Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume3 The Boredom of Suzumiya Haruhi
What had been a quiet day in the headquarters of the "Save the world by Overloading it with fun: Suzumiya Haruki's Brigade," or “SOS Brigade” for short (in reality, the Literature Clubroom), was interrupted when Suzumiya Haruki suddenly burst into the room and announced with the enthusiasm of a baseball team captain who drew the first seed at Koushien:
"Good news, everyone! I entered us into a baseball tournament!"
It was after school one day in June, and it had been two weeks since my 'nightmare'. Since then, I had been unable to concentrate on my studies, and now my test results were becoming a real life nightmare. And although Haruki didn’t seem like he ever paid attention in class, his results made it into the top 10. If God truly does exist, I personally believe that he’s really just a mischievous man with a terrible sense of humor.
Well, that doesn’t matter at the moment… Right now, I'm more concerned with Haruki’s sudden announcement. What the hell is he talking about?
I looked around at the three other people in the room.
The first that caught my eye was Asahina-senpai, his face as innocent as a grade school student. If he had white fluffy wings, he would look like a cute little angel on his way back to heaven. His face and small body suit him, in a way.
For reasons I'm not entirely comfortable talking about, Asahina-senpai was the only person in the room not wearing his high school uniform. Instead, he was wearing a butler uniform. With his cute lips half opened, he looked intently at Haruki. He isn't a domestic servant or some costume-wearing weirdo, but is just following the insane instructions of Haruki, who must have found this costume online again. He keeps bringing in weird clothes and making poor Asahina-senpai wear them. If someone saw him now, I’m sure they’d ask: "Why is he wearing those strange clothes?"
And Haruki would reply: "It's his new class feature from gaining a level!" That is when most sane people would look in the other direction and walk away.
Haruki had instructed Asahina-senpai, "You must wear this costume whenever you're in this room, always! It's your latest award for your slowly increasing manliness!" Asahina-senpai would resist with "But, but..." Even so Asahina would always end up obediently following Haruki’s order with tears in his eyes. He looked so adorable that sometimes I just wanted to run away with him, but so far I've managed to control myself.
By the way, just for your information, two weeks ago his standard attire was a maid costume, but right now, it’s hanging on the clothes rack, thank god.I wouldn’t mind seeing it again, but I’m afraid we might start attracting the wrong sort of people.
After hearing Haruki’s announcement about the baseball tournament, Asahina-senpai the butler made his comment: "Um..."
He made a sound as sweet as a canary, then stopped. A reaction like that is pretty typical of him.
I turned my gaze to the other boy in the room.
His presence, compared to Asahina-senpai, was like that of a thin cabbage to a sunflower. Nagato Yuuki, tall and skinny was. as always, indifferent to his surroundings as his attention was fixed on an open hardback book.
About every ten seconds, he'd flip the pages with his fingers, the only sign that he was still among the living. A parrot would have a bigger vocabulary than he does, and a hibernating groundhog would be more active.
As his presence doesn’t really make much of a difference, there's not much need to describe him in detail. If I have to make a brief description, though, then he's a first year student, like Haruki and me, and is the sole member of the Literature Club - the original occupant of this room. So in other words, our club, the SOS Brigade, is borrowing the use of this room from the Literature Club. To be more precise, we have taken over this room like parasites. Of course, the school has yet to approve of this, since our application to form a club has been completely ignored by the student council.
"......"
I turned my gaze away from Nagato's expressionless face, and saw Koizumi Itsuko’s pretty face, a smile almost permanently planted on. If you ask me, her opinions are the least important out of the three. This Mysterious Transfer Student - according to Haruki, anyway - brushed aside her bangs, her smile widening. As our eyes met, she shrugged her shoulders meaninglessly, furthering my irritation of her.
"What did you say you entered us in?" As no one else was going to say anything, I, as always, replied on behalf of the group. Since when did I become the communication relay between Haruki and the rest of the world? Nothing could possibly be as annoying as this duty...
"This."
Haruki gave me a flyer cheerfully. I took a glance at Asahina-senpai, who had bad memories with flyers, and saw him backing away trembling. I read out the words on the piece of paper.
