MaruMA:Volume14:Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After being pulled out of the water and finally regaining consciousness, I feel extremely upset with myself.

Not only has the town been razed to the ground, it’s still soaked in the water even now.

I can’t see this terrible sight, only the last remaining fires in the darkness show up in my vision.

Advancing along the torched remnants of walls, we meet casualties everywhere on the streets, but most of them are equestrian people. Although it might not be too nice to say this, but just thinking that they robbed these innocent townspeople of their homes and even set them on fire, makes me feel as though they deserve whatever they got.

But at the same time I still can’t bear to ignore these people in pain.

I asked Dacascos and the Captain to heal them however they can, and only then do I return to the building acting as our base of operations, supported by Wolfram and Conrad.

In the end our side lost horribly. No, I can’t say which side lost, if I had to say, it would be my own personal loss.

I just sit on the hard chair, not in the mood to face the results of the battle.

I’m waiting for Conrad, standing in front of me, to say something, but he seems to be angry too, and doesn’t say anything to comfort me.

“I saw Aniki.”

Even I feel it’s really sudden. Just as I’m feeling surprised, the words leave my mouth. I couldn’t stand the silence, but the contents of those words take me by surprise.

“Rather than say I saw him, I should say I met him.”

That person is indeed Shouri. Not only did I touch his hand, I even said some things to him. Since we were underwater, we didn’t talk the normal way.

“But what surprised me is that he brought a girl with him, and a foreigner at that… A foreigner! When did Shouri meet her?”

“When?”

“When I fell to the bottom of the lake.”

“Was it when you lost sense of yourself?”

“That way of putting it sounds really bad.”

Conrad immediately apologizes to me.

“But how did he do it… Without extremely powerful strength or maryoku, he shouldn’t have been able to come to the other world. Does your brother have maryoku?”

“I don’t know—But he’s really smart at learning new things.”

“Since your brother has no maryoku, it could be your power that summoned him.”

“I can do something like that?”

“As for that, I’m unable to conclude anything, we can only find out by enquiring at the Shinou Shrine. But you say he wasn’t alone, if the other party asks about it, how would he explain it?”

“I was with Hazel, too, Shouri may have seen her. For all you know that girl… Come to think of it, I feel as though that foreign girl looks a lot like someone, who could it be?”

Although no one’s going to answer even if I ask, but that girl beside Shouri, looks a lot like someone I’ve seen recently. I try to remember how they looked and acted back then.

They were both wearing skintight black clothes, and I think the girl was hugging Shouri tightly.

“What on earth was Shouri doing!? Wearing skintight clothes and hugging like that!”

That’s not an image you can let your own brother witness. How embarrassing, I mean to say, how overboard of him. I suspected a long time ago that he has some special preferences, but that’s my first time seeing it with my own eyes. Damn that Shouri, so it turns out not only do you like playing eroge, you even secretly have a fetish for skintight clothes.

Finding out my older brother’s fetish makes me a little uncomfortable, until my butt even feels a little itchy. No, rather than itchy, it’s more prickly.

“Eh?”

I reach my hand into my pocket, and find the glasses I picked up in the lake inside. That pain was from the frames pressing into my flesh, huh? But I find these frames somewhat familiar, don’t tell me this is a souvenir from Shouri? To think he came all the way to this world, left his glasses, and went back just like that.

I really can't tell if this is supposed to be a big deal or not.

“…dy?”

“Eh, what?”

“I was asking you, how’s your body.”

At first I still didn’t understand why he would be asking this sort of question—I can’t raise my right shoulder too high, the wound of my left hand still hasn’t closed, I can’t see—Conrad should know all this.

He knows my injuries even better than I do.

“Ugh—My stomach hurts.”

“Because you drank it.”

He says in a fed-up tone, “You drank the unfiltered water.”

I personally ‘tested’ the lakewater that was polluted by houjutsu, to find out what symptoms would show up after drinking it. As I expected, Conrad doesn’t think that’s a purifying houjutsu either, at the most it was just filtered.

“Anything else?”

“Nothing much.”

“Even though you used such an extravagant majutsu?”

“I see, so that’s it.”

In other words, he’s worried about me losing control.

