City Series:Volume7 Layer 10

Layer 10: People

11/15/1998

20:27

After eating dinner alone and taking a break alone, I realized how bored I was and looked down at the video I had rented.

“ ‘Subway Hijacking from Hell: Round and Round the Loop Line’, huh? ‘There is no escape for them!’ Yeah, there wouldn’t be.”

I checked the clock and found it was still 8.

It was too soon to start the movie. I considered stopping by the convenience store and buying some snacks when someone rapped on the balcony window. I looked over, wondering who that could be at this hour. It was a Night Wind. She was dressed in black and grabbing at the window frame, but her butt was still floating up above the rest of her.

“Um, do you remember me? We met a while back. Can I ask a favor?”

She was blushing and looked troubled, so it didn’t take me long to figure out what this was about.

“Are you hungry?”

“Y-yes. I ended up floating too high up, but I need to start cooling the city soon. I even got separated from the North Wind.”

“Sure, sure. So what do you want to eat? Something cold?”

I sighed and rummaged around the kitchen before making some lettuce salad and a ham sandwich. While I worked, she spoke to me and floated restlessly near the living room ceiling.

“The West Wind told me the person who lived here would help me out if I was in a bind. This place is fairly famous as a distribution center.”

What a thing to be famous for. I covered the sandwich bread with margarine to make sure she wouldn’t be floating again any time soon.

But she called out to me from the living room when she noticed.

“Wait, what are you doing!? I’m already really close to my goal weight! You inhuman monster!”

Not that it matters, but aren’t you the inhuman one here?

Author Comment:

The night wind comes in when you open the window at night.

If you close the window, the night wind disappears and reappears outside.

It doesn’t really matter, but what is up with the self-destructive urge to open the window and let in the chilly winter air even though the heater doesn’t make it all that hot?

Record 14: When I’m With You

05/14/1997

7:30

For some reason, I was riding a train through the mountains first thing in the morning.

A look around showed the seats were mostly empty and you were sleeping next to me.

When I looked up, I saw the bright and sunny sky out the window and the mountains of Tochigi and Ibaraki in the distance.

We were on our way to the Mountain.

That was a training ground for hopeful members of the Chancellor’s Officers governed by the Emergency Teachers and the Religious League. Basically, it was where people were tested to see if they were a top-class student.

I couldn’t believe this. I was actually going there with you.

“Why does she always drag people into her business?”

The first part of the training would have us here until August. And if we did well, we would return in September for a month-long final exam.

In middle school, I heard rumors of people sometimes dying there and no one was serious about going.

The only people from our school going were you, Snowy, and me. You and I had no martial arts experience at all. I had seen in a newspaper before that Snowy’s dad was a colonel in the military that protected Tokyo. Everyone else going here would be more along those lines, I bet.

While I was wondering what to do about this, you collapsed onto your side along the seats without waking up. You had guts for someone heading into such danger.

But I had to wonder if you would have made it this far if I had refused your invitation to go. Could you only sleep like this because I was with you? No, I was being conceited.

“Maybe I should get some sleep too.”

Author Comment:

This would normally be where all the characters are brought together for the reader’s benefit.

But on a train where the stations are few and far between (e.g. I’ve ridden the Inbi Line from Tottori to Okayama (Tsuyama) a few times), the ride can be torture without sufficient skill at blankly watching the scenery go by.

Record 55: I Don’t Know What That Is

03/15/1998

14:25

Lady and I were sent out to prepare for the graduation ceremony. Her job was to play the piano and I was tasked all the odd jobs. This came from the kindness in Sensei’s heart, so I was certain she had chosen me because I looked like I didn’t have anything to do. It was true I could ignore classes and exams since I was in the Chancellor’s Officers, but we were past the exams now.

Anyway, after helping line up the chairs, I approached Lady who was supposed to be playing a piano version of the Tokyo Ondo. Instead, I found the piano had grown a pair of butts. This is the discovery of the century, I thought before realizing the butts belonged to Lady and Sensei. They had opened the piano’s lid and were tuning it. I peeked at their work from above.

“Won’t you just make it worse if you don’t know what you’re doing?”

