Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 2601ª vez

"Sou Aya Otonashi."

A aluna transferida murmura apenas estas palavras e nada mais.

✵

"Meu Deus! Que demais!"

Meu amigo Haruaki Usui, que está sentando perto de mim, diz isso em uma voz bem alta. Faz isso mesmo com a aula sendo dada, e vigorosamente me dá um tapa nas costas.

Haruaki? Sabe, isso machuca mesmo, e os olhares que nossos colegas estão nos dando também são bem constrangedores...

O olhar de Haruaki já está virado para a parte de trás da sala, onde a aluna transferida, Aya Otonashi, está sentada.

"Nossos olhos se encontraram! Que demais!"

"Bem, quando você se vira desse jeito para olhá-la, é mais que natural que seus olhos se encontrem."

"Hoshii, é o DESTINO!"

Espera aí, o quê? Destino?

"De qualquer jeito, ela é tão linda! Ela com certeza seria aceita como uma obra de arte no mercado mundial...e então seria reconhecida como tesouro nacional. Oh, é tarde demais para mim, meu coração já foi roubado...Vou me confessar à ela."

Que rápido!!

O sinal toca. Depois de ficarmos de pé e reverenciarmos nosso professor, Haruaki segue diretamente até Otonashi-san sem se preocupar em sentar primeiro.

"Aya Otonashi-san! Me apaixonei por você à primeira vista. Eu te amo!"

Nossa, ele está mesmo fazendo isso...

Não consigo ouvir a resposta da Otonashi-san, mas a cara do Haruaki é uma pista inegável. Ah, não...não é preciso nem olhar para seu rosto.

Haruaki volta e para na frente da minha classe.

"Que absurdo... Eu fui rejeitado?"

Ele achou que sua confissão daria certo...? É assustador porque ele parece mesmo sério.

"Não é óbvio? Se confessar para ela do nada apenas irá irritá-la!"

"Hum, entendo seu ponto de vista. Pois então, eu me confessarei de novo. Mas da próxima vez, não será tão subitamente! Meus sentimentos estão destinados a alcançá-la algum dia!"

Por um lado sua mente positiva é quase invejável, por outro lado, preferiria apenas evitá-la totalmente.

"Se divertindo? Vocês estão me proporcionando um entretenimento muito bom, mas as garotas estão olhando para vocês com bastante desdenho."

Daiya se junta a nós com estas palavras.

"Hã?! Não é apenas o Haruaki que está sendo desprezado?!"

"Não, você tabém. As garotas consideram vocês como farinha do mesmo saco."

"Hoho, imagina se fizessem um bolo conosco? Seria uma honra! Não acha, Hoshii?"

O-O que eu fiz para merecer...

"Deixando isso de lado, Daiyan, até mesmo você quer dar encima dela, certo?"

Haruaki dá uma cotovelada em Daiya. Ele é capaz de fazer isso ao Daiya sem medo, provavelmente porque são amigos de infância. Ou talvez porque ele aja impulsivamente sem se preocupar com as consequências...

Daiya suspira e logo responde.

"Nem um pouco."

"Impossível! Nesse caso, Daiyan, quem poderia possivelmente tocar seu coração?"

"Não importa se meu coração bate mais rápido ou não por culpa da aparência dela. Posso até reconhecer sua beleza, mas mesmo assim não desejo dar em cima dela."

"Hããã...?"

"Haruaki, você não compreende mesmo, não é? Bem, claro que esses sentimentos não podem ser compreendidos por um primata como você, que vive seguindo seus instintos e que pegaria qualquer garota contanto que tivesse um rostinho bonito."

"O quê?! Para começar, o que instinto tem a ver com ligar para aparências?!"

"É instinto humano ser atraído por alguém bonito porque ter um herdeiro bonito aumentará as chances da sua linhagem sobreviver."

"Ooh", "Ooh" Haruaki e eu soltamos suspiros de admiração simultaneamente. Daiya parece espantado, como se estivesse chocado por ver que não sabíamos algo tão básico.

