MaruMAːMini-novel:exorcism

Do you want an exorcism? Part 1

Notes: Special story published only in Newtype Romance 2009 SUMMER edition. The story seems to take place at some point after novel 17.

Dear Yuuri:
Congratulations on your birthday. But more importantly, I want to thank everyone who spent this year together with him and remembered his birthday.
From Takabayashi Tomo

Dear Yuuri:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! .... I'm glad that I can celebrate with everyone Yuuri's birthday in the summer. I hope we can continue to meet!
From Matsumoto Temari

Do you want an exorcism?
We have a special story to celebrate Yuuri's Birthday and Newtype Romance's 3rd year anniversary. We also received a special message for Yuuri!

Illustrations: Matsumoto Temari
Story: Takabayashi Tomo

---

When I used to hear stories about swords and magic, I usually thought about Europe and history books about the Middle Ages.

Castles, horses, knights, princesses, and armors polished to a shine.

That's right, for some reason there's this mental image of knights who gallantly dash off to protect a king or queen, wearing polished, shiny silver armors.

But silver armors exist even in Shin Makoku, the place where I work as the king. A great number of them are displayed in a row in the corridor of the castle, and when you are alone and walk by them in the middle of the night, you think sometimes they will move all of a sudden or that someone might be inside one of them.

Well, come to think of it, seeing them move is far more scary if they're empty than if someone's in them. But if I do see them walking around without anyone inside, I would warn people that it's Anissina's work.

In the first place, why are gilded armors lined up in the corridors? Well, they're not being used in combat so they're there for decorative purposes only.

When I say decorative armors, I mean they are objects coloring the tasteless inside of the castle.

"They're heavy and difficult to move in"

That's how Conrad and Josak quickly replied when I asked why such fine 'armors' were used as decorations.

"Actually, if they were worn when heading for the front, it would strain the horse, and the soldier would immediately be exhausted. And although it might protect you from arrows, wielding your sword is extremely difficult."

"Yeah, yeah. Besides it always rubbing one's important place"

"I-Important place? What's that?"

"Oh, my! Your majesty! A maiden like Gurie can't possibly say something so embarrassing."

"It rubs against your crotch."

"Cro....."

Rather than saying it rubs against your crotch, you'd be better off saying that the metal hits your crotch and the friction causes pain. Because they're heavy, they hurt and are difficult to move in, it doesn't pay to wear them, so the combat armors era was short lived in Shin Makoku. As a result of that, the era of leather chest protectors or the newly developed chainmail armors arrived long ago. Simultaneously, helmets bought for its molded beauty and radiance, as a work of art, started their new life after retirement. They're so nice.

However, why on earth is this shiny Western-style armor moving before Conrad's and my eyes?

"Co-Conrad.... do they have an automatic walking function?"

"Not as far as I know"

So is this haunted or is a suspicious person in it?

But in this bright morning with clear skies, there aren't any ghosts or trespassers in the castle, right? So, it's a MA powered device? It's Anissina-san's work!? The shiny armor glanced at me who was on guard, and continued to advance with great effort towards the stairs.

Hn? With great effort?

I regained my courage, approached it clumsily, and looked at the backside of the armor. There, wearing some strange fur gloves, was a young girl picking it up from both metal legs that were a lot bigger than my own.

It was my beloved Greta, my darling daughter, with whom I have a strong parent-child bond.

Even if I approach her wearing a jersey covered in sweat, she never says "How uncool!" or "You're stinky!". But no matter how much I hope for, how much I implore for her to stay just the way she is now, girls develop quickly.

And even if I implore with tears in my eyes, the day when she says I don't wanna sleep with father is coming.

It might be tomorrow, it might be in ten years.

"Okay, ten years would be worrisome.... No, I mean... Greta. G-R-E-T-A. Wait a second."

"Wha~at?"

Her reddish brown curls swung as the little girl turned back and suddenly, she frowned.

"..... Are you wearing that awful "JERSEY" again?"

She was frowning as she looked at us who were wearing our sweaty SPORTS outfits. This has never happened before. Has her rebellious phase arrived this early? Or has she started to like fashion and can't stand sports clothes?

"Conrad, it looks so tight (pichi-pichi)"

"Really? Is there a problem with the SIZE?"

