Mushi:Vol4 Finale

Finale: Unable to Save Based on Love Alone

An uncomfortable feeling lingered at his fingertips after he killed Long-Armed Demon.

No matter how many times he wiped away the blood, no matter how he altered the form of his hand and wrist, that feeling would not disappear. It was a sticky, unpleasant sensation. Of course, it was not the first time he had killed. He should also feel no guilt towards such acts.

"..."

Zekiguchi Nashinori narrowed his eyes and walked forward as he gauged the darkness before him. He carried Breaksun, who had fainted, on his broad shoulders, together with the girl he had obtained from the apartment complex.

"--"

The girl was silent. She simply fainted and was still alive. She suddenly lost her consciousness when they left that apartment complex, as if she was an electronic toy who suddenly had her battery removed. She completely lost her consciousness all of a sudden, and her face was devoid of all expression.

Her name was Usagawa Rinne.

A girl with pale pink hair, whose face still retained a hint of childish innocence.

She was dressed in plain household clothes, and there was nothing particularly unique about her. She had fainted unconscious and was carried on Zekiguchi Nashinori's shoulder. He attacked the apartment building after he sorted out Long-Armed Demon, all for the sake of obtaining Rinne. She was someone whom Zekiguchi must have in order to fulfil his goal.

A blond human with fast reflexes tried to stop him, but he was no match for Zekiguchi Nashinori at the end.

Zekiguchi was the strongest fighter in terms of physical battles amongst all the Greater Fragments due to his power to alter his flesh. This was also something he was very proud of. It was a piece of cake to dispatch of a human.

But that expression the human showed at the end -

- Even Zekiguchi was not prepared for that expression full of despair and anguish.

He would see that expression whenever he tried to recall the event, if only a little bit. He must have had that same expression on his own face at the beginning of all things, when he decided to act in order to attain that goal, which he was ready to give up his humanity for.

It was an expression full of hatred for the world, full of vengeance for God, and full of curses towards himself. It was an expression full of tears.

"... Don't cry."

Rinne, whom he carried on his shoulder, suddenly said in a low voice. She was probably saying it to the man whom Zekiguchi had left in the apartment.

Suddenly, Rinne looked at Zekiguchi and said: "You aren't crying."

Zekiguchi's head suddenly twitched. His intestines began to pulse, and his chest felt tight. His breathing was somehow only coming out in short gasps. Why was he feeling so anxious all of a sudden?

This feeling - this memory - was beginning to surface.

This was an anxiety Zekiguchi used to have when he was still a human. This was the feeling he had when he pondered about death, about the future, and about the world after this life. This was exactly like it.

"Ahahaha, haha, hahaha."

Rinne suddenly laughed out loud.

Her laugh was a sharp, piercing, almost metallic noise. It made him instinctively feel cold. He felt an indescribable fear when he saw her expression.

Zekiguchi simply must have her in order to obtain his goal. He must have Usagawa Rinne. But would he be able to control her?

Zekiguchi suddenly felt unsure and uneasy.

A startlingly pure beauty sparkled in her eyes.

Her eyes were as clear as if they were mirrors of truth. They reflected Zekiguchi's crying face, crying because of his cowardice born out of fear.

"Crying. Living. Everyone. You. Me."

Ahahahahaha. Rinne continued to laugh.

Old memories started to surface in his mind.

Those were the words Tatsue tearfully said to him when they met in the mansion owned by Sakaki Guryū's parents. She was his adopted sister with no blood relations to him.

- I'm so jealous of big brother.

- I really want big brother's talents.

- I want to keep living with an inner strength like big brother's.

"Hahaha. Tatsue... If you're really jealous of me, then find a way to replace me."

He was in a dark room in the old apartment building. It was a room rented under Usagawa Rinne's name. Sakaki Guryū was sitting in there. A man like him with blond hair, green eyes, and beauty rivaling that of an art piece, was now lying on the ground covered in blood and feeling weak all over.