“We’re not tuning it. The notes weren’t playing right, so we took a look inside.” Lady turned around with dust on her face. “The notes are wandering around inside the piano and never coming out.”

Sensei’s head shot up while she peered inside with a tuning fork in one hand.

“Ah! Th-they’re escaping over- kyah!”

The lid crashed down on her head. She held her head and I stopped the lid so it wouldn’t fall further with its head-shaped support removed. I saw Lady pursuing something, but I held out a hand to stop her.

“You’ll never catch them. They’ll be back by the ceremony anyway.”

“How can you know that? What are they anyway?”

I explained it to quizzical Lady and tearful Sensei.

“Just like us humans, the piano music wants a break after the exams. The piano was used for the music exams, right? It’s taking a break until we actually need it again.”

Author Comment:

They don’t really need to do what Sensei says, so maybe they just wanted to take part in the event.

Sensei can only tell Lady and Me what to do since they’re in her class.

Record 6: Is That Your Voice?

03/11/1997

8:40

Our final exams ended today.

With that over, we only had to wait for the exams to be returned and then graduate. Since these were the last final exams of middle school for us, everyone in the back of the class was exciting themselves with some gamble confinement and other cheating methods that were too difficult to actually pull off.

You had your textbook open for once in the seat next to mine.

You had a really serious look on your face, so I asked about it.

“You already got into the high school you wanted, so what does the exam matter?”

“I don’t like the thought of using that as an excuse to goof off just like the adults assume I will.”

Yeah, that sounded like something you would say.

I sighed and opened my modern Japanese book.

“Our next exam is drawing a flipbook in the corner of our modern Japanese textbook, right?”

“Yes. I’m doing mine on World War Two, but what about you?”

“Like I said before, I’m going to draw someone eating an extra-large serving of tempura but in reverse. They’ll be pulling more and more food out of their mouth with the chopsticks and lining it up on the plate. How does that sound?”

“What is it with you and those gross things?”

“Jealous, aren’t you?”

Not even I was sure why she would be, but then I took a look around. The class was getting pretty unruly, but today was a special case. This might be how we always wanted to act, but we couldn’t contain ourselves today. And there was no going back either.

That was the thought on my mind when the door opened and our homeroom teacher entered.

“It’s time for your exam, but flipbook topics in this category are banned for being vulgar.”

He wrote “anything in reverse” on the chalkboard.

Who’s the spy? I wondered as you started laughing.

Author Comment:

School textbooks are mostly just for doodling in, if you ask me.

I can’t remember a Japanese or music textbook where the faces of the authors and musicians remained unmolested.

Bach’s was detailed and large, so it was a common target.

A friend of mine in film studies did the reverse eating thing. The guy pulled the food from his mouth, lined it up in his lunchbox, wrapped that up, carried it to the convenience store, and received money for it.

Record 28: Accept It All

08/30/1997

15:00

In the lobby of the city’s central library, you and I showed each other the letters saying we had passed our Mountain entrance exams. Mine was colored red since I had taken the fieldwork exam and yours was colored blue because you had taken the intelligence exam. We had both scored an “excellent” with a decorative flower drawn around it.

“So I got in with my brains and you with your brawn.”

“That makes it sound like I’m going to be your gofer.”

“Of course it does,” you said with a shameless smile. You had books piled up on the table in front of us and you would have a ton more paper tests to take once we were at the Mountain. I could tell you were going to be working just as hard as me.

Then the lobby TV displayed an image of the sky.

The footage was from Chofu’s airport. A ton of transfer students were arriving from Kansai today, so Senpai would be there leading the Chancellor’s Officers.

You and I watched the footage on TV. The newscaster discussed how Japan had been split between east and west by the students, how it had been reunified, and how a minority of students were being exchanged between the east and west.

A line of boys and girls left the plane and boarded a bus. None of them smiled toward the camera. They all looked nervous.

You tilted your head while watching it. Your eyes were on the last person to leave the plane. He was driving a large white Caddy – a classic car.

“Driving without a license? There are some weird people in Kansai.”

A voice from behind replied to your comment.

“What does it matter if they don’t cause any trouble? I just hope that car’s word exhaust doesn’t pollute our literature.”