"Ah, entendi, Daiyan! Então você está dizendo que a beleza dela está tão além do nosso alcance que até mesmo você não consegue dar em cima dela! Não teria chance alguma! É isso, não é? Como aquela história da raposa que fez ela mesma pensar que a uva estava azeda quando não conseguiu alcançá-la. Seu comportamento é chamado de racionalização. Que sem graça, Daiyan!"

"Você ouviu alguma coisa do que eu falei? Francamente...bem, a primeira metade da sua afirmação não está verdadeiramente errada. Mas sobre a outra metade—vou te matar!"

"Hoho, então você não consegue mesmo dar em cima dela."

Haruaki está com um olhar triunfante em seu rosto. Daiya finalmente soca Haruaki. Wow, é como se toda a frustração do Daiya estivesse focada naquele soco...

"Não se trata de 'eu não conseguir dar em cima dela.' Se trata de 'ela não vai dar em cima de mim.'"

"Que arrogante...ei, Hoshii, esse cara não está se achando demais só por culpa da sua aparência?" Haruaki diz sem demonstrar qualquer traço de remorso.

"Não é como se ela não fosse dar em cima de mim por eu estar fora do seu alcance, isso pode ser verdade também, mas no caso dela isso nem se aplica."

"Nossa, ele está soltando esse papo estranho sem nem hesitar."

"Ela não me considera fora do seu alcance, não, ela nem entra nesse tipo de classificação. Não está interessada em nós para início de conversa. Não está nem nos desprezando. Assim como consideramos insetos somente como insetos, ela considera pessoas somente como pessoas. Isso é tudo. Ela não liga para pequenas diferenças entre as pessoas, como meu rosto bonito ou a horrorosa cara do Haruaki. Assim como o sexo de uma barata nem passa pela nossa mente. Como alguém conseguiria dar em cima de uma garota assim?"

Até mesmo Haruaki parece sobrecarregado com essa declaração impiedosa sobre Otonashi-san, e fica em silêncio.

"...Daiya."

Abri minha boca no lugar de Haruaki.

"Parece que você está surpreendentemente interessado na Otonashi-san."

Daiya fica sem palavras. Ah, essa é uma reação extremamente rara. Mas não estou certo? Deixando de lado se sua opinião é correta ou não, ele deve ter a observado por uma quantia considerável de tempo para fazer essa análise.

"...tch, não estou interessado!"

"Oh, está corado!"

"...ei Kazu. Você vai pisar em uma mina se continuar seguindo esse caminho. Quer que eu lhe mostre como usar um alho de um jeito que nem imagina? Você vai ficar com um caso tão grave de TEPT que só avistar alhos fará você explodir de agonia!"

Precebo que Daiya está bem irritado, então tento mudar o assunto rindo desajeitadamente.

De qualquer forma, Daiya parece entender que ele e Otonashi-san são totalmente incompatíveis.

"Tirando a porcaria do seu senso de intuição que se compara ao de um inseto, até mesmo você logo irá perceber a anormalidade dela."

Soou meio que como uma desculpa esfarrapada.

Mas não era nada disso.

Sabe, ele estava certíssimo.

✵

Right after homeroom has ended, Otonashi-san suddenly raises her hand. Our teacher, Hokubo-sensei, notices her, but Otonashi-san doesn't even care if he acknowledges her or not. She stands up and starts speaking before he even assents.

"I'm going to have everyone in class 1-6 do something right now."

Otonashi-san ignores our dumbfounded response, and continues.

"It will take five minutes. You can spare that much time, right?"

Nobody replies, but she heads for the platform anyway. She nonchalantly ushers Hokubo-sensei out of the classroom, and then takes his place at the platform. Although this is definitely an abnormal situation, she somehow makes it seem totally natural. Judging by the my classmates' reactions, they feel the same way.

It's dead silent in the classroom.

While standing on the platform, Otonashi-san speaks as she gazes straight ahead.

"You will now write 'a certain thing' for me."

Otonashi-san steps down from the platform and hands some papers to the students in the front row. Those students each take one sheet and pass the rest on to the students behind them; it's just like they normally do with handouts that need to be distributed to the entire class.

I finally receive a copy. It is an ordinary, plain sheet of recycled paper that's about 10cm long on each side.

"When you're done, please hand it back to me."