Actually, there are still many things that make me uneasy. Other than my long-awaited Ue-sama mode, there’s also the fact that Seisakoku is the land of the shinzoku. Since I used maryoku in a place filled with houryoku, he’s worried that my body can’t take it and I’ll collapse.

“There’s nothing particularly different, and I think it’s different from the past. Last time, I would faint every time, but today I didn’t lose my consciousness from the exhaustion, I just feel a little tired, that’s all. Although, yesterday I nearly collapsed in the underground passage, and today I fought this battle too, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tired… Even so, I’m just really sleepy and my whole body aches. That’s right, it should just be lack of sleep and muscle sores.”

That sort of answer seems to be unable to convince him. After asking questions like “Does your head hurt?” and “Is your vision back?”, he finally mutters,

“In that case, purposely keeping Wolfram away would be pointless as well. To think you used maryoku on something other than healing.”

“What, so that’s why!”

I can’t help but grin. Still, I can’t help but be very concerned about the strict attitude he had towards Wolfram during that reunion.

“I always found it strange, why were you so strict to him?”

Lord Weller clears his throat a little, saying in a solemn tone,

“Technically speaking, his actions were a serious offense. I didn’t think the only punishment was to keep him away from you, even I feel my brain is getting slower and slower these days. But more importantly, you really don’t feel uncomfortable in any way?”

“Spare me, I really don’t feel weird anywhere. Or would you rather I be unwell?”

“How could that be! I’m just worried about you, that’s all. Didn’t I say so before, worrying about you is my duty.”

“If you really want to worry for me so badly, I won’t stop you. In any case it’s no different from before, and my sight is still terrible too…”

Wait a sec.

I told Conrad my vision still isn’t back to normal, and I can’t even see his face clearly, neither can I completely understand what’s happening around us. Then how did I meet Shouri? Not only did I see my older brother, I even remember the appearance of the girl with him clearly, so clearly I can say she looks a lot like someone.

Why on earth is that?

“…I could see.”

“Eh?”

I don’t know to ask what kind of expression Conrad has on now. Even if I raise my head to look, all I see is the silhouette of the left half of his body, illuminated by the candlelight. But back then I could indeed see—Be it that girl’s hair, swaying in the water, or the while bubbles floating to the surface of the lake, I could see all of it clearly.

“I could indeed see, back then I really could see. Though now it’s back to the start.”

“Only while you were in the water?”

“That’s right… No, not that…”

I start thinking back, arranging the scenes from back then in a row, like photographs in my mind.

Shouri, the foreign girl, the sky as seen from underwater, the pillar of water with orange light, the water pillar darting about everywhere in the shape of a dragon… Flames, flames, and the townspeople running everywhere.

And then there were the few equestrian people standing in the fire. Wait a sec, in that case I should have seen that more clearly—That’s right, there were three equestrian people, the one in the middle had a slender body. Underneath the hat flapping loudly in the hot air, there was a face with bright golden eyes.

“No way…”

“What is it? What did you see? Did you remember something?”

I press the corners of my eyes with my index and middle fingers. How can that be, he couldn’t have been here. It must be because I haven’t used my eyes for too long, that’s why I was mistaken.

“I’m fine, and I didn’t remember anything either, all I could remember is flames, water, and Shouri. Anyway, I could only see while I was in Ue-sama mode, and for a short while after that. What is this, even I can’t figure out the reason—The me right now shouldn’t be able to figure it out. I just can't”

“Is that so… But it’s a good sign that you recovered temporarily, maybe the period in which you can see will gradually increase.”

Maybe it’s because I look dejected, Conrad hurriedly adds,

“But on the other hand, your other senses will become sharper, maybe that’ll come in use when it comes to sports. After all, what your eyes see isn’t everything.”

“That’s the complete opposite of what Hazel said. I remember her saying everything you see will happen.”

“I heard her say so too.”

Hazel, the only one who crossed that underground passage before us, once said, “Everything you see will happen.” Even if it’s something that makes no sense. But maybe what Conrad says is true, too, and what you see isn’t everything.

I cover my useless eyes with my wounded palm, slowly thinking back on everything that happened to us.

