Still in development, things may change. Part of a really long novel I am working on. Really long. Work in progress and stuff.
Short Summary: A guy feels that he is a piece of shit because he felt in love (It isn't really love. It's more like a crush. He admired her for her look) with a girl on the day her mother died. He don't really know why he isn't mourning for his mother, in a constant state of day dream and messy thoughts. I wrote it in his thoughts, so do excuse the incoherent narration, it's intended.
Prologue
Morning of Day 31
Spoiler! :
I thought, as I walked into a bus. It was when I first met her, it was rainy. A surreal day just like today, maybe not like today. But what happened was still the same.
She was dead and she was dead. I laughed to myself, it was a silent tribute to one of her joke I finally got. I kept thinking as I got on to the bus, why do I still feel nothing? Her education to me about mortality, the world, life, self, time and mostly the manifests of reality, it is all real. Then why do I feel nothing? Maybe I had only spent a short month with her, is that it? It was a short month…….Or was it a year? I got everything she was talking about. She even acknowledged it, granted, there was some days that are blurry. When she was drawing Napoleon, on that 2 days was when I didn’t go. We simply talked on the phone, didn’t remember much of it. Well, I guess I am superficial asshole after all, I wouldn’t have notice her if it wasn’t for her look.
Questions filled my head. The last one was probably the one that will make any normal people to start questioning their sanity. It was definitely a month, a month had passed. I look at the date, May 1st, died at her birthday. When I came to, I realized I have yet again day-dreamed my way to the hospital. I stood there. Still and trying my best to figure out why I came here, I should be back at my dorm.
Yet here I stood, it was here when I first met her. It was a month ago, her brazing black hair with beautiful shades of gray around the surface, her luminescent green eyes, and now. It was all gone, she was dead. I kept walking by the hospital. Reminding me of the first few days I met her.
She was dead and she was dead. I laughed to myself, it was a silent tribute to one of her joke I finally got. I kept thinking as I got on to the bus, why do I still feel nothing? Her education to me about mortality, the world, life, self, time and mostly the manifests of reality, it is all real. Then why do I feel nothing? Maybe I had only spent a short month with her, is that it? It was a short month…….Or was it a year? I got everything she was talking about. She even acknowledged it, granted, there was some days that are blurry. When she was drawing Napoleon, on that 2 days was when I didn’t go. We simply talked on the phone, didn’t remember much of it. Well, I guess I am superficial asshole after all, I wouldn’t have notice her if it wasn’t for her look.
Questions filled my head. The last one was probably the one that will make any normal people to start questioning their sanity. It was definitely a month, a month had passed. I look at the date, May 1st, died at her birthday. When I came to, I realized I have yet again day-dreamed my way to the hospital. I stood there. Still and trying my best to figure out why I came here, I should be back at my dorm.
Yet here I stood, it was here when I first met her. It was a month ago, her brazing black hair with beautiful shades of gray around the surface, her luminescent green eyes, and now. It was all gone, she was dead. I kept walking by the hospital. Reminding me of the first few days I met her.
Day 1 of 2
Spoiler! :
She was gone. Yet I felt nothing. Why? I should feel something, it’s a major tragic of my life. It was strange, I didn’t know why, but as I walk out of the hospital, I feel the eyes in my head spinning. I stood on one leg, my other one leaning next to a wall. Quite strange indeed, I didn’t feel the dread. I felt fine, I took in a deep breath and casually looked at my feet as I walked down the steps of the hospital one by one.
Thoughts were everywhere in my mind, incoherent messy thoughts. Why can’t I feel anything? My eyes wander by the surrounding as I kept walking in state of daze. Then I caught a girl in a wheelchair by the corner of my eye. I took a quick glance. My glance was stopped midway and turned into a stare.
I followed her suddenly, I am not easily entranced. But this girl was just beautiful, she had long hair with shades of grey down to her neck, a strange bright green eyes. Her Lips, however were grey, she looks beautiful nonetheless. Her wheelchair navigated uneasily against the concrete as the woman moving the wheelchair display clearly a frown of frustration. The small drops of rain became bigger.
I went forward, with the pretense to help, and asked the woman.
“Excuse me, you seem to be having difficulty with her wheelchair, I would like to help.”
“Thanks for thought, but no.”
She said as she try to open the umbrella, I caught a glance at the girl again. Her beauty was even more immense up close, I felt that I looked longer than I should but I didn’t care. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, the caregiver gave me a look and quickly tries to wheel her away. After she have gotten far enough, I went after her of course, but from a distance, I pretended to look at the bus stop but kept her at the corner of my eye. I had honestly never done this in my entire life, but she was just so bloody beautiful.
What happened in the hospital was still hanging in the back of my mind as I strolled. I suddenly stop. Why am I doing this? My eyes start spinning again, do I actually feel fine?
My mother was gone. She died of food poisoning, she was still joking with me about that yesterday, stomach’s growling, was the steak too raw? Sure be dead by tomorrow. I laughed and said no. We slept soundly until this morning. I never felt so urgent in my whole life, I always b*itch about how movie character doing stupid things and being too emotional. That was me. I was so bloody incoherent, it took me 10 minutes for them to take down my address before they sent the ambulance out. When they arrive, I suddenly felt hope. I realize how idiotic I was being and dying? That’s just stupid cynicism. Haha. It won’t happen. Won’t. It's just utterly stupid, food poisoning? Death by food poisoning? No. I haven’t been so convinced of something my entire life, I actually took out my phone to check on the texts while I was with her in the Ambulance. It just felt like it won’t happen, nothing bad will ever happen. It was just unreal.