The lights were not on.

The room was dim. Everything appeared fuzzy.

There were two sets of blankets in the room. The phone that Sakaki Guryū bought for Usagawa Rinne was resting on the pillow. Sakaki's face was full of confusion and slowly reached his hand towards the phone. That was something they used to pour out their innocent love to each other many times with endless text messages. As long as there was still power in the battery, all the information stored in the memory card could be read.

From    ★ Usagawa Rinne
To      ★ Sakaki Guryū-sama
Subject ★ Pleasure to meet you
Body    ★ Good morning, Sakaki-san. Thank you for gifting me with a phone, but I don't really know how to use it. I'm very slow when it comes to 
electronics. I'm very sorry. Why did you give such an expensive thing to me? I feel like I'm being cheated. Ah, no, I'm sorry. Umm, I apologize. It's 
my first time sending a text message. I'm sorry.

As Sakaki paid for Rinne's phone bills, the two of them sent innumerable messages to each other without hindrance. This was the first message left in her Sent folder from the beginning of everything.

Beep beep. The light of the phone monitor shone on his face. Sakaki Guryū expressionlessly pressed the buttons on the phone.

When they first met, Rinne was always giving out this kind of an impression. She rarely smiled, and she was not good at conversing. As she was discarded by her mother, and her father abused her, Rinne always appeared gloomy and unhappy. No matter how one looked at it, she was a very normal and very unfortunate girl.

From    ★ Rinne
To      ★ Sakaki Guryū-sama
Subject ★ Please do not call me Milady Usarin
Body    ★ Good morning, Sakaki-san. Please stop calling me by that nickname. Or should I say, please stop calling me 'Milady' out in the public... 
It's very embarrassing. Um, why are you so... Ah, no, um, I'll be very happy if you can just address me as per usual. Also, are you really working as 
a teacher at the high school I am going to attend?? Um - Um - Why did it turn out like this?

She was really cold emotionally. Sakaki grinned bitterly when he saw Rinne's messages. Or was it him who was always too egotistical and couldn't tell what was going on around him? He worked so hard in vain, and yet Rinne felt troubled because of their relationship. What did Rinne regard him as? Perhaps it would be happier for Rinne if she had died in the sea? No one could protect her. She was always getting hurt. Wasn't it enough for her to suffer through such meaningless pain?

She was in so much hurt after attempting to kill herself in the sea. She was then killed by Guriko. Then Mushi tried to strangle her and hang her. She was then turned into a Meat Doll by Sterilization Disinfection. And now Usagawa Rinne was taken away by a man with wolf-like, savage eyes.

Why must she suffer through such cruelty?

Why can't he even bring happiness to a girl?

From    ★ Rinne
To      ★ Sakaki-san
Subject ★ Edict
Body    ★ I give up. I finally got it. It doesn't matter what I say to you. You can call me Milady if you want to. You can even call me Queen if you 
want to. Ah, no, sorry, I'm getting a bit full of myself. Sakaki-san, how is work? You seem to be visiting me every day. No, um, I don't feel 
troubled, but I'm a little worried. Why are you so... No - I'm sorry. This is it. I'm deleting this message.

There was this half-written message in the Recycle folder of the phone. Were these messages originally going to be sent to Sakaki's phone? Why did she stop writing them? Sakaki discovered that there were many more discarded messages in Rinne's phone than those she managed to send.

Rinne always seemed to be afraid of something back then. Was she always considering what she would say to him when she composed messages? Was that why she never managed to talk about many of her feelings and thoughts?

Did he really ever see the true Rinne? Did he ever really understood her?

He just wanted someone to rely on him. He wanted to make her happy. Was that not to fulfil his own ego and satisfaction? Those unsent messagets probably contained her true, happy heart.

From    ★ Usagawa Rinne
To      ★ Sakaki Guryū-sama
Subject ★ Want to die
Body    ★ I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand anything. I don't understand what you're thinking. Why do you exist? Why are you 
interfering with my life? I don't understand. I really want to die lately. I want to escape somewhere. I want to die.