I saw mice, they ran past my feet like a grey carpet. But I didn’t see birds and bats, and neither did they attack me.

What if only the things I saw with my eyes happened? What if it was all an illusion, but I believed I saw it?

“In that case… In that case, there’s a high chance Josak might not be dead. Don’t you agree, Conrad?”

“Right now you don’t need to think about all that.”

“How can I not think about it!”

Lord Weller sighs softly, and when he speaks again, his tone is as hateful as a stranger’s.

“What did he say?”

“Huh?”

“I’m asking you, what’s the last thing he said.”

The image from that time awakens in my mind. I bite my lip tightly, closing my eyes so tightly my eyelids cramp for the exertion.

“He told me… to keep running.”

“If so, then please follow his instructions, you shouldn’t be thinking back.”

“But he might still be alive!?”

“If he’s still alive, he’ll probably find a way on his own.”

To this day I still remember the stone slab that came down with an enormous noise, the boulder that crashed into the slab, the impact that sent me flying, and the shudder I felt underneath my palm. Until now, whenever I think about that time, my palm still feels numb, I couldn’t forget about it even if I tried.

“If he couldn’t escape, he would think of something else. Gurrier is a soldier, he made the mental preparations a long time ago.”

“Mental preparations…”

“Anyway, he wouldn’t want Your Majesty to be bothered over his sacrifice.”

“If he really died, I would give up!”

Because he smiled like in a Christmas drawing, a smile like a saint from different religions. If that was his final smile, and he would never come back, then I would give up. But if he’s still breathing, if he can still talk, laugh, if I can even touch him again…

“If I’m certain he’s really dead, then I will accept this reality and give up. But if what Hazel said is true, then there’s a high chance Josak is still alive. The things that happened there may all be illusions, and there might not be a boulder rolling down at all. But we saw that boulder, and believed it was rolling down at us, and put down that stone slab while under the illusion, and just like that, left Josak there… That’s right, that must be it!”

I raise my head and grab Conrad’s hands, feeling as though I can see his brown eyes, glowing with silver light.

“After I lost my sigh underground, nothing happened, nothing at all before you came. The reason I mistook Wolf for an enemy, is also because the light was reflected off his sword—I assumed anyone with a sword was an enemy. Before that Sara once said there was something coming, but I already couldn’t see, and in the end nothing happened. There was just a creature brushing past in the beginning…”

“Then what about the fact that the wound from back then is still on your face?”

“Ah…”

I touch my face with my hand, and find a long scab. Although it’s a small scratch of barely two centimeters, it’s still the proof of a wound.

“It’s because at that moment you thought something was coming. Back then you thought it was an unknown creature, like birds or bats flying at you in a swarm, right? In other words, even if it’s just a split-second thought, it would have an effect on your body. Even if afterwards you want to deny it, the terror of that moment will not disappear. Then what about Josak? He saw the boulder rolling down at him, and had no time to suspect it at all.”

“Don’t say anymore!”

My fingers can’t leave the wound. How I wish it could disappear.

“That’s why he brought down the stone slab to stop the boulder. To him, the boulder wasn’t an illusion, so there’s no way he’s unharmed.”

“Don’t you say anymore!”

If this wound would just disappear, Conrad’s words wouldn’t be true. I try to rub it away forcefully with my finger, but there’s no way it would disappear.

“You should know.”

“Shut up!”

I grab the cup by my hand and throw it at Conrad, my ears picking up the sound of shattering pottery.

Actually it’s blatantly obvious whose explanation is more accurate. If I just calmed down and thought about it, I would find that he’s right. If the illusion wouldn’t cause harm, then there shouldn’t be a wound on my face. Sometimes your psychological state will affect your body, once you believe something without a doubt, your body will be controlled by your mind.

But even if that’s true—

“Even so…”

I bring my fist down on the table once, and don’t plan on continuing. After all the strength is already slowly draining out from my knees, it’s a bother to even stand.

The distance between him and me shouldn’t be that far, but for some reason, Conrad’s voice sounds like it’s coming from a long distance away.

“Do you think I’m a cruel man?”

“That’s right, it’s my first time thinking that.”

“I have no choice, either.”

