We Don't Open Anywhere: Kouta Hiiragi's Open World (I)

Kouta Hiiragi's Open World (I)

It was a shopping mall that filled one with déjà vu the first time one visited it, yet existed nowhere. It was nothing more than a counterfeit.

“Kou.”

There was only one person who called me by that nickname.

“Masato.”

Masato Yahara. His hair was dyed blonde, his looks were handsome enough that it wouldn’t be strange for him to be a member of an idol group, and he was my only friend in the world.

But his body was fading away, already half-gone.

“...Sorry.”

“What’re you apologizing for?”

“I couldn’t take revenge in your place. I couldn’t save you.”

Masato heaved a sigh with an amazed look on his face.

“I see you’re just as stupid as ever, Kou. When the hell did I ask you to do something like that? For that matter, does it even look like that’s what I want?”

“...Well, I guess you don’t.”

Masato had never forced or pressed me into doing anything. He never wanted to get deeply involved with anyone.

“I’m already dead. I can’t even talk any more. Even the ‘me’ that’s here now is just something you thought up. All that’s goin’ on right now is a one-man ventriloquist show.”

“A one-man show, huh… If that’s true, at least the script’s well-written.”

It was difficult to imagine that his sarcastic quips had all come from my own head. The Masato inside my head was clearly able to do and think things that my real self never would.

“In your dreams, you sometimes see shit that you’d never be able to think up when you’re awake, right? People just have that kind of latent power. And Kou, you might just be an expert when it comes to that stuff. Most people can’t even begin to understand other people’s world. They try their best, and all they’re able to do is misinterpret them as something completely different. But you had the capacity to reproduce me like this. And when you’re playing my part, you’re practically a changed man, free from all of your normal stupidity.”

“You’re just as harsh as always, I see…”

Masato laughed cynically in response. He gave off a very Masato-like smile, one full of resignation.

“You’ve already mourned for me plenty.”

Mourn.

I hadn’t even realized that that was what I was doing at the time.

But… Ahh… It fit perfectly. I simply wanted, in my own way, to mourn the loss of my one and only friend. I didn’t want to forget about him, and I didn’t want to let everyone else forget about him either.

“Kou, what do you see when you look up at the moon?”

Masato asked me the same question he had that night in the park.

“Do you still just see the craters as craters?”

I thought for a moment. Craters were craters. That hadn’t changed.

“Well… it’s a little different than before.”

His interest piqued, Masato raised an eyebrow.

“If someone tells me they see a rabbit pounding mochi, I can too. If someone tells me they see a monster baring its fangs, I can too. Before, I couldn’t see anything, but now I feel like I can see anything. I feel like I can turn it into anything. Well, maybe… Maybe that’s not any different than before, but—”

“That’s completely different, ain’t it?”

But Masato didn’t seem to feel like elaborating.

“But I guess this is goodbye, then.”

As he said that, Masato began fading away even more. His very existence was fading.

As I continued on in life, I would never forget about Masato. But I could no longer become him. As he waned little by little, as he separated from the center of my heart, he settled like dust beneath the bulk of my memories.

I would never be able to retrieve him that way again.

“—Masato!”

I called out to him, stopping him as he was about to fade along with the counterfeit shopping mall.

“Oh, what is it?”

“Masato… Masato, are you—”

I had to ask him, just this once.

“Are you glad that you were born?”

At the sight of my no-doubt frantic expression, Masato gave an exasperated but no doubt secretly pleased smile.

“No listen here, you… If you wanted to ask that, you shoulda done it when I was alive. I just fuckin’ explained how everything that comes out of my mouth is just part of the script you wrote. ...Are you fine asking me that, even so?”

I nodded.

But I already knew his answer. Masato’s ultramarine closed world festered, rejecting the light. If a meddlesome heart had sprung up within me like it had in a certain someone, I probably would have tried to shine a light within that ultramarine.

But Masato was dead. He was no longer capable of changing.

—Rattle, rattle. Rattle, rattle.

Having lost all his color, the monochrome Masato replied with a bashful laugh.

