Talk:Chrome Shelled Regios:Volume1 Chapter1

Rather than "Mechanical Department," shouldn't it be Engineering Department or something more accurate? Or Engine Room?

“Is it right that your temperature is high?”is very confusing. Is there a better way to translate this?

I'm not sure how this discussion thing works.... do we just edit the page to post a response? Anyway, that room is the heart of the city, so to me, it's like the central mechanism... so I worded it as the Mechanical Department. *shrug*

As for the second question, the meaning's closer to a jab. Let me change that to "You've got high body temperature, haven't you?" - blewin

"student-like all-encompassing fight"-This is a little confusing. When I read it, it sounds like it's an educational thing or something, but the wording is unclear. Could you clear this up? -Redlar

Very Major edit.....

Ok I recently started reading this (finished the first book already) but the grammar and the sentence structure kinda annoyed me at some points so I decided to see about changing that. This is the first draft of part of the first chapter. If this meets with general approval I will continue with it, so let me know what everyone else thinks. Like the title says this is an EDIT the other option would be to do discard the translation in its literal sense and just follow the basic storyline (events, people, places) and do an entire re-write (not sure about that though its kinda major). But let me know what the consensus is. So here it is:

Since leaving you, I've been traveling on the bus for a month and have finally arrived at Zuellni. I made it in time for the opening ceremony of the term. During my journey, I had to change buses five times. Having lived in only one city back, I never realized traveling could be so exhausting. It's really tiring and difficult to reach another city, since all the cities move according to their own consciousness. I never understood why the alchemists of the past gave cities self-consciousness. But that was apparently to enable them to avoid the filth monsters and save us. I can now see why they made the decision that they did.

During my journey, I once saw a group of filth monsters that were not that far away. Their cruel and dangerous appearance is really appalling. The thought of being attacked on a bus with nowhere to escape to was enough to raise all of the hairs on the back of my neck.

But don't worry, our bus didn't get attacked. I think our driver was quite the professional. He made the bus stop for three days to avoid discovery. At that time, I couldn't stop sweating. It would have been terrifying to be attacked by the filth monsters. Compared to that though, it would be worse for the bus to sustain heavy damage and be marooned on this dry and scarlet earth. We would have no way of surviving. Even so, in the end, I arrived safely at Zuellni.

I'm writing this letter in the dormitory at Zuellni. It's a twin room, and luckily, no one else is living here besides me. I've never lived in a room all by myself. I'm really happy about this.

How are you doing over there? Are you getting used to your new life?

I just realized that I still don't know your address. I'll send this letter to your school and hope it will reach you safely. It'd be great if you could include your new address in the return letter. Though I lived at the orphanage, the manager wouldn't want to receive my letter.

Well –

I wish you eternal peace in your new life and the city you're standing on.

To my dear Leerin Marfes.

Layfon Alseif

---

The self-moving cities, Regios, spread across the world in their own forms, ranging from the simple, standard form that provides everything for human survival, to forms that strengthen particular areas. One of those forms is Zuellni – The Academy City Zuellni.

The school buildings in the center of the city provide facilities for all study areas. Large groups of students were heading for the assembly hall which is large enough to accommodate all of the students inside. Dressed casually, the General Studies students walked as they chatted with friends. While reluctant smiles surfaced on Agricultural and Mechanical Engineering students who weren't used to the uniforms that they hadn't worn in a long time, and the Alchemy and Medical students wore dirty white coats over top of their uniforms. In contrast the Military Arts students, who differed from the others, stepped towards the hall with their heads lifted high. The students of all different characteristics were swallowed into the interior of the hall.

The purpose of this autonomous city was to exist for and to be used solely by students. Today, it would hold an opening ceremony to receive the new first year students. But it looked like the ceremony would have to be delayed.

One hour later.

Layfon stood with a confused expression on his face.

“Anyway, shall we sit down and talk?” the mysterious student asked.

“Ye-Yes!” Layfon said tersely, but he was still unable to sit on the sofa as he was told to do.

The student before him sat at a large business desk. He was different from Layfon in his adult-like aura. He had silvery white hair that decorated the elegant face that contained a gentle expression, but his calm and intense silver eyes were fixed on Layfon and seemed to see right through him.

