Talk:Dai Densetsu no Yūsha no Densetsu:Volume 1 Chapter 1
"That excessive amount of sweetness from her voice, even for Ryner, his heart skipped a beat." to "The excessive amount of sweetness from her voice, made even Ryner's heart skip a beat." - ArcherReborn2
"In the denominator of seconds, his killing intent towards her rose quickly --- in short, coming to a murdering level." I don't think denominator is a good word in this line. - ArcherReborn2
Please go ahead and make the changes. As long as the meaning and what the author intends to convey are not affected, they are not that major. :) --Larethian 05:38, 24 November 2010 (UTC)
"Until just recently, Ryner, Sion, Ferris and their friends were playing a fool, joking around, laughing together, and passing the days." I'm confused here, is this literal, or can I make some changes? - ArcherReborn2
firstly regarding line 186, 'very' and 'really' don't mean the same thing right? in the text it's something like 'I'm truly happy'; it's written as an assertion to say 'it's my true feelings'.
regarding 'playing a fool', it's exactly as it was written; it spans a broad range of possibilities, like playing pranks, fooling around, etc. etc. what do you want to change it to?
and by the way, you can sign using the signature button. --Larethian 10:31, 28 November 2010 (UTC)
Your right about the 'very' thing. I don't think we should repeat Really like that though. Maybe put 'truly'? What do you think?
Also for the 'playing the fool' thing. I don't think it sounds right, I was thinking we could change it to 'fooling around' or something similar to that. --ArcherReborn2 04:35, 1 December 2010 (UTC)
I'm not an English academic, so I'm not too concerned with using the perfect word or perfect phrase, not too particular about any word :) As long as the meaning and/or author's intent is not changed, I'll leave it to you :), so yes, I'm ok with both your suggestions. You can be more bold to even re-structure a whole sentence as long as the meaning is kept. Though there might be times where it may not be the case, but if I have an objection, I'll let you know, though I believe it will not be often. I believe this will help you move faster.
Just to add a few points which I have forgotten to mention before. There are several meanings to the word 'light' in the term 'light novels'. And one of them is because the language is 'light'. Meaning there are lots of colloquialism and loose grammar at times, even in narration, especially since at least a third of the narration are 'reported monologue'. It's just a point to note when you are editing, not to be too particular about perfect English and nice complete sentences. I know you are not making such edits though, but just a point to note :)
Another thing is that the author of this story is pretty fond of using fragmented sentences to create more emphasis in pausing, and to allow the reader time to think and digest. That's why you will see half sentences ending in conjunctions or/and fullstops a lot of times though I do try to avoid that from happening. Just like other normal sentences, you can edit them to make them sound better or more grammatically correct, as long as the meaning or/and the effect the author intended is not changed. But as much as possible, try not to join up fragmented sentences, unless you really feel that a English reader cannot understand it at all without doing so (since this can be our blind-spot as we can understand potentially bad English rendered with Japanese sentence construct patterns; that's the advantage of having an English editor who doesn't understand Japanese :)). Thanks for your hard work :) --Larethian 06:44, 1 December 2010 (UTC)
I think it's better to try and maintain the fragmented sentences. It gives of a feeling of a real conversation. If you make a transcript of how people talk on a day-to-day basis, you'll find out that most of it is littered with sentence fragments. It makes it feel more real. A feeling of authenticity if you want. That's just me however, I believe that's what the author really meant to do. -joshuafaramir
I changed "Until just recently, Ryner, Sion, Ferris and their friends were playing a fool, joking around, laughing together, and passing the days." to "Until just recently, Ryner, Sion, Ferris and their friends had been fooling around, joking, laughing together, and passing the days."
"Actually, since the start of Roland’s invasion of Imperial Nelpha, in order to pass down various orders, the time Sion spent in this spacious room had increased as a result." I want to change it into
"Actually, since the start of Roland’s invasion of Imperial Nelpha, in order to pass down various orders, the time Sion spent in this spacious room had increased." --ArcherReborn2 03:05, 7 December 2010 (UTC)
ok --Larethian 03:50, 7 December 2010 (UTC)
line 698: I thought perfect tense was correct here, or alternatively it would be "But the truth was Ryner originally had a plan."
line 841: I was not applying the 'more' to the word 'stronger', there are more, as well as stronger pursuers. So maybe "there will surely be more and stronger pursuers"?
line 866: saying "the Roland Empire" is like saying "the USA", "the France", etc. etc.
--Larethian 03:56, 7 December 2010 (UTC)
line 866: How about saying "Roland" taking out the Empire bit? Also how do you know what line is what line? --ArcherReborn2 02:25, 13 December 2010 (UTC)
Actually I just followed the original text, which sometimes dropped it but sometimes included it. Though I'm fine with that suggestion, since it doesn't really alter the meaning. As for line number, I used the history function. --Larethian 04:02, 14 December 2010 (UTC)
"If possible, he would apologize to him. He would immediately proclaim that he is the best best friend. From here on, to laugh like idiots together. To tell him to work through the night together and have him say ‘no way’ and run away. To chase after him and force him back to work. To have him helping him in his work despite his whining. And occasionally, to sit on the rooftop viewing the night sky, with Ryner, and Ferris, eating dango together. And making meaningless chatter and laughing together." I feel that there are way to may he and him and so on. It makes it really confusing, would it be ok to replace some of those words with names? (Posted on same day as above.)
Sure. --Larethian 04:02, 14 December 2010 (UTC)
