Talk:Mushoku Tensei:Web Chapter 82

Since nobody really uses these pages I'm just going to list all my edits and questions here

I love you editors... I really do. This chapter jumps around a great deal in present and past tense between paragraphs so there is are bound to be mistakes in that area. Every change seems satisfactory so far. --Skui

Edits Made

• Added headers and subheaders

• In the Garden of plants where the blossoming white flowers were collected. (Capitalized plants)

• also known as, The Garden of White Lilies. (Capitalized also)

• instantly kills the guard of the princess (changed kills to killed)

• protected the princess' life (added s after ')

• Such as thing happening (as to a)

• A Demon appearing in the Royal Palace is an unprecedented incident. (is to was)

• who is charge of the Royal Palace's defense (added in after is)

• it's tentative collapse. (it's to its)

• It is a matter of course to receive well the hero (switched well and receive)(Maybe change in future to warmly instead of well?)

• well, The second princess Ariel (lowercase the for The)

• would not (contracted to wouldn't)

• time, The Princess and Luke would both be dead (The to the)

• Among those questions asked was, (was to were)

• [If the Princess say so.] (say to says)

Give me a sec be right back, computer problems

• Changed Sylphie to Sylphy a couple of time

• His soft smiling face makes one relieved. (makes to made)

• He was possessed of such pride. (of to by) Alternative could be removing was and of

• Still to this day there was the child in Buina village who glanced at her with hostility. (was the child to were children)

• Oh, What's this? (What's to what's)

• You are still too young for something like this, Give it up already!] (Give to give)

• From here, It starts from here!] (It to it)

• I am sorry, Have I given you reason to be afraid? (Have to have)

• Still, If you will allow me to (If to if)

• You of the beautiful White-washed Hair (White to white and Hair to hair)

• he meant by White-washed hair (White to white)

• Luke who was no longer necessary to be made to keep her company (removed to be made)

• Fittoa Territory (changed to Fedoa Region since Name Guidelines)

• daughter of the Hunter in Buena Village, and who learned magic from my friend Rudei. (the Hunter to a hunter, removed who and Rudei to Rudi)

• A story, A genius boy, who defeated the minions of the Senior Minister. (A genius boy to a genius boy)

• A story, A genius boy, who the Sword King Ghyslaine acknowledged superiority. (^ same as above)

• A story, He who managed the Boreas' violent daughter, (He to he)

• Most, if any of the story is true. (Changed Most to Well)(Feedback for this would be helpful)

• If Sylphiette said that she was not that Genius boy (Genius to genius)

• The real name of that Genius is Rudeus Greyrat (^ same as above)

• When the Full Name was spoken, a [Hm?] was uttered and many nobles puzzled. (Full Name to full name and were added after nobles)

• And this it is allowed for those mistress' to call themselves Greyrat. (this to thus and mistress' to mistresses)

• There decided that the names of the four protected sides they would be called by would be: (There to They)

• Notos, Boreas, Euros, Zephyrus. (added and after Euros, since it's a list)

• However, Though an ordinary name (Though to though)

• That he started out with with the Boreas (removed extra with)

• Sauros' so-called illigitimate child (Sauros' to Sauros's)

• struggle was of far more important than anything trivial, (important to importance)

• News about the disappearane of Fittoa Territory (Fittoa Territory to Fedoa Region)

• They reported on the situation and the nearest town. (and to at)

• A second knight succeeds the first, continues on a horse without rest for a day, and relays the information to the next big city. (succeeds to succeeded, continues to continuing, and relays to relayed)

• Everyone became missing. (became to was)

These are all the edits I've done on this chapter currently

Questions on Changes

1. To the This word, Protection knight who are Luke also agreed. (I'm going to change this, To these words, Protection Knight Luke also agreed) >> sounds much better. I did make an error here though, Any instances of 'Protection knight' need to be changed to the more proper titled Guardian knight or Knight-guardian if they are spotted. Thanks! --Skui

I'm going to go with Guardian Knight -Marrow (talk) 11:26, 31 July 2014 (CDT)

2. Too luxurious was the bed. Too luxurious were the clothes the people wore. Too luxurious was the room. I don't know the reason why I'm in such a amazing luxurious place.

This seems awkward to me, would it be alright if I changed it to something like

(The bed, the peoples' clothing, and the room were all too luxurious.)I don't know the reason why I'm in such a amazing, luxurious place.

>> go ahead. I was just doing a line-by-line as it appeared, since he reiterates it like that in that section.

　シルフィは目覚めた瞬間、夢だと考えた。

　豪華すぎるベッド。 >> too luxurious (was the) bed

　豪華すぎる服を着た人達。 >> too luxurious (were the) clothes the people wore

　豪華すぎる部屋。 >> too luxurious (was the) room.

　自分がこんな豪華すぎる所にいる理由がわからなかった。

I was just doing a line-by-line and trying to keep it looking similar. Honestly it looks better just making it grammatically pleasant. He does this a few times, once at the beginning involving the demon attack, and a bit further on when talking about the 'genius boy' Rudeus. So, if you wish to polish those up, it's more than welcomed. --Skui

To be honest, I think the repetition was placed there purposely since it reads off like a list. Comparing

"The bed is too luxurious.

The people's clothes are too luxurious.

The room is too luxurious.

I don't know why I'm in such an amazing, luxurious place."

with

"The bed, the peoples' clothing, and the room were all too luxurious. I don't know why I'm in such an amazing, luxurious place."

You can see amount of emphasis placed the notion of luxury primarily because it is repeated so many times. The latter condenses it, so it loses a bit of that feeling.

This is just my take on it though. --Sarnik (talk) 11:53, 31 July 2014 (CDT)

Fittoa Territory, Fedoa Region and Fitts name

It appears that "Fitts" is the name Silphy was given because she hails from the "Fittoa Territory". Since we have been using "Fedoa Region" until now, wouldn't be more approriate to adapt the name too? Not sure what it would be... maybe Fed or Feds? (I know it sounds silly and like a reference to FBI agents... but Fitts doesn't sound much better either) Stealth (talk) 10:31, 1 August 2014 (CDT)