"The Ninth City Amateur Baseball Tournament."
It was probably a tournament to decide which baseball team was the best in the city. It was organized by the city council, and seemed to have some history, being held every year.
"Hmm..." As I raised my head, Haruki’s huge one-hundred percent smile almost blinded me. I moved backwards half a step involuntarily.
"So, who's entering this grass-lot baseball tournament?" Although I already knew the answer, I still decided to ask.
"We are, of course!" Haruki said firmly.
"When you say 'we', does that include me, Asahina-senpai, Nagato, and Itsuko?"
"Who else?"
"Maybe you could have asked for our consent first...?"
"We'll need to find four more people."
Of course, the moron only hears the things he wants to hear. I suddenly thought of something. "Haruki, do you even know the rules for baseball?"
"Eh, more or less. It just involves pitching, catching, base running, sliding and blocking. I joined the baseball team for a bit, so I know the basics."
"A bit? Exactly how long did you join them for?"
"Just under an hour. It was dead boring so I left."
If baseball was so boring, then why join a baseball tournament? And why are we participating as well?
Faced with my natural question, Haruki replied, like so: "This is a great chance to leave my mark on the world! If the SOS Brigade wins this tournament, we could become famous overnight! It's the perfect opportunity!"
Okay, first of all, I don't want the name of this Brigade being spread even further. Second, so what if the SOS Brigade becomes famous overnight? How will that change anything? And what do you mean by a 'perfect opportunity'?
I didn’t have any clue what to say, and Asahina-senpai looked stunned as well. Itsuko mumbled, "So, that's how it is," without looking concerned. As for Nagato, was he troubled by it at all? He probably hadn't even heard what was being said, as he remained as still as a clay statue, his face remaining as blank as ever.
Faced with Haruki’s sudden question, Asahina-senpai seemed confused, "Huh? But... But..."
"Well?" Like a crocodile ambushing a little deer drinking water at the lake, Haruki moved behind Asahina-senpai, who was about to stand up, and grabbed him by the shoulder, perhaps a little too firmly.
"Kyaa! Ge... Get off of me!"
"Listen up, Mitsuuru-kun! In this brigade, the orders of the commander are absolute. Insubordination is a serious offense, punishable by hanging! All opinions will be handled during the meeting!"
Meeting? Does he mean those meetings which he holds whenever he feels like stuffing weird ideas down our throats?
Haruki continued talking as Asahina-senpai struggled against his python-like grip. "Doesn't baseball sound like so much fun? Just so you all know, our goal is to win this tournament! Not a single defeat will be accepted! Not one! Because. I. Hate. Losing!"
"Wah..." Asahina-senpai squealed as Haruki rubbed his knuckles into Asahina-senpai’s head.
"So, any problems?" asked Haruki. Like it would matter if we had any. You never intend to listen to them anyway.
"I don't see why not." said Itsuko, her teeth a perfect white.
Hey! Don’t just agree like that! How about objecting every once in a while?
"Excellent! Then I'll go skillfully ‘acquire’ equipment from the Baseball Team!"
Haruki bolted out of the clubroom with the force of a small tornado. Asahina-senpai, finally free of Haruki's grasp, slumped onto the floor, exhausted.
Itsuko decided to express her thoughts. "Well, we're lucky that he's not starting a war to capture aliens or planning a trip in search of Unidentified Mysterious Animals. Baseball has nothing to do with the terrifying paranormal phenomena which we fear most, right?"
"Yeah, makes sense." I've decided to agree with her reasoning for now. No matter how insane Haruki is, at least he didn't ask to go searching for aliens, time travelers and espers. If that was the case, instead of wandering around the city searching for supernatural occurrences, a task that was nearly impossible (this, by the way, happened to be the main activity of the SOS Brigade), we might as well play a game of baseball. Besides, even poor Asahina-senpai was nodding his head in agreement.
However, our speculations were wide off the mark. Not only did they miss their target, the arrows fired by Haruki had shot through the ceiling and flown straight off into the sun. I only learned of this a little later, though.
