Talk:Horizon:Volume 1 Prologue

Liberal Editting or not

Well then, i've taken a look at the first few paragraphs, and I've found that what's there right now is something along the lines of a literal translation correct? Seeing as how it's so descriptive I'm wondering whether you would prefer the editting to be something that sometimes changes the entire sentence or adds different words to convey the same 'feeling' as the original Japanese. Of course I have absolutely no idea how to read Japanese, so the edits i'll be doing will be according to what i read in the translation and then using that as a basis for what I'm about to do. Here are a couple of examples:

Original
A clear morning sky. In the blue floated two pale white moons, and below the clear air, waves of dark green mountain gorges overlapped, reaching far.
'Edited' ver.
A clear morning sky. Beyond the azure floated two pale white moons, and below lay waves of dark green mountain gorges, overlapping into the distance.
Original
And, another one was the waves. In the sky, waves ran. Lines, not of clouds, but where the surf broke were many, stretching out toward the sky, outlining the character [八].
'Edited' ver.
The second were the waves. Abound in the sky, waves ran. Lines, not of clouds but caused by the breaking of the surf, were prevalent, stretching out through the sky outlining the character [八].
Skarlath 23:55, 2 December 2011 (CST)

I'm completely fine with that; literal translations hardly ever sound good anyway. The only thing I might have a little bit of an issue about is the use of the word 'prevalent'. Other than that, it'd be awesome if you could do that for everything. If you're unsure about something, you can always contact me on my talk page, (I probably won't check the discussions unless you specifically point me towards it.) If I find something that I'm unhappy about, (I probably won't,) I'll let you know. I can't speak for the other translators, of course, but I'm very happy with those edits.

Thanks for taking the time to do this, my English drops to a pre-school level when I'm translating. -YoakeNoHikari 09:12, 3 December 2011 (CST)

One more thing, it'd probably be better to wait for the assent of the other translators before editing the chapters they translate; you can find out who translates what in the registration page. Also, please don't worry about breaking up the literal translation. I try my best to keep the author's writing style prevalent (hah) in the translation, but Japanese and English are different enough languages that things come out very distorted. If you're able to even preserve the slightest aftertaste of the author's intent, I'll love you forever. If you can't, don't worry about it. -YoakeNoHikari 09:22, 3 December 2011 (CST)

So here's some lines I have trouble understanding: At the habitable high-skies <- Does this mean a certain area of the sky is habitable or does it mean something else? Fufufu, it's all right, my make-up was done... <- The entire sentence. Is it saying that Kimi reserves the morning for her to put on make-up? Margot...not that name, you know... and The Nakamura-san three over named <- both these paragraphs make zero sense to me, sorry. I'll definitely need clarification for these. Within Oriotorai's vision, its owner looking <- By 'owner' does it mean Oriotorai, or does it mean someone else? and with that, they committed. <- Committed to what? More to come once I get to editing them. I lost about a couple of hours work just then, so it'll be a while before you see another edit update... Skarlath 00:15, 9 December 2011 (CST)