"So what's that 'certain thing'?"

After Kokone asks the question that's buzzing through everyone's head, Otonashi-san responds plainly:

"My name."

With this comment, the previously silent classroom starts to get noisy. Fair enough, I don't get it either. Her name? Everyone knows her name. She just introduced herself as "Aya Otonashi" this morning after all.

"How idiotic!" someone exclaims. There is only one person who could possibly say such a thing to Otonashi-san.

Daiya Oomine.

My classmates all hold their breath. Everyone knows that Daiya would make a terrible enemy.

"Your name's Aya Otonashi. Why do you want us to write that down? Do you want us to memorize your name that badly?"

Otonashi-san stays composed despite Daiya's aggressive speech.

"I would write 'Aya Otonashi'. But I just told you that. So there's no need for me to write it anymore, right?"

"Yeah, I don't care."

Apparently he didn't expect such a simple affirmation and is left bereft of speech.

He clicks his tongue, tears up the paper as noisily as possible and leaves the classroom.

"What's wrong? Why won't you start writing?"

No one was able to start writing. It may not be obvious, but everyone is surprised and overwhelmed by her and her behavior. She just talked back to Daiya. As Daiya's classmates, we know just how impressive that is.

Everyone stays frozen for a while. But once the scratching sound of someone's pencil breaks the silence, the sound of scribbling starts to echo across the classroom.

I bet no one understands Otonashi-san's intentions. But it doesn't matter. In the end, there is only one thing we can write, after all.

There's only the name 'Aya Otonashi'.

The first person to deliver his paper to Otonashi-san is Haruaki. Once he stands up, several classmates follow suit. Otonashi-san's expression doesn't really change when she accepts Haruaki's paper.

It was probably…the wrong answer.

"Haruaki."

I call out to him as he returns to his seat after exchanging a word or two with Mogi-san.

"What's wrong, Hoshii?"

"What did you write?"

"Mh? Well, you can only write 'Aya Otonashi', right? I almost forgot to write the last letter, though," Haruaki says while seeming a bit disconsolate for some reason.

"…well yeah, I guess that's the only choice…"

"Don't vacillate so much—just write it down!"

"Do you really think she went through all that just to make us write down her name?"

If that were the case, I can't understand why she bothered.

Haruaki immediately answers with "Of course not," confirming my doubts.

"Eh? But…you wrote 'Aya Otonashi', didn't you?"

"Yeah.…listen, Daiyan is so intelligent it's not even funny, right? Well, on the other hand, his personality is so bad it's not funny, either."

Because he suddenly changed the topic, I incline my head.

"And he said he would simply write 'Aya Otonashi'. So he couldn't think of anything else to write. Of course I'd do no better. What I'm trying to say is, well, we can't come up with an alternative, so we can't write anything else, either."

"If you can't think of something…you can't write it down."

"Exactly. In other words, this exercise wasn't directed at us."

I get the feeling that Haruaki just hit the bull's eye. He must be right.

In other words, Otonashi-san doesn't care about most of her classmates and is only doing this for the person who can actually think of something else.

I understand why Haruaki seemed so depressed just now. I mean, he fell for her at first sight. His confession might have been half in jest, but I don't know of anyone else he's confessed to. So he was actually more or less sincere.

But she didn't return his affections. His existence was being ignored…just like Daiya said.

"…Haruaki, you're surprisingly bright."

"The 'surprisingly' is unnecessary!"

While I try to hide my rude comment behind a bashful smile, Haruaki reacts by smiling bitterly.

"See you later. If I don't leave now, I'll get killed by my seniors. No, I'm not exaggerating!"

"Ah, yeah. Go for it."

Our so-so baseball team seems to be pretty demanding.

I look down at my blank sheet of paper. I am about to write 'Aya Otonashi', but just can't do it.

I gaze at Otonashi-san. Her expression doesn't change in the slightest as she looks through the papers that were handed to her. I guess 'Aya Otonashi' is written on every single one.

—someone who can't think of anything can't write anything.

"——"

Then what am I supposed to do?

After all that, I do manage to think of something. For some reason, the absurd name 'Maria' comes to mind.

