The Zashiki Warashi of Intellectual Village:Volume1 Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Regarding Jinnai Shinobu

Part 1

The large residence with a thatched roof looked more like the set for a period piece than somewhere anyone actually lived. As I opened the front door, my eyes met with a burglar young enough to still get away with being a freeter.

“Eh? Wait…you!?”

As my heart jumped up into my throat, I reached for the umbrella stand and grabbed a wooden sword that had been bought as a souvenir in Kyoto.

“What the hell happened to our home security!?”

I shouted out louder than necessary more to gain control of my panicking heart than anything. When I swung up the sword with relative seriousness, the burglar managed to unfreeze his body and move. His body readied to flee. With loud footsteps, he shot out onto the open porch and then into the unnecessarily large yard.

The burglar tripped over a stone in the yard and fell flat on his face. Wallets and an ornamental bear spilled out of the backpack he wore. He hesitated over whether he should pick them up, but he finally decided to give priority to flight.

My overall small granny must have finally noticed the ruckus because she headed out to the porch. She smelled of incense, so she must have been cleaning the Buddhist altar.

“What is it, Shinobu? Did a stray cat get in?”

“It was a burglar. Honestly, what happened to our house’s sensors?”

“Sorry. Your granny likes a nice breeze, so I had a window open. That shut off the switch.”

“No, I’m not blaming you. And when I say ‘sensors’, I’m not really talking about the security company either.”

“All the agricultural products in these Intellectual Villages are brand names, so we get so many thieves. I was left speechless when I heard a bunch of grapes costs 30,000 yen.”

“Yeah, but the junmai daiginjo dad and the others make in the facility out back is at least 50,000 yen a cup, right?”

The burglar had spilled his spoils across the yard, but granny checked inside to make sure nothing else was taken. Burglars had started to steal even the solar panels on the roof, so it could be a real pain.

Meanwhile, I put the Kyoto souvenir back in the umbrella stand and decided I might as well report it to the police with my smartphone. It likely wasn’t going to do any good. The village’s police stations were incredibly short on officers and they rarely answered the call from the 110 operator due to either listening to music with headphones during the day or sleeping at their posts at night. Also, they could hardly stand up to a real armed group of thieves. If people actually believed the police could do anything, they wouldn’t exactly pay the security companies so much out of pocket, now would they?

When I finished with that process that I had decided I “might as well” do, I walked across the wood floor of the hallway and further back into the residence.

The thatched roof house had no redeeming value outside of its age, but it did have a few points in its favor.

One of those was the real Zashiki Warashi that lived inside.

“Honestly, isn’t it a Zashiki Warashi’s job to protect the house and keep this kind of thing from happening?” I muttered as I arrived at a door.

Without knocking on the sliding door (can you even knock on sliding doors?), I forcefully opened it and shouted at the top of my voice.

“You, Zashiki Warashi!! Quit slacking off and do your job!!”

But the Zashiki Warashi in question was not there.

After staring into the empty room for a second, I headed for a new destination. I knew where she likely was if she was not there. It was possible she was out (even if she was a Zashiki Warashi), but that was highly unlikely in the middle of a summer day as hot as this one. She would only bother to go out for a walk early in the morning or in the evening.

It may have been the case for all Zashiki Warashis, but there was one characteristic that the one in our house definitely had. Due to this characteristic, I knew one place that had either the highest or second highest appearance rate for her.

That place was my room.

“…That damn indoor Youkai.”

This time there was no reason to knock or say anything. I grabbed the handle of the sliding door to my room and forcefully slid it to the side.

“You’re getting careless, Zashiki Warashi. How the hell did you overlook a burglar!?”

The Zashiki Warashi that had entered my room without permission glanced over at me. She was a black-haired beauty that looked perfect in a red yukata. The Youkai’s body proportions were much too glamorous to be called a “child”.

She was wearing special goggles for a 3D movie.

She was holding a wireless controller and controlling a character displayed on the big screen.

For an instant…

Just an instant…

My body froze up despite the fact that I knew this was what Youkai were really like. A single word took control of my mind. On an impulse, I opened my mouth and shouted.

“Appearances!! You need to keep up appearances as a Youkai!! The culture of Youkai is part of this country’s traditional arts! Do you want to lose that!?”

“Yeah, but isn’t that idea of Youkai just taken from manga and anime? Youkai are supposed to blend into the background of each passing era. The idea of the ‘good old’ Youkai that fit into the ‘good old days’ is nothing more than a recent trend. There’s no real reason we have to stay exactly the same.”

“Yes, but a Zashiki Warashi is supposed to bring fortune to the house it lives in as well as drive out burglars and such.”

“I don’t wanna do that!!”

The glamorous Zashiki Warashi removed the goggles, took a pose in the video game, and then turned to face me while still sitting cross-legged.

The hem of her yukata was flipped up and the white of her thighs stabbed into my eyes, but she did not seem to mind.

