Talk:IS:Volume4 Chapter1

Translation help

1

Oh I have a question. How does Ling (or Rin) call Chifuyu? Honorific suffixes at the end...Kira0802 13:16, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Chifuyu-san is correct. --Larethian 14:02, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

Thx Kira0802 15:26, 13 February 2011 (UTC)

"how thick is your cheek skin?" can probably translate to "how shameless are you?" --Kah 203.21.178.16 21:00, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

Thx Kira0802 14:20, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

And also, does someone know the name of the roommate of Rin/Ling? Kira0802 14:20, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

It's Tina Hamilton --User:Kuroi shinigami 17:31, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

2

Does someone know how to translate the replies by Ling when she was talking with Tina? I translated by "Yeah", but does someone has a better translation? Kira0802 00:12, 25 February 2011 (UTC)

How about "it seems like it, isn't it"? Although I think a simple "Yeah" works pretty well to translate "そうよねー" too. --Kuroi shinigami 16:55, 28 February 2011 (UTC)

I will stay with "yeah", since it's a very short answer. Kira0802 17:19, 28 February 2011 (UTC)

3

Does someone know what'S the translation for Cecilia's childhood friend/maid? Kira0802 16:50, 1 March 2011 (UTC)

http://infinite-stratos.wikia.com/wiki/Chelsea_Blackett Zero2001 - Talk - 19:04, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

@cruse

What is an @cruse??? Zero2001 - Talk - 13:54, 29 June 2011 (UCT)

To be honest, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. It's written like that in the novels, so I directly copy/pasted it.Kira 17:08, 29 June 2011 (UCT)

Oh okay. I thought it was some kind of desert I hadn't heard of. Wanted to try it. Thanks. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:20, 29 June 2011 (UCT)

Proposed translation edit

In the first paragraph alone, I found　many instances where simple mistakes are made that could be easily changed with a few word changes. Also, the final sentence of the first paragraph really needs changing... Minor edits I propose for the first paragraph are:
"August" to "It's August" (to sound more natural)
"The weather is hot to death." to "Something this hot can't possibly exist." (「ありゃしない」 is something that doesn't even exist, and she's referring this to how hot it is.)
"From the beginning" to "From long ago" (昔="long ago" [not "the beginning"])
"weather" to "summers" (夏-"summer" [she doesn't hate the weather in Japan in general, just its summers])
"Hate the most." to "I detest it." (The idea here is that this sentence strengthens the sense that she hates the summer [saying 「大ッ嫌い」, instead of the aforementioned ｢嫌い」 by itself]. Saying "Hate the most." is not only grammatically awkward and incorrect, but the meaning is also incorrect since it's not saying that she's hates it more than anything. For my proposal, "detest" is simply a word with a stronger sense of dislike, which is the idea here.)
"Also I'm not this country's citizen." to "I'm not this country's citizen to begin with." (そもそも doesn't mean "also".)
A lot of these simply make the meaning clearer, but are not absolute necessities. What really needs changing is the final sentence.
The originally translation of 「最初は両親の都合、次は祖国の都合でここにいる。」 was very grammatically incorrect and awkward, not to mention incorrect in meaning.. She's giving reasons as to why she's currently in the country, and not reasons why she's not a citizen of that country. So I proposed the final sentence be changed to "I'm here at first due to circumstances regarding my parents, then later due to circumstances regarding my native country."
Also, a new paragraph actually starts at 「そもそも」.
With all the changes proposed, it comes to:
"It's August. Something this hot can't possibly exist. From long ago, I hated this country's summers. I detest it.
I'm not this country's citizen to begin with. I'm here at first due to circumstances regarding my parents, then later due to circumstances regarding my native country."