We looked back to see Snowy. She stretched and walked toward the back of the library, holding a letter the same color as mine.

Author Comment:

A number of things here connect to later events.

The official interactions between Kansai and Kantou end up on the news like this. They will be freer to move back and forth afterwards.

Record 77: I Will Tell You Everything

08/17/1998

21:30

It was awful. Nights weren’t meant to be so hot. Stupid summer season.

The Boss and I were soaking our feet in a washbasin in the sweltering Officers’ living room and Lady had stopped moving over on the windowsill.

Why was this happening? The A/C was broken.

It had suddenly stopped working during the morning and hadn’t started back up since.

There was nothing to be done about it, so the Boss and I were watching TV. The current program was talking about the Battle of Babel being held in Osaka. The student news competition over who got to use Babel first was reaching its second half and the representatives were competing in a number of media. I even saw a familiar face among those students.

“I thought I hadn’t seen him in a while.”

“What, is a friend of yours competing?”

“I doubt he remembers me since I was always running behind him. But you never know what people are going to do, do you? He was always #1, but he must have seen things differently.”

“Could you say the same thing about Senpai?” asked the Boss.

I raised my head. He looked the same as always thanks to his sunglasses, so I relaxed my shoulders.

“He’ll be fine. He has someone by his side.”

The Boss simply nodded and looked back to the TV. The reporter said the students would start providing support for Babel while it was under construction, but didn’t that mean they were providing free construction labor?

“Eh, that’s more useful than boiling alive in here.”

My comment earned a response from Lady who was still sitting on the windowsill.

“But this is our job, so- oh.”

“What happened? Something joyfully thrilling?”

“No. A mosquito bit me.”

She brushed back her hair and got down from the windowsill. She showed me the inside of her right arm and there was indeed a small red mark on her skin.

“I’m not supposed to scratch it, am I? Do you have any itch cream?”

“Only an awful kind the Professor made. It directly transfers the scratching sensation to your brain, so it feels like having a monkey clawing inside your head. Letting it heal naturally is the only path to survival.”

“Let me guess, he called it something like the Itchy Ape.”

“Close but no cigar. It’s called Dangerous Itchcraft.”

“I don’t want it no matter what it’s called. Do you have any normal medicine?”

“What counts as normal? Besides, why would we have mosquito medicine in a room that normally has the window closed to keep the cool air-conditioned air inside?”

She groaned in thought, her hand reaching toward the mosquito bite before she quickly pulled it back.

“O-oh, no. It’s starting to feel funny.”

“And you’re starting to act funny.”

That earned me several punches from behind. In front of me, the Boss nodded in an exasperated way.

“Fine. Then I’ll scratch it for you.”

“Stay back! Don’t you dare touch me!”

“Oh, c’mon. This is a form of sketchy spiritual treatment where you cast out the itchiness through another person’s intervention.”

“Don’t call it sketchy yourself. Really, me punching the itchiness out would be better than- oh, yeah.”

I turned toward Lady and held up my clenched fist for her to see. She realized what I meant.

“Y-you mean, you’re going to punch me?”

“It’ll only last a moment, so bear with it please.”

She held out her right arm and squeezed her eyes shut.

This felt weird, but I readied my fist all the same.

“I’m here to take over for the night shif- what the hell are you doing!?”

I turned around to see Snowy standing in the newly opened door with her sword drawn. Great, another excessive heat source.

Author Comment:

More air conditioner stuff.

I quite like washbasins. They cool you off different from an air conditioner.

The problem is how I always end up splashing the water around for fun.

This is also an unusual one where the protagonist reveals something about his past. Is this something he can only do under the very restrictive circumstances of being with a boy his own age who’s having some trouble?

Record 37: Trust in That and Run

10/10/1997

10:38

The athletic festival had begun. Once this was over, we wouldn’t have any more major events until the school festival in November. This was also my first job on the Chancellor’s Officers. I needed to find all the flaws I would need to correct before the school festival.

The “All Boys Group Gymnastics w/ Lots of Wardrobe Malfunctions” event had just ended, so the audience had thinned out considerably.

I heard the departing ambulance’s siren in the distance while I spoke to Snowy wearing a track suit next to me.

