Fate/Zero:Act 14 Part 5
-30:02:45
Notwithstanding it being midnight, a bright light was still on in the church on the hilltop.
The house of God which promised peace on earth – standing in front of it, a small and yet contradictory sentiment stopped Matō Kariya at his steps.
The naivety of those humans who easily sought solace at the so-called place of prayer. Sneering that fact; but at the same time, one could not help but to feel sympathy towards them.
If anyone said that sufferings in this world were all God’s trials, then Kariya would strangle that God and His disciples to death with his own hands – he was probably driven by that impulsion.
One step, and another step. Steadily, Kariya was getting closer to the Holy Grail. However, with a greater speed, the crest worms inside his body kept eating into his life. If he strained his ears, it was as if he could hear the trilling sound of the worms slurping flesh and blood from his body, and the sound of them scraping his bones and feasting on them. To Kariya, the pain of the crest worms’ slow, continual torture had already been reduced to being part of his body, just like breathing and heartbeats. His consciousness was always cloudy and dim; and if he lost focus, he would be just vaguely aware of the passage of time.
He swore never to forgive him personally. Just like water seeping out from a crevice, that thought continued to erode his heart, bit by bit.
How many more times can I fight later?
How many more days will I live?
If Kariya was trying to gain the Holy Grail and secure Sakura’s salvation by his hands – which was exactly his last wish - he could only wait for a miracle, right?
If that’s the case, should he pray? From the top of the towering gable roof in front of him, at the cross which overlooked detachedly, the worms creeping towards the ground; should he kneel down and pray earnestly?
“Stop kidding….me….ugh!”
He felt as if being flooded by a humiliating timidity – As if cursing himself, Kariya rebuked himself. He did not come to the church at a time like this to seek for some nonsensical help. Rather, it was the exact opposite. This evening, Kariya came to seek the blood of his sworn enemy. If he was to believe Kotomine Kirei’s words, at this moment, the one awaiting Kariya’s visit at the chapel was none other than Tōsaka Tokiomi. Neither repentance nor worship – it was just for the conclusion of a vendetta that Kariya was standing now in front of the altar. Kotomine Kirei had prepared an unlikely rematch for his previous duel with Tokiomi, in which he lost. Tonight would probably be his last chance to get back at that loathsome magus. He must not be careless.
The pain of his flesh, conflict and despair – all were burned down to ashes by the flames of hatred which flared up in his heart.
Memories of the previous battle – in which he did not even return a single attack – further fanned the fury within Kariya.
His thoughts were only on the instant when he destroyed Tokiomi – who snatched Aoi away from him and abandoned Sakura – with his own hands. With only that – how near he was to the Holy Grail; the terror of being defeated – all were forgotten. He had completely turned into a hatred-driven automatic machine. With only that, Matō Kariya’s heart was liberated from all sufferings. His mouth even curved into a smile. Now, there was no fear of even letting Berserker loose. With that, he would grab Tokiomi’s heart, and he could bathe in the gush of his blood. If he could achieve that, there was nothing he could not afford to lose –he was reduced to thinking something like that.
His shoulders shook like a beast drawing a deep breath. Having arrived at the front gate of the church, with killing intent seething from his entire body, Kariya slowly pushed the doors open.
A candlelight glimmered gently at the centre of the chapel. In contrast, the still air was overly peaceful, as if it had frozen. Kariya felt a slight sense of unease, like being in a graveyard somewhere. Nevertheless, the instant he saw the back of a head of someone sitting at the first row of the congregation seats, he was awash with overwhelming anger.
“Tōsaka, Tokiomi…!!”
It was a shout brimming with killing intent, but there was no reply. Knowing that complete ignorance was just like the prideful attitude of the magus, Kariya walked on in big strides, and closed his distance with Tokiomi.
“You want to kill me Tokiomi? But you’re too naïve. Until I have my revenge on you, no matter how many times, I will……”
But with his back exposed defencelessly to Kariya, Tokiomi did not show any response. Despite himself, Kariya slowed his pace due to distrust and caution.