More corrections to come as I read more... Perfect Chaos 03:53, 16 April 2011 (UTC)

On the 10th line, where it says, "While I was thinking about turning back, suddenly I met him", she wasn't thinking of turning back. ｢そう思って足をＵターン」 would be something like "Thinking that, I make a u-turn".
Then on the next line, "Oh, isn't that Ling?" makes it sound like he's talking to someone else about Ling. It would be better as "Oh, if it isn't Ling?" as if he's speaking out loud and being surprised that he's bumped into her.Perfect Chaos 06:48, 16 April 2011 (UTC)

Thanks a lot! I can't read Japanese raws, so I'm happy that you helped me. Kira0802 18:26, 18 April 2011 (UCT)

So the main page list "(Chinese trans.)" by your name; does that mean that you are translating this into English from a Chinese translation of the original Japanese? If so, then I guess a translation of a translation would leave even more room for errors and for things to be lost in translation, so it's understandable how some of these errors were made. Anyway, I'm glad to be able to help out.
In a few weeks, my summer vacation starts, so I'll probably be able to contribute much more often. When that happens, can I help you with translating the later chapters of this volume? (And how exactly do I "register" as a translator, anyway? Do I just edit this page and insert my name into it? I'm new to actually contributing on here, so I'm not sure how processes are done. It'll be greatly appreciated if you can help me out.) Perfect Chaos 06:34, 20 April 2011 (UTC)

Also, and future edits I'm making, I'm just going to change it directly on the page, giving my reasons in the summary area, since doing it here on the discussion page just takes more effort for the both of us. If you feel like you don't like it, then feel free to revert it back or something. But if you feel that you'd rather prefer I do it via this discussion page first, then say the word and I'll comply to your wishes, since you're the original contributor. (Don't forget to answer my question regarding tranlating, and the process of registering for it. Thank you.) Perfect Chaos 07:18, 20 April 2011 (UTC)

Kira. I'll be going through the page and changing the exclamations to their english counterparts. And making some small changes (fixing punctuation errors and adding reference links, mainly). For the (i)s I'll add notes/my views so, if you're not busy, could you go over them. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:49, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Okay. Done. Kira, could go go through the whole thing and clean up the hidden comments where you feel that they can be cleaned up? I feel that as translator you would have better understanding of what to keep and what to delete. Zero2001 - Talk - 19:06, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Translation Change Reasons

(At first, I made each change separate and gave reasons to the changes in the change description input field to make it easier for Kira0802 to undo any changes that he doesn't like, but I was asked by Larethian to combine those changes to not flood the recent changes page, and to state the reasoning for the changes here, so I'm complying to that request.)

May 9th Change (@ 21:07 UTC) (Page 14 & 15 from original novel.)

"Checking on myself," was changed to "Suddenly bothered by such a thing," (original text: 「急にそんなことが気になってしまって、」), and changed "got" to "took" to make it sound more natural.

Changed "that... the weather is hot, so I can't help sweating. Yes," to "that, because of the hear, I can't help but sweat a bit. ––Yes," (original text: 「、この暑さなんだから、別にちょっとくらい汗をかいてても仕方ないわよね。––うん、」)

Changed "Ichika's face turned this way." to "Without hesitation, Ichika brought his face near me." The addition of the adverb aside, Ichika is the subject and his face is the object in this sentence, instead of Ichika's face being the subject; also, the verb used means to bring near, as opposed to turn.

Changed "I got away by reflex" to "I reflexively force that face away." Aside from bringing the adverb to the front after "I" to match word order, the verb used is a transitive verb meaning to force back (in this case, pushing back "that face"), and not the intransitive verb of backing away.

Changed "Ah, it's nothing, just thinking it would be better if you talk to somebody. One person alone can't solve anything." to "Ah, nothing in particular. Well, it's that, if you can consult with someone, do it as much as possible. If you take it upon yourself alone, nothing good will become of it." (original text: 「いや、別に。まあ、あれだ。誰かに相談できるなら、なるべくそうしろよ。一人で抱え込むとロクなことにならねえぞ」) I did quite a bit of change to this paragraph, but I think that this is not only more accurate, but also flows very nicely.

"Not good...my heart's beating very fast. Why?! Stupid, how many days did I waste working while growing up, and now as an IS pilot, there are both good and bad things (TL: didn't know how to translate that part), and...now I finally got a feeling that there's a pattern."
Since the translator wasn't sure how to translate this line, I did quite a few changes to it, and changed it to "Ah, not good...... My heart is beating very fast. What, idiot. My height has alas grown over a long period of time, I've become an IS pilot, and moreover...... I'm improving my manners and whatnot......" (original text: 「う、やばい......。ドキドキする。なによ、バカ。しばらくぶりにあったら背は伸びてるし、IS操縦者になんかなってるし、それに......なんか格好良くなってるしさあ......。」)

Changed "As I was thinking about these things, Ichika was staring at my face again." to "As I was thinking about those things, Ichika once again began to stare at my face like someone that has been silenced." Just rephrased some stuff and added a translation to the previously omitted part of the sentence.

