Talk:The Longing Of Shiina Ryo:Volume1 Afterword

Please go on, this story is wonderful, i bet you will be a great novelist ^_^

• Thank you for your kind words: they mean a lot to me. Ryuno

  no need to thank me, I only sayd what is the truth for me ^^

My opinion on the novel

First of all, the novel is pretty well written. I would say there are only a handful of properly written novels here on Baka-Tsuki and yours are one of them. I spotted quite a few grammatical errors (and I'm not a native speaker either, so I'm sure I missed most of it) but that is what proofreaders are for. It wouldn't hurt to reword some sentences but it was minor stuff though. (And sorry not for correcting anything, I just find these wiki-pages too annoying to edit...)

It was quite enjoyable to read because it was simply hilarious, for example when he is arguing with a voice inside his head, how he hypothesizes that he is just some random character in a novel, and so on. The random references are also a nice touch.

However, to say it bluntly, the plot was terrible in my opinion. I can see two plots trying to take form, but they are simply lacking story and/or too poorly done.

That being said, the novel still survives on its comedy/parody aspect. Most of the novels here are poorly written but have a decent plot, while I would say yours is the opposite. If you improve the plot I'm sure we will see some amazing works from you in the future. --Spiller 16:50, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

P.S. You really were into metal music. You don't happen to have a guitar/bass-guitar and a telescope by any chance?

• Thank you for reading and I accept your criticism. I like to think of this one as an introductory chapter to the rest of the story (which pretty means I was dying to just finish this to be able to work on the others), like an OVA released to public before the series airs or something. Starting the craziness with an in media res plot and explain it later didn't sound right (like NisiOisiN did in Bakemonogatari, for instance) so I figured "if we're starting from the actual beginning and there isn't anything happening, it might as well not happen in style".
  And yes, I am deeply into metal music (as I'm sure the second novel will show) and although I consider synthesizing my specialty I own a few guitars and also play both electric bass and double bass and sing and growl like a wounded ox. Along with writing it, I'm composing the songs for the second novel (as in "the ones that are played in the novel's universe", but I don't don't think I'll be able to properly record them with my current personal equipment; therefore expect MIDI, Guitar Pro tabs and Chiptune versions of what is supposed to be progressive/technical death metal with traces of djent.
  On a different note, I do not own a telescope or a telescopic pointer, but I'd like to; what I do have is Kouma's haircut, but that's only because it sounded like a great idea at the time. Ryuno