Greta seemed troubled by how tight the size of Lord Weller's T-shirt was. Cool people wouldn't be wearing jerseys or T-shirts of the wrong SIZE, and they're always wearing appropriate attires. Actually, my daughter has never cared about my clothes, no matter what I wore. The man in question, Conrad, had matched his clothes for the work he was doing so he simply smiled. As expected the self-confidence of some men is really something else.

"Greta, rather than worrying about us, what are those fur gloves?.... No, I mean, it's fine. After all they're one of Anissina-san's powerful tools, right? Otherwise a little girl with slender arms could never move something so heavy. And more importantly, where are you trying to take that armor you are holding?"

"Well, you see... outside."

Lately her hair has started to look more girlish, reaching her neck and shoulders. Her imposing eyebrows and bright eyes were looking straight at me. Her eyes were hiding no lies.

"A friend needs him."

"HUH!?"

After replying in a more mature way than I had expected, I was lost for words. What does she mean "him" ? She said 'him'. And for what purpose does this friend need an armor she called 'him' ?

"Ah, for dancing? As a PARTNER to practice dancing? In that case, since I can help you please give up such a cold man, it has a very stiff body."

"That's not it"

"Then what is it? Do you need it as a huggable pillow that helps both grown-ups and kids sleep? In that case, since I can help you please give up such a cold man, you'll catch a cold."

"That's also wrong."

"Ah, then..."

Suddenly I remembered the contents of a composition she recently wrote, the title was "My dreams for the future". While Wolfram and I read the composition she wrote with her friends at school, our tears of joy turned into tears of absolute horror.

That's because, as expected, Greta's dream wasn't to become a bride or a florist, but to become a poison lady or trap lady. Although she always said such things, putting them in writing, increases the danger of this becoming a reality. And Greta's will is strong. If she's not stopped, she has the passion to begin her training right away.

"Which means... although I can't believe it, is that, a trap?"

"A trap? No, it's not ー"

The young girl, shrugging slightly with her round shoulders, raised her voice in a laugh that sounded like a bell ringing.

"This, well, it will become a container"

"In short, a really big and noisy water bottle? But it looks like it might leak."

"It's fine, I won't put water in it, .... maybe. But you know, it's for the father of my friend Nika"

Greta put the armor on the floor and brought her index finger to her chin. Although she looked cute, the fur gloves made her look like both the Beauty and the Beast all in one.

"Something has transferred (possessed him)"

"Come again?"

Transferred, you mean like when I go to the Seibu Dome and I have to change from Tokorozawa from the Seibu Ikebukuro line to Nishitokorozawa? No that's called 'transferring trains'.

"What do you mean by transferred?"

"Well you see, one day, Nika's dad, said something strange all of a sudden, he called the name of a person from a long long time ago, and started spraying a green, acidic liquid."

"Spraying!"

"Yes, spraying"

Greta looked a little excited, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"And then, when he became all slippery, all of a sudden he became hairy"

"Hairy!"

"Yes, completely covered in hair!"

Greta closed her eyes and shivered at what she was imagining.

"He looks just like a woolly crab. How neat!"

"You think that's enviable? Greta, are you envious of that?"

I replied with a pitiful voice. Perhaps her two fathers are far from her ideal father figure.

"But why did he change all of a sudden?"

"Maybe, he was possessed by the devil"

"The devilー!?"

Wait a moment, Greta! Even though you're the cutest little girl in the world, the truth is that your fathers are mazoku. Although roughly speaking other creatures like the kohi and the kotsugyo are also mazoku even though they don't have a human shape.

In short, this means that there mazokus of countless different shapes who live in Shin Makoku in this world. But if you ask me about 'the devil'....

"I've never heard about the devil being in Shin Makoku. Right, Conrad?"

"That's right"

Said my TRAINING PARTNER with a somewhat wondering look on his face, as his bangs absorbed the sweat dripping from his forehead.

"Concepts like god and the devil aren't deeply rooted here."

"Eh, butー"

At any rate the devil is a made up enemy of people who believe in god. It's a religious LAST BOSS. But although in this country they're not used to having faith in god, and they also don't believe in the devil, Greta puffed her cheeks like a squirrel.

Actually this is the first time I see a human being puff their cheeks when they're angry, but no matter their facial expression, a cute kid will always look cute.

"But it's written hereー. It's a story about the devil taking over a tired body, and then it gets expelled."

Greta lifted the helmet part of the armor that was lying on the floor, and took out a thick book from inside it.