He kept pressing on the phone's keyboard. There were many words that he didn't understand after the phrase 'want to die'. If Rinne was an ordinary person, then she must have had times when her mind was unstable. Sakaki just wanted to gently hug Rinne, who was no longer here, and at least comfort her with words such as 'it's going to be alright'. But she was not here.

Why couldn't he stay beside Rinne?

He sunk into deep thought as he manipulated Rinne's phone out of boredom. Gradually, Rinne's messages changed and had more content in them.

From    ★ Usarin
To      ★ Sakaki-san
Subject ★ Edict
Body    ★ I never used to believe that just chatting with someone can make me so happy. I didn't know I could laugh, either. Now I feel as if I was a 
completely new person. This is very interesting. Ah, I'm a girl after all, so I'm going to try challenge cooking. The information I attached is 
concerning that dish. Thanks to Sensei, I keep buying food to eat, and now my weight is starting to get out of control. I should probably pay 
attention to what I eat. By the way, I still don't know the name of that dish. It was vegetable and meat stir-fried together and sprinkled with salt. 
What about this...

Rinne would start to cook dishes that both tasted good and looked healthy ever since then. She created many strange-looking dishes. If Sakaki found the flavor to be passable, then she would be very satisfied and conclude that it was a masterpiece.

Sakaki smiled softly when he saw Rinne's message.

When Sakaki met Rinne for the first time, he also realized that just chatting with someone can make him so happy. Was he smiling? Sakaki wasn't sure. They were already like friends with similarities to each other. That was how Sakaki and Rinne were like. They met as if they were destined to be together. She was a woman that he was fated to love.

Rinne.

Why - why were they now separated by monsters they didn't even know, and had to exist apart from each other?

They were so far away from each other. That was what Sakaki felt. They were in such harmony when they sent those messages to each other, and yet right now they existed in worlds incomparably apart. Where did everything start to go wrong?

Guriko's face suddenly surfaced in his mind.

"... Urk." Was that when the oddities started to happen? Did Sakaki and Rinne's ordinary life start to get affected after Guriko's appearance?

Why? He couldn't help but start to shiver.

From    ★ Rinne
To      ★ Sakaki-san
Subject ★ RE: Confirming
Body    ★ Sakaki-san is so shrewd. You saved me, who didn't believe in anything, and allowed me to slowly recover. I can't dislike you anymore. Um, 
please give me a minute. I'll call you after five minutes. Let me calm down a bit.

Rinne's stubborn and closed heart gradually started to open up. Her stiff expression started to gradually become gentle, and began to like joking with others. When he brought up the question of getting married, Rinne replied affirmatively with a serious expression contrary to before.

Yes, after he received this short message, Sakaki ignored her words and walked straight to Rinne's apartment and started talking with her. They affirmed their intentions with one other. Sakaki was deeply in love with Rinne, and Rinne was also responding to his love.

From that time onwards, the two of them overcame all the obstacles between them, be it age or anything else, and became lovers who understood each other.

Rinne had some doubts back then. She thought Sakaki was just using her and playing with her. However, after they got to know each other more and made promises to each other, they already established a form of trust and constraint. Rinne trusted in Sakaki, and Sakaki also genuinely loved her. Their trust and promise to each other were tied together tightly in happiness.

Sakaki despised having his life and future planned by others, and to waste his talent on such plans.

This was the first hope he found for himself. This was not a happiness that he obtained through his wealth. Others would probably think him as a fool if they knew about it. He just wanted to stay next to Rinne. He just wanted to listen to her voice and look at her smiles.

That was all Sakaki hoped for, and Rinne agreed to be with him.

But - he failed her promise and her trust.

He failed to protect Rinne.

He could not even fight back against that man.

Sakaki sank into despair and was surrounded by a feeling of powerlessness. That's enough, Sakaki thought. I'm tired. Let me rest a bit.