That piercing gaze of his caused Layfon to dart his eyes around in panic. Through his shoes, he could feel the softness of the carpet beneath him. The sofa and table used for reception were just in front of him. A bookshelf lined one of the walls, filled with informative scrolls. All in all the room seemed to be made to showcase the importance of the person who was its occupant.

Before he entered the room, Layfon saw the plaque on the door read “Student President”, so it was quite obvious who the man before him was. “I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Karian Loss, a sixth year student.” There were only six years of studies in Zuellni, so Loss was in the his finally year and he was also the Student President. The person in charge of this school.

Standing up straight, in what some might call a posture of attention, Layfon said “I'm Layfon Alseif.” Layfon could feel the cold sweat that was starting to bead on his forehead. This seemed to cause Karian to smile for some odd reason and Layfon just now noticed that they happened to be alone and that no one was going to help him.

“I wasn't planning on punishing you.” Karian said and the tone of the words, not just their content, allowed Layfon to calm down a few degrees. He'd been tense since he entered the room as he had no idea why he had been summoned here. “First, let me convey my gratitude. Because of your help, none of the new students were injured.”

The opening ceremony was canceled because of a commotion. Two Military Arts students, being from enemy cities, had met by chance before the ceremony, resulting in the commotion. They went from staring to quarreling and eventually to fighting.

Different special powers were born to protect humanity from harm on this polluted earth. Military Arts is the area that fostered such special power users. If people fought each other seriously using such powers, worse coming to worst, even normal students would have suffered injury or death. In Karian's eyes was genuine gratitude.

“The rule that only allows new students to be armed after half a year is because some of them don't understand where they now are...This is unbearable. It's a huge amount of work for me to settle these types of things every year,” Karian said in a very straightforward and frank manner.

“But, it was still a fight with people who had weapons. Sometimes a single fight might turn into a group fight that might draw blood.” Layfon was only able to respond in a confused manner to the Student President who had been smiling bitterly throughout the entire conversation.

“Speaking of which, a General Studies student who managed to outdo Military Arts students is rather rare. You must have some skills in the Military Arts area, don't you?”

“It's just a hobby. Um...”

The Student President sat there in silence which caused Layfon to swallow. Eventually Karian finally broke the silence “If yours is just the level of a hobbyist, then we ought to increase the admission standards for the Military Arts major.”

The news about the fight between Military Arts students at the opening ceremony had spread to new students in other courses. New students arriving at Zuellni constituted a diverse background. Besides the students getting involved in the fight, there were foreigners whom nobody liked. The dangerous atmosphere spreading out from the Military Arts center was influencing students in the other courses as well.

The rioting atmosphere also affected the General Studies students. Students closer to the fight scene bumped and crashed into each other while escaping, igniting the adolescent anger sleeping in the male students. Just when everything was about to get out of hand, a huge noise echoed throughout the hall.

Immediate silence followed, and all eyes turned to the source of that noise. Where the two students who started the commotion lay immobile on the floor with Layfon standing between them.

“That was just luck. They were blinded by anger and didn't even notice me,” Layfon said rather quietly.

“Yes, yes,” Karian happily nodded at Layfon's excuse. He was smiling but the smile did not reach his eyes. Again, Layfon felt the Student President had seen through him. Honestly, this wasn't a comfortable feeling.

While aware of the pressure that might force him into some dangerous place, Layfon attempted to end this conversation. “Since I haven't done anything wrong, I'm returning to class.”

“You can't!” Karian said which prevented Layfon from turning his back to him and the abruptness of the denial halted Layfon in his tracks. “As I said, I've no intention of punishing you, Layfon Wolfstein Alseif.”

The title in between name and surname caused Layfon to raise his eyebrows. “...What does that mean?”

“I don't care if you continue to play the fool. Here's a suggestion. Layfon Alseif, how about changing from General Studies to the Military Arts?”

“What?”

“Luckily, there are now two empty slots in Military Arts thanks to those two troublemakers. We have a rule here preventing students from bringing the issues of their home cities into the academy. Those who signed the contract and broke it during the opening ceremony don't have the right to stay enrolled in Military Arts. The blame for the riot is on them, so I've already banished them in the form of their 'voluntary withdrawal' from the course.”

“No, please wait.” Layfon pleaded, although the two students were not important to him at all, and was not what he was pleading about anyway. “I don't plan on changing majors.” To switch to the Military Arts... don't even think it. "I came here to be a General Studies Student.

