Edits

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 8:41 am

Well, the other thread was getting really big, and it's easier to just put it here.

“Otou-san, to clarify, we don’t have enough evidence to prove that Kazuma did this.” Juugo said seriously to stop Yorimichi's tirade.

“You! Who but Kazuma could have done this…”

“Yorimichi, please hold silent. When you open your mouth to speak such words, it becomes impossible for us discuss the issue.”

Facing Yorimichi with ear impairment, Genma coldly looks on. In those eyes appear an insulting look that cannot be hidden.

Well, anyways, since I can't edit, I fixed to last 2 paragraphs on a word document (the first 2 paragraphs are for context). Here's the changes.

“Yorimichi, please hold silent. When you talk like that, it becomes impossible for us to discuss the issue.”

Facing Yorimichi with deaf ears, Genma coldly looks on. In those eyes, there is an insulting look, one that cannot be hidden.

Hmm . . . The last paragraph was kind of hard to get. I changed it to that. Tell me what you think.

Edit: He he he . . . . Changed "and" to "an"

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 10:00 am

ear impairment -> well what I tried to say was that his ears aren't that great, there is some problems, not deaf completely Or deaf ears might imply that he just isn't listening, not the condition of the ears?

the other sounds good to me...

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 10:26 am

"With deaf ears" basically means the person isn't paying attention. For example, "Their pleas fell upon deaf ears."

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 12:26 pm

but i think the raw meant that the guy had some ear impairment, cuz he's old

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 3:11 pm

Oh . . . So Gemna literally has a hearing impeadment . . .

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:05 pm

ummm I think it's Yorimichi with the ear problems

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:13 pm

Ahh . . .

Facing Yorimichi, who couldn’t hear properly, Genma coldly looked on. In those eyes, there was an insulting look, one that could not be hidden.

Hmm . . . I'm not to good with stuff like that. Can someone else look it over?

the_naming_game · Post by **the_naming_game** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 7:51 pm

I don't really feel like doing a detailed grammar breakdown, but here is the original Japanese text for that section, and a mostly-literal translation. As always, I welcome any corrections to my Japanese, as I am as of yet, learning.

耳障りな声で喚く頼通を、厳馬が冷然と遮った。その目に浮かぶ侮蔑を隠そうともせずに。

Genma coolly interrupted Yorimichi, who was shouting in an ear-hurting voice. In a way that didn't try to hide the scorn expressed in his (Genma's) eyes.

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Thu Jun 14, 2007 8:44 pm

the problems with Chinese raws, not always accurate or right.
about 95%+ correct

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Sat Jun 16, 2007 6:26 am

Decided to use this.

Genma coolly interrupted Yorimichi, who was shouting in an ear-shattering voice. In a way that didn't try to hide the scorn expressed in his eyes, Genma coldly looked on.

Sort of a mash between erehwon's and TNG's.

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 12:27 pm

Hmm . . . Double posting.

In Yorimichi’s thirty years as suzerain, the strength of the Kannagi Clan had hit rock bottom. With Yorimichi's inability to control the representative sword of the Kannagi clan, and his inability of passing the sword to someone else, the sword ended up being deeply buried in a warehouse before Juugo’s accession to the suzerain position.

For this one, I'm not sure the word choice is correct, or as good as it can be (I changed this from the original, so it's not erehwon's fault). Can anyone look it over?

Even though they had a close family/blood relationship of uncle and nephew, the hatred between the two had deepened again.

I think we should choose one word here. IMO family would be better.

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:42 pm

inability - probably more selfishness more than anything else

family is probably better, because they aren't that related by blood (distant relatives). the exact relationship is i think not yet disclosed...

Jumpyshoes · Post by **Jumpyshoes** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:56 am

“I’m home, Otou-san! Ehh… What’s going on?”

Appearing on the scene was an assertive young teenage girl, who asked this question when she saw the group's mood. That black hair that almost reaches the back, flowing straight and sideways created by the movements of her head, simply represented the blooming of a bishoujo. At that moment, the “dark and cold” atmosphere had completely vanished. That is the spiritual energy that comes from the breath that cleansed the atmosphere of the room.

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't been doing much editing. Anyways, that last sentence seems weird to me. I don't see how spiritual energy can clean the atmosphere. Also, "the breath" just doesn't fit in this context. If anyone can help, please do.

This comes from volume 1, chapter 2.

erehwon · Post by **erehwon** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:12 am

"dark and cold" - unsettling, gloomy, words you would use to describe a haunted house...

wtf? wow that's terrible, anyways should be:

That's a spiritual energy that emerges from oneself, in one breath cleansing the room's atmosphere/ambiance/mood.

KLSymph · Post by **KLSymph** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:16 am

Hello there. Since the editing for chapter 2 didn't seem to be progressing quickly, I made a large edit to the first part of that chapter. I think my edit style (going for pure readability and not directness) is different from everyone else's, so please check it to see whether it steps on anyone's toes. It probably does.