Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko:Volume1 Chapter3

Chapter Three - "What if I got three jokers on hand during a game of Old Maid?"

Status: Incomplete

44% completed (estimated)

   

Chapter Three: "What if I got three jokers on hand during a game of Old Maid?"

New morning, new high school. On the second day, I arrived extra early.

The empty lot still looked like a simple temporary house with interspersed bikes. It almost looked as if people just abandoned their bikes and parked haphazardly. Since I can park wherever, I picked the spot next to the storage; that way, I can leave easily when bikes fill the place later. Of course, I left it unchained. Thieves have eyes: they'll want a different bike.

Speaking of locks, I don't even have the key to Meme-san's house. Erio even told me she often goes out during daytime. That's not good. I'll have to apply for one when I get home!

After shoving some books that I might need into the back pack, I dragged dutifully from school->shoe locker->stairs->classroom. If there's a way to skip a step, please teach me.

I pulled open the class door; the screeching noise reverberated in the hall, and I cringed. Perhaps lacking the innate skin humidifier of a human being, the room was filled with dry air. The same kind that is left in your room few days after a trip.

Walking in, I saw two people in the class already. One was a guy, sleeping on his desk – probably how he spends his lunch time. He sat by the window, meaning he's behind me in the last name order.

The other was my neighbor; her name should be Maekawa-san. Back hunched, she rested her cheek on one arm. Her haired swayed every now and then – man, she doesn't look very reliable~ I commented as I drifted to my seat.

As I pulled the seat out, Maekawa-san's side face became a straight-on portrait. She stared at me; her eyes weren't scary today. Maybe she's near-sighted and didn't wear her contacts yesterday.

I traded look with this girl who's taller than me when sitting down. As a whole, she gave the impression of an oarfish. Despite looking beautiful underwater, there's just something disappointing about them when viewing up close... She belongs in the art category.

Maekawa-san seemed to also realize that gazes can't communicate, or maybe she thought this was the time to make the next move. Her first broadcast came from her lips:

"Transfer student." Without verbs or adjectives, she finished her speech with slightly coarse voice.

"That would make you 'student.'"

"Hm, I've been here for two year." She took out her student ID, the proof of her status.

"Well... We are in the same grade; even the same class!"

"I know." Of course we are, she seemed to say.

She gave a little frown. That should be my expression! I put up a contending stance.

"......"

"......"

The conversation ended. Not abruptly, but gradually faded away.

Since the second store was in complete silence, even shallow words like these were enough to excite the mind. I opened the back pack I didn't have to, looked inside to alleviate the boredom.

"...Ah."Since I don't have my books yet, I'll ask Maekwa-san to lend me one. I could just ask the Tanizawa guy behind me, but I'm also not a man with a noble soul.

In the end, the backpack remained untouched, hanging by the table.

"......"

I gazed at the clock above the blackboard. About half a circle away from homeroom.

So just why did I left so early?

Question — from me.

Answer — from me. You're welcome.

It's because Erio was home!

I recalled what happened after I denounced her "duty."

Below is a memory too recent to be the past.

"The world exists in a polygonal box; a higher existence observes the known universe. These entities see us as a form of entertainment, and thus, they enter fragments of the truth into the minds of normal human beings. Speaking strictly from the results, these people are bound with conditions similar to dementia and are exiled, in order to suppress the dissemination of truth. Just as the word suggests, they are erased from the world. Even the observers cannot predict the technology humanity used to cross the parallel worlds.”

“Really, now.”

“In addition, there are traces of human experimentation. They observe the direction in which human souls adhere to, and arbitrarily create realms as abodes for these souls. There are even rumors that they have been evaluating the reactions of humans when given a new life, and comparing their view on life to the those of other earthly organisms.”

“Really, now.”

“The Observers even use cities as testing ground, in order to ascertain the capacity of emotional fluctuation within humans and to select the ones with superior psyche. People murdered for bounty, and the dead haunted the town as walking corpses. The situation was perilous.”

“Really, now… Ow!”She smacked on pack, almost making me choke on the half-swallowed rice.

I chugged down the Oolong tea next to me to wash down the food. About a third of a bottle worth of liquid rolled into my stomach. I gave Erio a glance of “what the hell was that?” but she only nibbled away at the Okonomiyaki on hand.(TL Note: a Japanese pancake-like dish. Literally means “what you like”)

She seems to prefer the diet of eating pizza in the morning, and Okonomiyaki at night. Don't they somehow overlap with each other? I did warn her at the convenient store, but she just ignored me.

We didn't head straight home, instead circling to a densely forested park behind the temple under Erio's command.

“Outside activity is a rare occurrence. Hence, I must carry out my duty as a blahblahblah.” She explained her motivation for our detour. The rest had nothing to do with her – something to do with the will of the universe – so I just listened cursorily.

We sat and ate next to each other on the half-buried tires in the park. I picked the yellow one, Erio the white one; the pink one remained neglected.

I heard that parks and temples in the city are occupied by hobos… Keeping my country sense keen, I did see a few people. Since there was a mysterious girl carrying a mattress around, some old guy even thought we ran away from home (I don't like it either, but some people even mistook us as eloped couple) and kindly offered us help. Perhaps the nearly destroyed bicycle that looked it its been salvaged from a river bank amplified our impression.