At any rate, (I thought to myself), even if it's not baseball, anything that could attract attention would do for him. The SOS Brigade, which Haruki continued to carry the banner for, not only has an incredibly stupid name, it's not even a real club, not to mention it's not recognized by the school. It was only created because he felt like it.
The official name, "Save the world by Overloading it with Fun: Suzumiya Haruki's Brigade," is not only long and condescending, it just sounds abstractly absurd. After my suggestion to shorten the name got cruelly rejected, I hadn't been able to find a chance to change its name.
I once asked Haruki just what kind of activities this club would be involved in. Haruki replied with the face of a soldier who had just cut off the head of the enemy general:
"To find aliens, time travelers, and espers, and hang out with them!"
This was the famous quote by the eccentric Suzumiya Haruki, well-known around school since the beginning of the year, and has been associated with sheer weirdness ever since. This was just like crows searching for glowing objects, cats leaping at any small rolling object, and a housewife rushing for the insecticide when she sees a cockroach in the kitchen. Once Haruki sees something that interests him, be it dodgeball, netball or cricket, he'd probably yell loudly, "I want to do that!" Maybe I should be grateful we aren't playing rugby, since we would need to find more people to make up the numbers.
In any case, to put it simply...
Haruki was just feeling bored.
I had no idea what Haruki had been doing, but when he returned he was completely empty-handed.
“Um, what happened to the baseball equipment?” I asked.
Haruki chuckled awkwardly. “Well, let's not talk about that now... the match is coming up, so we had better practice! Practice!”
Don't we need equipment to do that, Haruki? "And when is this match?"
"This Sunday."
"That's the day after tomorrow!! Isn't that way too soon!?"
"Eh, I already registered. Oh, but don't worry, I’ve already thought up of our team name, 'The SOS Brigade'."
This idiot... "...So where are you going to find the other team members?"
"We'll just grab anyone who looks like they need something to do."
...Are you serious?
With one exception, anyone targeted by Haruki never turns out to be normal. That rare exception would be me, and I had no intention on getting acquainted with even more mysterious people.
"Look, just... you stay put.” I said. “I'll take care of choosing the team. First..."
I thought of the guys in Class 1-5... and realized the only one I ever talked to was Haruki. Putting aside this depressing thought, I thought of the other girls... The only ones who would do me a favor like this... That'd be Taniguchi and Kunikida, I guess.
Hearing my suggestion, Haruki replied with, "Those'll do."
He seems to treat his classmates as mere objects.
"It's better than none."
Anyone else would probably flee at the mention of Suzumiya Haruki's name. Now, where to find the other two players?
"Excuse me," Asahina-senpai politely raised his arm and said, "If it's possible for my friend..."
"Bring him." Haruki responded immediately. Looks like anyone was fine.
Maybe for you it doesn't matter who it is, but I was concerned. Asahina-senpai's friend? When and where did he make this friend?
Asahina-senpai must have noticed my concerned look, because he said "It's fine. This person...is a friend I've met in class."
At this moment, Itsuko spoke up as well. "In that case, maybe I should bring a friend too? Actually, I know someone who's interested in our club..."
I shut her up before she could finish. There's no need to bring your girlfriends over, they're going to be total freaks anyway.
"I'll think of someone." If there was no selection criteria, then there is someone I know who would be very interested in playing baseball with us.
Haruki nodded his head as he looked out the window, pleased. "Then let us begin our training! We start now!"
“Haruki, I already said this. We need equipment to play baseball, equipment that we don't have!” I waved around the flyer. “Besides, this is a softball tournament. Even if you could find baseball equipment, it'd be useless!”
“Which is exactly why I have formulated my new plan.”
“What plan?”
In answer, Haruki pointed out the window at the track field.
Do your best! The sound of the Girl's Softball Team yelling their slogan could be heard outside the window.
I know it's awkward to suddenly change the subject like this, (I'm sorry) but I have to let you know. Besides myself, the other four people gathered here in this room, for several reasons, are not normal in any sense of the word. The only person who isn't aware of this... is Haruki.