Sakaki frequently blamed himself because of his small mistakes when he took care of Rinne, who lost her personality and became a Meat Doll. It was a hellish time. Would such a life momentarily pause after Rinne was taken away from him? Such thoughts briefly flashed through his mind and just for a split second, he felt happy about it.

He didn't want to keep feeling this pain. He didn't want to keep getting hurt. That was what Sakaki thought.

"Sorry..." Someone's moaning low voice suddenly came through the open door after Rinne was taken by the man dressed in black.

"Sorry. So...rry."

It was the sound of a young girl. It was the voice of Ume, the girl who lived with their landlord, Nageki Kurukiyo.

Her voice sounded weak, as if it was a mirage about to disappear.

Sakaki could not see anything when he turned his eyes towards the direction of the voice. The man dressed in black knocked him away powerfully and his back whacked against the wall. It felt like all the bones in his entire body were broken.

The best he could do was to move his fingers and use Rinne's phone. Sakaki also had an Apple within him. He should be able to recover soon - but even so, he did not feel any strength coming back.

Sorry.

That voice had the same sentiments as Sakaki’s mind. She was apologizing because of her weakness. She was apologizing because she couldn't protect what she wanted to protect.

He wanted to apologize to Rinne.

Tears were flowing down his cheeks for no reason.

Ume's moaning finally stopped. A silence more unbearable than the pain started to spread out.

From    ★ Usarin
To      ★ Sensei
Subject ★ Edict
Body    ★ Hi. It's me, Usarin. Sensei is probably still very busy after school, but you did say I can send you a message whenever I want, so I sent 
this without too much anxiety. It's fine if you get upset at me for getting you at a bad time. I'm home right now. Is Sensei still at school? It's 
fine if you ignore me because you aren't feeling well. Please reply if you have time. I will be very happy to receive your reply.

These good old times. That was a time before they met Guriko - before they knew anything about their destiny. Those messages from Rinne were from that time. As he read through this, someone suddenly appeared at the door.

The man had a rather bent back, and a long fringe covered his face. He was the landlord of this building, a detective in the homicide department - Nageki Kurukiyo.

"Ume-chan died."

"... I see."

Sakaki could only give such a reply at this moment.

He rarely talked with that girl, but he did feel sad for her passing. She was so young. She still had so many opportunities for happiness, and yet she already died. It was really sad.

"Rinne was - taken away."

His own voice sounded like it came from somewhere far away. It was spiritless, as if it came from the bottommost spot of his abdomen. It was full of a powerless, gloomy feeling.

Nagike's lips shook, and answered in a low, ironic voice: "... We're so powerless."

"..."

"But Usagawa Rinne may still be alive. Why are you not doing anything?"

The melancholic detective lowered his head and said this in a low voice as he slowly walked away.

Sakaki was not particularly interested in where he was going - maybe he went to seek out Ume's killer.

Even if he revenged her, his personal world would not change, and his heart would not be saved. Even so, he will still complete this task.

Even though he was powerless and has no ability to change the world, he will still regret it if he did nothing.

He had stretched out his hand before now in order to save the person most important to him.

Although he probably didn't have that kind of a power, he will at least – achieve something before he dies.

It was such a miracle to be born in this world. How can he possibly die in despair like this without fighting back and refusing to be God's toy?

He felt his wounds improving little by little. Sakaki gradually felt strength coming back to his waist and legs.

“Rinne…”

He reached out his hand meaninglessly. It was pitch black before him. Even so, Sakaki Guryū had no other choice.

Ring ring.

“…?”

The phone in his hand suddenly started to ring. Sakaki was startled, and he stared at the screen.

An impossible name appeared there.

From    ★ Usagawa Rinne
To      ★ Everyone in the world
Subject ★ Mirror mirror, Mr. Mirror
Body    ★ Who is, the most beautiful, of all?

“What is this?”