I'm aware that something's wrong with me. 'Maria' of all things. I have no idea where this name came from. If I hand my paper to her with this name, she will just roar something at me, like 'You've gotta be kidding me!'

But what if this is, by chance, the answer she's wishing for…?

After some severe equivocation, I start writing on the piece of 10cm by 10cm recycled paper.

'Maria'

I stand up and head over to Otonashi-san. There isn't a line anymore. Looks like I am the last person left. I nervously hand her my paper. Otonashi-san accepts it wordlessly.

Then she looks at what's written there.

And her expression changes. Massively.

"…eh?"

Otonashi-san's eyes are wide open, even though she didn't show the slightest stirrings of unease when facing off against our teacher and Daiya?

"Fufufu…"

She suddenly bursts into laughter.

"Hoshino."

"Oh, you remembered my name."

I instantly regret saying that. Because, when she stops laughing, she scowls at me as if I were her arch-enemy.

"…You…! Are you freaking kidding me?!?"

She seems to have frantically suppressed her anger, since she only manages to speak in a low, chesty voice. I expected the 'kidding' part, but the tone of her voice is rather surprising.

She seizes me by the collar with all her strength.

"Wa! I-I'm sorry! I-It's not like I was messing with you…"

"So you're telling me that you can write such an answer without it being some kind of joke?"

"…err, well. You…might be right. I might have been kidding around."

This may have been the finishing blow.

Without ever letting go of my collar, she drags me in her wake, all the way to the back of the school building.

✵

"Hoshino. Are you making fun of me?"

Otonashi-san shoves me against the wall of the school building and glares at me.

"I'm not that good at coming up with plans. I'm aware of that. So I came up with an insane plan that's on the level of saying 'Culprit, turn yourself in!' No, you can't even call it a plan. And yet…Why the heck are you taking the bait!? And this is already the second time I've done this! The first time you completely ignored it!"

She removes her hand from my collar, but the pressure of her furious gaze is more than enough to hold me in place.

Otonashi-san continues to glare at me while chewing on her lips, and then sighs.

"…no, I lost my composure because I finally got a response by using such a ridiculous method. But that means the situation is definitely improving, so I guess I should actually be happy."

"…yeah, I guess. You should be happy! Hahaha."

Otonashi-san scowls again at my forced smile. I should probably just stay silent.

"…I don't get it. Actually, I was thinking you might have been defeated by my persistence…but what's with this ignorant, relaxed face of yours!"

I'm not ignorant, I have no clue what you're talking about!

"You kept ignoring me for 2,600 iterations. I refuse to surrender, however many times this endless recurrence shall continue. However, I still feel fatigue. You should feel the same, so how can you maintain such composure?!"

What should I…I have no idea what you're talking about.

Apparently she finally notices my bewilderment and looks at me suspiciously.

"……are you perhaps not self-aware?"

"Self-aware? Of what?"

"…very well. Whether you're acting or not, an explanation shouldn't do much harm. Hm, right. To put it simply—I've already 'transferred' 2,601 times."

All I can do is be blankly amazed.

"If you're just acting then you're quite amazing. But if you really 'didn't know', it'd certainly be natural for you to have such a dull look. Whatever. I'll explain what I know. Mh, right—today's March 2^nd, right?"

I nodded.

"It would be easier to say that I've repeated this March 2^nd 2,601 times, but that isn't quite right. For that reason I use the expression school transfer, although that's not really appropriate either."

"Haa…"

"I've been sent back to March 2^nd, 6:27 A.M. 2,601 times."

"……"

"'Sent back' is the correct expression from my own perspective, but it's not universally correct. So I'm using the expression school transfer here, since it's closer to what actually happens—"

Otonashi-san sees that my jaw has dropped and scratches her head.

"Aah, geez! Just how dumb are you! If there's anything you disapprove of around 06:27 A.M., you simply declare it 'void', don't you!" She shouts at me, practically boiling over inside. No, no…no one in my position would be able to follow her line of reasoning, right?

"…I don't really understand, but you've been repeating the same day over and over?"

It happens at the very instant I say that.

"Ah—"

What? What's this?