“Military Arts is a study area too. No, no matter what course you're in, General Studies is compulsory until third year. Even if you pick General Studies, you still have to specialize in something after three years, so you aren't learning different things by switching.”

“That's not the problem,” Layfon said.

“So what is the problem?”

Faced with that question, he found his breath being caught in his throat, but managed to say “....I have no interest in Military Arts.”

“I see,” Karian said and gave an exaggerated nod. It was clearly an act. The expression in his eyes hardly changed, just a twisted curve of happiness.

“Besides I'm on a scholarship. I've already applied for a job and classes. I've got to work in my spare time. I won't have enough energy left for Military Arts.”

“I see. That's a good argument.” Karian was only agreeing with his mouth. He didn't look persuaded at all. He took out a document from a drawer. “Let's see, Layfon Alseif, D-Rank scholarship, part-time work and classes. Your job is to clean the Central Mechanism Chamber... I see, this is a taxing and time-consuming job. Do you know that the cleaning takes place while the city rests from after sunset to past midnight? A lot of working students hate cleaning there. It's hard work and the hours are terrible. Do you get it? The pay isn't too bad, but the work is boring. Every year, numerous students apply to work somewhere else, or leave the academy for not passing the scholarship assessment. And the scholarship you have is D-Rank. Have you ever considered that you'll be spending all of your money on school fees alone?"

“Yes, it's just as you said,” Layfon replied.

“Frankly, won't it be hard to pass six years like that?”

“I'm confident in my physical strength.”

Karian's smile changed. Karian was full of smiles or so it seemed, and something that felt like a favorable feeling towards Layfon came through. “Ah, perhaps you're right. You should have confidence in your physical strength. That's exactly why I wish you would change to Military Arts."

“Why is that?”

“Do you know of the Military Arts Competition between Academy cities?”

“...No.”

Karian spoke without any disappointment in Layfon's lack of knowledge, “To put this simply, the Competition takes place once every two years.” Layfon could guess what Karian was getting at. “This is a habit of cities. I've no idea what the alchemists were thinking, but cities fight for territory every two years. What's more interesting is that they only compete with the same type of cities...I could only say that the cities were made too well.”

Although the cities were fighting for territories, it was actually the people living in the cities who carried out the fights. “Sure, it's called the Military Arts Competition, but in reality, the competition is the same as...the wars that takes place between normal cities.”

War. Layfon's expression turned grim.

“Of course, our goal is to conduct a student-like all-encompassing fight. The Alliance of Academy Cities supervises every fight. Non-lethal weapons are used. Swords are sheathed. Anesthetic bullets are used. But since it's a war, there's not much difference between what the winner obtains and what the loser loses. It's not as tragic as a real war, but the ending is the same.”

“Is this the city's...life?” Layfon asked.

“Yes,” Karian nodded.

Cities have awareness. They're alive. They need food to keep on surviving. Even though they are machines, they need energy to maintain their functions. The source of a city's life...is their food, a type of metal called selenium.

“Selenium is a metal born after the earth became polluted, and thus it's easy to obtain. To put it simply, you can probably find it by digging at the earth over there. But that's a dangerous action with filth monsters around. Besides, we can only obtain pure selenium from mines with a certain level of energy.”

So, the winner took possession of the mine and the loser lost it. While increasing the prosperity of their own land, people were reducing the lifespan of another land.

“When I first entered the Academy, Zuellni had three mines. Now it's down to one,” Karian signed.

Meaning Zuellni had lost in the last two competitions and therefor its Military Arts level was much lower than the neighboring cities.

“It's doubtful on how much pure selenium we can mine from that remaining mine. I plan to send some alchemists over to investigate the next time our city nears it.”

“In other words, if we lose the next time, there's no backup plan?” Layfon asked.

“Exactly. The cities determine the topic of the upcoming Competition. We can't not participate.”

If we lose... Just the thought made Layfon shiver.

Even if a city loses all of its mines, its functions won't stop because it has an emergency reserve of selenium. But that could only delay the inevitable for a short time. The city would die. Humans would have lost space to live. Once a city died, it was returned back to the earth. People couldn't salvage it. To have a city die of starvation was the same as its people dying of famine. Thinking of that, a sudden shiver shook Layfon's cold body. The city he had just arrived in would die. He didn't have much of a link with this Academy, but the possibility of the city dying was terrifying.