“The main event is the 42.195km high jump, right?”

“The what?” She glanced over at me with a frown.

“You haven’t heard of it? It’s a pretty famous event. They take a 42.195km approach run to accelerate and then do a high jump. The longer approach run means more acceleration, which helps them relax their form and get better records.”

“That must require patience. I can see why it has to be the main event, though.”

Some people in a rather crazy outfit of a lab coat over a track suit were crouched here and there.

“What are they doing?”

It wasn’t Snowy who answered me.

“They are digging up the landmines used for the obstacle course this morning.”

I turned around to see the Professor.

Snowy took a step toward him and then turned toward me.

“Who is he? He looks extremely suspicious.”

“You always speak your mind, don’t you?”

“My mother taught me to be honest. So who is this?”

The question was directed at me, but the Professor answered with a smile.

“Interesting. Summing up my entire being with the simple concept of ‘this’? Not bad at all. You should know that ‘this’ is the school’s freshman general science representative.”

“I had no idea ‘this’ was so important,” I said.

“Is ‘this’ a friend of yours?” asked Snowy.

“Yeah. I met ‘this’ at a ramen place. He’s been very ‘this’ ever since.”

“I see. I would say your ‘this’ is more ‘this’, but I suppose this is fine,” said the Professor.

“It is, is it?”

“It is. I can’t afford to spend any more time on your idiocy. I have a job to do.”

“A job? Oh, removing the landmines?”

He shrugged.

“To be honest, there is a lot more than just that. For example, the dwelling of an ancient god was dug up last year, which caused quite a commotion.”

“No one’s going to believe that discovery for a second. Congrats.”

“I have heard there was a metal door installed on the ground in the back of that dwelling with the word ‘top secret’ written in cutesy writing. Everyone who opened it laughed so hard they nearly shit out their guts. I was so hoping we could find a discovery of that caliber in my generation.”

“They did rebury that place, I hope?”

“Yes, but when digging up the dirt to bury it, they found another door. This one said ‘Winner! Have another for free!’ on it.”

“Is everything buried around here awful?”

“With all the feet packing the ground down here, thousands or tens of thousands of years’ worth of history are compressed into a flat area.”

We were interrupted by a whistle.

We looked over to see a runner falling to the mat with the high jump bar in his arms.

“A foul, huh?” I muttered and Snowy nodded.

“But he still has a chance. That was only his first jump.”

Author Comment:

The athletic festival. They’re doing some similar things to Osaka.

Snowy is the type who questions her orders but still obeys them, which seems like a stressful way to live if you ask me.

Record 106: I am Sure You Will Understand

01/27/1999

11:21

It was Wednesday, middle of the week. I had gone to the Officers’ living room instead of going to class. Senpai, Snowy, Lady, and I were gathered in the central conference room.

Senpai sat at the head of the table, his arms crossed below the fluorescent lights.

“Why are one of the aides and two of the Special Duty Officers missing?”

“They said they had to either be a lecturer or a lab rat for their classes. Should I call them here?”

“No. This topic is mainly for the fieldwork and PR teams that often head out on jobs with me. I will inform the others when the need arises.”

Snowy frowned at that.

“Will the others join us if we mobilize our full force?”

Senpai nodded.

“So what is this about?” I asked.

He opened his mouth to answer me.

“Things are getting strange in Kansai. Regarding Babel, of course.”

After a pause, Snowy crossed her arms and Lady adjusted her position in her seat. I turned on the TV.

The screen showed the same thing it always did nowadays: that tower sticking up into the sky. The Battle of Babel news competition was still ongoing. But now it was being fought between the corporate side and the student side.

After she pondered that in silence, Snowy opened her mouth.

“This is a spark of conflict, isn’t it? If Babel is completed and falls into an Osaka corporations’ hands, the power balance will shift to the west despite the reunification, won’t it?”

“Yes, it all comes down to the corporations. The smaller corporations that built our foundation during the east-west split are having their market stolen by larger corporations after the reunification. If Babel is completed during that chaos, the power will shift westward. And the corporation that owns Babel will be able to take the lead by advertising on a global scale.”