“Not even a tiny fuckin’ bit.”

—Goodbye, Masato.

 

 

—Ah, what a surprise it is to see you outside of school, Hiiragi. As you can see, Ririko is a literary girl who loves books. Hm? I’m reading the books from really far away, you say? Ayup. You see, Ririko can use scanning on books. Ririko can learn all the contents in an instant. That’s amazing, you say? Right? Come on, praise me, praise me! Hm? There’s something you wanted to ask me, you say? Why, go ahead. ...The reason Ririko called out to you two back then, huh? Ririko told you the first time we met, Ririko wanted to get to become good friends with Hiiragi. Why, you ask? Well that’s because Hiiragi is white, you see. ...Oh, and also, Ririko had a dream the day before that. In the dream, when Ririko called out to you two and scanned you, Hiiragi and Tanihara’s friendship broke down. Then, Tanihara became emotionally unstable and killed Akiyama, see. Tanihara turned himself, and Kouzuki broke up with Hiiragi because all he could think about was Tanihara, so Hiiragi was all alone. He gradually became pure white. He was like a fresh snow in the middle of the forest, and it was really pretty. Then, the pure white Hiiragi and Ririko became really good friends. Hiiragi understood Ririko even better than before, and they went beep bibibi and stuff together. Ririko already knew from the scanning, but you’re a virgin, right? Did you know that sex feels really good? You see, Ririko knows just how to make men feel good, so in the dream Hiiragi became Ririko’s captive. He was all over her, you know, and he would do whatever Ririko said. ...Kusukusu… By the way, you know how adult men always act really really self-important around girls like Ririko? But when you take off their veneers, they’re actually as funny as clowns. You know the red lumps running through their brains, well, if you fiddle with them right, you can make them dance ecstatically in pleasure. Isn’t that funny? There are even some people who can’t come back from the pleasure. ...Huh? You want to know if Ririko’s dream was prophetic? Yeah, most of them are. It’s actually really weird how the dream wasn’t right this time. I wonder why that was? Was it Kouzuki’s fault, maybe? She meddles with Hiiragi too much. ...Huh? Aren’t Ririko’s prophetic dreams just the result of her drawing unconscious conclusions from her powers of memory and analytic ability, you say? ...Ririko doesn’t understand complicated stuff like that, even if you explain it. Ririko just wanted to become good friends with Hiiragi. That was all; nothing else was really important. Hm? Ririko’s a mean person, you say? Why? And anyways, everyone else are the mean ones, right? Everyone treats Ririko so rudely. And even Hiiragi used Ririko as a tool, right? Ririko has at least enough self-awareness to know that. So really, Ririko is the one who should be pitied, no? ...Ah, Hiiragi doesn’t have to show Ririko any sympathy, and we don’t need to become good friends any more. You see, Ririko isn’t interested in Hiiragi any more. He kind of became too normal. But, but, Ririko will come help you whenever you need her to, Hiiragi. Ririko can even teach you about pleasure. Isn’t Ririko nice? She’s nice, isn’t she? Ehehe, thanks.

—Bye bye, then.

 

 

After being arrested for the crimes of killing his classmate Masato Yahara and abandoning the body, Shuuichi Akiyama stopped attending school through the beginning of summer break.

Shiho Sudou was prosecuted for the involuntary manslaughter of Ryuusuke Yamazaki. The defense argued that it was legitimate self-defense. I had already met with her lawyer and promised to testify on her behalf if it became necessary.

It would have been completely natural for her to hold a grudge against me after I sent Ririko Matsumi after her to scan her and break her spirit. But when I went to visit her at the detention center, she actually thanked me for my cooperation. Even fact, she even seemed happy. The reason for her improved outlook was that apparently this incident had inspired her family to get their act together for her sake. Adversity builds character… but there was quite a bit of adversity, so it remains to be seen what character will be built out of it. But if nothing else, after the way I had used her, I wanted to do whatever I could to help her.