When a person was young, if he found out that the city he lived in could die, he'd have been scared enough to tremble all over. That experience would be the same for everyone. Hearing that the fear he felt in his childhood could become a reality, Layfon felt he really was like his childhood self, trembling all over.

But, even so...

“I...” To fight... I can't do that. Yes, let's say that.

With determination, he lifted his gaze, preparing to refuse the Student President watching him from the other side of the desk. But, the words wouldn't come. The Student President continued to watch Layfon.

The smile on Loss' face had disappeared. The emotionless expression appeared to be too calm. This contrasted with his icy gaze that was pinning Layfon to the floor.

“I'm graduating this year. As long as this remains an academy city, no one can stay here after graduating. This means once I graduate, I'm not linked to this place anymore. But I really like the academy. Don't you think it's sad to lose your favorite thing even though you can never set foot on it again?” Karian spoke to the breathless Layfon. “It's natural to want to protect what is precious. For one who goes mad with love. Don't you feel that it's their fate to reach that goal with whatever means possible?" A light smile appeared on the countenance of the Student President. Just that. It was his way of joking in a solemn situation.

“Your scholarship will be raised to Rank A. All your fees will be waived. You will only need to earn money for what you want to spend it on. If you aren't keen on fashion, you won't need to spend much, so you don't have to force yourself to clean at the Central Mechanism Chamber. Is that all right?”

Rationality told him not to nod. But his instinct howled for him to nod. And then, Layfon left the room with swaying steps, holding a Military Arts uniform that had somehow been placed into his hands.

---

A few minutes after weakly closing his door, there came an impatient knocking on his door.

“Come in,” Karian said.

It was a girl in a Military Arts uniform. A girl with short, golden hair. A girl with determination and resolution.

“Sorry for intruding,” she said. A pair of sharp eyes rested beneath neat and thick eyebrows. Those eyes watched the Student President with a challenge. The sound of the harness clasped around her waist accompanied her every step. What was inside the harness was not a sword, but two rod-like things. The threads on the harness indicated she was a third year student.

The girl stood straight before the desk and her gaze met the Student President's.

“Third-year student in Military Arts, Nina Antalk. I heard you were looking for me?”

“Yes, I was looking for you,” Karian replied and he started to smile.

“What is it about?”

“Have you found enough members for your platoon?”

The sudden question caused Nina to grow hot, but she checked her attitude and replied, “Not yet.”

“Yes, I thought not. You haven't yet sent me the report on your team members since the day you took the application form. The opening ceremony just ended. If you don't hurry up and produce your team member list, you won't be able to participate in the next City competition. In that case, you'll become the lowest-level soldier in the next round of platoon competitions.”

“Excuse me, Student President. Hasn't the opening ceremony been delayed?” Nina asked.

“It's been canceled thanks to scheduling conflicts. It's a shame. I won't call everyone to the Assembly Hall again. Because of this year's Military Arts competition, there are lots of things to do.”

Nina's face fell. She kept silent.

“I think it's enough to observe the new students at the opening ceremony. What do you think?”

“No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle,” Nina said, “I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion.” Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. The violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger. To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.

“Is there really no one suitable?” Karian asked.

Nina didn't reply immediately. Her confused gaze moved up and down.

“No...” In her hesitation floated up the image of the new student. The one who suppressed the two troublemakers without anyone knowing. He suppressed the center of the commotion to prevent the violent emotions from spreading, and at the same time, he exaggerated his act to threaten the people who were caught up in the commotion. She found his response very certain.

But...

“He's in General Studies.” That new student had worn the uniform of the General Studies. This way, he couldn't participate in the competition.

But the Student President smiled happily. “Yes, that was true, until now.”

“...What does that mean?”

“He's just transferred into Military Arts.”

A disapproving expression appeared on Nina's face.

“I can't waste such good material,” Karian said without a trace of shame in his voice.

“So you ignored what he wanted?”

“I didn't ignore it. I showed him the highest level of sincerity. He should be quite satisfied with the decision we came to in the end.”

“Really?” Nina understood how hard the Student President could be. During the start of the last Student President election, Karian wasn't nominated, but when he gloriously became a candidate, he had waged a rare intelligent fight with his opponents, causing them to all lose out.

“It doesn't matter what the truth is. What do you think now that he's in Military Arts? That's the only answer I want to know,” Karian asked. “What is it to be? At this rate, you won't have enough members. Do you plan to experience the same shame as before, but now as a low-ranked soldier?"