However, when the guy carelessly asked for Erio's identity…

“Within restricted parameter combined with lowered linguistic standard, I am an esper.”

“Wow~ Impressive!” Super — the simplified version of “super stupid.” So you do understand! (TL Note: Supah sounds similar to Esupah)

After such conversations, everybody retreated near the temple to let us alone. Seemed like they may have realized that Erio is a rather hard-to-describe individual. No, they are right; but I was still bothered, and want to scream some unmentionable words.

I peered up at the evening sky. Cloud hid the moon, trying to raise the night's potency. If the time was now, I might be able to say it. I looked toward the dim stars; memories of the country's sky sighed.

“Ah~ Cough, cough… So, cough, cough… I just wanna say, cough, cough… I guess not...”

Simple coughs created some breathing spaces, but somehow I sounded irk with her. Tsk!

I continued eating.

Erio bit the Okonoyaki with Yakisoba as I stabbed at the fried-fish bento. (TL Note: Yakisoba is basically stir-fried noodle. Bento is a takeout or home-packed meal with rice and a variety of sidedishes)

Great atmosphere we were having during meal time… That's good, but there wasn't any opportunity for talking. I thought maybe she'd break into a rap after taking that futon off, but everything coming out just spelt chuunibyou. Even without the outer space element, every sentences of hers pervaded delusion. (TL Note: Literally translates to “middle school second year syndrome.”Refers to someone with delusion that usually involves super natural power or an alter persona)

“I don't comprehend the cousin's stance of ignoring my beneficial intelligence.”

Like treating a neanderthal, Erio shrugged at me like an American woman. By the way, the futon she wore served now as padding. According to her, it hurt to sit because her butt wasn't too fleshy… And for some reason, her analogy involved Mars and the moon. Think about that now, why?

“We aren't exactly on the same wave length here; why not learn a thing or two from a TV…? Oh yeah, why does every channel has something playing here? The TV was on when I was unpacking, and I almost wanted to praise the city when I saw the eighth channel with a show on.”

Channel five was listed under entertainment back home. Man, the eighth channel was almost pitch black – I thought maybe it was a program meant for clairvoyance training.

“Under what order is the cousin sent here?”

“The earthly order that my parents had to transfer.”

“Was there any interaction with the extraterrestrials in the previous settlement?”

“Nothing. The earth is quite big, y'know. No reason for them to only visit Japan.”

Seems like at least in this regard, she's the same as those foreigners who adore the Yamato-damashii. But if aliens were to visit, why would they bother showing up in the middle of the sticks where I lived? Shouldn't they go see places like Kyoto instead? (TL Notes: 大和魂, the spirit of Yamato. Refers to the traditional virtue and characteristics of Japan)

“A logical point.”Erio assented with a rare, honest nod.

I might see particles from her hair again if I lower my guard.

“Eri… Agh. Erio.” And what about her name? This is not for Japanese people.

I don't want the mother who named her to to have any more screen time!

“…?”

Because of my stopping halfway, Erio inquisitively tilted her head. I guess she doesn't hate the idea of me calling her name, nor does she seem to think “why are disgusting people all so shameless?”with a revolted expression. And so, I asked unreservedly:

“Why do you insist on playing as an alien?”

“Because I am one.”She concisely asserted.

“Alright, so am I eating dinner with an alien?”I don't believe her one bit.

“The cousin should have ascertained my identity.”

“Haah?”Oh~ I did say that at the convenient store, but it was just figuratively speaking.

If she thought I was serious, both of us lose in a way.

“I am curious: why do you possess the galactic clairvoyance, despite your misleading appearance?”

“Excuse me for interrupting your half-assed compliment, but it's a misunderstanding.”

“…Modesty. A young man who seeks praises by relying on the Japanese virtue?”

“N—o, and you're a wacko.”

Perhaps to test my honesty, Erio stared at me, making me answer awkwardly. I keep thinking that I somehow won her faith with idiotic phrases.

But is trust really a concept suitable for Erio? She is “super” after all.

Not someone like me could deal with.

As if to end the conversation, she bit off a big chunk of the Okonomiyaki. Well, big enough to fill maybe half my mouth.

“Does the reason really matter? Oh yeah… here, for you.”

As it had been sitting underneath the bento, the napkin was lukewarm, but it should be usable.

I handed the wet wipe I also bought earlier to Erio. Since she didn't have a free hand, she merely stared at me with oblivious eyes, as if telling me something, instead of taking it.

“You still got pizza on your face. Doesn't it itch? How about cleaning it?”

“…...Why?”

Erio strickenly asked, appearing apprehensive. Her reaction was not what I had expected.

“I don't even know why you asked.”And take it fast, the flies are going steal my food.

“….☆☆☆☆☆☆” Erio's lips vibrated at high frequency.

“Wha? Speak up~”

I tried speaking like Mifune-san. Sometimes, the same thing done by guys just irritates people. The amount of healing was even less than sugar during war time; it was gross, but I did my best at a falsetto.