It was a deluxe edition bound in leather. It looked like it had never been read, and was as good as new. The title was engraved in silver letters "The Exorcist".

"What? Why is The Exorcist in Shin Makoku?"

As I turned the pages of the book she handed me, I was trying as hard as I could to decipher what was written in the characters of this country.

A strange symbol had an effect on the person possessed by the devil. The symbol were two short, superimposed, straight lines, which when pressed against the possessed person caused severe burns, which in the worst case scenario, caused the death of the hosted victims.

Such symbol is usually called an "X".

"X?"

Then, how useful is "y"? I had never heard that the alphabet used in maths was an effective way of fighting the devil. However "X" and x are different. But a story where an X pressed against the host can caused their death, I've never heard such a dangerous....... the X (ex) press (osu) against them causes death (shisuto).... EXORCIST.....

No way.

A predictable name was engraved on the cover of the book. However her name was not listen as the author. 'Written down by ・Lady von Karbelnikoff "Good Listener" Anissina' ; ' Narrated by Lord Weller Conrad. '

"........... Conrad"

When I noticed the pun in the title I had a vague hunch about it. Meanwhile Conrad was awkwardly scratching the back of his head with a "Ah, it's that thing" expression on his face.

"You went and wrote a book with Anissina-san..... in other words, you talked to her about a movie that you had seen on Earth."

"No, it wasn't a movie. By chance I had an opportunity to witness an exorcism."

"What kind of life did you lead while on Earth?"

Which means that what is effective against the devil isn't an X but a cross (✝).

"But, but! What's happening to Nika's father is exactly like what's in this book about the devil possessing people. Calling the name of people who lived long ago, swearing at everyone he sees, breaking dishes, spraying disgusting and smelly liquids. It's a situation that's out of control."

"So he's indeed spraying!"

"Yeah, indeed he is spraying!"

"The devil's in the details, he's even spraying, huh?... Eh?"

When Greta and I stared at him, Conrad looked puzzled which is unusual for him. It seems it wasn't a pun.

"But Greta, how are an armor and an exorcism connected?"

"Well, you see! Because you see!　it's something to put the soul in. Wasn't Günter's soul captured and put inside a doll before?"

Captured. Usually people don't use that word, but she's gotten used to the way Poison Ladies ・Trap Ladies talk.

(Greta) "And so Greta and the rest were planning to drive the devil that possessed Nika's father out of his body and then capture it. We plan to capture the devil!"

Average 10 year old girls do not make plans like this. But what was troubling me, was how her eyes were twinkling in excitement.

"But Nika's father is an old man, so if instead of the devil, what comes out is the old man's soul, then we can't put him in a cute OKIKU doll, riiight? That's why I picked the larger and more robust, Silver Shiny-kun from the hallway."

"Could it be that he's even older than Günter? No, wait that doesn't matter. Greta, this is wrong."

I held my waist with both hands, making sure that I was perceived as proper grown up. When you're about to preach, your appearance is important.

"You're talking about capturing the devil? But that's not something that children should do, right?"

"Eeeehhhー!? Wーhーy!? I mean, look, Anissina fought a bear and won, right? So Greta will fight the devil and win."

"But at the time, Anissina couldn't have been a child, right?"

"If I remember correctly, the first time she fought a bear, was before she became an adul...."

"Conrad !"

I was able to stop him in time. His 'help' was about to have had an adverse effect in the education of my daughter.

"Just leave this in your father's hands. At any rate, Greta, exorcisms and capturing the devil is not something that a girl that's a little over 10 years old should be playing with."

"I'm not playingー! Greta is seriousー!"

"That's even worse. Listen, Greta. In the first place, Nika's Father's possession wasn't caused by the devil or anything of the sort. In Shin Makoku there are no devils. So it's probably something completely different to begin with. And look, being the opponent of the devil is already something very dangerous, but being the opponent of an unknown being is even more dangerous, don't you think?"

"Butー"

Greta lowered her head and then looked up at me with her head still hanging down. She put both of her small, slender arms behind her back and lowered her right shoulder slightly.

"Then, how will you get to Nika's house?"

"Ugh"

Hitting me where it hurts, exploiting the cute way she was standing, my words got stuck in my throat. But my voice soon returned.

"I, in other words! We can't leave this to an amateur, because it would be dangerous! When such problems arise, the most important thing is to leave it to the PROFESSIONALS. First, contact the experts, you know?"