On the other hand, and you couldn’t really blame him, Akiyama refused to meet me. Apparently he had quite the breakdown, and could barely even speak. Occasionally the detention center would be filled with his terrified moans. No doubt he was still being tormented by visions of Masato.

Did I still resent him for killing Masato?

Although I gave that question a bit of thought, I wasn’t totally sure. Although killing him was a bit much, I couldn’t deny that Akiyama had been acting in legitimate self-defense. If not for Masato, Akiyama probably could have lived out the rest of his life as nothing more than an obstinate honors student. In a way, he too was a victim. But even though I knew that logically, the unpleasant feeling in my heart refused to fade. Whether that feeling was hatred, rage, or something else entirely, not even I knew.

Many such unidentifiable emotions whirled throughout my brain, existing as noise due to my inability to govern them. Before, I would have just abandoned all my thoughts and emotions and returned to being perfectly even.

But I wasn’t able to do that anymore.

In my new, unstable state, Miki came to visit me almost every day and drag me out of my house. Arcades, karaoke boxes, bowling alleys, tennis courts, movie theaters, ramen shops, restaurants, cafés — I had spent years only going back and forth between home and school, so all of those ordinary, common places were new and fresh to me. Amused by my innocent reactions, Miki eventually got carried away and took me somewhere unbelievable.

Okinawa.

I stood completely still atop a pearly-white beach. I was speechless at how absurdly clear the emerald ocean was.

When I looked at the blue sky melt into the ocean, I felt as though my day-to-day life was fusing with something powerful and mysterious. I felt as if I was no longer just myself. Like the odd pleasure you get from peeling off a scab, being here felt like it had freed me from the constraints of my emotions.

My eyes were no doubt wide as I stared at the ocean, and Miki slapped my shoulder playfully. Her terrycloth hoodie, combined with the the healthy pair of legs extending from her swimsuit bottom, gave off the impression of a model on her way to a photo shoot. Perhaps because it wasn’t particularly well-known, or perhaps because summer vacation hadn’t started yet, the beach was only sparsely populated. But even so, I could tell Miki was turning the heads of both men and women alike. Apparently being at the center of attention like this was normal for her, as she seemed wholly unconcerned.

In Miki’s world, no doubt being liked and desired by others was normal. It was completely different from my world, in which most people ignored me.

Miki took her hair, which was a bit longer than it had been when we’d met, and bundled it up with the scrunchie she’d been holding.

It was the first time I’d see Miki in a ponytail in a while.

“You know, I think it looks better that way.”

Miki’s cheeks reddened.

“...My father is right over there, and you’re hitting on me?”

“That wasn’t my intention…”

“My heart skipped a beat, you know.”

Miki stroked her tied-up hair meaningfully.

“By the way, when were you going to take this off for me?”

I held up my left arm.

The red hair band, which even now I couldn’t remove of my own volition, still rested there.

“Oh, you should just wear it the rest of your life.”

“I feel like it’ll get all moldy and scratchy at times like this if I do… Miki, didn’t you say you were going to stop believing in magic?”

Miki had more or less stopped talking about magic all the time. But recently, I had been suspecting that she might be a genuine magus after all.

In the end, she had altered the destinies of a number of people. And she was liable to keep doing so going forward.

And on top of that — that kiss.

Miki had said that wasn’t magic, but I was pretty sure she was lying.

After all, I hadn’t been able to stay away from her since then. When we were apart, my chest hurt, proving that I was still under her control even when we weren’t together.

What could that be, other than magic?

But that was probably all nonsense. If she herself said it wasn’t magic, and she truly believed that, then I guess it wasn’t magic. My becoming like this was too just a pleasant notion I had constructed.

But even so, there was still something that plagued my mind.

Even if we were together nearly every day, Miki was still another person. Everything about our value systems was different. No matter how well I got to know Miki, there would still be countless things I didn’t know about her. Even today, when I saw the clear emerald ocean, when I learned of a whole new world, even though my own world expanded and light flooded in, it still didn’t intersect Miki’s world. Just because the range that I could travel expanded didn’t mean I could ever reach there.

Our worlds, without exception, weren’t open to anyone.

