Talk:Horizon:Volume 1 Prologue

Liberal Editting or not

Well then, i've taken a look at the first few paragraphs, and I've found that what's there right now is something along the lines of a literal translation correct? Seeing as how it's so descriptive I'm wondering whether you would prefer the editting to be something that sometimes changes the entire sentence or adds different words to convey the same 'feeling' as the original Japanese. Of course I have absolutely no idea how to read Japanese, so the edits i'll be doing will be according to what i read in the translation and then using that as a basis for what I'm about to do. Here are a couple of examples:

Original
A clear morning sky. In the blue floated two pale white moons, and below the clear air, waves of dark green mountain gorges overlapped, reaching far.
'Edited' ver.
A clear morning sky. Beyond the azure floated two pale white moons, and below lay waves of dark green mountain gorges, overlapping into the distance.
Original
And, another one was the waves. In the sky, waves ran. Lines, not of clouds, but where the surf broke were many, stretching out toward the sky, outlining the character [八].
'Edited' ver.
The second were the waves. Abound in the sky, waves ran. Lines, not of clouds but caused by the breaking of the surf, were prevalent, stretching out through the sky outlining the character [八].
Skarlath 23:55, 2 December 2011 (CST)