“...Um, but why?” I softened my tone of speech, but vacillated because due to indecisiveness.

Man~ the anxiety is killing me! We already don't talk that much, communicating choppily only through broken phrases that pain my stomach, and I'm even slower when its come to actually doing things.

I won't tolerate things to develop at such turtle pace.

Unable to stand the pressure, I helplessly took out the wipe to clean her face and around her mouth.

With a bit of force, I rubbed around her eyelids and sides of nose. Erio let me do so without facing away.

It's like taking care of an infant; I remembered the times during a middle school kindergarten visit. Maybe that's why I don't feel nervous touching Erio's face, but then…

“I will not change your evaluation score even with bribery.”

“Good for you. Someone who trusts or flip-flops easily is definitely unreliable.”

Just like the disks of a Reversi game, changing to one color is as easy as to the other.

I balled up the wipe and threw it into the bag after finishing. Since I've located the park's garbage can, I'll just dispose of the trash when we head back.

Once again Erio and I used our hands and mouths for purposes other than speaking. Without a question she can eat normally, but since she already feeds in such amusing way, she probably would actually never take off the futon aside for bathing.

Must be really muggy, being sequestered in the world of futon.

A pubescent guy will definitely become a hotbed for pimples, adding more holes and scars on his skin.

“…...”

I peered at Erio's profile to my content.

Her appearance is best used when eating quietly. If her mouth were taped shut, she must be able to advance in life by at least three levels.

However, she probably chose to become degenerate, so it has nothing to do with me.

From about three paces away, I inquired Erio:

“What do you during the day anyway?”

“Eradicate evidences of extraterrestrial contact. Why do you ask?”

“No, no reason.”I still added a line of “is that so?”afterward.

And the night passed like that. I rewound the empty film strip of memory.

We engaged in an exchange valued at around two Youth-points. Though due to content of our conversation, about one point in fragment was scored.

I wonder if my deficit can ever be reimbursed in that household.

The guy next to the window already turned his lying head elsewhere, changing even the position of his arm. Seemed like he just wants to relax, as opposed to actually being sleepy.

It's not like the concept is foreign: during seventh grade, I've always felt that time was slow. Not because there was the lure of joy waiting ahead that every second felt like an hour, but the exact opposite – it was so boring, I just wanted to leave school and take a nap back home. Every second, minute and hour bored me.

The lack of change drains me of even the strength to resist gravity, sinking me bit by bit.

Once adapted to the murky depth of sea, there is no turning back.

Evolution is clever, but not omnipotent — it is still flawed.

Though it's not like living under the sun is the only way.

Deep-see fishes have their way of survival. Man, they are so disgustingly cute!

For someone who adores deep-sea creature, I can't help but think of them as romantic.

At least it's better than confiding in the aliens, and it suits the mysterious character better.

As I smiled to myself, Maekawa-san began her rerun:

“So...”Still resting on her arm, she looked sideways at me.

“So…?”

I tried speaking like her. What if she gets angry? I thought regretfully, but Maekawa-san didn't mind and continued calmly:

“I just wanted to say, I'm not a hold-back.”

Once again she waved the student ID at me. This time I noticed the blonde hair on the picture, which was now completely black.

Maekawa's head must have had an agricultural revolution or a bio-re-engineering!

“People often think I'm older because of my height.”

“I see.”I concisely expressed my comprehension. Well, no. I don't think age is the issue here…

“Was that not funny? I thought it was a good joke.”

How strange~ Maekawa-san stared at the clock with a finger on her lip, thoroughly confused. Her expression was like that of the science teacher who got more magnifying glass back than there are students in the class. The conundrum exists, but it isn't unsettling or anything.

I understand she was confident in her joke… However, I didn't see the elements of a punchline.

“Mmm...” Maekawa-san grumbled, “Hmm...” She glanced every now and then, busy gathering and processing the information, while I passed time looking at her.

Since I know that as long as I keep the “what's she doing?” attitude, she wouldn't suspect a thing.

Nevertheless, her body is so long! Looking more like a kite with only its frame, she didn't feel imposing. If she were in a Sengoku warfare, she would possibly be used as a substitute spear. (TL Notes: A period of constant military conflict in Japan from 1467 to 1603. Ended when the Tokugawa shogunate unified Japan.)

Would this be classified as model physique? The April morning slipped away as I pondered.

I should have realized from our the last names, Mifune-san sat behind Maekawa-san.

In other words, object 'M' is located behind me, diagonally right.

“So Niwa-kun is a bread person, huh?”

Lunchtime. “Let's munch on our lunch!” invited Mifune-san. And so, I put the bread I bought this morning on her desk and began eating.

The neighboring Maekawa-san floated out of the class, probably headed to the cafeteria.

Maybe I'm being nosy, but can Mifune-san see the front sitting behind her? Sigh, if not, just use Maekawa-san's back as the black board! (I suddenly went insane.)

“Cuz my aunt has to work. Mifune-san, you got your own lunch?”

“Yep, my ma made it! Oh yeah, just call me Ryuuko! Actually, you hafta!”

She gently commanded with a beaming smile. But it's probably not a good idea to force a shy guy to call her by name!