"Are there experts in exorcism, in Shin Makoku?"

"Uuuugh"

There's no way that there will be professional EXORCISTS in a place where the devil doesn't exist.

❧✣ ✣ ・・・・⇀ ↼ ・・・・✣ ✣☙

Greta's friend's, Nika's, house was very close to the castle, in an neighborhood where a lot of soldiers, who are married with kids, live.

Having said that, this wasn't a military family. The father's job was to construct barracks and schools, what is commonly known as a mason, who's involved in repairs.

Because of that, in a neighborhood with houses that looked very much alike, Nika's house stood out. While the materials used didn't strike as being different from those used in houses surrounding it, parts of the walls were decorated and the window facing south was bigger than they usually are, so you could see the dedication the owner had put into it.

What looked particularly convenient was a SPACE that looked like a GARAGE, that was next to the house. In it, you could see stacked stones in every direction, so it was probably the owner's working area.

"Nika!"

When Greta saw her friend in the middle of the green, plant covered front yard, she waved her hand making a big semi-circle.

The girl who was squatting, stood up when she heard her name being called. I felt so discouraged I stumbled a little. People are always nervous when meeting their daughter's friends for the first time. But what was discouraging me this time, wasn't that the other party might think that I wasn't a wonderful PAPA.

It was that I was being overwhelmed by Nika's appearance.

The girl, who was a little older than Greta, had bright yellow hair, similar to the color of gold, and flaunted a drastic hairstyle that reminded me of a hedgehog, with spikes that rose towards the sky, with colorful beads attached here and there. She was wearing shorts that went down to her knees and a T-shirt so short that would let her belly button exposed. This was an unthinkable FASHION SENSE for an elementary school student. Furthermore.

"A na.... navel pierc...?"

Right next to the belly button, a navel piercing with a shiny red stone attached to it would appear and disappear depending on the angle. Ouch.

It has to be a sticker, yeah, I'm sure it must be that. Even so, if she were to attend school looking like this, the principal would certainly request a PTA meeting to discuss it.

"Greta"

Nika called my child's name and trotted towards us.

She had big eyes and cute facial features, but because of the way her eyebrows were drawn, as if they were raised, she looked like she had a tough character. If she would have had a star on her cheek, she would have looked just like the child's version of a band from a long time ago.

"Recently, elementary school students have started wearing make up, huh..."

"They're starting younger and younger, ne"

Showing understanding to my timid remarks, Conrad smiled. Certainly girls who are growing up must think "Oh, that's nice, huh!".

Even so, I, as the youngest child of the Shibuyas, got the whole "you can't play with him" thing when I was a kid. So I did not feel like assuming a child's personality by their clothes and their appearance.

By the way, the reason why some parents disliked me was "Because he instructed my baby-boy to hit (with) a BALL". What's wrong with that if you get the proper SIGN to throw?

"Nika, this is Greta's father, and father's subordinates"

There was a reason behind the unusual introduction.

Whenever Greta plays outside the castle, there is of course, a bodyguard with her at all times. Besides there's that. Even though according to Shin Makoku's laws I'm an adult, when I walk on the streets, there's always someone with me.

Because the PRINCESS'S BODYGUARD, is as excellent as the SECRET SERVICE, they are never recognized. Sometimes they're standing in the shade of a tree by the road, sometimes they're in a carriage, with a bean filled and milk sandwich PACK, watching over the person.

In other words, thanks to the excellent service, not even Nika knows Greta's true identity. At this point, it seems she simply imagined she was the daughter of some rich guy. And because of this, she had to explain Conrad's position and his position in regards to me.

Children shouldn't tell lies, but in this case, the fact that I was her father and he was my subordinate was true, so it's okay. I too had taken meassures not to be recognized as the maou, putting on a hat and brown sunglasses.

At any rate, Nika, without looking at me, opened her mouth and said:

"Wah~, subordinate, you look so pichi-pichi!"

If there's an expert of Shin Makoku's fashion industry, then by all means let me know! Being called pichi-pichi by young girls is a disgrace.

"If it's necessary, I can change my clothes, so don't worry"

Conrad without sounding like he felt bad at all, lifted his hand and waved. We didn't need them today, because we only came to see what the situation was, but for a real exorcism, we're going to have to get priest-like clothes from Lord von Christ's wardrobe.

