Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume3 Chapter8 3

The last flower of winter, and then. Part 3.

I arrived at the meeting place 40 minutes earlier than we'd decided.

At the 3rd and 4th line platform of M Station. We picked the closest point of the advance direction, so we'd see each other easily.

Shiori wasn't there yet.

I backtracked a bit and sat down on a bench and looked at the timetable I'd bought at the station building. There was only one set of stairs to get to this station, so Shiori would have to pass by this bench.

I even wore a wristwatch today, despite how much I hated keeping track of time, and waited for Shiori.

But I didn't dislike the time I spent waiting for Shiori. Contrary to that, I actually enjoyed it.

We'd have to discuss where we'd go, first. We'd put marks on the timetable, finding the furthest places we could go without having to change trains, and think about the possibility of stepping off at Shinjuku Station or Tokyo Station, and as I mulled over those things, the time we'd decided on came.

I closed the timetable and placed it in my bag. It'd be a pain if my mother became suspicious, so I only carried enough to make me look like I was going shopping. I had a change of underwear and my passport and identification, so I could just buy whatever else I needed.

I lied, saying I was going to the Christmas party with the Yamayurikai, and left home. My mother didn't object, because I was supposed to go be with my trusted onee-sama and Youko, who was well-received by adults.

Don't be too late, and have fun-. Her send-off made me feel a bit bad.

The orange-colored train stopped in front of me, and like a deep sigh, unloaded passengers, then swallowed other passengers and ran off toward the east. In the space of a few minutes, I saw this scene repeat itself.

Sometimes I'd see salary men carrying big, square boxes. Oh yeah, today's Christmas Eve. The trees around the south-end of the station were decorated with lighting, and it looked brilliant, as if the normally plain scene had been brushed up with make-up.

They knew the trains would be jam-packed, they could just buy the cake after they got off-. I felt exasperated, and looked at my watch.

Five twelve.

(Christmas cake.)

I hated the decorations, like the fir trees, the cabins, the angels, those things that embroidered Christmas cakes. I also hated the chocolate plates that read Merry Christmas. That's why my father always elected to order a cake weeks in advance, keeping in mind all of my dislikes, and had it carefully delivered.

But we'd stopped doing Christmas parties. After taking hold of a new company three years ago, my father had become busy, and I wasn't childish enough to eagerly await cake.

Even when it became five fourty, Shiori didn't show up.

They'd picked the time, giving ample room to prepare. So she was definitely late.

Maybe the roads were packed because of Christmas Eve, delaying her bus. Or maybe she forgot where we were supposed to meet.

Just in case, I walked across the platform. As I walked, I peeked into the first and second platform as well as the fifth and sixth platform, but there was no one like Shiori.

Maybe she was delayed by the principal. Restless, I picked up the receiver at a nearby public phone. I remembered the phone number to the convent, as I'd called it so many times during the break.

Thinking they might deliberately hide her from me, I used her classmate Sachiko's name. But around four, Shiori had politely told them she was stepping out.

Without dropping the receiver, I called her dorm. If she'd left at four, she should be here by now. Maybe Shiori forgot something important and backtracked to her dorm.

But Shiori wasn't there. But I found out she hadn't taken a quick leave, but had vacated the dorm completely.

I didn't remember anything about preparing to go somewhere.

Then, why?

She left her dorm, and she vacated the convent, where was Shiori trying to go?

And where was she now?

Time mercilessly kept ticking away, and it became seven.

I thought, Shiori wasn't going to come anymore.

But I couldn't leave the platform because I held a sliver of hope. Maybe Shiori would come walking down those stairs. I couldn't let myself give up.

Even though I could guess she wouldn't come, I didn't know why.

Maybe she changed her mind, or maybe an accident befell her. My mind was on verge of short-circuiting.

Everything was becoming such a pain. I wanted to disappear, today. I don't need tomorrow. Having nowhere to go, I kept sitting on the bench.

Once by a drunkard, once by the security guard, I was okay when they spoke to me, but when two office lady-ish women stopped and asked, "Are you feeling okay?" I was on the verge of tears.

"I'm alright, I'm waiting for a friend."

I answered, holding back tears. I wished they would just go away. I knew if I started crying, I wouldn't be able to stop.

"I guess it's a penalty game?"

Maybe they were a bit drunk, because they happily joked to each other as they went to the wickets. It felt cold, and I wrapped my arms around myself. I pulled my legs to myself, lowered my chin, and tried to make myself less wind-resistant, but the cold never went away. Even the coat, which I'd coaxed out of my parents in the stead of a birthday and Christmas present, with its thick material couldn't warm me. I needed the warmth of Shiori's hands.

I closed my eyes. I wanted to see Shiori, even if it was just a dream.

I woke up, feeling someone touch my shoulder.