Changed "I even thought of taking a walk to get rid of this feeling, butI didn't want Ichika to see me like this, so I just stood there, shaking continuously." to "I wanted to wriggle my legs about, but I didn't want to be seen moving like that by Ichika, so in the end I shook my body restlessly." (original text: 「ばたばたと足を動かしてもがきたいけれど、そんな動きを一夏に見られたくはなくて、結局あたしはもぞもぞと小さく体を揺すった。」) Perfect Chaos 21:07, 9 May 2011 (UTC)

May 10th Change (@ 10:49 UTC) (Page 16 from original novel.)

Changed "inadvertently gazed at the books" to "noticed a book that was placed" for a few reasons:
1) It doesn't really say anything about inadvertently looking at anything, but just to notice it.
2) Added the subordinate clause of "that was placed"
3) The subject matter is only one book, as it's the photo album that Ichika has.
Also checked the following sentence to match the singularity of the noun, as well as reworded the sentence.

Changed "Do you still have that commemorative photo album?" to "Ahh, you still keep commemorative photos?". Ling is not asking whether he still has a specific album (which makes even less sense considering that there's only one album), but that he's still continuing to keep photos of past memories.

The paragraph after the aforementioned one was more or less completely changed (except for the last sentence, which was only slightly edited) due to being significantly off in translation. (As for the note from the previous translation asking about why it says that it was because Chifuyu wasn't home, this fact gets brought to light later through context. Ichika's keeping the memories in her place while she's away. The album itself is not about "those years Chifuyu-nee wasn't at home", but that mistranslation has been fixed, anyway.)

Changed "I still remember a bit." to "I do somehow or another." to be more literal.

Changed "It's not just 'a bit' I remeber, it's everything. " to "It wasn't "somehow or another". I firmly remember it." to match the rewording of the aforementioned line, as well as made the sentence sentence more accurate.

The following paragraph was reworded to, hopefully, be more accurate and clear. (And to answer the noted question, Ling uses "san", so that has been fixed as well.)

Changed "Hmm, it should be as you said. The photos of the two of us should be the most important. She already said that we should remember who we were with in the past well. ---Here, wheat tea. It's already been frozen." to "Hm, well. Perhaps, photos that weren't just of the two of us were essential. She already said that we should properly remember those who were with us in the past. ––Here, it's tea. It has been cooled." The first two sentences was changed quite a bit. The 2nd sentence was the exact opposite of the real meaning (original text: 「俺とふたりだけじゃない写真が重要」); it was photos that included someone else besides the Orimura sibblings that were essential, since, as the following sentence states, it's important to remember those people that have existed near them. This sentence, as well as remaining sentences in the paragraph, have been slightly reworded.

Changed "I drank the wheat tea which I received, and as if it's nothing, I check the condition of my uniform's wallet." to "As I drank the barley tea that I received, I casually check my wallet from the surface of my uniform." The original translation made it seem like she drank and finished the tea before checking her wallet, so I reworded it to make to sound like she's checking her wallet while she drinks the tea. Also, the adverb さりげなく can be perfectly translated as "casually", so there's no need for the wordy "as if it's nothing" phrase. The last bit also makes it sound like she's checking how much money she has, which isn't the case. Also, it's not really the "uniform's wallet" as if the uniform has it's own wallet, but that she's feeling for it by feeling the surface of her uniform's pocket for the bulge of the wallet. (original text: 「受け取った麦茶を飲みながら、あたしはさりげなく制服の上からサイフを確かめる」)

Changed "Hey, could you let me see it?" to "Can I see this?" (original text: 「これ、見ていい？」) これ isn't used as a form to drawing attention, but to signifying what she wants to see (probably by pointing to it as she says "this").