“B-but isn’t that inevitable at this point? Babel has been built, so the power balance is going to the west no matter what.”

“There are two ways of preventing it. The first is to destroy Babel. The other is to force Osaka to start a conflict similar to the Kinki Riot, restrict Osaka’s influence, and divide the east and west again. If we tried to eliminate the corporation that owns Babel, I expect Kansai would choose the former since they are closer to Babel and Kantou would choose the latter for the opposite reason. Then the chaos in the unified market would return to normal.”

“But why would they try to do that to Tokyo?”

“The student representative fighting in the Battle of Babel is a transfer student from Tokyo. I can easily imagine there are Kansai students who are less than fond of him. What if they are coming to Tokyo to vent their frustrations? And what if the Chancellor’s Officers keep stopping them, so they get mad and things escalate?”

I smiled bitterly as I spoke. I thought back to when I had run track. That boy had once shown me his back, but what was on his mind while he fought in Osaka now? I still had my hands full as #2 here.

And Senpai, my current #1, asked a question while viewing the tower on the TV.

“Doesn’t this situation worry you?”

Lady let out a resigned sigh.

“It is true Japan is focused on Osaka because of Babel. Which means there is less focus on Tokyo.”

Senpai uncrossed his arms.

I switched off the TV without a word and Senpai stood up.

“I hear three UN Knight Strikers have gone missing in Osaka. And I also hear some large weapons have been ‘stolen’. Be ready to take action at any moment.”

He left the room, leaving us with just one more thing.

“I will contact you when the time comes.”

Author Comment:

They discuss information related to Babel and some other things that were off limits before.

Based on Snowy and Lady’s reactions, I think they had either suspected the truth or had detected it in their own way. (Lady also seems to have told Sensei about the issues related to Kansai and Kantou.)

Record 84: A Meeting

10/02/1998

11:30

The athletic festival was coming up soon. We had learned our lesson last year, so we were planning much more aggressive tactics this year. Instead of going to class, we were gathered around a map of the general sports ground in the conference room.

Snowy and you placed red chips on the map to indicate the arrangement of personnel and I determined where to place the security cameras.

“My patrol route needs space to swing a long weapon.”

“But our additional personnel should be arriving soon. Y’know, that second Vice Chancellor’s aide arriving from the Mountain. Will he make it in time for the athletic festival?”

“Don’t ask me,” said Lady and the Boss. Those two hadn’t taken part last year, so they were the ones asking most of the questions. They sat side by side across the table from me where they viewed the schedule.

“Hey, what’s this Steel Ball Rolling event on the 3rd day?”

“The classes compete by rolling a 3m steel ball along the 10km perimeter of the general sports ground. Things tend to get dicey around the corners.”

“I-is that safe? Won’t they be going really fast to get 1st place?”

“The real threat is the class in last place. They get desperate and start sending their ball in some crazy directions. It is amusing seeing the spectators running for their lives, though.”

“Let me guess, you made that happen with your Mobilized Writing last year?”

“I call it unplanned audience participation.”

“So do we need to reinforce the corners? I have noticed the walls getting so tall it looks like a colosseum,” said the Boss.

You nodded and checked the schedule.

“Is anyone here participating in the 24 Hour Endurance Secret Talent Tournament starting midday on the 4th day?”

“I was thinking of it,” I said.

Everyone gave me looks that said “what are you plotting this time??” before the door opened and Sensei entered.

“Um, is this where I find the Chancellor’s Officers?”

“Perfect timing, Sensei. Stand right there so I can demonstrate my secret talent. I’ve been training this one since elementary school, so it’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of thing.”

I gently patted Sensei on the back. Everyone watched with bated breath, a few seconds passed, and then Sensei held her arms around her chest and crouched down.

“Eh? Huh? W-wait!”

A moment later, Snowy realize what had happened.

“You removed it!? That quickly!? That is indeed a fearsome talent!”

“Eh? Eh? What happened? C’mon, tell me.”

No one could blame Lady for not understanding, but I could see Sensei looking tearfully up at me while crouched on the ground.

“Umm, are you mad?” I asked.

She sobbed with tears on her cheeks. Uh, oh.