I can’t stand this sense of powerlessness, my whole body sitting on the hard chair, my arms on the rough table surface, my face buried in my hands.

“…And you want me to do that too, right? To become a cruel man.”

“I never said that, it’s good enough for you to be yourself.”

“That’s not the same as what you said!”

“The situation this time is special, from now on we will try our best to prevent something like this from happening again.”

Footsteps approach slowly amidst the shattered pieces of pottery, a voice speaking from above my head. He stands across the table, on the ground very close to me, and continues,

“Leave the trivial matters to us. Be it me or Lord von Voltaire, or even Lord von Christ, to keep all these worries off your mind, that is the reason for our existence.”

“You sound just like Gwendal.”

“Someone has to tell you these things.”

“If so, then let Gwendal tell me! That’s more reliable, or more convincing to me!”

Lord Weller is at a loss for words.

“He’s more convincing than you, who always says you accept me, but is never by my side!”

“In that case, please pretend as though Lord von Voltaire said those words, and take them to heart.”

“I can’t do something like that!”

I take a deep breath and stop, then slowly release it, forcing out all the air in my lungs. This is to control my emotions, so I only speak after I breath out all the oxygen.

“I don’t need someone else telling me that. Throwing the annoying matters to others, and enjoying all the benefits by myself, I can’t do something that despicable, and I have no intention to.”

“That is definitely not anything despicable…”

“You said so yourself, the death of a soldier is the responsibility of the commander. That’s right, you were absolutely right.”

“But Your Majesty…”

“Listen to me! As long as I’m king, all the failures in missions are my responsibility. I don’t know other kings think, but those are my thoughts. Victory is built on everyone’s efforts, but failure is on the commander’s shoulders. Do you know why?”

“…I don’t know.”

“No matter how hard you work, it’s impossible to win on one man’s power alone, but it’s easy as pie for one person to bring everything crashing down. This is all my fault, I was too naïve, it’s my fault the town was destroyed today!”

Maybe shocked by my stubbornness, Lord Weller sighs deeply,

“It’s best if you take a short rest.”

“I will.”

I follow the walls to the door, touching the doorknob at about waist-height before turning around. The candlelight is lighting up half of Conrad’s body as he stands beside the window, just like just now.

“Conrad.”

I hear the rustle of clothes, he’s probably switching his arms around his chest.

“Did you cry?”

He doesn’t answer.

Even after I leave the room, he doesn’t chase after me. I expected as much, even if I have no confidence in my vision, there are only two doors here, there’s no way I can’t even walk a distance of ten meters.

I open the door of the rented bedroom, walking to the window with the candle without holding on to anything. Wolfram is lying on the bed next to the window, his back facing me.

“Are you asleep?”

“Yeah.”

A muffled answer. He’s laughing at me.

“You’re lying, you wouldn’t answer if you’re sleeping!”

“That was an instinctive reaction. I realized that you’re coming to me to cry and complain again, so I had no choice but to answer you.”

“Don’t you normally pretend to sleep?”

“All I can say is I’m too nice a guy.”

Sitting on the sturdy mattress stuffed full of hay, I raise my head to look at the night sky outside the window. There’s a dim square in my pitch black field of vision, and some bright spots glowing yellow in the middle. There isn’t a moon, or any stars, only the light of a candle flame.

The wind blows against my face, carrying the smell of charred walls, sand and water. Looks like the glass on the window is broken.

“Thank goodness I still have you beside me.”

“You're being so honest about your feelings, it's sickening.”

“I don’t even have the strength to pretend anymore.”

I can tell with a touch that the bed beside me is wet. It must have been the lakewater that broke the window glass, and wet the room. Is this my punishment for failing the mission today?

“Can I sleep over there with you?”

Under the weak candlelight, a blurred Wolfram swings the thing in front of his chest,

“Günter’s here too, is that alright with you?”

“That’s really too cruel.”

I start laughing to the point I can’t stop, but then my voice starts to crack, so I have no choice but to bury my face in the pillow so Wolfram won’t notice. Just like that, the dim candlelight disappears from my vision.

Surely I won’t be able to sleep through the guilt and regret.

But I must let my body rest a while. Because the life we’re living is one where we don’t know when’s the next time we can sleep on beds again.

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