Because looks are important. In a game, UNIFORMS come first.

"He might be pichi-pichi, but Conrad is strong, so it's okay"

"If you say so I'll believe you but you know...."

The friend who was slightly older clicked her tongue and said :

"Maybe your subordinates will get injured cuz m' fatha is a violent person, ne"

Ma'? fatha?　She sounds like a first batter who hit a home-run, while eating. I don't know what criteria Greta uses to pick her friends.

"So, where is he? Your liquid spraying father?"

"In his workshop. Imma not gonna go, cuz I don't wanna see that piece of shit of a fatha's face"

"Nika, don't say that!"

Greta raised her voice, while her friend looked away.

"You mustn't speak about your father like that! Your father isn't a piece of shit, I mean, even if he can't come here, he's doing his work, right? You have to be kind to your family, right?"

"But now he speaks like a piece of shit, and vomits around like a piece of shit, and kicks the walls like a piece of shit"

What was that!? This is a dialogue that TV viewers wouldn't be allowed to hear. If it was broadcasted on Japanese TV, it would be bleeped all over.

Greta, I can't be very happy knowing that you play with a girl like this; I think I'm getting a headache. However Greta was really calm about it. This might be.... the Anissina/Gisela effect... maybe.

"Nika, uhm, well.... vomit and excrement are different things."

"Eh?"

"Even if your father is spraying liquids, that must be because Nika's father is sick. I'm sure, I'm sure that Nika's father being possessed by the devil is making him sick. Nika's dad is not a bad man, so please don't speak about him like that"

She squeezed her friend's arms tightly and leaned forward saying:

"Please don't cry"

All of a sudden, Conrad spoke up again and smiled with a surprised face.

"Even though she was defending the father of a different household, Greta was speaking in such a tone"

"But, you know"

"If she had been speaking of you, she would have certainly praised you even more"

"But I don't do my work properly, you know..."

"You do"

"You think so?"

I think that someone as inexperienced as me can't possibly do the job of the maou correctly, so I found it strange for him to say something like that. But in order not to lower her perception of me even further, I had to fulfill the promise I made to Greta. I have to go and verify that Nika's father hasn't been possessed by the devil .

The interested party, Nika, after being persuaded by Greta was behaving much better.

"But it's fine if you don't want to go. You said he was vomiting, like an old drunk man. As his daughter it's understandable that you wouldn't want to see your father with a hangover"

"....................... Hnn"

The blonde with the PUNK hair and BEADS looked away. This person is going through her rebellious phase, it's the rebellious phase without a doubt. During this time is when they start to ride stolen bicycles.

Conrad, who took the DAMAGE in my place, showed a wry smile and continued. This is the enviable feat that someone in their 100s can afford to have.

"Please wait outside, okay?"

(Greta) "Eh!? Greta is coming too!"

"If I find out it's not dangerous, I'll call you. Wait with Yuuri in the garden"

"Me too!?"

He put his index finger to his lips so that I wouldn't say anything else and

"First, it's necessary to do reconnaissance work, besides"

"Besides?"

"Those stones from the mountains that he uses might have houryoku in them"

Saying so, he went with the other soldiers into the place I called a GARAGE. Oh, certainly, houseki would affect people with strong maryoku, making them unstable.

But thanks to the sturdy body that I got from my parents, I don't get affected in places with houseki or even in human territories. At worse, I'd feel a little bit of discomfort similar to when you've just caught a cold. But a bodyguard must be careful even if the effect would only be that.

Leaving the door that was opened opened, they went into the GARAGE and while looking at their backs, I thought blankly:

They both have good points.

Humans and mazokus, they both have good points.

When it comes to longevity, you have the mazokus. That's because of the healing hands of members of one tribe and also the different healing techniques that allow them to live a life without problems. Because those techniques were introduced, and after many generations, apparently it extended their lives. I say "apparently" because I've only heard superficially about it from Anissina-san.

But just because they live for a long time, it doesn't mean that their hearts and bodies are robust as well. If a terrible injury or a serious illness threatens their lives, there are many instances in which even the healing hands of members of that one tribe can't heal them. Gisela said once in a sad tone, that, in fact, when it comes to a fatal injury, maryoku can do nothing about it.