Mifune-san (tentative) took out a single-layered bento from a different bag. Beneath the wrapping was a tiny box, small enough for me to swallow the entire thing.

Erio, too. Half a pizza was enough – girl's digestive system shocks me. Or maybe its just the whole weight-loss trend.

“It so nice to have lunch buddies right after getting inta new classes!”

Mifune-san's wavy hair and charming face radiated a light that can soften everything, possibly even contribute to world peace. If everyone has one at home, we won't need air purifiers anymore.

I will even breath the carbon dioxide that's been to her lungs! I don't know if my organs will agree, though. I'm not an extinguisher; isn't it unsafe to do that?

“You're great help for me, too, since I don't know anyone. Don't you have other friends to eat with?”

“All of my friends are in a different class, so its kinda weird for me to butt in. Its sorta like, hmm~ I'm on an island chewing on grass, while they are eating luxury sushi on some faraway ferry. While they became women who don't need to wait for that time sale for fatty tuna, I turned into an acorn-eating forest-dweller. Wuu… There ya have it.”

“It's not exactly the time to be saying 'butt in'...” Send an SOS, or you might die!

“Eh~ ya think? It's kinda fun on the island though~ No one would care if I cut a buncha trees down, and people wouldn't destroy my secret headquarter!”

“And no one would say a thing if you yell a bunch by the sea!”

I gave up on defying the direction of our talk. Why not hitch a ride? Islands are awesome~

…… A perfect harmony between me and her, yet my back crawled as if there were ants on it.

The gazes from around us, especially those of the indecently curious guys, made me feel conscious. As a person who was often in their shoes, I knew not to mind them or feel upset. Actually, its more like the premonition and warning of “I am possibly at the top of my life right now” made me so free that I wanted to say “Look closely! Better yet, record this broadcast it nationwide!”...Well, that was a lie.

Mifune-san opened the bento. In it were cherry tomatoes, apple, Youkan, pickled cucumber, banana tempura and very little rice. It's like a famine in there; the menu lacked any red. (TL Notes: Youkan is a sort of jellied desert eaten in summer. Tempura refers to seafood or vegetables that are battered and deep fried.)

“Are you a vegetarian?”I had to ask.

“Mm~” She quickly noticed that I referred to her lunch and contemplated.

“If I hafta say, I would say fruitarian?”

I don't really know where people like her should go. Your spirit of word-making is admirable, just remember to look back on the road of peerlessness.

“Its not like I don't eat meat; I just don't always. Well, that's what I tell people.”

“Huh, that's unusual. So fast food is not your thing?”

“Yeppers. I love fruits. My goal is to become a tropical girl with juice for blood!”

The day of her dream-come-true, all the insects will gather around; my plan of mass producing Mifune-san may suffer from a setback! Ahh~ but seriously, Mifune-san is the best. Currently, she's my number one. Well, I suppose the number of people I know may be the reason, but at least she scores higher than Erio.

“Already eyeing the new guy, Ryuushi?”

Passerby A entered, foreshadowing the next event… Ignore the things a crazy gamer might say. A person neither transparent in name or appearance popped out and jokingly call Mifune-san 'Ryuushi.' Could it be that her name is 'Mifune Ryuushi Ryuuko?' With so much Japanese in the name, that's impossible even for a multiracial person.

“No and no~ I'm investigating if Niwa-kun from the other town bleeds sap~”

“What kind of speculation is that?”I gave a vague smile to the girl I just met.

“Also! Don't call me Ryuushi~ I order thee to say it right!”

She corrected the person with an overall not-too-harsh tone. The girl gave an equivocal smile to us and left.

The story will probably have little to do with her later, so I'll skip the introduction. What is important, however, is what's behind the word.

“Ryuushi-san.”

“It's Ryuuko!”Her angry expression was adorable. “Ryuushi is just a word; Ryuuko is my name!”She focused her irritation on some strange things.

Mifune-san puffed out her cheeks; the shape of a cherry tomato appeared, like a manga character with cavity.

“So why does she call you Ryuushi?”

“Mm~ I'm don't like it either, but my name in Kanji is like this.”

With a pen, she wrote down her name in squiggly writting. “Ryuuko. (流子)”

“Ah, so that's why its Ryuushi.”(TL Notes: 流子 could be pronounced as Ryuuko or Ryuushi. Ryuushi (粒子) means particle)

So you can say her name like that.

“So which one is right?”

“Of course its Ryuuko~!”

Mifune-san nibbled on her apple while explaining the origin of her nickname:

“Someone called me that last year. I tried correcting her, but she just ignored me, saying Ryuushi sounds more cosmic… In the end everybody called me that. That name... is a hazard.”

“Hm, like, you were sick?”Cosmic? Something clicked as I spoke.

The uniform hung next door swam in the milky way. Away with you!

“Ah, ya want some?”Mifune-san suggested to me the banana tempura.

“Yay~ Stealing others' food has always been my dream!” I'll take what's offered then. The green banana wasn't quite sweet enough, neither was it soft – it's like eating a vegetable. Honestly, I could only smile when she asked whether I liked it.

Mifune-san stared at my throat, continuing only after seeing me swallow.

“She doesn't come here anymore though – she dropped out.”