The other three have all willingly revealed their identities to me, and, apparently, 'hope that I would understand'. If I hadn’t come to an understanding, then the three of them would have been as incomprehensible as objects revolving beyond the orbit of Pluto. However, since the end of last month, I've gone through... certain experiences that have led me to believe that they might be telling the truth. I didn't want to know the truth, but ever since I was forced into Haruki's stupid club, I don't think that small wish of mine has ever been granted.
And sadly, the reason Asahina-senpai, Nagato, and Itsuko attended this school was all because of Haruki, whom they all seem to hold a particular interest in.
To me, he was just a hyperactive idiot with too much time on his hands, but I was the only one in the club who thought that way.
But I can guarantee that it wasn't me that was going crazy.
It was the whole world that was going crazy.
Thanks to the events I mentioned above, I was now standing in the dusty track field with the other out-of-this-world members of the brigade.
We were currently facing the Softball Team, who looked stunned at the sudden arrival of a mysterious club, all of us dressed in normal school uniforms, with the exception of one butler. I’m sure it was very strange for all of them.
Not to mention the tall boy who appeared to be the leader of the club had started yelling at them.
“...And that's the story! So, let us use your equipment and the field!” yelled Haruki.
“Um...” The captain of the Softball Team raised her hand. “You didn't tell us any 'story'. You just walked over here and said that.”
“Exactly!” exclaimed Haruki, whose voice was so loud that it could rouse the dead. “So, I propose a trade!”
He grabbed Asahina-senpai and shoved him in front of the softball team captain.
“One, high-quality butler for your softball equipment! Sure, he still needs a bit of house training, but soon he'll be accustomed to all your needs, whatever they may be!”
The softball team just stared at us in sheer disbelief. As I bore their pitiful gazes, I recognized one as a former classmate of mine. Great, now my reputation is going to be even more ruined.
I walked up to Haruki and touched his arm.
“Hmm? What is it? Can't you see I'm trying to conduct a business transaction here?”
I averted my gaze. “Please, just... let me deal with this... So stop, okay...?”
“H-huh?” Haruki sounded a bit shocked as he let go of Asahina-senpai. “Well, I guess if you think you have something better to offer than this, then go ahead, but...”
Ignoring him, I went up to my old classmate.
“Please,” I said. “Can I talk to you alone about this?”
Two minutes later, behind the storage shed...
“What's up, Kyon-chan?”
Please stop calling me that.
“I mean I knew you were weird, but I never thought I'd see you hanging out with Suzumiya Haruki...”
...Exactly how far has his notoriety reached? “Look, can you guys just play along and let us practice? He signed us up for a tournament the day after tomorrow and we're totally unprepared... He won't listen to me, and there's nothing we can do to stop him, so please, please, please let us use the track field and your equipment to practice...”
My former classmate looked thoughtful. “I dunno... it’s not that big of a deal, but we do have a game next week, so we have to get ready, and I don't even know if the captain would listen to me...”
Fortunately, I have a secret weapon. “If you let us do this, I can personally promise you that Haruki will never come near any of the members of the softball team ever again.”
Another two minutes later...
“I got us what you wanted.”
“Wow! That was fast! I wonder what kind of methods you had to use…”
“...” I kicked Haruki in the shin.
And so our rigorous training for a baseball tournament we never wanted to enter began.
"Let's start with a thousand hits!"
Haruki then proceeded to toss up a pile of baseballs and smash each one at the rest of the SOS brigade, who had been forced to stand in a line at the pitcher mound with only a mitt like a trio of prisoners to be executed by firing squad.
"Gaah!" Asahina-senpai immediately cried out, dropping to his knees and covering his head with his glove. Looking at his cowering form, I had no choice but to try and protect him. And each of Haruki's strikes had a killing instinct in them, so catching them became a matter of life-and-death. No matter what he does, he always goes all out.
Itsuko was wearing her usual grin. "Hmm, I haven't played like this since I was little. Makes me feel so nostalgic..." She casually dodged Haruki's wild pitches, flashing me a perfect, snow white smile.
If you have so much energy, why don't help me protect Asahina-senpai!?