On the other hand, they start feeling sick when it comes to lands full of houryoku, so possessing maryoku has its weak points. And although I'm not sure whether to call it a weak point or not, from the point of view of an extremely healthy baseball boy like me, they seem to be delicate in a lot of aspects. If a mazoku expedition doesn't carefully pick the place, bad things can happen, like getting sick from houryoku or seasick.

They're the type who can't demonstrate their real powers when they're visiting other places.

Furthermore, according to what I've heard, mazoku's physical growth seems to be extremely slow. And even though at the age of sixteen they're considered adults, I've heard that in human terms many of them are still like children who attend elementary school at that age. And because of this slow growth I mentioned before, it takes an immense amount of years for them to look like a 20 year old human. In fact, Wolfram, who appears to be as old as I am, is actually 82 years old.

It seems that the price to pay for their longevity is slow physical growth.

".... and because of that, it was difficult to maintain and increase the military forces"

"Yuuri?"

"What?"

I noticed that she was holding my fingers. Greta was looking up at me with unease.

"Yuuri, what happened?"

"Eh, eh, eh... what happened with what?"

"You just made a really scary face"

"Scary face? No, it's nothing. I was just thinking..."

As I was trying to reply, I couldn't remember what I was just thinking about. Although I remember it word-by-word, it felt like it was something that I had heard from behind a wall, and I couldn't understand the main idea.

I wonder if there's something wrong with me.

But I didn't tell my inner feelings to the anxious little girls. I squeezed back the little fingers that were holding me.

"Sorry Greta. It wasn't a scary face, it was just a serious face. Because if there really is a devil in Shin Makoku it would be very bad. And if that's not the case, then we still have to return Nika's father to being the happy carpenter he used to be. And I was seriously thinking about how we could heal him"

"So that's what it was"

I'm sorry for lying to you. Although, I myself don't even know whether it was a lie or not.

❧✣ ✣ ・・・・⇀ ↼ ・・・・✣ ✣☙

The soldier that was left behind and I, as well as Greta, sighed when Conrad and the rest disappeared.

Nika, Greta's friend, was standing by her side, she was simply looking down at the floor, standing in a way that wasn't very femenine. Her face, looking like she was trying to find the solution to the problem in the dried up soil.

That's when from far away I could hear the roaring of an ENGINE.

Rather than a boom and gouuun sound it was an artificial-like sound, that was coming from the sky ... no, it wasn't. It wasn't that high.... in fact it was coming from a height around where our knees were.

"Is that thing, flying?"

It wasn't a plane nor a bird. It was a mysterious human shaped object, that appeared to be floating about 10 centimeters from the floor rather than the sky. Furthermore the speed was more similar to a jogging speed than anything.

From Ultraman to Superman, all the way to human bullets, everywhere and throughout the ages, the POSE of a flying person has always been more or less the same. Keeping its back straight, and flying parallel to the floor, putting their arms in front them, even if that didn't make much of a difference. And riding on the back of the person flying at knee height, was Anissina-san riding it boldly.

"How are you, Majesty?"

Or rather, she was the one in a horrible flying machine.

"What I mean is, at that height, and at that speed, wouldn't it be better to just walk?"

"For people, there is meaning behind carrying things. And this recently developed ma powered flying transportation android is called cha cha cha cha chaan, "Unpanman Kai".

Unpanman Kai she said.

Just like the song goes, everyone's tastes are different when it comes to NAMING. In my case, I'm really glad that my name means something good in life. On my birthday, I have to thank my mother and the nadzukeoya that she had only just met for that.

Although if the kanjis wouldn't have been so connected to banking, I could have the name of a hotblooded hero in a baseball movie. Well, if it wasn't for the ADVANTAGEOUS Shibuya, DISADVANTAGEOUS Harajuku thing, it's not really that bad.

However there was a bigger problem with 'Unpanman Kai' , which Anissina-san was riding , besides his name. It had no neck, or rather it didn't have a head either!

"Why did you make another terrifying human shaped item....?"

"Human?"

Anissina-san jumped off the suspicious android's back and put her hands on her waist proudly.

"Although I've always suspected this, it seems that you Majesty is indeed someone who has no-no noodles"

No-no noodles? What kind of slang is that?

"You went too far, Anissina! Don't call Yuuri stupid!"

That's when I saw Wolfram, covered in sweat, a few meters behind, chasing her. In his hands, a gray box, with a two tiny levers. Could it be some sort of controller? And more likely than not, Unpanman Kai is running on Wolfram's maryoku. Yeah, it must be that.