That was the same no matter whether I was dealing with Miki or with Masato.

The sound of chains. Although I could hear that sound when I was playing the part of Masato, I still couldn’t say that I knew what it meant. Masato went on about chains a number of times, and when Matsumi-senpai scanned him she said that he was afflicted with auditory hallucinations. That was probably where I first conceived of it.

But I no longer had any way of knowing if the real Masato heard the sound of chains or not.

And, even if he had heard the sound of chains, it wouldn’t matter. The sound of chains wasn’t real. All that had been there was the Masato I came up with.

Whenever we interact with someone we come up with a version of them formed from our own ego, and all we can interact with is that version of them.

“Kouta, you’re getting all quiet and serious on me. Penny for your thought? ...Ah, I know. You wanna see what’s underneath this hoodie! Well, fine, I suppose if you want to see it that badly then it can’t be helped!”

After saying something presumptuous, Miki vigorously stripped. Her slender waist, which looked like it would snap if you hugged her too hard, and her cute, oblong navel came into full view. Her bikini top concealed a pair of soft-looking bulges. And even though her ribs stood out, she had some good skin on her bones.

A playful grin danced across her lips.

“Aha, did arouse you a bit? Did it?”

I’ll be blunt.

Damn. I wouldn’t have taken Miki for the type to look skinnier dressed…

Surprised at my own vulgar thoughts, I lost my presence of mind and couldn’t answer her. Or rather… This was the first time in my life I’d ever been aroused by a flesh-and-blood girl. Ahh… Ooh… Miki, you’re amazing.

Before I noticed, Miki had responded to my unexpected wonderment by retracting her playful grin, replacing it with a bashful expression and readorning her hoodie.

“...Excuse me, just because my father’s over there doesn’t mean you can get all pervy on me. ...Don’t look at me! I said don’t look!”

She was red to the tips of her ears.

Even though she’s the one who showed me…

“And whose fault is that?”

“...Well, uh, it’s because I was enticing you… Wait, wait, wait, that’s not it! Don’t go blaming this on others! It’s because you’re a perv! You coaxed me into it!”

“Miki, you really don’t understand how attractive you are, do you…”

“And now you’re hitting on me again! And it’s working! I can’t stand this! Daaaad! Dad, heeelp! There’s a beast disguised as a saint over here!”

After that exchange, we went back to our normal high spirits and headed for the water’s edge. We both stuck our feet in the ocean, taking in the sensation of lukewarm waves tickling at our feet.

“You know, this is my first time seeing the ocean.”

“Oh, really?”

“It’s also my first time leaving the Kantou region, actually.”

“...You really did live in a closed world, didn’t you, Kouta.”

That was the way it had to be. I couldn’t possess my own will or hopes.

At least, not before I met Miki.

I gazed at the horizon. The clear sea sparkled under the sun’s aggressive glare, connecting the world together. Somewhere it would become ice, somewhere it was filled with garbage, somewhere it was steeped in blood. The same waves that lapped gently at my feet could at times swallow people to their doom.

Why was it, I wondered?

I was crying. The tears wouldn’t stop.

But even seeing me like that, Miki didn’t draw back. She just squeezed my left wrist, the same wrist that was bound by the red hair band.

She then gave me a wide smile, with the corners of her mouth fully upturned. A smile clearer than the ocean, so attractive it was almost devilish.

“It would be nice if this day could last forever.”

To be honest, I disagreed. From here on out we would continue to grow, and our feelings would change. I wanted Miki to be free. I wanted her to shine. I didn’t want her to be chained down by the emotions of this moment. I didn’t want her to be chained down like me.

But right now, I knew what Miki wanted me to say. Or rather, I knew what her smile was practically forcing me to say.

Ahh, I see—

We don’t open anywhere.

But this level of mutual understanding was possible.

It was something pleasant, no doubt, something that if understood might lead to true happiness.

“You’re right, it would be nice if this day could last forever.”

And the moment the words left my mouth, only for a moment, I wished for eternity from the bottom of my heart.

Fin.

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