“'Dropped out'?”The uniform covers Earth. Stop it, you conceited world-uniform.

“There were a lotta problems around the girl - must be complicated if she voluntarily left.”

Picking up another slice of apple, she skimmed through the story with a lonely smile.

“I saw her the other day. Her style was, like, really unique, ya know? I think it's pretty cool.”

“Huh, that's nice. What was it like?”

I responded quickly, feigning my ignorance. It was so smooth, the word “cool” may as well have been written on my face. Oh, but its only because my empty answer is very well-ventilated.

“Heheh, it's a secret! You will know once ya see it!”

Mifune-san mischievously tried to pique my interest with a childish smile.

Then it's a secret for me too. Your friend probably lives with me!

Openly admit my affiliation with that person may just lead me to the road of ostracization, considering her previous circumstances.

Speaking of which, Erio and I are actually the same age! I had no idea about something so basic.

Does that mean Mifune-san's nickname is the legacy of her school life?

“Niwa-kun will definitely see her! She's quite the landmark of town now! Mm~Mm~”

“Wow~ I wish it'd be sooner~” I saw it this morning too. Actually, it's haunting me!

“I must visit blah-blah place today. Escort me with the bicycle, my assistant Watson!”

Omitting the jargon, Erio's intent was to force me to take her out. And so I fled to school early this morning. As someone between a model student and a delinquent, I wouldn't skip school on the first stay – being late is my worst.

“I'm done.” Joining her hands, Mifune-san finished her meal first. Seems like city dwellers are well developed in the technique of eating and speaking. I still had half my bread.

“Niwa-kun, got any interests?” As we packed our lunch, she flung out a question essential to a blind date.

“For interests, I would have to say deep-sea creatures. Sometimes I look up pictures of them on the web too.”

“Deep-sea fish? Like shrimps or crabs?”

“Yeah, those.” But you said fishes.

“And mollusks and jelly fishes?”

“Them too!” Was it intentional? Or was she born with it?

“How about cute ones? Like, you'd wanna catch them and stuff.”

Mifune-san flapped up and down, imitating a fisherman.

Did the lady confuse deep-sea fish with tropical fish? Well, as long as its cute, its fine.

“If you're talking about ugly-cute, then there are plenty.”

“Mm~ ugly-cute...”For some reason, she shot me a glance when she said it. 'Couldn't ya at least talk about the cute ones?' Deep-sea animals are indeed creepy; after all, they live in a totally different place.

“You should lend me an atlas if ya have one.”

“Sure, if I can.”

I answered unhesitatingly. Not that it matters, but whenever this girl says the word “atlas,” it just reminds me of the “Atlas for Kids” grade schoolers read. We should be in the same grade — could this be one of the school's seven mysteries?

Mifune-san clapped her hands and cracked a smile:

“Then your name from now on shall be Shinkai-san!”

“No, that's not smart at all...”Specifically, the combination of the names. (TL Notes: 深海 誠 Shinka Makoto, a Japanese anime director and former graphic designer. Famous works include 5 centimeters Per Second and The Garden of Words. His last name literally means deep-sea)

“Mm, then Shingyu-san.” (TL Notes: 深魚, deep fish)

“Does every name you come up with overlaps with someone else's?”

And just like the Japanese dishes that focuses too much on preserving the original taste, they were always untouched.

Following her naming sense, people who likes spinach would be named P*peye, and criminals Harper.

“Hmm?” Finding no fault with her own declaration, Mifune-san tilted her head slightly.

I can welcome this type of quirk. Spending time together is always more interesting with a bit of variation.

On the surface, she looks like a modern girl; but on the inside, she’s a bit retro.

Appearing like the Heisei period, but actually the Shouwa period — that’s her impression. (TL Notes: Different periods of time in Japanese History. Shouwa period is from 1926; Heiei began at the death of Emperor Shouwa, 1989, and is the current era.)

Anyhow, I will register the nickname ‘Ryuushi-san’ in my heart.

I like the name: it’s not in bad taste, though I will pretend to not know who made it.

So ended my first day at the new school.

Since it’s the first time for every class, we didn’t learn anything significant, and I didn’t need to borrow the books of my neighbors.

And so, my reaction: boredom.

In the end, I dragged my useless bag out of class. Today, I will be all alone on the way home!

Ryuushi-san said “I gotta club today, so I’ll see ya tomorrow!” and left with a smile. I don’t know what club she goes to yet, but its worthy of imagination — nay, prediction.

“Hm~…” From her aura… Either drama or basketball.

While employing my brain on fruitless fantasy, I walked down stairs toward the shoe lockers. After changing my shoes, I discovered Maekawa-san at the neighboring row stretching by a pillar.

It’s like seeing a giant sword fish on a crane. Her stretching body gave off a terrifying air; she’s a candidate for creating shades along the summer road.

Her torso flexibly bent back; it was then she found my observing stare. For reasons unrelated to physiology, Maekawa-san blinked and spoke:

“Isn’t it the transfer student, what are you doing?”

“I am looking at Maekawa-san.” I spoke respectfully for some reason.

