Kara no Kyoukai:Chapter01 06

Overlooking View／

The sun has set and we leave Tohko-san's abandoned building. Shiki's apartment is in the area but my place is twenty minutes away from here by train. Shiki must be sleepy as she is walking a bit wobbly. But Shiki stays by my side while we walk.

"Do you think suicide is right, Mikiya?'

Shiki suddenly asks me that. That downcast-like gesture looks a bit touching.

"Hmm, I don't know. Let's say I get this virus that will kill everybody in Tokyo just by me staying alive. If everyone would be saved if I die, then I'd probably kill myself."

"What is that? That's so unlikely that it's not even a what-if story."

"Let me finish, I think I'd do that because I'm weak.

I'm going to kill myself because I don't have the courage to keep on living and turn all of Tokyo into my enemy. That's easier, right? Courage for an instant and courage that needs to continue throughout your life. You know which one is harder.

It's an extreme argument, but I think death is running away, no matter what kind of determination is behind it. But there are times when the concerned person wants to run away. I can't deny it or refute it, because I'm a weak person as well."

Hmm, but this seems like I'm saying it's all right for someone to do so because I'd do so too. Self-sacrifice in that case is probably the right thing to do, and that action would be called heroic. But that's wrong. It's foolish to choose death no matter how noble or right it is. No matter how wrong or lowly it is, we have to keep on living to make right of our wrongs.

We have to live on and accept the end of the things we've caused. That is something that takes a lot of courage. I don't think I could do that myself, and it sounds too cocky, so I decide not to say it.

"... Well, anyways... I think it's just different for everyone."

I end rather vaguely and Shiki looks at me doubtfully.

"But you're different"

Shiki says so as if seeing inside my mind. It sounded cold, but the words were warm somehow. It was a bit embarrassing, so I walked on for a while silently. The clamor of the main street is getting closer. Sounds, bright lights, engine sounds. Flooding waves of people and the many sounds they make. If we pass the department stores, the station is right ahead.

Then, Shiki stops.

"Mikiya, come over to my place tonight."

"Huh? Why, all of a sudden?"

Shiki pulls me saying that it doesn't matter.

It is indeed easier to stay at Shiki's place since it's nearby, but I don't feel like doing so out of morality.

"It's fine. You don't have anything in your room either. It's boring even if I do go. Or are you telling me there's something I have to do there?"

I know there's no such thing. I said so knowing that, so there shouldn't be anything for Shiki to say back... or at least I think so. But Shiki looks at me as if I'm the cause of the problem.

"Strawberry."

"Huh?"

"Two strawberry Häagen-Dazs. It's still there after you brought it. Finish off that thing, man."

"... I guess I did buy that."

Yes I did. It was something I bought because of how hot it is while walking to Shiki's place. But why did I buy that thing, it's almost September after all...

Well, I don't care about small things. I guess my only choice is to obey Shiki. But just obeying is a bit irritating, so I decide to strike back a little.

Shiki has a vulnerable point where, when I say this, she gets mad but can't say anything back.

Even though it is a wish from the bottom of my heart, Shiki has yet to take my advice.

"All right, I'll spend the night. But Shiki..."

I say with a straight face to Shiki, who looks at me.

"You shouldn't talk like that. You're a girl, you know."

Being told that, Shiki looks away angrily.

Overlooking View／Finish