“I have no such intention,” Nina said through gritted teeth.

“Then I think you know what you should do.” Karian slid a document on the desk to Nina. It was a resume with the name “Layfon Alseif” written on it. The document was clearly in the structure of a resume, along with a close-up photo of Layfon.

“Please excuse me.” Having taken a glimpse of the document, Nina turned her back to Karian and left the room. He smiled at the back of the girl who hadn't given him a reply.

Alone once more, Karian took out a new document and laid it beside Layfon's resume. It was also a resume, but with the name Nina Antalk on it. “If things go well, this will become the strongest team. The problem is how to operate it...” he murmured. He didn't look cheerful at all.

---

On the way back to his classroom, Layfon changed into the new uniform in a health clinic he found. The Student President threatened him that if he continued to walk about not in uniform, he’d be considered as committing fraud.

Holding the General Studies uniform, he entered the classroom to collect his bag. From a uniform he hadn’t gotten used to yet to another unfamiliar uniform... although he wasn’t yet familiar with this uniform, it gave him an intriguing feeling.

Also, the new uniform fit him perfectly.

“Damn, this must have been planned!” Walking down the corridor, Layfon couldn’t help but curse out loud. His height and weight were standard for a boy of his age, but his right arm was slightly longer than his left. His General Studies uniform had been fixed to cater for that difference, but how could the Military Arts uniform given to him on a spur of the moment decision be such a perfect fit?

It could only mean that the truth can’t be changed.

“Why... How did they find out?”

Layfon felt the cold start to enter his bones. He came here to major in General Studies, to seek a world that had nothing to do with Military Arts, but on the first day of his arrival, he had once again stepped into that world he wanted to leave behind.

“Damn! Why didn’t I refuse him? I’m such a coward... a coward!” Layfon shouted.

Only the opening ceremony was today, so nobody was in the hall. Without considering, he shouted again, “What could I have done? The Student President’s too scary! What was with that look he kept giving me? It really frightened me. How could I have resisted that type of person?”

Having let it all out, Layfon arrived at his classroom. But his classroom would be different now. Wouldn't it? But the Student President didn’t mention that. What should he do? Layfon opened the door.

As the door opened and the seen inside the room came into Layfon's sight he noticed that there were still students in the classroom.

“Ah!” Layfon heard rather clearly.

“Look, look. He really is in Military Arts. Yeah~~ It’s my win. I’m lucky --!” One of the girls screamed and jumped up in excitement. She had her chestnut colored hair tied into two tails on each side of her head, and they shook every time she moved.

Besides her there were only two other girls in the room and their curious gazes were glued to Layfon without any sign of hesitation. Layfon stopped dead in his tracks.

“What! He was wearing a General Studies uniform. Was this all some elaborate trick?” said a red-haired girl. She wore the same uniform as Layfon. And like Layfon, the empty harness swayed around her waist. “I don’t even have a General Studies uniform. Hey, just what was all of that about?” she questioned him as if she was interrogating him.

“Uh, something happened...” Layfon replied.

“What? Do you mean I don’t get that uniform coz I’m not cute? Is that it?”

Even if you ask me that, I can’t do anything about it. As for the girl, she was more handsome than cute. Compared to the General Studies uniform designed for cuteness, Layfon thought the sharp edges of the Military Arts uniform suited her better.

But the girl was not satisfied without an answer.

“Wait a moment, Gelni, calm down. You’re causing trouble for Mi-chan,” the girl with two tails concluded. The red-haired girl paused as if she had thought of something, then she moved aside for the other girl.

“That’s right. Hurry up, Meishen.”

With one hand on the back of the third girl, the red-haired girl moved her to stand in front of Layfon.

The third girl had long hair streaming past her shoulders. She looked shy and gentle. Layfon could not see her face as she was staring at the ground. She seemed afraid, her eyebrows were curved as if she was about to cry and her face was faintly red.

“Uh, thank... thank you very much.” Just saying that seemed to take all the energy out of her. Then she hid behind the red-haired girl as her face started to redden.

“Sorry, she’s always been this shy. Even so, she still wants to thank you for saving her at the opening ceremony, right?” said the girl with two tails as she shot a look at the black-haired girl.

Meishen buried her face into the back of the red-haired girl.

Layfon could not remember that having ever happened. He only recalled pushing away those people about to get caught in the fight. He might have saved her while doing that.