(I also looked a bit ahead and confirmed that it is indeed "Chifuyu-san" on Page 17. I'll probably look over Page 17 within the next day.) Perfect Chaos 10:49, 10 May 2011 (UTC)

To Perfect Chaos

Wow, wow, it's OK XD. You don't need to give me a report of exactly everything you corrected. I do not know Jaoanese, neither do I possess the japanese format novels. So about spacing and paragraph, you can do whatever you want withouut letting a notice; I give you the green light (well, was there even the need of it?) and you can play no matter how. Also, about the ", I do not have the 'unified' bullets with the Canadian multilingual keyboard. I'll try to change it at times, but right now, Ill finish this chapter. Kira0802 11:32, 13 May 2011 (UCT)

Part subheadings

Should I delete the 'parts' since it was only made to make some cuts, while there weren't any in the original? Kira 21:03, 28 June 2011 (UCT)

Is it okay if I replace the Part1, Part2, etc subheadings with:

<center><span style="font-size: 150%;">◇</span></center>

Preview:

◇

It will conform with the rest of the chapters that way. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:03, 11 July 2011 (UCT)

No, I don't think so, since there's already this in the original novels. Also, separating into parts is made so editing and translating could be more easier, and it won't be too long to load a page and change it. Kira (Talk) 17:07, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Oh okay. I was simply concerned it might look weird and out of place in the full text/volume version. Well... as long as the rest of the chapters of this volume follow the same pattern it should be fine. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:15, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

When the full version will be out, these parts will be taken off. Kira (Talk) 17:35, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Okay. That sounds good too. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:45, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Full version is out. I shall now replace part headings with

<center><span style="font-size: 150%;">◇</span></center>

as agreed. Zero2001 - Talk - 11:28, 20 September 2011 (CDT)

Oh wait the diamonds are already there I'll just remove the headings then. Zero2001 - Talk - 11:30, 20 September 2011 (CDT)

References

It seems that there are some unecessary references. Any thoughts? Kira (Talk) 17:48, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Which ones? It's the first chapter of this volume so I'm adding references. I'll make sure that a reference made in an earlier chapter of the same volume won't be repeated. But you'd be surprised at what people don't know and what might perk their interest. Zero2001 - Talk - 17:50, 12 July 2011 (UCT)

Personally, I'd rather user a seperate wiki page, since it does appear in every volume, from what you just said. Or some bottom page references. Kira (Talk) 12:05, 13 July 2011 (UCT)

There are two kinds of references. The first is where you link to an already existing webpage on another website like wikipedia or the IS wiki. Second are notes. Do you know why wikipedia got so popular. It was because it allowed unrestrained linking between pages thus creating a huge interrelated database that allowed jumping from interest to interest. I've tried to do the same here. Just trust me. This is actually more benificial. It allows for full information about the word rather than a few lines that might not satisfy the readers thirst for knowledge. Plus you do not need to write down the info again, just link to an already existing source. Writing it afresh is a tedious process I assure you. Also to make a bottom page reference and then have a link from there to the wikipage turns a one step goal to a two step goal. Something that should be done only on rare occasions. Same with separate wiki pages. Zero2001 - Talk - 12:49, 13 July 2011 (UCT)

Just trust me. You can get used to it. And it makes things easier. Zero2001 - Talk - 12:56, 13 July 2011 (UCT)

More Proposed Edits

Just a few big things, really. I won't even pretend to know what the raws look like though.

• Rin and Ichika's meeting place: from the implied setting later in the chapter and Ichika mentioning that they won't have to wear their school uniform, it feels like the two plan to meet at the entrance to "WaterWorld" rather than the entrance of the academy, as the location is called several times.
• Yamada Maya's two long paragraphs: I found it really difficult to decipher her reasoning for the trouble caused by Houki Shinonono's IS. I could get the gist that the countries of the world would want to possess the yet-unclaimed IS, but I couldn't quite figure out how they would go about obtaining it from the current text. If anyone could provide details as I plan out a possible rewrite...?
• The Last Segment's Action Scenes: A little rewording could be useful. For example, when Rin references the "second highest island" to refer to the second island in the competition. If I'm assuming correctly, the islands increase in height above the water as a team gets closer to the goal. The phrase "second highest" however has more of a meaning of being the "second to last", or "right before the end". Fixed simply by removing the word "highest".

Speaking of rewriting, I have nearly completed a full rewrite of the chapter, but I assumed it would be rather bold of me to post something like that so soon after joining. I was thinking of doing something like what was done with Volume 1, but I am unsure how to set up the formatting. If someone would like to assist, I would appreciate help. Darwen G'wein (talk) 16:12, 27 March 2014 (CDT)