Poor thing was breathless due to the overuse of his maryoku, when he started criticizing Anissina.

"D, don't, call, Yuuri, stupid!"

"Eh? Was I called stupid just now?"

"No, how could I had called him stupid! I have made no attempts to say that. I just said that he has no-no noodles".

"Ehh? But I have the feeling that you usually call me much worse than stupid"

"But your Majesty, it's just that you have a weird way of saying things. Do you think that someone like me would purposely make a human to assist me? A human being! If a male and a female were together like this, babies would be born in the blink of an eye. I don't need anyone doing the work for me at all."

Is she completely disregarding romantic feelings?

"It's better to do something that no one can do, rather than something that anyone can do. That's the way a Poison Lady lives. And that is why I produced the 'ma powered flying transport android', Unpanman ・Kai, that only I can make."

"Only the sunset in the fall is my friend"

Unpanman... even you must get lonely. It was too sad to ask him if he felt lonely during spring and summer.

"But why doesn't it have a head?"

"So that it can feel, rather than think"

"Unpanman, you're so cool!"

Crap. Greta is mesmerized by it. I can't understand how she can love an android that doesn't have a neck or head. Is this what people call generational GAP? I feel a little sad.

"But putting that aside, why are you two here?"

"To, sa, ve , you, isn't, that, ob, vious!?"

Apparently I asked something insensitive, because he twisted my cheeks with all his might.

"Youuuuuuu left, and you went to do an exorcism, not telling anyone...."

"Not letting even one of your desciples know your whereabouts, is definitely something that a poison lady would never do."

And perhaps after that I was tailed by the New Ma Powered Parent-Child Tracking Device, ' My nose is Kikuzo-kun' and maybe even also Kikuo-kun. In the case of a traffic accident, the first one is much better.

"Say, say, Anissina! Does the devil exist in Shin Makoku?"

"Devil? I wouldn't allow such a creature to exist, but having said, the devil is no oponent for a poison lady. And this is what I came to prove here today in a hurry. Whoooup op!"

With a shout from another era, she unloaded the wrapped cargo off Unpanman Kai.

Nika, who had been uninterested till that point, stared with even more admiration than Greta the amusing GOODS.

"For an exorcism, I brought some ma powered goods that may come in handy. First is this, holy water to repel the devil"

It was strangely muddy. Are you sure you didn't just pick up some water from a nearby pond?

"Then there's the garlic, the pointy stakes, the silver PAKOCHIN balls, salt from a graveyard and an X"

"There's something wrong, I think there's something wrong here, Anissina-san!"

"And then there's a whip, another whip, candy, whip"

"Uh.... I wonder if it'll work. I wonder if the candy and whip (the carrot and stick) works on the devil"

When I held one of the golden whips, it split into ten smaller whips. And with this it seems that I had wasted an attack. Because I was thinking about that, I almost jumped the moment I heard a man screaming from the GARAGE"

"What happened Conrad!?"

The scream wasn't Lord Weller's, but the uneasiness of the situation made me call his name. Actually, I wanted to run to the GARAGE to make sure everything was all right, but since he had gone to check the place beforehand, I couldn't simply go there without permission. And I couldn't send Wolfram in there either.

I kneeled on the floor and put my right arm around Greta. With my left hand I held onto Nika's wrist tightly. Poor girl, due to fear and stress her hand had become icy-cold. Even if she looked strange, on the inside, she was just an elementary school girl.

I could see then, the shape of the young subordinates first, followed by Lord Weller coming out of the GARAGE. They didn't seem to be injured. But the young ones were still crying, their faces looking terrified.

But it was no surprise that those would be their expressions, for they were dripping from head to toes. Conrad too looked at me, holding his own clothes.

"... he sprayed"

His chest was wet, covered with green puke.

It seems he had sprayed indeed.

"Oh ?"

While everyone was frowning, feeling sick and miserable, Anissina's eyebrows rose. What does she find so odd? When she does that gesture is because she found something interesting. Poison Lady's greatest fan, Greta, also noticed the change in behavior in her mentor.

"Anissina, what happened!?"

"It seems we'll need the whip and candy after all, this is..."

When Nika's father appeared, looking exactly like a woolly crab, there wasn't anyone who didn't say "Oh! A Bear!?"

But rather than a bear, it was a werewolf.

It never crossed my mind to make a dad-joke.

(to be continued)

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