This might be someone’s prank. Why would anyone send such a meaningless message?

As Sakaki thought this, many text messages, bearing exactly the same content, kept coming in.

Mirror mirror, Mr. Mirror. Who is, the most beautiful, of all?

The phone kept receiving this message over and over until the entire storage capacity of the phone was flooded full.

At the end, with a final ring, a particularly shrill sound rang out, indicating it had received another message.

This was the final one.

From    ★ Usagawa Rinne
To      ★ Everyone in the world
Subject ★ Finally, the end is almost here
Body    ★ This is the story about the most beautiful Snow White in the world. There was no need to search for the mirror of truth. The jealous queen – 
the witch - knows this. Ordinary people such as the hunter cannot reach her. The poisoned apple cannot kill her. This is the true identity of the Snow 
White who merely waited for her prince to arrive. God is the one who decides who is the most beautiful of them all, right?

Why wouldn’t his body stop shaking?

Sakaki held onto the phone in his hand, and kept looking at those ominous words being displayed.

He suddenly noticed that someone’s shadow blocked the moonlight coming through the open door.

Someone was standing at the door.

Was it Nageki Kurukiyo again? Sakaki thought this, but he instantly crossed out that idea.

Ring-ring. There was the crispy sound of bells.

“… Compared to talking to yourself pointlessly, it’s better to work on a little game that requires a bit of brain power.”

This person did not make an introduction, but only made some short and strange comments.

“Humans use their brains to detect the world. The senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch – they use these five senses and the associated sensory organs to feel and to understand this so-called world. But what if all your five senses were empty from the moment you were born? Can’t see or hear anything, not even having a concept of darkness that we can imagine, but instead experiencing utter emptiness. The world would not exist for someone like that.”

It was the sound of a woman. He felt that he had heard her voice somewhere before.

It was a voice that felt nostalgic for him, but Sakaki didn’t understand what she meant at all. He seemed to understand what she said – and yet he didn’t really understand. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t understand anything, but he didn’t understand what she meant to accomplish by coming here and saying these words.

It was a foreign woman with bells attached to her long blonde hair.

She wore a tight black suit set. She looked graceful, and had a pair of sunglasses over her eyes and had gloves on, veritably as if she was a member of the mafia that just walked out of a movie.

The woman was not being distracted by her own appearance, and kept saying more alien words with a serious tone:

“Then, if there were someone who controlled all the sensory organs of the entire human race…”

It was a detached, cold, and yet slightly sad tone.

“That person would probably be the existence that encompassed the existence of every human in the world, isn’t it? Does such a thing really exist? Your sight might be fake, hearing might be fake, scents might be fake, tastes might be fake, and touches might be fake. We paid attention to all this. Yet could it be that, the conception that someone was there was only an illusion?”

She stretched out her arms and spoke more enigmatic words.

“No one doubted that. Everyone believed firmly that some form of existence is definitely out there. Then does an existence like that really exist right there, right now? Does It exist or not? Does It really exist, or was it only a product of our imagination?”

“…”

Sakaki couldn’t understand what she was trying to say, but he was getting a little scared.

“Did you ever ponder about such things?” The woman kept talking about that incredulous concept with a low voice.

“Everyone was living under an illusion. The you over there is not the true you. Your entire existence is the imagination of some other person. Some other person’s five senses were stimulated by illusionary stimuli and created this imagination of you. You only exist because he or she imagined that you are here.”

What – did that mean?

She was saying that I, Sakaki Guryū, is only an illusion? That my true self does not exist, but I am only an illusion created by someone else? No one knew about this, so everyone shared this hallucination, that of my existence?

Just thinking about this made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

I – do not exist here? The person here was only a person from everyone’s collective imagination?

Hehehe, the woman began to laugh. She also showed a very lonely expression.

"Rest assured. You do exist right here. You are not a figment of imagination. But do not come to such conclusions so eagerly, Sakaki Guryū. Indeed, no one can completely eliminate their suspicions about whether we truly exist, whether our ordinary daily lives are only a dream or an illusion of someone else's, No one can completely discard such doubts. I, too, am scared of this possibility."

