mother language isn't English and that's why I still make the silliest mistakes ever despite constantly dropping technical/medical/literary jargon like words were bombs. By editing (and providing a justification you're helping me sound less like, say, Cedric Bixler-Zavala. Don't get me wrong, I love his work to death (maybe not the latest The Mars Volta album, but still); it's just that most of it is pure gibberish even for speculative fiction. Also, I digress. - Ryuno

More Kouma!

  • Oh, boy: you're going to lo~~ove novel 3. The name is "The Kouma Yon Experiment" and that's pretty much all I'm going to say because I should better finish novel 2 first. She is my favorite character too, for all the wrong reasons. - Ryuno


Edits

stupid wiki shit prevents me from formatting this how i like. 1) after a festival (dedicated) to one of their local gods. (i added "dedicated") 2)trapped (in)(not "into") a mysterious murder case. (i replaced "into" with "in"). other edits follow the same pattern. 3)problems in (the)(not "a") not so distant future. 4)find myself in (a) numb state. 5)taste it leaves (in)(not "on") my mouth. 6)materialization of an object above my body for purpose(s) other than comedy would be rather terrifying. 7)I still needed to unpack but didn’t (feel)(not "felt") like doing so at the moment. 8)Before you manage to (mess) everything up again, right? (here its either "mess everything UP" or "ruin everything(without "up")") 9)when the one pointing (out) the flaws in your plans. 10)heard a lot of sayings that didn’t actually (work)(not "worked") on real life. 11)As she sweetly came in my direction, I noticed that I couldn't move or look (away) (instead of "around"). 12)The Sun smiled (at)(not "to") me. 13)I'm sorry, what did you just (say)(not "said")? 14)She smiled, looking so radiant I was afraid I (would)(not "could") go blind. 15)especially because I didn't (know)(not "knew"). (when its a negative sentance(did NOT(didn't),will NOT ), the verb remains unchanged.) 16)something that (no "it") was hard to believe (no "that") wasn't there from the start. 17)I forgot to send her a message (saying)(not "telling") that I was... (telling is usually used with adding the person, to whom you are telling something. like "telling ME") 18)entered the apartment and (went to sleep)(not "slept"). 19)For a reason I don't know why, I feel that I need to make it up for her. (not correct. other versions. "For a reason I don't know, I feel that I need to make it up to her." "I don't know why, but I feel that I need to make it up to her.") 20)It would be really inconsiderate of me, and we (have) know(n) each other for a while. 21)I need to think (of) something quick.

  • Thank you very much for taking the time to correct this; not only you made my text less clumsy, you helped me improve my English skills! - Ryuno

--would it be too much to ask how to format stuff on baka-tsuki? i would have wanted each mistake to be on a separate line, but i dunno how to do that. i mean, its hard for u to read the mess i posted. btw, my input doesnt begin to compare to yours. you're an author) so its only natural for me to do what i can to help make this novel better in any way i can.but damn, it is hard to edit stuff, lol. i spent an hour on that last edit you replied to, but it was worth it. --Idiffer 13:20, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

  • When the BT wiki keeps putting everything together on the same line, I use HTML tags to make things right. Here is an example:

1) after a festival (dedicated) to one of their local gods. (i added "dedicated")

2)trapped (in)(not "into") a mysterious murder case. (i replaced "into" with "in"). other edits follow the same pattern.

The BR tag was quite useful when the wiki made the dialogue confusing in the first posts. - Ryuno

testing
testing

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