“I would rather you didn’t shove all the battling onto us Zashiki Warashi! I am completely confident I would lose spectacularly to another Youkai and even to a human if they were Onmyouji class!!”

“This is the 21st century, so I doubt that profession even exists anymore. Also, if this was some Onmyou master thief or something else straight from a light novel, I think he would steal things in more fantastical way, you damn Youkai.”

“Also, if I did more Zashiki Warashi-like things, wouldn’t you actually get mad at me?”

“You mean sneak into my futon and straddle me with no warning in the middle of the night?”

That was apparently a characteristic of all Zashiki Warashis, and it would have been fine if she looked 10 like the stereotypical Zashiki Warashi. However, when it was done by one whose bust exceeded 90 cm, it was more than adolescent boy knew how to deal with. Rather than feel lucky, I would feel a shock rush through my body like my heart was jumping up and breaking my ribs.

The dynamite body Zashiki Warashi was completely unaware of all this, so she casually changed the subject.

“More importantly, you went to the Sanatorium, didn’t you? The sweets shop is on the way. I assume you at least bought some popsicles on your way back. Can I count on at least that much?”

“Shut up. Huh? They’re gone… Oh, when I grabbed the wooden sword, I…”

I headed back to the front entrance, but not to treat the Zashiki Warashi. I simply did not want the popsicles I had bought to melt before anyone could eat them. The box of 10 popsicles was indeed lying on the floor. I had dropped them when I reached for the wooden sword to deal with the burglar.

I returned to the room with the Zashiki Warashi and she immediately pulled a soda-flavored popsicle from the box. I received no thanks whatsoever. However…

“Nnnn!! Air conditioning isn’t bad, but you just can’t beat cooling down from within.”

“Your smiles at times like this really do fit the ‘child’ part.”

She ignored my comment. As a Youkai who was as old as the house, she may have seen it as the nonsense of a human child.

“Speaking of the Sanatorium, did Madoka say anything troublesome?”

“…She’s more or less troublesome through and through, but she was extra troublesome today.”

“If it’s that bad, I think I’ll plug my ears right now.”

“No, you’re listening to this. I’m getting you involved in this even if I have to force you.”

Part 2

The reason I had gone out into the heat during summer break was to head to a facility known as the Sanatorium so I could visit an acquaintance named Madoka.

However, Madoka did not have some horrible illness.

She was simply a classmate of mine.

As the old-fashioned word “sanatorium” suggests, it was simply meant to add to the atmosphere of the Intellectual Village just like the thatched roof of my house. The facility had nothing to do with tuberculosis, mental illness, or anything else medical. The Intellectual Village created a brand-name image of the “good old days”, and the Sanatorium was something like an attraction.

I had no idea why the rich would pay so much money just to be hospitalized there despite having nothing wrong with them. But then, taking a trial tour of the JSDF had become a popular means of dieting, so businesses had been created around providing strange ways of staying healthy.

Since it was targeted toward rich people with odd tastes, the price was of course ridiculously high.

My classmate Madoka-chan had a rich enough family, but she herself was a super high school girl who did day trading herself.

They must have been focusing on providing the expected image, because the waiting room had overly strict means of preventing escape installed in places.

“Hello, how are things outside?” asked a girl in a thin surgical gown with a smile so lively I doubted anyone could be healthier than her.

“Peaceful…other than the off-season Yuki Onna I met at the bus stop. Y’know, I’m not going to have interesting things happen to me all the time.”

“But it’s summer break for students.”

“A perfectly healthy girl who chooses to hole up in this medical facility has no right to say that.”

“That doesn’t stop me from saying it,” said Madoka.

I was there simply because I was the class president. To be blunt, Madoka was a problem child. She did not get along well with her parents and she found no enjoyment in school. No actual abuse or bullying had occurred, but she was still definitely isolating herself.

Our homeroom teacher preferred to avoid all conflict, so the job of checking on her periodically had been thrust onto me even though it was summer break.

“Are you doing your homework?”

“That really has no impact from someone who hasn’t done his homework either.”

“I won’t deny that, but I’m just trying to start a conversation. If I don’t find something to talk about, the conversation isn’t going to last long. I’ve been looking after you since April and I still don’t even know what kind of food you like.”

“If we have nothing to talk about, I can teach you how to make money.”

“That’s the thing about you. You can make all the money you need on your own, so you never rely on anyone. And so you feel no need to meet anyone halfway. Is that why you’ve isolated yourself despite having no real reason to?”

“You say that, but what do you want me to do? Should I throw 30 billion yen into the train station trash just to get along with everyone? Or should I force troublesome tasks on others for the sake of communication even though I don’t need anything done? You know, something like ‘Hey, you over there. I’ll give you 5 billion yen, so use it to make double that.’ Actually, I think that would be enough to put a normal high school student in the mental hospital.”

“Yeah, probably,” I replied offhand.

Unfortunately, my role was merely to talk with Madoka, not to resolve her problems. Why would I go that far? It isn’t like class president is a paying job.