"I..."

Sakaki looked at this woman with uneasiness. It was as if he had once seen her from far away.

She was a woman who couldn't save anyone, who couldn't change the world, who couldn't protect the things and people she loved. She could not affect the world in any way - and therefore she could not confidently conclude that her existence was not an illusion.

"If God really exists, then even He would keep having that kind of fear. If one is incapable of letting others hear him, or if one cannot see, then the perceived reality of existing in this world would completely crumble."

The woman said in a low voice as if being pitiful of something.

"Everyone more or less know some legends about God. One may be nonchalant about it, or may instinctively find it to be familiar, but we cannot even decide if that was just an imagination. Hey, Guryū, maybe God really doesn't exist."

Everyone had, at least for a split second in their lives, had this doubt.

This woman, who had always firmly believed in God, was very much in doubt of His existence at this instant. She walked up to Sakaki, who was collapsed to the ground, held him up, and caressed his hair.

"Even if God does not exist in this world, your own existence is a reality and not an illusion. Even if you only have a very brief window of opportunity, your existence at this place and at this time may be able to change the world. Therefore, don't give up. Hurry up and start to act, Guryū."

She then turned and prepared to leave, but - who was she?"

"...Ah."

Sakaki opened his mouth. Many questions surfaced in his mind, but he could not clearly articulate them all.

The woman turned her head and smiled at him: "My name is Sakaki Joker."

Yes. Sakaki recalled her now. Little wonder he felt that he had met her before.

"I was born in America, and your father brought me here - I wanted to meet you a few times before, but I was rather scared, and only managed to show myself now."

Her face was more unfamiliar than he remembered because of those glasses. He had heard of her existence from his father a long time ago, and he had seen the few pictures of her accessible to him – this woman had the countenance of Sakaki's mother.

"Guryū, I had just guaranteed your actual existence. Without such a warrant, even I can degrade into a mere illusion. You exist, right here, right now. Therefore, even if you only have a very short amount of time, you need to go and change the world. Don't forget that. Don't give up. Hurry up and start."

The woman then turned back and walked away.

Sakaki looked at her. Her figure seemed so strong, as if she would not accept anyone's feelings, whether benevolent or malevolent. However, just for a brief moment, Sakaki felt a sliver of her nebulous gentleness.

"I did not fulfil the duties of a mother at all, and I did not fulfil the role of a wife towards Ganhō."

Those words were empty. They held no feelings of remorse.

"If only we did not lust after eternity. If only we did not seek Heaven and God. Ganhō sank into madness due to his never-ending greed, and dragged me down with it. You, me, Ganhō, and Tatsue - we discarded our happiness, and did not manage to live together as a family."

"Mother!"

The word tumbled out of his mouth so naturally. He didn't know why she always looked so sad. Joker's back violently shook once, as if she was shocked. She then bent down slightly.

"I don't like this. At end - just like my own mother - I didn't - "

She muttered in a low voice as if speaking to herself as she pushed opened the door.

"I am afraid we won't see each other again. That’s why I wanted to see you now. I've always looked forward to meeting you, but I never came because I was afraid. I'm sorry. Have you been lonely? I didn't learn how to love others, but you and Tatsue found that on your own. Therefore, I - Mom - respects the two of you very much, Guryū."

I wish you happiness - The woman calling herself Joker disappeared at the entrance of the apartment with these muttered words. Sakaki felt lost. He simply watched her walk out as his brain thought in a fuddled way.

He gradually realized that he was encouraging him, her own son, in her own way.

But - why couldn't he feel her presence at all? What if Sakaki himself was an illusion after all? What if his mother, the woman calling herself Joker, was also an illusion? At the end, he still could not completely refute the possibility that even the entire world could be nothing more than illusion.

The night deepened in this ambiguous world.

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