Talk:Tsukumodo:Volume 2 Silence
these are the questionable lines from this chapter in bold. below each line are my bariants and thoughts. i'm extremely unsure about my suggestions here, and thus i didn't change these lines in the chapter. this is meant mostly for senile seinen, but if anyone wants to pitch in, that's cool too.--Idiffer 01:59, 9 July 2012 (CDT)
She looked a little younger than me, but the languorous feel she gave off made her impression rather mature and mysterious.
(not sure if this is the correct usage. though this may be mistaken with an example from this dictionary: In her journal, she recorded her impressions of the city.)
"I am sorry. I'm afraid that's not here."
(dunno, doesn't sound right. you can't find that here. or - we don't have what you are looking for)
My heart was beating rapidly. Perhaps, the loudest noise in this world right now was my own heart beat.
(maybe heartbeat without the space?)
The heavy noise from the building site vanished.
It hadn't become unhearable. More like, it had vanished.
(so vanished or had vanished?)
It was not her wish that people got ahold of Relics.
(It was not her wish for people to get ahold of Relics.)
Because he was about to even intrude their private space, I had no choice but to block his way.
(Because he was even about to intrude their private space, I had no choice but to block his way.)
Towako-san, however, showed no signs of taking the card.
(showed no signs of wanting to take the card. a sign of taking the card is taking the card.)
That is, the moment of death of someone related to me or myself.
(That is, the moment of my death or of someone related to me.)
It was a bad idea indeed to let her know thoughtlessly when we had no idea under what circumstances she died.
(It was a bad idea indeed to thoughtlessly let her know, when we had no idea under what circumstances she died.)
However, only in the presence of us.
(However, only in the presence of us.)
However, we had not at all time for that.
(However, we had no time for that at all.)
They were by a top-class brand even I knew.
(They were made by a top-class brand even I knew. or - were OF a top-class brand)
"A-Are you all right? Excuse me excuse me!"
(comma between the excuse me's. It could be a dash for fast talk also.)
I shall try out immediately.
(I shall try it out immediately. because you try out for, i don't know, a cheerleading group, a football team.)
Speaking of the devil.
(Speak of the devil sounds more comfortable)
"I'm afraid this is not something you can get done by simply spending time in it.
(What is he talking about here? spending time in what exactly? in a piece? )
I had not thought that concentration could speed up the making of a piece so heavily.
(speed up so heavily? i would say "so much")
At this point, I recalled the scene again "Vision" had shown to me.
(At this point, I again recalled the scene "Vision" had shown to me. OR - At this point, I recalled the scene "Vision" had shown to me again (once more).)
The frilly clothes she had worn was a maid uniform.
(were a maid uniform? really unsure. probably i'm wrong)
With eccentric paintings in the room or the doors."
(in the room, but probably ON the doors. )
Ah, perhaps did you read that interview that was recently published?"
(Ah, did you perhaps read that interview that was recently published?")
Mei-san nodded in convincedly.
(well, there was probably not supposed to be a space there, right?)
The story where he ended up drawing lines on the walls and writing the notes on those."
(on them)
The joy was even greater than when I became generally accepted and could release my first record.
(had become generally accepted?)
Was there a meaning in me getting off the train there?
There wasn't if I just got off. But if I took some action from there, it would get a meaning.
(what would get a meaning exactly? the action? But if after that I take an action, it would become meaningfull. (it would aquire
meaning) "get" just sounds weird here. as does "some action")
--Idiffer 01:59, 9 July 2012 (CDT)