He wondered if it was a decoy puppet sitting there in order to trick Kariya. However, from near, he saw the shoulder width, the carefully trimmed, curly and glossy hair, and even the shape of his slightly visible ears – without a doubt, this was Tōsaka. Kariya was not someone who would be mistaken about the figure of his sworn enemy, which was already burned into his eyes.
Kariya arrived at a distance where he could touch Tokiomi by reaching out his hands, and stopped.
With hatred, and a somewhat mysterious confusion and unease, he gazed at the back of Tokiomi, who had not budged an inch.
“Tōsaka –“
He stretched out his hand.
The day before yesterday, the defensive fire stopped all his attacks. Recalling the scorching heat, he instinctively drew his hand back. Even so, he could not resist the impulse to grab Tokiomi’s neck – which was just a few centimetres away – and break it… Finally, the shivering fingertip reached the front of the neck, which had a stylish tie on.
Upon during so, with just a slight touch, the corpse which was leaning against the seat, lost its balance.
The flaccid limbs were similar to a puppet whose strings were cut. Like building blocks tumbling down, Tōsaka Tokiomi’s ice-cold body collapsed into Kariya’s arms.
“–“
At that moment, the confusion and shock which hit Matō Kariya, was in reality as destructive as a single blow from the hammer to his head.
Like an empty shell, the blank face was unmistakable – without any room for doubt, it was the countenance of Tōsaka Tokiomi. At that point, Kariya had no other choice than to accept that Tokiomi was dead.
The once scornful, haughty derision, all the intimately cold-hearted and sneering words; all the memories related to Tōsaka Tokiomi saturated Kariya’s thoughts, and overwhelmed him. With the existence of Tokiomi as a starting point, the sentiments, motivation and urge swirling within Kariya, were all blown off evenly.
“W – W – Why….?”
And then, while remaining standing with the soundless corpse in his hands, thunderstruck, Kariya was stunned at the size of the gaping-wide hole within him. That cavity was so large that it caused Matō Kariya’s countenance to crumble to an unrecognisable appearance.
At that moment, for the first time, he realized that he did not consider, what more foresee the fact that he would lose the factor – his bitter enemy, Tōsaka Tokiomi; though his realization was already too late. Because he was uncontrollably shaken, Kariya was at a state where he could not even recall on the spot, basic things like why he had been fighting Tokiomi, and what had he wished for in participating in the war of the Holy Grail.
And then –
“……Kariya, -kun?”
– At this moment, until he sensed the presence of a new visitor who had just stepped into the chapel; until he was called from behind by the familiar and lovely voice – Kariya had not notice anything at all.
Turning back whilst in a state of stupor, Kariya could not grasp at all why Aoi Tōsaka was still standing there. If his brain was functioning properly, he would probably arrive at the thought of why he was called by someone none other than Aoi, and why she had visited this place, when there was no reason at all to do so. And he could also probably go further back in his train of thoughts to the person who would have been able to position Tokiomi’s body at the chapel beforehand – it had to be a human - ; and also to guess without any difficulty, the identity of the suspect who killed Tokiomi.
“A….u…..”
However, at the height of confusion; at the state of not being able to mouth legible words, Kariya could only moan uselessly. At the instant when he staggered back, the corpse he was carrying in his arms fell onto the chapel floor like a sack with a thud. For a long time, Aoi stared at the figure which had once been her husband. Staring, without twitching any muscle.
“Aoi, -san…… I……”
Without uttering a syllable, Aoi slowly approached Tokiomi’s body as if being drawn to him. Without any reason, Kariya felt overpowered and retreated further, but was obstructed by an obstacle just a few steps after. Rigidly still as if passing judgment onto him, it was the altar of the chapel.