The red-haired girl sighed. “Children... well, I haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m Naruki Gelni I'm in the Military Arts program.”

“I’m Mifi Rotten. The one playing hide-and-seek is Meishen Trinden. We’re both in General Studies. We three came from the Transit City Joeldem. Have you heard of it?”

“Yes, it’s the center for the roaming buses to gather at. I passed through on the way here. I’m Layfon Alseif. I'm from the Lance Shelled City, Grendan.”

“Oh, that was where Military Arts was born. No wonder you’re so strong,” Naruki said.

“No, that’s not it...” Layfon replied vaguely.

“Ah, don’t just stand there and talk! I’m hungry. Let’s find something good to eat,” Mifi said cutting off Layfon's attempt to explain.

“Again? Do you have to make a map of this area too?” Naruki asked as she gave Mifi a withering stare.

“Of course! Maps for food, fashion, land... so long as it can be drawn, I’ll do it. Since I’ll be here for six years, I don’t want to lose out by not having a map. Ah! It’s my hobby to gather intelligence,” Mifi said while shooting a glance at Layfon, “if you want to know something, just ask me. Even if I don’t know, I’ll investigate it and find out.”

“Yeah, I’m hungry... besides, I’ve something to ask you about the thing you’re holding.” With sharp gaze, Naruki looked at the General Studies uniform that Layfon was holding.

Layfon didn’t even get a chance to speak. They had decided it for him before he could get a word in.

“Um, well... look. This is troubling for Meishen. And you said she’s shy,” Layfon said trying to think up of an excuse that would get him out of this situation.

“... I’m ok with it,” Meishen said from behind Naruki’s back.

“Ok. That’s decided,” Mifi declared.

And that was decided.

Updated and next section added.

-Cobra2150

Response to "Very Major edit....."

hi there. I don't think it's a "very major edit", since you didn't change any important things like characters' names etc. :) I really like your version. It's much smoother. Chapter 1 is less "english-friendly" you would say than other chapters, as it was my first time doing novel translation. I've endeavoured to link more sentences into paragraphs as I translated more and fumbled on with the craft of translation... though keeping the individual lines at times for emphasis.

Anyway, if no one else objects and if you've the time on hand to do this, then please go ahead.

Just a couple of points:

"Dressed casually, the General Studies students walked as they chatted with friends. While reluctant smiles surfaced on Agricultural and Mechanical Engineering students who weren't used to the uniforms that they hadn't worn in a long time, and the Alchemy and Medical students wore dirty white coats over top of their uniforms. While the Military Arts students, who differed from the others, stepped towards the hall with their heads lifted high."

Grammatically and semantically, the above two phrases starting with "while" don't quite make sense. Might want to rephrase it.

"Lets see, Layfon Alseif, D-Rank scholarship, part-time work and classes."

"Let's see".

"No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle. I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion." Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. Violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger. To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.

I see we've different views on this point here.

"You can't tell what'd happen in a battle," Nina said (comma).

Because the dialogue doesn't end with a comma, my understanding is that the explanation that follows the dialogue should start with a new paragraph (not really a "rule" to follow since language is versatile, but) - To me personally, that makes the dialogue stands out more and the division between dialogue and description/explanation whatever is clear and neat. I don't think putting that distinction in disrupts the flow since English does it too. I tend to put the description right after the dialogue if it isn't chunky.

- blewin

What I think and a Question....

The way I usually look at it is if its not switching between who is talking, and the description pertains to some of what is said it should go with it, unless you especially want that portion of dialogue to stand out. Then you can break it up, inserting a pause by having the reader have to go to another line.

Only other question is, do you want me to keep posting them in the discussion area or just go and do the full edit.

Also I should be able to do about a chapter a week without much real trouble, I might do more if I get bored, which is a distinct possibility.

-Cobra2150

reply

"The way I usually look at it is if its not switching between who is talking, and the description pertains to some of what is said it should go with it, unless you especially want that portion of dialogue to stand out. Then you can break it up, inserting a pause by having the reader have to go to another line."

The dialogue and descriptions are separated in the raw and I don't see a problem letting the dialogue stand on its own (and tag on the description if the description isn't too long). well.. no point in making a big issue out of it. Edit whichever way suits you.

anyway, feel free to edit the chapters directly. Thanks for the input!

- blewin