(illustration)

“Is that so? Whoooa!” She staggered backward, back still arched. How horrifying, it’s like the standing version of the Exorcist; I almost jumped back.

Before I actually ran away, she regained herself. “Ahh~ everything’s shaking~” She groaned while holding onto her head. Is she dizzy?

“Blood is rushing into my head… I’m seeing stars~” Halfway through her speech, she cracked a strange smile; it’s rather uncanny looking from the side.

“Going home with a bike?” She resumed, still leaning forward.

“Yeah, actually riding it, instead of being ridden…”

It wasn’t anything funny, but I still responded like that. Maekawa-san, though, burst out in light laughter; it seemed well-like. Considering our conversation this morning, she may actually be someone who laughs easily.

After she poised herself and re-did her hair, we unintentionally walked together to the parking lot. Walking side-by-side like this, I think I understand the mentality of wanting to call someone “Senpai!” or “Nee-chan!”

“Got plan for joining a club, transfer student?”

Maekawa-san gave way to the football club members who ran around the campus, and tossed me a casual topic. (TL Notes: The ones you kick.)

“Nothing, really. I was the phantom member of paper craft during middle school and P.A during high school.” (TL Note: Public Announcement)

“How are those related?”

“Then how about yourself?”

Hearing my counter-question, she looked away toward the falling cherry-blossom:

“About a year ago, I was invited to many clubs. About a week later, they all see me as an extra. So now, I am the phantom of the art club.”

Was it injury? Family problem? Her heavy tone indicated such problems.

“May I ask why?”

“Hm, it’s nothing big, but I guess this is why.” Maekawa-san stopped suddenly, raising her arms in a victorious pose.

“…?” What if she asks me to do the same? I hesitated for a moment.

“Give me a second.” She told me to wait. Everyone, give me your energy! I looked up to where her arms pointed to, but the only object in the air was the sun. What is going on? As I looked back, I screamed embarrassingly – a frowning Maekawa-san staggered toward me, her slender legs unable to support her weight. (TL Notes: Something from Dragon Ball Z)

If I move, her body would likely to crash into the ground at full force. I could only accept the challenge of catching a meteor with my bare hands. Surprisingly, though, I easily caught her shoulders. Is Maekawa-san’s bone structure is like a Pterodactyl’s? Her weight did not match her height, rather light for her height.

“Thanks.” She held her forehead even as she thanked.

“Ahh~ my ears are ringing, and blood is filling my head~” She spoke obliviously with mushy voice. What is wrong with this person?

“If I put my arms above my head for about ten seconds, I get dizzy; so basketball, volleyball and drama all gave up on my height. What do you call people like me?”

“A weakling.”

“That’s it. Not very useful, huh? I was fired from my part time job at the bookstore for this reason too.”

“………”

A magnificent yet frail Onee-sama, how charming!

No; a frail, yet magnificent Onee-sama, how charming! Sounds better this way.

Either one sounds girly as hell though.

Maekawa-san regained her posture and began fixing her hair. She may be mumbling “Uu, uu” but seemed like she could at least walk now.

“There was a blood drive last year, and I went. The nurse told me ‘You’re a big girl. So we’re taking 400cc!’ ignoring my explanation and began the procedure. Something strange happened though: I finished about twice as early as the big guy next to me. I think my blood flow is like faster than other people’s, maybe that’s why I get dizzy.”

“Oh~? That means your blood is clean, so isn’t that good? You don’t have to worry about artery hardening.”

“Yeah, the nurse also told me I’m likely screwed if I got into an accident.”

“I see.” Is this what they mean by “The weakness of the biggest weapon is its back?” Mm, mm~ tricky.

We temporarily separate upon reaching the storage room. Since I parked the bicycle there earlier, I was able to get it out immediately. Maekawa-san, who got here before I did this morning, also got her ride out.

The same as I saw yesterday, her bike was an everyday, silver city bicycle. As a side note, we call these ‘Country bicycle’ where I came from! Of course not! We call them utility bikes, or their dialect equivalent.

As we carried the bikes out, a comment fell in the air.

“That’s a pretty retro bike!” As for who said it, you can guess.

I took the lead peddling forward. Counting yesterday, I went home with two different girl for two days straight. I am racking those Youth-points in! Does transferring improve my fengshui? (TL Notes: Something that supposedly alters fortune in Chinese culture. Usually refers to position of objects in houses)

However, my fortune lasted until the school gate.

“Eh?” Maekawa-san gave a bewildered sound, easily passing me and increasing the gap.

I gazed with envy and despair at the wheels that spun effortlessly ahead of me.

Maekawa-san waited and looked back at the traffic light. She scowled at the distance between us, slowly waved at me.

Making her wait for me bothered me too, so I waved back.

She sped up even faster, her slender figure disappearing.

“…I lost to a weakling?”

Adding bicycle onto the list of necessities, I decided to save up on my allowance.

The first thing I saw was the lying futon-roll. I know you’re not a Chikuwa now!

Maybe I’m used to it; I didn’t feel a point lost.

Since there was a NEET fairy, or maybe a NEET who wants to become a fairy in the middle of the hallway, I raised my feet to step on it. But since abusing of animal is frowned upon, I merely stepped over. Heave- “Ho… Whoa!”