I press my chest, where an intense, strange sensation is attacking me. I feel uneasy…no, 'uneasy' is an understatement. It's a deeply eerie sensation, as if your hometown were suddenly replaced by a totally different town and you're the only person who noticed.

It's not like my memories have returned. I haven't recalled anything new.

But for some reason I can feel that something was there.

Otonashi-san is telling the truth.

Just the bare truth.

"Do you finally understand?"

"…w-wait a sec."

She's experienced March 2^nd 2,601 times. That alone would be more than enough to throw me off my stride, but basically Otonashi-san is stating:

"…I am responsible for this?"

"Yeah," Otonashi-san answers on the spot.

"W-Why would I do that?"

"How could I possibly understand your motives."

"I'm not the one doing this!"

"How can you say that when you're not even self-aware?"

I was about to say, 'Why me?' but I realize there's only one thing that made me stand out.

I wrote 'Maria' on that sheet of paper.

"Just as you were unaware of these recurrences until now, other people who were dragged into this situation have no means to remember the iterations that were rendered 'void.' In other words: besides me, only the culprit should be able to write down the name 'Maria', which I've only mentioned in previous iterations."

But I remembered this name. I have to admit that it's unthinkable for a name like 'Maria' to spontaneously pop up in my head.

"I don't know whether it's effective, but I always try to behave so that I stand out in the memories of everyone else. I've been waiting for the culprit, who must also remember the past iterations that were rendered 'void', to make a mistake. Well, I wasn't really expecting much from this strategy..."

"…when did you start suspecting me? I mean, you specifically mentioned this name-'Maria'-to me in a previous iteration, right?"

"Actually, you seemed basically harmless, so I didn't specifically suspect you."

"So…?"

"Hmph, of course I tested each person one at a time by mentioning this name. After all, my time is basically unlimited."

Her time is unlimited.

The time Otonashi-san has spent. A length of time so great, "unlimited" can't even be called a figure of speech anymore.

I understand. Her time is basically unlimited, so that's why she came up with this random plan of making the class write down her name–in the slight hope that someone would write 'Maria'. Even if she didn't have any real chance of success. All her best plans had been exhausted long before the 2,601st school transfer, so it was probably just a way to kill time until she came up with a new plan. In order to stay sane, trying a nearly hopeless plan is still better than doing nothing at all. After all, the time she spends within these 'School Transfers' could possibly last forever.

That's why Otonashi-san got so angry when I fell for this trick. It's like when no matter how hard you try, you can't beat an enemy in an RPG and thus train and level up desperately–but in actuality, you could have easily beaten him just by using a certain easily obtained item. You reached your goal in the end, but you desperately resent wasting all that time and effort.

"Well, let's cut short this idle chatter. After all, nothing's been resolved."

"Is that so?"

"Of course. Or does the situation seem settled to you? Does this consecutive nightmare, the Rejecting Classroom, look like it has ended to you?"

The Rejecting Classroom? I guess that's what she calls her repeating hell.

At any rate, there is just one point that still bugs me.

"You know, I can understand why you treat me as the culprit because I've written 'Maria'. But listen, to begin with, why are you not affected by this Rejecting Classroom?"

"It's not like I'm unaffected; actually, I'm just as affected by the Rejecting Classroom as anyone else. If I surrendered and stopped trying to preserve my memories, the 'Classroom' would capture me right away. I would live meaninglessly within this endless recurrence. Giving in would be as easy as spilling a cup of water that you're precariously balancing on top of your head. We would forever continue experiencing this one day that you're rejecting."

"All that would happen if you just forgot?"

"Think about it. Is there any other person who could possibly notice this recurrence? After all, even you weren't aware of the recurrence, and you're the one who set it up…"

…she might be right. After all, she already has repeated 2,601 iterations.

"It would be infinitely easier for me to abandon my efforts to remember. But that will absolutely never happen."

"…never?"

"Yeah, never. It's not possible that I give up. I don't care if have to repeat this day 2,000 times, 20,000 times or a bajillion times, I will overcome this recurrence and achieve my goal."

2,000 times. We often come across '2,000' as a unit in our daily lives. But if we have to really pile it up piece by piece…for example, there are 365 days in a year, 1,825 days equals five years…and that still wouldn't be enough yet to hit 2,000 days.

