Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume3 Chapter2 1

The White Rose. Part 1.

What is this feeling? I asked myself.

No one answered. It wasn't a relatively cool relationship that you could just call "friends," but because they were the same gender, it probably couldn't be called "love," either.

This nameless feeling swelled day by day, and it asserted itself to the point where my little body couldn't suppress it anymore.

Please, get me out of here.

I need to tell Kahori how I feel.

In the spring of her second year of high school, Sei found herself in the same class as Kahori.

In the beginning, she could remember feeling a bit of repulsion over how opposite to herself Kahori was, but gradually it transformed into a feeling of Kahori supplementing the areas she lacked, and so she became a bigger and bigger part of her life.

I want to be with her forever, Sei wished. But after graduating high school, Kahori was to enter a convent.

The adults worried about the growing intimacy of the two girls and pushed ahead the convent discussions in secret. Despaired by their future, and losing faith in adults, they took each other's hand on Christmas and left on an aimless journey.

Stepping out of the terminal station, Sei and Kahori walked into the forest and decided they couldn't be separated in heaven, and so they took sleeping pills.

But they weren't able to die together.

By the time Sei woke up, Kahori's hand, which she was supposed to have gripped firmly, was no longer there. As she stared up at the white hospital ceiling, Sei lamented losing something far more important than herself.

- that would be a concise summary of "Forest of Thorns."

"What- what a depressing story!"

Yumi, rolled up on her bed, reached out to her box of tissues placed by her pillow. First, she wiped away the tears that had flooded down her face, then blew her nose.

The image of a forest, with white mist rising from the snow, remained in her soul.

Forbidden love. You could summarize it like that and that would be the end of it, but on top of that, it cleverly used psychological descriptions of the characters, so it invited the reader to place themselves right into the story. Yumi found a little bit of the story overlapped with her relationship with Sachiko-sama, so while she cheered for Sei, she also couldn't shake the feeling that a "bad" ending was in store while reading.

About two hours, it was the first time she'd ever read a novel this quickly. She'd begun as soon as she came home, and it was already somewhat dark outside.

"Yuuumi, can I come in?"

Right after knocking, her brother, Yuuki, walked in.

"Woah, why don't you have any lights on?"

And with that, he turned on the lights without waiting for a response. When he saw his older sister's face, still plainly showing signs of fresh tears, he became speechless.

"You're supposed to wait for a 'yes, you may,' before you walk in."

Yumi said, as she sniffled into her tissue. She didn't know how her brother saw her, but she still tried to act like a lady.

"What… what happened, if I may ask?"

Yuuki asked, probably after mustering every ounce of courage he could. Well, he was a boy, after all. If it came down to it, he was willing to try to help her out.

"A novel, I was reading. Sad story."

"Ohh, whatever, then."

She felt a bit conflicted watching him look visibly relieved, then take a deep breath. Maybe she should have scared him a little more.

"What is it?"

"Could you lend me your archaic dictionary? You have a different one from mine."

Mine doesn't seem that good, he said, waving around his own dictionary. Do these things differ that much with different publishers?

"Fine with me."

Yumi took her dictionary from her shelf and handed it to Yuuki. "Here." After taking it out of its case and then flipping through some pages, Yuuki nodded, satisfied.

"Can you let me borrow it until tomorrow?"

"No."

She wasn't actually teasing her brother or anything. But Yuuki pouted, anyways.

"Why?"

"I have my archaic test tomorrow."

After hearing Yumi's response, Yuuki said "are you stupid?" without changing his expression.

"You have an exam tomorrow, but you're reading a book and crying?"

Well, it was the truth, so she couldn't give a retort. Yes, brother, you're right. But big sis isn't strong enough to not read a novel that's lying around her room.

"Well, I don't say anything other than, let's study. We haven't been granted special genes that let us naturally score 100s."

Pat pat. Yuuki patted Yumi's shoulder, like he was talking to a child ten years his junior. Hey, it might not be that big of a difference, but I was born earlier than you, Yumi wanted to point out, but she didn't dislike the feeling of being protected, so she let herself feel like a little sister.

Ahh, if only this were Sachiko-sama instead of Yuuki, she thought.

"Sounds like you're having fun at school, too."

"Why?"

"It sounds like you have someone close to you that easily gets 100s."

"You too, big sis."

"…"

Indeed there is. And plus, hers is an exquisite beauty and even has an incredible house, take that! -but she knew if she said that out loud, she'd be the one who'd be "taking" it, so she kept quiet.

"Well, everyone has their own traits."

Yuuki mumbled, trying to cheer up his sister before she felt down.

"So what's ours?"

"… Being born with faces that remind you of a baby raccoon, and natural-born ditzes."

"What's that?"

"My senior told me that."

"What part of Yuuki is a natural-born ditz?"

"Yumi's even more of a ditz than I, so you just don't notice."

"But the baby raccoon part suits you more."

"…"

"…"

"Let's stop. The childish argument is even sadder."

"Time spent on sibling fights is time better spent on studying."

"Yup."

"You can take the dictionary, I'll use Yuuki's."