My foot tripped on the suddenly active Swiss roll, and I landed on my butt: “Ow…”

Without any preparation, I fell. The floor squeaked at the quake. I am not generous enough to pretend that it was fortunate that no one, including the perpetrator herself, didn’t see me falling on my ass.

“Dammit…” I glared at the target of my words; Erio rolled on. “You little…!” I kicked the front end of the futon-roll, sending her forward until she stopped at the end of the hall.

Without the padding, she’d probably be bleeding out of her nose, like the loser of a brawl.

Man, mattresses are such nice things.

But since Erio didn’t move, I still went and check her safety.

“Still breathing?”

“Chance of survival: high.” She seemed lively.

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Act of vengeance. It is but natural: after discovering the act of physical contact which lacks common sense (rude), I must re-educate and-“

“Eat this.” I stomped on the futon-pattern where her butt should be. I’ve had enough of your rant.

Man, futons are simply perfect. I would never kick a girl, but I didn’t even think twice about this – futons just create a magnanimous air, like I could be forgiven for anything. Sixteen year after my birth, I learned the other function of the futon. What isn’t taught at school, you learn at home. Hmm, perfect.

This must be the education of city~ what a convenient excuse.

“And then? What’s an alien going to do outside during day time?”

“The cousin’s view is respected: we operate during the night.”

“What, so I still have to go?” Still stepping on her butt, I rolled her around. Yeah, futon-girl is not attractive at all. What a strange feeling, knowing how the person inside looks. From other’s view, it must looks like a rolled-up corpse.

“The cousin may be unsuitable as Watson, but you will do since I am understaffed.”

“I am so sorry for being an unreliable person; maybe the aliens should just use a recruit magazine.” I blocked her, since Erio decided to attack again.

So she’s learned the taste and convenience of hitching a ride! Or has she decided that I’m her comrade, if what she said about aliens was true?

“The evening, huh…” I have to go buy dinner anyway: “Fine, I’ll take you.”

I am sort of interested in why she acts so cosmically. As long as I get to the bottom of it, I’m confident a line of “is that so?” is enough to stop her tirade. Mm, being with Erio sorts of put me on the edge.

I don’t know the reason, but she always either affirms my intuition or irritates me.

…Sigh, it doesn’t matter why or how, the important thing is we got closer after seeing the content of the futon.

“Then, free time until the night. Meeting adjourned. Farewell!” I lifted my foot and the restriction on her.

The unchained Erio advanced – no, assaulted with a motion. I dodged backward, letting her roll all the way to the entrance. “Uu, uu…” Her feet seemed to have absorbed some impact, and she whined weakly. I gave a smile, feeling a bit warm on the inside.

Before heading upstairs, I peered into the kitchen. Pizza box on the table again. Another half of a pizza on the inside:

“Then the inside of that futon… Ugh, must be like a blender!”

I pictured the status of Erio’s face, grabbing and pouring the barely tea in a cup, and gulped the drink. Maybe the water quality is different; it tastes different from the one back home.

The water of city tastes metallic. Perhaps, it tastes like blood.

The night cometh. I actually wish it wouldn’t.

I finally arranged the books I brought on the shelf (I read a few nostalgic book half way through the process). To ventilate the musty room, I opened the window.

The heat precipitating in the room mixed with the warmth coming from outside.

“Oh~ I could see some stars!” Leaning on my arms, I looked out the window at the stars. Whirls of thin cloud played background, tracing out the evening sky. The transparency was almost the same as the night back home. “But the city’s lights are taking over the sky!” I scanned the city – not a speck of darkness. Lights from houses, stores, skyscrapers are incomparable to those in the country, which consists of maybe just the red beacon of radio towers. “Hm~”

Forget about that for now, if I could watch the stars with my friends on the park's bench, it'll give about two points. Especially during winter, when the air we breathe out turns into white smoke; even better if we have a can of drink to warm ourselves. “Hm—“ By the way, the mosquitoes during summer time would be annoying. “Hmhm—“ Shut it, how are you even speaking?

Erio, whom I intentionally princess-carried down the stairs (I actually wanted to kick her down), complained incessantly with eyes that emitted 'Are we going? Are we going?' Our destination was not the entrance, but the kitchen.

Like a dog who hates to take baths, Erio struggled when I tried to clean her up. I held her and forcefully took off the futon. Pieces of dry cheese and tomatoes stuck on her hair, and because of her rolling, there were even crusts on her neck. How admirable of her to lie down like that and even trip people!

Even sadder was that despite touching Erio’s skin a bunch, I didn’t feel my blood and pulse dilating. I felt like I was taking care of a needy animal, even though I shouldn't have become used to touching her. Somehow, I've lost.

“Alright, you're done.” I let go of her after wiping where the eyes can see. Erio sprinted to the other futon I prepared without a word of thanks. Before hiding her face into the half-wrapped futon, she gave me a dry glance of “tie it for me?” with a heart sign… Probably not. I sighed and spitefully tied the rope.

“Hiding your only merit… You an ascetic? Or a hermit?”

“Is it really wise to expose a cosmic existence such as myself?”