Bending her knees to the floor, Aoi carried Tokiomi’s face up. Having lost a place to hide, Kariya could only watch her like that. He could not understand why Aoi did such a thing. – No, he did not want to understand. Why she did not even spare a glance at him, her childhood friend, but continually fixed her eyes on the body of Tokiomi; what the meaning of those tears falling down her face was – Kariya obstinately rejected comprehension, and because of that, he could not utter a single word.
If memory served – he was supposed to never make this person – whom he loved above anyone else – cry again, and to fight for her even at the cost of his life.
If that’s the case, then this woman sobbing in front of him right now – who was she? If he were to just even accept that, wouldn’t Matō Kariya fall to pieces?
She did not look at Kariya. As if disregarding even the air or anything else, tears poured out from her towards her husband’s body. She, the tragic heroine, was exactly at the centre of the world as its axis of revolution. Having regarded her in that way, Kariya was an existence without any meaning whatsoever; like some trash on the stage, or a stain on the background. Kariya was terrified at the delusion that his position and his very existence were erased. He even felt the impulsion to scream right now to capture her attention. But, not a sound could come out of his dry throat.
Nevertheless, before long, when he was looked straight in the eye by Aoi – who had finally lifted her head up – Kariya finally understood: Ignorance was a greater compassion; if he could disappear from the world at that instant, it was a far greater relief.
“……So now it’s as if the Matōs had gained the Holy Grail right? Happy now, Kariya-kun?”
It was a familiar voice, but in a tone he had never heard before. That was because his gentle and kind childhood friend had never hated or cursed anyone in front of Kariya before.
“I – but, I – “
Why must he be blamed? Tokiomi Tōsaka was the cause of all the evil. If that man was not around, everything was supposed to turn out well. In the first place, why had he died at such a place? It should have been Kariya asking questions instead.
“Why…..?”
However, not allowing even time for Kariya to reply, she asked him back instead.
“So after snatching Sakura away from me, the Matōs are still not satisfied? Of all the people, you killed this man, in front of my own eyes…… Why? Did you really hate us so much?”
I don’t know I don’t know.
With a face just like Aoi; with a voice just like Aoi; why was this woman directing such seething enmity and cold killing intent towards Matō Kariya?
Kariya was supposed to have saved Aoi. He was supposed to have obtained a future for her beloved daughter. Then why was he blamed? Who on earth was this woman?
“That guy – it’s his, fault – “
Whilst pointing at Tokiomi’s corpse with his shaky hand, Kariya tried to correct Aoi in a loud voice.
“If that man would just, disappear – no misfortune would befall on anyone. Aoi-san, Sakura-chan – I thought you’d be, happy –“
“Stop talking nonsense!”
With a demon-like expression, the woman shouted.
“You, what do you know! Someone who has never loved anyone before!”
“– Ah –“
With a snap –
– the decisive cracking sound caused Matō Kariya to collapse.
“I…”
I have a person I loved.
Someone warm and gentle; someone whom I want to be happy, above everyone else.
If it’s for her sake, even my life was worth it. Because I felt this way, I had to this date, endure, endureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendureendure whatever pain or hardships so being denied with no chance of explaining myself so for whose sake that I am willing to die for GO TO HELL you’re lying you’re lying you’re lying the one I love most is without a doubt certainly I –
“For me…… the person…… I love ……”
Whilst murmuring with a scraping sound, Kariya’s fists tightened.
In order to heap denials upon those words which denied his everything; in order to shut her mouth up, he tightly squeezed her throat.
The woman opened and closed her mouth gasping for oxygen, like a fish which had left its tank – and yet it seemed to Kariya as if she was trying to form words to further abuse him, which infuriated him all the more.
If I don’t shut her up, everything will end. Everything I’ve done until today will be meaningless. There’s no way I can allow that to happen.
As a matter of fact, Matō Kariya’s madness was the last fortress which could rescue him. In spite of that, he had even missed that lowliest aid at the last moment – the woman’s face which was turning rapidly deathly pale due to the lack of oxygen, was too similar to the image of the beloved woman he cherished so much in his heart – no, it was the woman herself. At last, Kariya realized that.