I felt all the girls’ gazes stabbing into my back while I tried to pick Sensei up. My plan was to carry her to the locker room and try to calm her there, but just as I crouched down, the toe of a sneaker entered the corner of my vision.

If you throw a kick with belief in your heart-

I noticed this Mobilized Writing was similar to mine, but it was already too late. There was no blocking this, so I focused on dodging. After seeing the kicking leg fly past me, I saw the short black-haired boy it belonged to. He wore a black school uniform and he pulled back his kicking leg.

“Looks like my new superior has some behavioral issues to work out. Listen up: I will now be looking after you as a Vice Chancellor’s aide. I am in Class 1-B and my name is-”

“I dub thee Little Boy.”

The backhand blow I threw in reply sent the overly talkative idiot flying. A solid punch was the best medicine for an ill-behaved underclassman. After punching him, I stripped him naked, dragged him around the halls, and then left in the schoolyard before returning.

“What was that? Who was that?” asked the others.

Sensei responded to that while still crouched on the ground waiting for me.

“I’m not telling you until you apologize.”

I already gave him a name, so what more is there to know?

Author Comment:

Preparing for the athletic festival.

They’re again discussing events like those in Osaka, so I don’t think Tokyo is much different during a festival.

By the way, removing a bra is all about instantaneous grip strength.

Record 17: It Slowly Dawns On Me

05/29/1997

20:33

We were a month and a half into our Mountain training.

I was surprised by how much the wholesome lifestyle here was rubbing off on me. Just a month and a half ago, I was a horny boy who did nothing but eat junk food and stay up all night, but now I was a horny boy who ate health foods and got to bed early. Was this what it meant to find a new you? Maybe so.

Anyway, after dinner today, I decided to visit the underground library located next to the Mountain instructor building. The plaster-walled underground space was actually air conditioned. The ceiling was small, but the inside was spacious. The light of eternal candles flickered here and there and I couldn’t see how far the rows of bookshelves stretched.

The occasional reading spaces had tables for six, but all the seats were full of human and nonhuman figures at this time of day. They were either studying for their Mountain exams or just killing some time.

I walked further back, making sure I didn’t disturb them.

I noted how many history books there were here.

The scientists said this world was the perfect last chance left behind after the world was repeatedly reborn and destroyed. I didn’t really get it, but apparently everything in this world had been given a much greater power than in the previous, destroyed worlds.

That had apparently been given to our world so we could overcome our destiny of destruction. No one knew if any of it was true, but the destruction and the resistance against it continued to evolve and clash even now.

It was happening somewhere out there even today. Would we play a role in it ourselves one day?

The Japanese people that went out to assist with the world’s conflicts and problems were almost all from some city’s Chancellor’s Officers. But…

“That’s something to think about after getting into the Chancellor’s Officers.”

I passed by all the history books.

I found you in front of the reference books related to nonhumans.

The white fox child I had given you was seated on your head while you read through a really thick old book. I tiptoed closer.

“Ma’am, please purchase the book before reading it.”

“Sorry! I’ll buy it, I’ll buy it! …Hey, wait.”

You turned back, revealing a surprised look on your and the fox’s faces.

“Don’t interrupt. I’m researching this boy here.”

“Oh, my bad. Have you named him yet?”

“Daitarou.”

“What, why?”

“You know Snowy, my roommate here? She had checked out a book on Fuma Kotarou. He used that book as a bed. Since that makes him superior to Kotarou, he must be Daitarou.”

“Couldn’t you have left room for growth and called him Mid-Tarou?”

“No, I don’t like half measures like that. Oh, but no calling him Super-Tarou or Ultra-Tarou, okay?”

“Sure, sure. You win. So how is Snowy?”

“She didn’t complain even though she couldn’t read her book. She’s a nicer person than I expected.”

“Complaining about an animal turning public property into a bed seems fair to me. So is there a trick to this, uh, Daitarou?”

“This says he can learn to understand and speak human language. So is he something like a myna bird?”

“Then how about Mynarou?”

“You dummy.” You smiled bitterly and I followed suit. You finally sighed and continued. “I was also doing some research on Senpai. His life sounds rough.”