I turned to Nagato and saw him standing very still, facing Haruki. He just stood there, completely ignoring the balls flying in his direction, not moving even when the ball grazed past his ear by a few centimeters. Occasionally, he would slowly move his gloved left hand, like a remote-controlled robot, and catch the balls aimed directly at him, then slowly put his hand down again.
Um, Nagato-san? Maybe you ought to move around a bit more... or should I be complimenting you on your good eyes instead?
Or maybe I shouldn't be paying attention to other people, as a ball skipped past my glove and under my legs, and hit Asahina-senpai in the knees. Crap, that was careless of me.
"Oww!" Asahina-senpai the butler yelled, "It hurts......"
He started to sob. I can't just stand by and let this happen.
"I'll be counting on you two!" After saying that to Itsuko and Nagato, I shielded poor Asahina-senpai and brought him out of the line of fire.
Haruki's complaints sailed across the diamond. "Oi! Where're you two going? Kyon! Mitsuuru-kun! Get back here!"
"He needs medical treatment!"
“The hell?! Those are softballs! How do you expect him to turn into a manly man if you're always babying him!?”
He has a point, but Asahina-senpai does seem to be in real pain. I raised my hand in farewell and ignored Haruki's protests.
“Hey, I'm not done yet! Bring him back here! It’s all a part of the secret formula to winning, which is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will, five percent pleasure, and fifty percent pain! Did you hear that? FIFTY PERCENT PAIN!”
Pretending I didn't hear Haruki's strange outbursts, I brought Asahina-senpai to the nurse's office.
Asahina-senpai covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing off his tears as he walked shoulder to shoulder with me on the corridor. It was only then that he realized that he was leaning on me.
"Waaaagh!" He shrieked in shock, and leapt away while looking at me with slightly reddened cheeks.
"Kyon-nee-chan, you can't,” he said. “If you get too close to me... It'll happen again..."
He's said something like this before, but I have no idea what he's talking about.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Asahina-senpai, you can go home now. I'll tell Haruki that the injury on your leg will take a couple days to heal."
"But... there's no way he's going to believe that..."
I shook my hand. "Don't worry. It’s his fault anyways."
Asahina-senpai lowered his head and glanced at me, his eyes still teary. Aggh, is he really a high school student? He’s too cute...
"Thanks, Kyon-nee-chan." After Asahina-senpai gave me a smile so adorable I practically died, he turned his back to me as though feeling ashamed, and walked away.
When I returned to the field, the batting practice was still in progress. What surprised me was that the members of the Softball Team were now in defense, while Itsuko and Nagato watched outside the field.
When Itsuko saw me, she smiled happily. "Oh, you've returned?"
"What's he up to now?" I asked.
"As you can see, it seems he wasn't satisfied with our performance. He's been like that since you left."
He was simply incredible. Every ball he hit flew to the direction that he had intended.
The three of us had nothing to do apart from observing Haruki's astounding swing. Eventually, that mentally insane idiot finally put down his bat and wiped his sweat while looking as satisfied as a Cheshire cat.
"He's really amazing. He actually managed to get a thousand hits." said Itsuko cheerfully.
"What's really amazing is that you actually bothered to count."
"......" Nagato turned away silently. I decided to follow suit.
"Um, hey," I suggested to the willowy student in front of me. "Could you make it rain on the day of the match? A big storm, one that would force the match to be canceled..."
"It is not impossible." Nagato answered plainly, while continuing to walk, "But it is not recommended."
"Why's that?"
"Partial data alteration of the environment would result in side-effects in the planet's ecosystem."
"Side-effects? For how long?"
"A few centuries to ten thousand years."
Now that's a long time. "Then it's better not to do it, right?"
"Indeed." Nagato nodded his head forward about five centimeters, then continued to walk forward without stopping.
I turned around and saw Haruki standing on the pitcher's mound, preparing to pitch.
Two days later. Sunday. 8.00 A.M. Sharp. (Be there, or it's the death penalty!)
We were gathered at the Municipal Sports Center, where there were two baseball fields adjacent to the athletic track field. The tournament would be a series of five-inning games, and would take two weeks to complete. The semi-finalists were to be decided by tonight, with the semi-finals and final being played next Sunday. Only our team was dressed in something besides the standard baseball uniform; instead, we were standing out in our school track suits. And this is a bit off-topic, but this was the first time I've seen Nagato wear something else besides his school uniform.)