And so she acted out the "good big sister" part. Siblings licking each other's wounds. It feels a bit awkward. Like an old drama you can only see through re-runs.

"Sorry."

Yuuki left the room. But, within five seconds of the door being shut, the warm, homely feeling was dried faster than an air conditioner at work.

"It's dinner, you two."

At their mothers' shout from downstairs, the two hungry children joyfully answered, "Okay-," leapt out their doors and bounced down the stairs in a me-first way.

Raccoon face and natural-born ditz. Maybe we should add "gluttonous" to the list of traits, Yumi thought.

It was about half-past-nine in the evening when Yoshino-san called.

"I'm sorry for calling at night, I just wanted to hear someone's opinion."

"What happened?"

Though, as she asked, she imagined it would be about Rosa Gigantea. If that was the case, it meant Yoshino-san read "Forest of Thorns" instead of studying for exams, too.

"It's about Rei-chan."

"What?"

For a moment she thought she heard Rei and Sei wrong. But Yoshino-san wouldn't call Rosa Gigantea "Sei-chan," plus it would be weird calling a novel character by –chan, so it couldn't have been Sei from "Forest of Thorns."

"What about Rei-sama."

"… She said she's not going to involve herself with the matter anymore."

I wonder why, seemed to say Yoshino-san, whose voice was trembling a bit.

"Why… I don't know. That would be my question to you, Yoshino-san."

"Alright… then it's not just me. I'm just so confused right now, I was worried I was being insensitive or something."

"Calm down, Yoshino-san. What do you mean by Rei-sama is not going to involve herself? Do you mean she's going to put off reading 'Forest of Thorns' until after the exams?"

"She already read the novel."

"She read it?"

Rei-sama apparently also lacked self-restraint with these things.

"But, she said she'll act like she never read it. And she won't have anything to do with the rumors anymore."

"I don't get it. –Oh."

While scratching her head, Yumi suddenly remembered.

"What, Yumi-san?"

"Sachiko-sama was also hesitant. Even though she bought the book, she was wondering whether to actually read it or not."

"Sachiko-sama, too?"

"… Yes."

I wonder why? The two of them became silent, still gripping the receivers.

Even if Sachiko-sama and Rei-sama both became passive for the same reason, there was no hint as to why they'd suddenly changed their attitudes.

"By the way."

Yoshino-san gathered herself again and asked.

"Yumi-san, did you already read it?"

"It" would definitely mean "Forest of Thorns."

"I read it. Yoshino-san?"

"Same. What did you think?"

What did you think was posed by Yoshino-san more as whether Rosa Gigantea might have written it rather than what Yumi thought about the novel itself. Like a sort of tacit understanding, where you have a feel for someone even if you don't actually have them in front of you.

No clues could be found in the author's column for "Forest of Thorns." Actually it was basically a blank page. Of course, it's not a misprint, but a deliberate hiding of her identity.

"I don't know. I think the protagonist Sei is a bit different from Rosa Gigantea."

But rather than an "autobiography" it was an "autobiographical novel," so even if the frameworks were to be the same, the meat might be dramatized.

"Personally, when I was reading it, I remembered that Rosa Gigantea was a bit more like that, rather than her current, loose self."

Yoshino-san is Rei-sama's cousin, so they talked about school a lot. Especially last year, when they were split up between high school and middle school, Rei-sama had a bucket-full of stories about the Yamayurikai and the Roses, so she told Yoshino-san even more stories. So, obviously, Yoshino-san would find out a lot about the Roses-.

These things tend to burn an image more on the listener than the speaker because the person who doesn't know reality might leap ahead with their imagination.

"Yes?"

"Rosa Gigantea- well, she was Rosa Gigantea en bouton back then, but I thought she was a scary person. So this April, when I actually saw her in person, I thought it was a totally different person."

"…"

That squiggly, cackling person being scary? From what Yoshino-san said, Yumi couldn't help but agree that it sounded like a different person.

"But their names were identical. Satou Sei."

Maybe Yoshino-san thinks Suga Sei is Rosa Gigantea because Rosa Gigantea from a year ago seemed similar to the main character of "Forest of Thorns."

But that would mean Rosa Gigantea attempted a lovers' suicide, then somehow ended up being the sole survivor of that. It was hard to believe that would have happened to Rosa Gigantea just last year.

"At the very least, Rei-chan and Sachiko-sama might have thought Rosa Gigantea was the main character, and so they decided to stay back."

"… Maybe."

Even if they didn't know everything, as high school freshmen, they might have known a bit about what happened last year. And because they had made the decision to do so, with a greater understanding of what happened, as their little sisters, it felt right that they, too, should drop it.

She felt like she was withering away.

"What are we going to do?"

The determination they had during the day had vanished.

"Let's do our best for the last exam."

"… Yeah."

Yoshino-san's voice also sounded a bit let down.

After putting the receiver down, Yumi stared ahead blankly and realized she was beginning to understand.

No matter what, she didn't know anything about Rosa Gigantea. Rosa Gigantea's past, her feelings now, nothing.

So she thought she began to understand, after reading the novel.

There was no way you could comprehend the past by ignoring the Rosa Gigantea of now.

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