“Yeah, he belongs to a nonhuman minority. Doesn’t the species have more than 20 varieties in Europe alone?”

“You’ve looked into Senpai’s species before?”

Of course I had. But I didn’t need to say so or explain why. I reached a hand for Daitarou’s head to dodge the issue.

Panic formed on your face.

“Wait, I just fed him and he’s sleeping, so-”

Before you could finish, he bit my finger. Hard.

I swung my hand wildly and he wouldn’t let go. What was I supposed to do now?

Author Comment:

A discussion of Daitarou’s name.

As you can see, you could say that Snowy was the one to name him. (That may be why Snowy likes him so much.)

But why was the protagonist researching Senpai’s species?

Record 115: I Doubt You Remember

02/18/1999

3:04

The next thing I knew, I was seated on a riverbank. The river had to be Underground Tokyo’s Tama River. The terrain I could see on the ceiling was probably Fuchu.

I shut my eyes, feeling chilled.

It was awful. I regretted it, just like Senpai said I would.

And I had no idea why Senpai had needed to ensure this happened, just like Senpai had wanted.

I had fought in ignorance and was left only with regret afterwards.

All evidence and testimony had vanished along with Senpai. He had protected Babel, the east and the west, and us. But we had lost something so important.

“Is this what it means to be #1? No, I bet it’s always been like this.”

Yes, it always had been. Because I had been defeating all of the people at #3 and below to reach this point. I just hadn’t felt this regret because I had been focused on my goal of becoming #1.

Now that I was #1, I finally didn’t have anything to look ahead to and could look back. That was where I found the regret. So if Senpai had wanted me to feel regret, he must have…

“Wanted me to be #1.”

I thought back. No, the memory came unbidden.

After my fist had blown away Senpai’s worries, he had collapsed. When I ran over to him and propped him up, he smiled at me.

It was the same smile I had once seen in a photograph.

He spoke before I could say anything.

“This is just like that one time. You were about to apologize for stopping me, weren’t you? But I wanted to be stopped and you wanted to stop me, so why apologize?”

He let go of his sword and touched the wound on my cheek.

“It doesn’t have to be now. You have plenty of time. So don’t apologize. And…wield your power.”

His smiling lips spoke my name. Or I thought they did.

Back in the present, where I sat on the riverbank, my lap was covered in white ashes spread from left to right. Those Live cinders were the evidence that something had been here. They were shockingly light when I scooped them up in my hands. This must have been where the worries I got rid of were located.

“I’m sorry.”

Why was he gone all of a sudden?

Why did he have to force this position onto me?

He had always been thinking about us because he cared for us.

I grabbed up the ashes and ate them. I swallowed the ones caked onto the inside of my cheeks and then realized I was breathing heavily. Something warm was dripping from the cheek wound Senpai had given me. A sobbing breath escaped me.

“I’m sorry.”

We were so selfish. Why had we both wanted this for each other?

I ate the white mountain quivering in the air above my hands.

It felt like chewing on paper, but it was flavorless and it melted away in my mouth. So I swallowed it. It passed down my throat like I was gulping down air.

I did it again. I grabbed Senpai with the hand that usually formed a fist.

I bit into him and ate him. My dry mouth couldn’t swallow the ashes without chewing them.

“I’ve been so awful to you.”

I had been jealous, researched his nonhuman species, sympathized with his power, decided we were rivals, and fought him like I was somehow the victim.

“I never gave a thought to how you must feel.”

As #1, had he felt regret for pushing aside #2 and all the rest? There was no way of knowing anymore.

“Could I have found the answer if I had ever caught up to you?”

I couldn’t forget him. I wouldn’t let myself. I couldn’t replace this memory of regret with some whitewashed fake. But I decided to spend some time away. I decided to erase my memories to completely erase all evidence, just like he had wanted.

But I couldn’t let myself forget everything. I needed to find a way of erasing my memories that let me remember it all when the time came that I needed the power of #1 – when this city he had tried to protect was at risk.

Until the time came that I could feel this regret but not feel the need to apologize to him. Because that was what we wanted.

Author Comment:

Reaching an understanding is about “digesting” the thoughts you find inside yourself.

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