I keed, I keed, I’m just trolling.
Also there is no translation error, a five-inning a game means there are five switches between offense and defense, rather than say a nine-inning game where there would be nine switches. So when it says “two weeks” it means the tournament in total would take two weeks.]
I later learned that this grasslot softball tournament had quite some history behind it, as this was the ninth installment, and it looked like a pretty prestigious tournament. Because of this, I really wished the organizers would reject Haruki's application when he handed it in.
Oh, and I guess this is worth mentioning, too. After giving Taniguchi and Kunikida a call, the two of them agreed to come right away. Taniguchi was only interested in seeing Nagato and Asahina, while Kunikida said, 'This sounds like fun' and decided to come as well. I'm really glad that they're both so simple-minded. It's so nice to have friends you can count on.
The person Asahina-senpai brought to help was a male upperclassman called Tsuruya. He was nearly as tall as Haruki, and was wearing a huge grin. He also seemed to be a cheerful and energetic person because when he saw me he clapped me on the shoulder and said,
"So you're Kyon-chan, eh? Mitsuuru's always talking about you. Hmm..."
He studied me from top to bottom before nodding approvingly...
For some reason, Asahina-senpai flushed and looked away nervously at his friend's comment. Um, Asahina-senpai, just what did you say about me?
At this moment, the last player that I brought was now facing off with Haruki.
Haruki stared for a moment before marching towards me. "Kyon, come over here. We need to talk." Haruki took me by the arm towards the side of the organizer's tent.
"Exactly what were you on? Look at that thing, you're actually going to let him play softball?"
What do you mean 'that thing?' Isn't that a bit rude, Haruki? He may be 'a thing,' (and very annoying) but he's still my brother.
"He even came up to me and introduced himself, saying how he's the best in fifth grade at sports and how he's here to “kick ass and chew bubble gum”. He's way too cool to be your little brother. Wait, no, that's not my point. Look, it would have been fine if he were playing in the Little League, but this is a softball tournament for the big kids!"
I didn't just bring my brother without thinking, you know. This was all part of my master plan.
I had thought, 'Why on Earth do I want to get up on Sunday morning just to do some exercise?'
I never volunteered for this, but it was inevitable that things have developed to their current state. If that was going to be the case, it was only natural for me to at least want this tournament, which I have no interest in, to be over as quickly as possible. It would be perfect if we lost quickly so everyone can go home and go back to sleep. Even without my brother, (who, by the way, is the worst in his class in gym) with such a rag-tag group, we'll definitely lose our first game.
However, the leader of this team is none other than the Incredible Suzumiya Haruki. If we accidentally won, it would create a chain of ever more troublesome events, and this was why I had to inject a factor that would ensure our loss. If I brought some amateur little kid in, there's no way in hell we'd win.
Of course, I couldn't let Haruki know about my plan.
"Eh, forget it." Haruki grunted and turned around. "We'll let them win one inning. It won't be fun if we win too much."
I really have no idea where he gets this confidence.
"We still haven't decided on the fielding positions and batting order yet.” I said, “What do you have in mind?"
"I've already thought of that." Haruki's face glowed with his usual smug grin, as he took out a piece of paper from his track suit pocket. As he left till today to decide on the positions, I have no idea what criteria he's going to use to decide who plays where.
"I decided to use this. No one's gonna disagree, right?"
There were two pieces of paper. Each piece was criss-crossed with eight lines. Am I seeing things? It looks like one of those ladder-tracing lottery games...
"You're surprised? Of course it's a lottery. I split the lottery into two, one for batting and one for fielding positions. I'm the pitcher and first batter, by the way."
"So you've decided on this method instead?"
"Eh, what's with that look of yours? You got a problem? This is the most democratic way. Ancient Greek leaders were chosen by ladder-tracing as well, ya know."
Stop comparing the political system of Ancient Greece with the selection method of a modern Japanese baseball team, Haruki. Besides, you only decided this on a whim. Just how is that democratic, exactly?
