Talk:Tsukumodo:Volume 1 Coincidence

i have some questions about these lines:

They never were concrete, but they always looked at me with disgust.

(who was not concrete? and who looked with disgust?)

The ones she confessed to.

But time went by and our bonds were divided.

(“divided” seems strange. maybe “cut”? )

Sounds better, thanks~

"nomen est omen".

(maybe you could add a tl note as to what that means?)

Done.

"...How careless of me," Saki whispers

(is it definitely present tense?)

Corrected.

The interior was as old as it looked from the outside and there were no articles on the shelves that looked it.

(the articles looked what?)

"Is this supposed to be a key holder or something?"

(not sure, but I think it’s keychain)

Yeah, sounds better.

She shouldn't have made fun of my feelings to Miki.

(not “to”. “for” or ”towards”) (but I didn’t change this. pick which u like best.)

orz

--Idiffer 09:35, 19 April 2012 (CDT)

and some more questionable lines:

The person on the other end told me what hospital the culprit had been brought to. The class was planning to assemble there.

(i think they wanted to visit the victim, not the cilprit)

Whooooops~

Fair enough that she took offense by the cursed stuff Saki offered her.

(dunno. another option: Fair enough that she was offended by the cursed stuff Saki offered her. )

Fine with me.

"Saki, are you fine?"

(i think the more common expression is "are you okay?")

True.

Mineyama obediently obeyed and went to the convenience store.

(obediently obeyed is redundant. it's like talking talkatively or buttery butter. )

"HYY!"

(mmm...maybe "Hii!" i've just never seen HYY before)

The problem with "Hii" is that it looks like a greeting. I'm not contended with "HYY", either.

"...It's odd. Something's just odd! This stone must be cursed, after all..." she stuttered with a pale face.

(don't know how it was in japanese, but there is no stuttering in her line.)

Yeah, no stuttering here. Just couldn't think of a better word when translating. :D I guess "to babble" should catch the meaning I wanted.

Colliding or throwing a pillow was no big deal even for Atobe and her pals.

(colliding a pillow? doesn't sound right)

Changed to "Barging against me or throwing a pillow"

--Idiffer 06:16, 30 April 2012 (CDT)

"There's still more. Atobe's reactions to the accidents differed between hers and those that happened by chance.

(your reactions...between yours. or is this deliberate?)

Deliberate. Because "yours" would point to those Mineyama has created with the Pendolo.

my bad, i forgot that that atobe wasn't the one with the pendolo.

i'll probably edit all of chapter one in about 1,5 hours and upload it in it's entirety. there will also probably be more questions))

--Idiffer 07:38, 30 April 2012 (CDT)

straight toward my telephoning target.

(...target, who talking on the phone?)

Changed to "target who was talking to someone on the phone".

It was more than thinkable that someone might not know the word "relic".

(thinkable sounds weird. conceivable?)

How about "perfectly possible"?

• yeah, that's good.

Indeed, that wasn't a number one could easily dodge.

(while we have a similar expression in russia, i think "number" isn't used like that in english speaking countries.)

Mh... changed it to "so many beams were not to be dodged easily" for now. Feel free to change/correct if something comes to mind.

• i'm really sorry, but i messed up here. i interpreted the meaning wrong. the original line was fine. though, the line you changed it to is imho slightly better.

This time they mattered five and charged at me at the same time.

("mattered five" is probably wrong. what did u want to say? that there were 5 beams?)

Yup.

Instead, I heard a bright chink.

("bright" is used to describe something visual, so if it's "heard", then "clear" or "sharp" or something.)

Ah, now that you mention it. Changed it to "clear" for now.

This dramatic encounter changed her feelings from me to him.

(from me to him. i think there is a much better way of saying this, but right now my mind is blank)

Indeed. Changed it to "This dramatic encounter bent her feelings for me toward him". Perhaps something like "After this dramatic encounter, she felt for him what she had once felt for me."

• i'll think about this one some more. but yeah, both of your variants are better than the original line.

Committing the accident murder of making her get run over by a rampaging car.

(i changed a few instances of "accident murder" to "murder accident", but then i realised that i was operating on intuition alone. i don't know for a fact which is right.) --Idiffer 09:07, 30 April 2012 (CDT)

"You were quite surprised by the explosion, right?"

(does this refer to the plastic bag?)--idiffer 04:44, 7 May 2014 (CDT)