I was groggy. I'd lost track of time.

I first started to glance at my watch, but I turned it up instead. Whoever had shaken me away was still standing over me.

"It's past eleven. I don't think you can get out of Tokyo anymore tonight, can you?"

Looked amazed, my onee-sama stood over me, smiling lightly.

"Why…"

"I came to pick you up, in Shiori-san's stead."

"Shiori!?"

I looked around. I was hallucinating, just from hearing her name.

"Shiori-san isn't here. Shiori-san said she's not going with you."

"Lies! Someone hid Shiori, didn't they!? Where is she? I'll save her!"

I was confused, and kept searching for Shiori on the platform.

"No one hid her. She chose her path herself."

Onee-sama took a leaflet out of her pocket and handed it to me. Impatiently unfolding the neatly folded sheet with my numbed fingers, I realized it was written with Shiori's handwriting.

The first line threw me into a pit of despair.

"I'm sorry. I can't go with you."

It proved Shiori had chosen it on her own will. The letter spanned several sheets, ripped out of her notebook, and spelled out Shiori's feelings completely. I read through all of her words once, but I couldn't understand them. All I knew was that Shiori had cast me aside. That was all.

"Shiori-san came to the station once. She saw you sitting here on the platform once, and then realized she couldn't go with you."

"If she came… why didn't she tell me 'I can't go' directly?"

If she told me directly, maybe I could take it. I could have understood her better than hearing her words through paper.

"Because she might waver if she spoke to you."

"Waver?"

"Of course? No matter how mature she may seem, she's just a first-year in high school. It's an age where you're destined to sway. And the same goes for you, too."

Onee-sama grabbed my hands and said, "Let's go home." I let myself be embraced by onee-sama, and we climbed the stairs, and passed the wickets.

"Is Shiori going somewhere?"

"Yes. Far away. She discussed it with the principal over the break, and decided to transfer. She already departed."

From this station-. Onee-sama told me, and turned me around to face the station.

What was I doing then. I might have been dreaming about what we would do together, not knowing it would end like this.

"It's my fault…"

A single tear rolled down my cheek, even though I'd been trying so hard not to.

"It's a result she consented to."

Uneasiness, despair, loneliness, anger, onee-sama caught all of the motions pouring out of me at once. Unable to stop myself, I kept crying in onee-sama's chest.

"But, if she'd never met me-"

Shiori might have lived peacefully at Lillian for three years.

"Maybe. But it was a good thing you two met. Life is a lesson. As long as you think, it's a good thing we met, in the future, it's alright."

"That sort of future will never come."

"Don't worry. It's not like you died. Wounds heal, over time."

But I felt like I'd died. Because Shiori was no longer by my side.

We went to the southern exit. The illuminations glittered through my tears, like the night stars.

"But I'm here for you, am I not?"

"What?"

"Oh dear, did you really think I only loved your face?"

I was so surprised by onee-sama's words that, for an instant, I stopped crying.

"… No?"

"How rude. That was just a way of not being a burden to you. After all, I've always been good at handling you, you know this."

"But onee-sama will graduate."

"But I'm not the only one worried about you. See?"

Youko was standing where she pointed. Standing in front of a 24-7 family restaurant and warming her hands with her breath, Youko looked up, noticing us coming.

"Oh, Youko-chan, she must have gone stupid worrying about you, I told her to wait inside the store."

Onee-sama cackled.

That Youko trotted over and just glared at me, wordlessly.

"Sorry, for making you worry."

For once, I was honest. Because I knew from her face how much I'd worried her.

"Seriously."

Youko looked relieved, took a small pouch from her pocket, and stuffed what was in it into my mouth.

"Rei-chan's cookie."

The cookies she said were worthwhile enough to stop by the party for.

"… Mm."

They weren't freshly baked, but because they'd been in her pocket, they were warm. It melted sweetly in my tear-filled mouth, and it felt so delicious I started crying again.

"Let's go, then."

Onee-sama wrapped an arm around Youko, too, and began walking.

"Where?"

"My house. I already called Sei's mother to tell her you were staying over. Let's re-do the party, with the three of us."

"What…"

"No complaining. Onee-sama's orders are to be immediately followed. A fun winter vacation starts tomorrow, so let's party silently into the night."

I'll never be a match for onee-sama, my whole life, I thought.

Even if I'd gone home, I wouldn't be able to sleep in my cold bed.

The wound of losing Shiori was big and deep, but that there was someone by my side, trying to understand me, I wondered how much of a comfort that was.

As we were talking past the roadside trees, onee-sama's wristwatch alarm suddenly rang.

"Happy birthday!"

The two people other than me suddenly shouted.

Today, as of December 25, I'd become a year older.

Return to Main Page

Back to Part 2

Forward to Part 4