...Forget it. This way, we could lose quickly. According to the tournament rules, the game would end if the score difference between the teams was more than ten runs, and I think I should start preparing to head home now, since our first opponent was a top team with the best defense in the tournament for the past three years.
The Kamigahara Ninjas.
Let me announce the batting a fielding positions of "Suzumiya Haruki's SOS Brigade Baseball Team (Of Legends)", decided entirely by the God of Lottery, that is to say, by chance.
First batter, second baseman: Me. Second batter, center fielder: Nagato Yuuki. Third batter, right fielder: Asahina Mitsuuru. Fourth batter, pitcher: Suzumiya Haruki. Fifth batter, left fielder: My brother. Sixth batter, catcher: Koizumi Itsuko. Seventh batter, first baseman: Kunikida. Eighth batter, third baseman: Tsuruya-san. Ninth batter, shortstop: Taniguchi.
Why am I up first!?
That's the line-up of our team. No substitutes, no managers. Not even any cheereleaders.
Man, what a sad baseball team.
After both the teams had paid their respects to one another, Haruki grinned at me and jerked his head towards the batter's box. Regretfully, I had to comply with his 'order'. Since we had completely forgotton the existance of helmets, we had to borrow some second-hand white helmets from the Organizing Committee. If there was anything that truly belonged to us, it would have to be the nine obnoxiously yellow loudspeakers that Haruhi had obtained.
The opposing pitcher, a tall girl with blonde hair, smiled at me in a way that chillingly reminded me Haruki. I just gritted my teeth and waiting, bat raised.
When the umpire yelled, "Play Ball!", the girl stretched her arm back and hurled the ball straight at me.
I didn't swing. So that made it a strike.
...that was scary. That ball was fast. It sliced through the air, making a high-pitched whizzing noise - I had no idea what speed it was really travelling at, but it moved way faster than I could blink. In fact, the second it left the pitcher's hand, it seemed to me that it had already landed in the catcher's glove.
What in the name of- this is baseball? I knew we were never going to win, but this is - this is just insane!
The second pitch. The ball curved. I guess this is a 'curveball'? If I had ignored it, it would have been a what-do-you-call-it, a 'ball', but my instinct went off and I took a swipe at it.
So you can guess how things went from here. I didn't unlock any eleventh-hour superpowers, so I was declared 'out'. As I passed Haruki as I stamped back towards the bench, he gave me a thumbs up in congratulations for my failure.
"Good job out there, Kyon! Don't worry about it, baseball isn't a girl's sport anyway. Leave it to us men," he said, puffing out his chest like a jiggabird, "we'll show you how it's done."
I kicked him in the shin again.
The second batter up was Nagato, who walked silently to the batter's box, dragging the tip of the aluminum bat on the ground. Back on the bench, my little brother slid over towards me with his usual evil grin. Why does everyone keep making that face at me today?
“Hey, hey, Kyon-chan. That guy who's up to bat, wasn't he the guy who walked you home once? Isn't he your boyfmmph!”
Damnit! Not in front of Haruki, or anything could happen! I'll buy you a month's supply of sweet sugary treats if you just shut your trap, so please, please, please be quiet!
Back at home base...
"..."
Nagato simply ignored all the balls being pitched his way, and was therefore struck out near-instantly. He silently returned to the bench, took off his helmet and handed the bat to the next batter – Asahina-senpai.
Haruki looked absolutely dumbfounded. “Yuuki, what was... what was that!? You call that batting!? You're supposed to hit the ball!”
"..."
“Look, just... nevermind. Mitsuuru-kun!” Haruki yelled, throwing one of his arms around Asahina-senpai, who squealed.
“Gyaa! Don't hurt me!”
“Listen up, Mitsuuru-kun. You're our only hope. The only person we can rely on.” Haruki pronounced, quite seriously.
“S, Suzumiya-san, I really don't...”
“You understand? This is something that only you can do.”
And so, our third batter, Asahina-senpai, wearing a wide helmet that barely fit his small head, walked hesitantly towards the batter's box.
"M-may the best wi...... Gyaa!"