Otonashi-san has already spent more time than that in the Rejecting Classroom.

"Hoshino. Are you also unaware of why you created this Rejecting Classroom?"

"Eh?…yeah."

"Fufu, I see. Assuming that you're playing dumb just to dodge this question, there's certainly some meaning behind all this. If so, your acting is quite solid."

"I-I'm not acting!"

"Well, then I'll ask you—"

Otonashi-san smiles faintly.

"Hoshino, you have met—him, haven't you?"

—who?

…Is not the question I ask myself right now, for whatever reason. Who have I met? I don't know. I can't remember.

Still, I understand.

I have met '*'.

When? Where? Of course I couldn't know such a thing. That isn't part of my memories. Even so, I can feel that we've met.

I try to remember. But the information is blocked off, as if by a shutter coming down at extreme speed. Attention! You may not enter. Authorized personnel only.

"Fufu, so you met him," she chuckles.

Otonashi-san is now convinced. And I am convinced as well.

I, Kazuki Hoshino, am the person responsible for this situation.

"He should have handed it over to you. The box that grants you a single wish."

She suddenly uses the word box. Based on what she's said thus far, that box seems to be the tool that produced this Rejecting Classroom.

"Ah, I didn't tell you my goal yet," Otonashi-san tells me while chuckling.

"My goal is—to obtain the box."

Then her laughter disappears without a trace. Otonashi-san, who is convinced that I own the box, scowls at me coldly and issues a command:

"Now hand over the box."

I definitely have the box. There's no alternative, right?

But is it really alright to hand over this box that grants any wish to her?

I mean, Otonashi-san has endured 2,601 repetitions just for the sake of obtaining this box. So she has a wish that justifies such an enormous effort. She wants to grant her own wish; even if it means making light of my wish by stealing my box.

—She is driven by a determination that borders on abnormality.

Right, that's abnormal. Aya Otonashi is abnormal.

"…I don't know how."

I'm not lying. But I'm also trying to show some resistance.

"I see. So you'll hand it over to me once you figure out how to do it?"

"Well…"

"Forgetting how to give it up is common. But you haven't forgotten permanently; somewhere, deep down, you still know how to do it. Just like you never forget how to ride a bicycle: you may not be able to teach other people to ride it, but you still instinctively understand how to do it. You're just bewildered because you can't convert that understanding into words."

"…is there no way to end the Rejecting Classroom without removing the box?"

Otonashi-san shoots a cold glance at me.

"So you don't plan to hand it over to me. Is that what you're trying to say?"

"I-It's not like that…"

Sensing my obvious panic, Otonashi-san lets out a quiet sigh.

"Let's see. I guess the Rejecting Classroom would also end if we crushed the box along with its owner."

"Crush it along with its owner…?"

'Owner' probably refers to the culprit holding the box—in other words, me. Crush it along with me? In short—

Otonashi-san represses her feelings and says coldly: "The Rejecting Classroom will end if you die."

✵

Is this reason enough to prepare a '******'?

Are you telling me that you plan to do this to me as well if necessary? In that case, please do it quickly; that'd be easier to bear.

The morning of March 3^rd. At a rainy crossroads with poor visibility.

I have thrown aside my umbrella and look at the '******'. Nothing else really registers. The truck that has crashed into the wall and Otonashi-san, who is just standing there, neither is being processed by my brain. A red liquid is flowing continuously; there's so much of it that the rain can't even wash it away.

A cor***, missing half of its head, whose bra** have splashed everywhere. ***pse. Corpse. Corpse. CORpse. CorpseCorpseCORPSE. corPSE. CorpsecorpseCORPSE. Corpse. Corpse. Corpse!

Haruaki's 'Corpse'.

"—ah"

Once I finally recognize the thing before my eyes, I start to vomit.

I look at Aya Otonashi. She is staring expressionlessly at me.

"……Haruaki"

But don't worry, Haruaki!

You know, this will be undone anyway.

This will be conveniently declared 'void'.

……Oh? Could it be…

Could this be the reason I wished for the Rejecting Classroom…? Because I'm rejecting a situation like this?

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