Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume8 Chapter9 2

Autumn Bonds. Part 2

Shimako.

Being addressed in that manner was incredibly comforting to me.

Not Shimako-san or Shimako-chan. Just plain Shimako.

With the exception of my fellow first-year Yoshino-san, everyone in the Rose Mansion called me "Shimako." I felt like a part of the group every time they called me that, even if it was only temporary.

Rosa Gigantea was the first to call me "Shimako."

It started with Rosa Chinensis taking a jab at her, saying, "Not using an honorific, even though she's not your petit soeur?" to which Rosa Gigantea had gloomily responded with, "Well, everyone should call her that." Sachiko-sama faithfully followed that directive and eventually they all settled on addressing me that way.

In every group, there were generally rules that governed how the members addressed each other. If everyone just did whatever they wanted, it would be chaos.

Take Yoshino-san as an example. She was called "Yoshino-chan" by girls in higher grades and "Yoshino-san" by students in the same grade as her. Her onee-sama, Rei-sama, was the only one that called her "Yoshino."

As an example, if "-san" or "-chan" were attached to my name, then I would probably always be seen as an interloper. By calling me Shimako, I could obediently accept their affection as though I was everyone's petit soeur. Even though I had no specific onee-sama.

I liked my time in the Rose Mansion.

I liked each and every one of the "Rose families" that formed the Yamayurikai executive.

Consequently, I'd occasionally forget my position and find myself blending in with the group. Because there was such a gentle, comforting atmosphere.

My impression of Rosa Gigantea changed depending on the situation. She was sometimes mysterious, sometimes scary, sometimes glib and sometimes tender. But through all this, she remained consistently conscious of me.

Whenever I was doing something, I'd look over my shoulder and feel relieved that Rosa Gigantea was there. Even when she wasn't looking at me, or when she was looking at me in a foul mood. No matter when.

I wonder why I found it calming.

It was, figuratively speaking, as though we were kindred spirits, and I could feel relaxed simply because she was there. Rosa Gigantea gave me the peace of mind that came from knowing I wasn't alone.

In early summer, I saw Rosa Gigantea in the courtyard after school.

She was merrily watching a cat eat the dry pet food she had given it.

"Do you like cats?"

I quietly asked her from behind.

It took a lot of courage for me to call out to Rosa Gigantea, but I felt compelled to.

"Yeah, I do. I like most animals."

"Even snakes and worms?"

"I suppose."

Rosa Gigantea scratched the cat's head with her index finger. The cat purred happily.

"As long as we respect the others' territory, we should be able to coexist."

"Coexist?"

"Yep."

The cat looked too old to be called a kitten, but it didn't look like it was fully grown either. It was a blackish tabby with patches of fur missing in various places showing scars that were still healing.

"Even the crows that attacked her would have had their reasons. Maybe they had hungry children of their own."

Neither was in the wrong, they were just two different species trying to live. Rosa Gigantea mumbled that that was all it was.

"It may just be selfishness, but I don't want to witness any more suffering than I have to. I'm not trying to gloss over it, I know full well that killing and dying are a fixture of this world."

I wondered whether Rosa Gigantea counted humans as one of the animal species that she liked. Occasionally, when she sleepily looked out the window at the row of green trees, I got the sense she was longing to be in a place as far away from any humans as possible.

I had the feeling that Rosa Gigantea would reject me simply because I was a human.

"What are you going to do with this cat?"

The cat looked like it would be skittish, but when I reached out my hand it didn't run away, letting me pat it.

"Nothing much."

Then Rosa Gigantea smiled and made a bad joke about how she couldn't sell its skin to a shamisen maker because of the wounds.

"But, you're feeding it, right?"

"I shouldn't feed it?"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't, but … "

I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know, but I couldn't say nothing to Rosa Gigantea.

"If it gets used to being fed, it won't survive on its own."

"I see."

"And what about summer break? Or the cold winter vacation? You're not going to stay here for the ten or twenty years that this cat will live for, right?"

Was I projecting myself onto the cat? Tears started to fall as I imagined the cat as the faithful dog Hachiko, continuing to wait for Rosa Gigantea long after she'd graduated.

"Won't your momentary kindness in saving it just be more cruel in the long run?"

No. Even I didn't think it would have been better if it had been eaten by the crows.

"As the wounds accumulate."

Rosa Gigantea smiled fondly. I turned my head and rubbed beneath my eyes with the back of my hand so she wouldn't see my tears.

"I suppose. Maybe it was cruel of me, like you said. But she's still just a child. Her wounds have finally healed now. So I think my occasional indulgence of her with an afternoon snack is something that can be overlooked. It's not something I do all the time."

Because the cat would someday reach an age where it could hunt for itself. When that happened, was she intending to coolly let it go?

But was that really okay? The cat will surely remember the warmth of Rosa Gigantea's hand for the rest of its life. It would never be able to forget the taste of the dry, crackly, biscuit-like pet food.

"Meeting and parting are a matched set. Sooner or later, the time to part will come. But to avoid relationships because you're afraid of that is a bit desolate, don't you think? … For me, Shimako."

Rosa Gigantea braced her right cuff with her left hand.

"I'm grateful to my graduated onee-sama. She gave me all the love she had. There's no way I could resent her for leaving while I stayed. One way or the other, I can still keep on living at this school without her."

I caught a glimpse of what looked like a rosary near the cuff of her summer uniform.