Talk:Kokoro Connect:Volume 1 Chapter 1

Editing

Regarding the description of Iori's hair:

her thin smooth hair that was as fine as silk didn't seem to have any substance to it

I think I understand what you were trying to get at here. "Persistence" and "insistence" are just odd words, so I changed it to "substance" Unkani 02:12, 7 August 2012 (CDT)

If you're changing <Bunken News> to <Bunken Bews>, don't forget the other chapters. This change seems particularly odd though. Unkani (talk) 16:28, 30 August 2012 (CDT)

Okay, changed back to «Bunken News»; at first I just wanted to add the '«' '»', but at the end I messed up with the name. Pudding321 19:22, 30 August 2012 (CDT)

I've slept very little the past couple of days but it seems that the phrasing needs to be rearranged or sentences checked for consistency of tenses at times. E.g. Do we say the face 'is supple' or 'was supple'? Sacrosanct seems a little out of place but I'm gonna assume it's going with the tl. Also, I'm not sure if the person who put it there knows what 'notwithstanding' means.

Shining of glee, a smiling face brought forth some warm wind and light into the room. It was just that person standing there smiling.  Notwithstanding, it brought the feeling that the flower-and-blossom blooming of spring had arrived. 

Were the wind and light an illusion born from her smile/radiance or were they literally there? I think the sentence implies the former heavier. Notwithstanding what? And again, was the feeling of spring from the character or from the wind? I'm removing 'notwithstanding' for now. Perhaps there was something missing from the tl. I also don't think those hyphens should be there. Might be wrong, though /sleepdeprived. Oh, and I felt that commonplace felt out of place there. perhaps I just don't like that word, though. MatrixM (talk) 07:54, 29 October 2013 (CDT)

Aoki's hair was somewhat long and curled. He always had an adorable (if negative that is light-hearted ) smile. He gave the impression that he was lazy but easy to talk to (this, the same, if negative, is frivolous). He was also tall and thin, having the figure of a literature teenager.

(comments weren't mine but are good ones). I think it DOES mean 'bookish'. Pretty sure it's just a problem of direct translation. Was 'negative' here supposed to be something like 'weak'?

"Ohoh, straight strike to the head with a hand chop."

Changing this to make it more obviously a tsukkomi thing might be a good idea. MatrixM (talk) 08:57, 29 October 2013 (CDT)