“……Ah”
At the instant both hands loosened up, a sound slipped from Aoi’s mouth.
Collapsing onto the ground with a thud, she had fainted, not budging an inch. Not having even the composed judgment to differentiate the living from the dead, Kariya thought that just like Tokiomi, she had died.
“Ah, ah……”
He gazed at the hands which had just choked Aoi with all his might. Someone more important than anything else; someone who was the very meaning of his life – those fingers which had plucked that away, stiffened like it was someone else’s. But without a doubt, there was no way to deceive himself – those fingers belonged to him.
Like a peal of thunder, he realized. The fingers which were squirming shakily, were just like the crest worms creeping about Sakura’s skin.
“AaaaaAAAaaaaaAAAAAAhhhhHHHHHHhhhHH…!”
He clawed at his broken face.
He tore his dried-up hair.
A scream escaped his throat. Whether it was a shriek or a wailing, he could not even understand that.
Losing the last bit of sense in him, with merely his animalistic instinct, Kariya desperately sought to flee; whilst stumbling, he ran away from the chapel.
The man who had lost everything, was greeted by the pitch-black darkness of the starless night.
Within the chapel of Fuyuki Church, there were secrets known only to the priest.
The wall which separated the chapel and the priest’s room at the back was in reality, only serving as a partition. It was built with the consideration that all the writings in the chapel went through the priest’s room.
Therefore, whilst relaxing on a chair in the priest’s room, Kotomine Kirei could hear all the developments of the tragedy in detail.
He seemed deeply immersed in his thoughts. Beside him, the golden Servant watching over him, asked.
“A foolish, worthless play. Oh well, not too bad for the first script you wrote. – How was it Kirei? Your views?”
“……”
Silently gazing into space, Kirei gulped down wine from a glass he was holding.
It was a mysterious sensation. The plot was just as he imagined and depicted – it was performed and recreated, relying on the human beings in flesh and blood, furnished with souls.
There was no surprise at all. Both Matō Kariya and Tōsaka Aoi accepted the roles Kirei conveyed to them; and at the appointed time, they visited the church and encountered each other at the perfect timing. Besides, he did not expect Tokiomi’s body – which was just a stage prop – to have the exact effect he desired. Because he had rectified the death spots and the post-death stiffened body, in reality, no one should be able to perceive that the person had been dead for more than half a day.
But then, if it was a development which betrayed none of his expectations; though there wasn’t supposed to be any surprises – when he watched over it till the end, he felt a peculiar excitement.
If it was to be named, it might be called a sense of “freshness”.
The tragic scene just now was not a fantasy performed by actors. It was true that Kirei had guided the scene. But baring his innermost feelings, his fellow humans clashed into one another – the radiance of souls scattering the sparks, was without a doubt, authentic. While struggling to decide an answer to Gilgamesh’s question, Kirei tasted the fragrance of the wine in his mouth again. Indeed, if it was surprise he was looking for, he was better off looking into this wine.
“……Why huh. I had drunk this before, and yet…… I did not notice how profound the taste of this wine is.”
The King of Heroes smiled at Kirei who gazed at his wine glass, straight-faced.
“The taste of a wine is disguised in unexpected forms depending on the side dish served alongside it. Looks like you have begun to understand the meaning of the phrase, ‘broaden one’s view’.”
“……”
Not knowing what the best way was to reply the rapturous Gilgamesh, Kirei put down his empty glass and stood up. He thought about the things he was supposed to attend to later, and felt that he could not afford to keep relaxing like that. Lying on the chapel, Aoi would undoubtedly require treatment. And he also had to retrieve the fleeing Kariya for his next course of action.
Nevertheless, before leaving the room, once again, Kirei glanced at the empty glass. He noticed that he felt reluctant to part with the wine, which he had finally finished.
Earnestly he thought – if I can taste such flavour from this wine, I’d love to drink it again.
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