“No, but you're totally exposed in some other way!” People like you are generally branded as socially ignorant.

As her compadre, I may also be lobbed in the same category. Sigh, nothing I could do.

People like me just have to suffer to get close to girls.

The loss with Ryuushi-san isn't obvious yet, but sooner or later I'll have to pay for my fortune; I thought melancholily.

Futon adjustment complete. I lifted Erio, whose sole exposure was her head, and carried her out the door. Would someone mistake me as a kidnapper of cute girls? I worried anxiously, and tossed her into the bicycle basket. Combination complete; in some ways, this is also a Itasha.

“Alright, where to? Do heroes of justice really have a destination?”

“I must investigate the site. Further instruction will be issued.”

“Now.”

“Right turn after leaving the house.”

What a convenient and comprehensive cosmic command.

With a kick, the bike began its motion: “Alright, we're out!”

“...Initiating telepathy.”

“Sorry, left my phone and TV at home, so I can't receive your signal~ So, left or right?”

“Left side.”

Even with the directions stitched in between our banter, the bike traveled at a speed that provided plenty time. I hate this!

I didn't understand my GPS's navigation, so I stopped for a second.

“Rewrite” She tried to sound cool. You can read days as daizu, and I still won't laugh! (TL Notes: Daizu is soybean)

“A straight with momentum.” Didn't think baseball is popular in space. You a part of Major League Spaceball?

“Sunny-side up.” And that's cooking. Her terms were all over the place.

...Just where was she headed?

Our destination was the beach across the city.

Night beach!

I emphasized again – this was the reward of two-hours of nonstop pedaling.

Am I accomplished now? I waited for the feeling to come over, but there wasn't much change.

Even in the city, the beach was quiet and dark.

It couldn't be helped; I had to walk to the shore. The sand shuffled – shuffled! - under my feet.

I got excited for no reason and paced like a chicken. Like a tap dancer, I kicked quickly, making more shuffling sound. Wow! I must looked stupid!

On the other side, the light tower consisted of futon and a pair of legs stood by the night sea. Romantic – the farthest possible connection. Waves coated Erio's ankles. Fixed, she stared the horizon. I think.

“What are you doing~? If you are seeing things, the eye doctor is always open!”

Maybe it's hard for her tell~ there are times when, in human society, we see 'things' we don't need to see~ Well, it didn't matter to the me who was having so much fun alone at the beach.

“Ah~Ha! Ah~haha… hah… phew...hah...hah...” Sorry, I can't do it anymore.

Hands on my knees, I heaved heavily. I'm exhausted. Totally forgot I just biked all the way here, doing too much leg workout – on sand, too. I'll have an appointment with sore muscle tomorrow.

“...Ah?”

I saw the supposedly still Erio moving closer to the beach. The futon gradually sunk into the surface, yet her strides were fearless and rhythmic.

Her head was inside the futon with no escape.

...Oi, oi!

Even though I just used all of my energy, I could only rush after Erio:

“Are you here to kill yourself?!”

She ignored my call; water reached her waist.

Ah, she fell like an idiot. She had no way of standing up because of her trapped arms.

This was the same as suicide by drowning. Are you stupid? Are you?!

“Ahhhhh!!” I kicked open the water, saving a moron. Like a scuba diver, I picked her up. What now?

It would be easy to leave her here. As expected, I am irritated to no end with her.

“Pu~” Water spumed from the futon. “Hng!” I pulled open the cover, letting Erio's face out. Her wet bang stuck on the forehead; she looked at me expressionlessly.

“Oi, ya crab, don't mess around like that. I will tie you up like a shrimp later, so stop pretending to be a crustacean.”

I pulled Erio out of the sea. With the water absorbed, her weight increased a lot.

“Floatation is possible in this coordinate; I had tested.”

“No, you were sinking because of the futon.”

“Even I… lack some knowledge.”

“Oh~ right~ then this must be a great experience.” I don't care anymore.

If I let Erio walk on her own, she may end up drowning again, so I carried her. Is this how a bored surfer feel as they return to the shore? Also, she's heavier than Maekawa-san!

“So, why did you come here?”

“I visit here and investigate on a regular basis, for it has everything.”

“All the way here? Walking too… Are you bored — no, stupid, or really enthusiastic?”

The only thing I was sure of, listening to all that, was 'you've got some stamina.'

“No, I flew here.”

“Hah?”

Her unexpected comeback astonished me. Spitting water and words, Erio spoke:

“In the cousin's pitiful vocabulary — I can fly. During emergencies such as the diving from earlier, I will be able to evacuate using aviation.”

“…...” I was glad for not thinking of something like that. How comforting for my brain.

Many aliens and heroes are able to fly without training or reason — that is to be accepted.

…Such is the convenience of being an alien: you don't have to explain anything!

“It was a miscalculation of astronomical chance. There won't be a next time.”

“It doesn't matter if it was a miscalculation, you're gonna die if you're gonna die. Jokes or not, death is death: the only difference is the person's feeling. The results are just that.”

“…...The cousin with low predicted-IQ is lecturing me.”

“Harhar, insult me more!”

Sigh~ I'll admit: I can't even beat a game's IQ test!