Sally went to the police station with her friend Hannah to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. Sally said, "He's 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
Hannah looked at Sally, shocked, and protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 8 inches, overweight, bald, has a temper, and is mean to your children."
Sally replied, "You think I want HIM back?"
Morty was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife Miriam was extremely upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds OR ELSE!!"
The next morning Morty got up early and left for work. When Miriam woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Miriam put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and opened the box to find a brand new bathroom scale.
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said: "Never."
The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
One day while a family of four, went on an outing.
The sister ask her mother about marriage and how expensive it was.
The son, overhearing the discussion looked towards his father and said: "Dad, how much does it cost to be married?"
The Mother and Daughter stopped talking and looked at him.
He paused and looked at his son in a serious manner, "Son, I don't know. I'm still paying for it"
"Please note, we have added a consequence for failure.Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official test record, followed by death. Good luck."
One day while a family of four, went on an outing.
The sister ask her mother about marriage and how expensive it was.
The son, overhearing the discussion looked towards his father and said: "Dad, how much does it cost to be married?"
The Mother and Daughter stopped talking and looked at him.
He paused and looked at his son in a serious manner, "Son, I don't know. I'm still paying for it"
And Oni got to see it after a year of the last post... anyway I liked it too... Or am I too drunk? I don't know...
Well anyway thanks to Oni I got to see this...
Going back, years ago I found this one that I like:
Teh_ping wrote:Why are ghosts such terrible liars?
Because you can see through them.
I think this one lost all it's fun when it got translated to english, but I will post it here anyway...
Remember, adult content:
Spoiler! :
A jet plane with too much effort of the pilot, has made an emergency landing, the people leaved the plane and the pilot was being applauded, then a taxi comes and kill about 10 people on the way.
Here is the taxi driver brief:
9:30PM – I took a couple at a restaurant, as they got on the back of the car they started kissing.
9:35PM – I looked at them and they were kissing a little more “Hardcore” I started taking attention on they. As 20% on they and 80% on the traffic.
9:37 – The guy put his hand on the girl’s skirt. 30% of attention on they and 70% on the traffic.
9:38 – The girl started to took the guys pants off. 40% attention on they 60% on the traffic.
9:40 – The girl started (you guys know what). 50% attention on they 50% on traffic.
9:43 – The girl started to do that harder. 70% attention on they and 30% on traffic.
9:45 – I was looking at they when the girl glared at me and said. “Look out the jet!” The moment she said that I lowered my head, how I would know if it was the fu**ing jet of c*m or the fu**ing jet plane?