Before he could finish, a high angled straight ball came shooting his way... straight into his gut. Asahina-senpai immediately doubled over in pain, as the pitcher began to apologise profusely - "Whoops, my bad. Man, are you okay?". I could see she didn't mean it though, a slight smirk just visible on her face. That bitch! How dare she hurt Asahina-Senpai! Maybe I should figure out Haruki's policy on hitting girls...
“Suck it up, Mitsuuru-kun!”
....though he doesn't appear to care at all.
The umpire ruled it a foul, but after he stood up, Asahina-senpai just stood as stiff and as still as a Buddha statute, and only trembled silently as all three pitches flew past him. When the umpire announced that he had struck out, he breathed a sigh of relief and returned to the bench.
"I'm so disappointed in you, Mitsuuru-kun. You were our only hope." Haruki grumbled, as Asahina-senpai plopped down. Haruki's complaints are nothing, though; what's important was that Asahina-san was safe.
And so it ended with three consecutive strike outs, and both sides had to switch positions.
Not even a single hit. This was so embarrassing.
To be brutally honest with you, our defense had more holes than you would find in a tropical savanna ant hill. The outfield defense was especially ridiculous. As I learned in our pre-match warm-up, neither our right-fielder Asahina-senpai nor our right fielder my lying brother can actually catch a ball. So when the ball flew to the right side of the field, it had to be retrieved by me, the second baseman; when it flew to the left field, Taniguchi the short stop would have to run for her life to retrieve the ball.
Whenever Asahina-senpai sees the ball flying towards him, he'd collapse, curl up on the ground and start muttering something about “high hopes”, so we can't expect him to do any actual defending. As for my brother, he'd certainly chase after the ball energetically, but the ball would always land three feet away from where he was standing, so he isn't of much help either.
Nagato the center fielder was flawless when catching the ball, but he only reacted to the ones that that flew within his immediate range, and his reaction time was just dead slow. If a line drive rocketed straight past him, our opponent might as well have scored a run already.
God, our team sucks. Might as well hurry up and lose so we can go home already. That wouldn't be too bad, actually.
"C'mon! Bring it on, women!" Haruki, the only one with any enthusiasm, walked enthusiastically towards the pitcher's mound. (The gloves, shin guards and chest protector for our catcher Itsuko were, of course, all borrowed.)
Our opponent's first batter bowed to the organizers, then headed to the batter's box.
Haruki wound up his arm in an exaggerated fashion, slung his arm, and made his first pitch.
Strike.
It was a really good pitch, I'm not sure why, perhaps the angle, speed or control of the ball. Either way, the ball landed right in the center of the strike zone, with so much power behind it that the batter didn't even have a chance to swing his bat.
Of course, the SOS Brigade members, myself included, weren't surprised by this at all. If this guy were to be suddenly called up to join the Japanese National Soccer Team, I'd think we wouldn't be too suprised about it. There's nothing that's impossible for Haruki - sportswise, anyway.
It wasn't easy for the opponent's first batter. She couldn't swing her bat for two consecutive strikes, and only managed to react for the third pitch, but still struck out. The third pitch seemed like one of those change up balls that curves slightly when entering the strike zone, as unpredictable as Haruki's personality.
The second batter listened to the suggestions of the first batter (who, as I said, never managed a hit), and tried to bunt. Yet she hit the ball outside the foul line twice and missed the third pitch, so she, too, struck out.
“Hahaha! You see?” Haruki shouted happily over towards second base. “These wenches stand no chance against the might of Suzumiya!”
Seeing how the situation was beginning to change, I was beginning to feel uneasy. Both teams weren't going to drag on like this till the last inning, were they? Also, it looks like Haruki's incredibly sexist comments are beginning to get to them... they were certainly getting to me.
So, as expected from their clean-up, the third batter managed to make a direct hit on Haruki's powerful fastball. If you keep pitching fastballs, Haruki, it's only a matter of time before one gets hit...
The ball hurtled past Nagato's head, who remained rooted to the ground there, and disappeared into the distance. With the look of Agamemnon who had just been betrayed by his wife, Haruki glared furiously at the third batter who had just hit a home run.
Anyway, as a result, we were now one run behind.
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