“By the way, some guys in suits have been walking around. Who are they? Did you hire some kind of service again?”

“They aren’t here for me. I haven’t lived that long yet.”

“?”

“They’re inheritance agents.” Madoka lightly waved her slender index finger around. “As you know, the Sanatorium focuses more on creating the right mood than on any actual function. The only people here are either health enthusiasts like me or old people who have gotten sick of making money in some filthy city so they simply want to live out their last days peacefully surrounded by the beauty of nature.”

“And what are those something-or-other agents here for?”

“I don’t really know. The reasons differ from person to person. Some do not want to give their family their inheritance. Some want to give their inheritance to their mistress rather than their wife. Some want to give everything to their grandchild while not leaving a single yen for their son.”

I can’t say what my expression was at that moment, but Madoka had a mischievous look in her eyes as she stared straight at me.

She had a way of livening up when it came to talk of money.

“All of them have their reasons for leaving their families and coming to the Sanatorium, so it isn’t surprising that these inheritance agents are so common here.”

“Being rich must be tough…” I muttered without thinking.

Merely by living in an Intellectual Village, I may have qualified as rich, but my allowance was no greater than that of a normal kid, so it never seemed that way to me.

“It could be a lot worse than that.” Madoka grinned. “A while ago, there was a rumor that anyone who entered a certain room here would die. A certain rich old man actually had his family enthusiastically try to throw him into that room.”

“…Seriously?”

“Seriously. I thought it might have something to do with Youkai and Package, but it must not since nothing ever came of it. Or maybe the assembly simply hadn’t been completed.”

I didn’t like the sound of the terms she used.

Feeling weary, I replied, “If you’re going to talk about dangerous things, at least keep it within the realm of things relating to my position as the class president…”

“What are you talking about? If you haven’t brought me any interesting stories, my only option is to laugh at your tragedy. So I’ll take this opportunity to tell you something.”

“Myahhhh myahhh!! I’m not listening!!

“You mentioned that you met an off-season Yuki Onna on the way, didn’t you? You’re probably in a lot of trouble thanks to that. Why is it that Youkai always seem to hide when the reporters for a spiritual TV show arrive, but they always show themselves at the worst possible time for you?”

“Don’t ask me!”

“Is there some kind of smell only Youkai can detect? Maybe it has something to do with the sake your family makes.”

“My old man treats that Zashiki Warashi like she’s some great king of fear he needs to tremble before while my uncle is known for only getting teased by her.”

“But the fact remains that they both have a high encounter rate with her, right? Just like with that Yuki Onna, you always seem to run across the ones that you could have easily gone without running across and that it is quite dangerous to meet.”

She seemed to be truly enjoying herself.

As if in contrast to my weariness, Madoka’s face lit up as she added, “What I was talking about before barely counts as dangerous compared to you and that Yuki Onna. But now that you’ve run across her, you’re likely already involved and nothing I say will change it.”

Part 3

The red yukata-wearing Zashiki Warashi rolled over, opened a laptop lying on the tatami mats, and began browsing a video sharing site.

“I get it, I get it. Things took a dangerous turn and someone is trying to kill you. That has nothing to do with me. O-Ohhhhhh!! A panda videooooo!!”

“How cold-hearted can you be!?”

“I already told you not to expect any Youkai battles out of me. I’m basically a child, remember? I’m not suited toward ridiculous battles like the Shichinin Misaki or the Hyakki Yakou where they scatter curses everywhere and slaughter anyone they run across.”

“Surely there are other ways you can help! Also, that game system and that computer are mine! A Youkai can’t make a contract with the provider. If I die, you can’t access those video sharing sites!!”

“Chehh…”

It seemed that was the only aspect of this that bothered her. The adult-like Zashiki Warashi turned away from the video of a fluffy panda and faced me once more.

“So now you’re negotiating with Youkai. It’s disappointing how much of your innocence you’ve lost. You used to have such bright, pure eyes.”

“You need to stop trying to get by on seniority when you’re cornered.”

“You were cutest when I would give you a bath every day or when I would help you change in the pool changing room.”

“I said stop it!! We humans have no way to win when it comes to seniority!!”

“I really didn’t know what to do when you would grab onto my swimsuit and tug the entire time because you were afraid of getting lost. The problem was that you didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!” I screamed as my soul was torn down from the inside.

She had had that glamorous body since before my grandfather was born. Those things seemed so risqué when I thought back on them!!

“So is someone really trying to kill you?”

“Unfortunately.”

“What’s the reason this time?” asked the Zashiki Warashi as she rolled over and her pure white legs were exposed from the disheveled hem of her yukata. “You live in an Intellectual Village not a large city, so running into Youkai is not exactly rare. Especially for you, Shinobu. On that trip to the beach to swim, you got a love letter from a mermaid.”

“…Yeah, and afterwards I was almost dragged down to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Did you do anything to make that Yuki Onna try to haunt you and kill you? Like mentioning that story of a Yuki Onna sparing the man she married.”

“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not it.”

Part 14

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