I felt my leg’s shiver and I fall. A loud slam, I tasted the bitterness that I always get whenever my head smashed against something too hard. I stared at the sky, drops of water in my eye. Blinking, I kept looking on; My hand was still in my pocket. The rain was coming down harder, people was looking at me. For quite a long while I laid very still. I was still in a state of daze, blank mind. When you stare into a space and it just…felt good for some reason.
I finally stood up when someone offered me to go back to the hospital, “I am fine,” I spit out the words lazily. As I got back up my feet, I saw the girl watching me, her caregiver was looking on too with a disapproving look on her face. It was surreal because this time she finally showed an expression on her blank face. It was a smirk, out of all expression, a smile, a giggle, a muffled laughter. But a smirk? Why was she smirking? It might not be a smirk either, her beauty concealed and it needs a new name for her expression she is making now.
When her caregiver was about to wheel her away (still looking at me in disgust), the girl stopped her. Move her lips.
“I
think
therefore
I
am.”
Smiled and she was gone. I stood there, puzzled as ever, the rain was coming down even harder. Surreal, today was surreal. I thought to myself.
I wiped my face clean of the drops of water and headed to the bus stop wondering where I should go next.
Thoughts were everywhere in my mind, incoherent messy thoughts. Why can’t I feel anything? My eyes wander by the surrounding as I kept walking in state of daze. Then I caught a girl in a wheelchair by the corner of my eye. I took a quick glance. My glance was stopped midway and turned into a stare.
I followed her suddenly, I am not easily entranced. But this girl was just beautiful, she had long hair with shades of grey down to her neck, a strange bright green eyes. Her Lips, however were grey, she looks beautiful nonetheless. Her wheelchair navigated uneasily against the concrete as the woman moving the wheelchair display clearly a frown of frustration. The small drops of rain became bigger.
I went forward, with the pretense to help, and asked the woman.
“Excuse me, you seem to be having difficulty with her wheelchair, I would like to help.”
“Thanks for thought, but no.”
She said as she try to open the umbrella, I caught a glance at the girl again. Her beauty was even more immense up close, I felt that I looked longer than I should but I didn’t care. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, the caregiver gave me a look and quickly tries to wheel her away. After she have gotten far enough, I went after her of course, but from a distance, I pretended to look at the bus stop but kept her at the corner of my eye. I had honestly never done this in my entire life, but she was just so bloody beautiful.
What happened in the hospital was still hanging in the back of my mind as I strolled. I suddenly stop. Why am I doing this? My eyes start spinning again, do I actually feel fine?
My mother was gone. She died of food poisoning, she was still joking with me about that yesterday, stomach’s growling, was the steak too raw? Sure be dead by tomorrow. I laughed and said no. We slept soundly until this morning. I never felt so urgent in my whole life, I always b*itch about how movie character doing stupid things and being too emotional. That was me. I was so bloody incoherent, it took me 10 minutes for them to take down my address before they sent the ambulance out. When they arrive, I suddenly felt hope. I realize how idiotic I was being and dying? That’s just stupid cynicism. Haha. It won’t happen. Won’t. It's just utterly stupid, food poisoning? Death by food poisoning? No. I haven’t been so convinced of something my entire life, I actually took out my phone to check on the texts while I was with her in the Ambulance. It just felt like it won’t happen, nothing bad will ever happen. It was just unreal.
I felt my leg’s shiver and I fall. A loud slam, I tasted the bitterness that I always get whenever my head smashed against something too hard. I stared at the sky, drops of water in my eye. Blinking, I kept looking on; My hand was still in my pocket. The rain was coming down harder, people was looking at me. For quite a long while I laid very still. I was still in a state of daze, blank mind. When you stare into a space and it just…felt good for some reason.
I finally stood up when someone offered me to go back to the hospital, “I am fine,” I spit out the words lazily. As I got back up my feet, I saw the girl watching me, her caregiver was looking on too with a disapproving look on her face. It was surreal because this time she finally showed an expression on her blank face. It was a smirk, out of all expression, a smile, a giggle, a muffled laughter. But a smirk? Why was she smirking? It might not be a smirk either, her beauty concealed and it needs a new name for her expression she is making now.
When her caregiver was about to wheel her away (still looking at me in disgust), the girl stopped her. Move her lips.
“I
think
therefore
I
am.”
Smiled and she was gone. I stood there, puzzled as ever, the rain was coming down even harder. Surreal, today was surreal. I thought to myself.
I wiped my face clean of the drops of water and headed to the bus stop wondering where I should go next.
Spoiler! :
I decided to go back to the college dorm instead of returning into the comfort of my own home, not really sure why, maybe I don’t expect someone to be back home with me. I open my computer, feeling strangely casual. I have to go for death registrations tomorrow and arrange the funeral after I took that memo on my phone. I dial for Pizza, and start playing whatever games I got on my laptop. I lean back to my chair after a while. She was gone, and that girl today was amazing.
………What the f*uck is wrong with me? What’s going on? Why am I feeling so goddamn casual? I was her only child. And here I am thinking about some damn girl that I only just met……
The bell rang. The Pizza’s here. I got up, went down and fetch the pizza. “That would be a 20.” I handed him a 50 dollar bill. “Keep the change.” Took the pizza and went up again. As I ate the Pizza, I feel a strange sense of attachment to the girl I met at the hospital, it was a warm feeling in my heart. Her image flush back into my mind again, bloody hell.
I want to meet her again….Maybe I might bump into her in the hospital if I go there again tomorrow. My obsessive nature has surfaced so suddenly and abruptly, I cannot help but wonder if there is really something wrong with me. After everything that have happened to me, and I suddenly recalled the words she said. ‘I think, therefore, I am.’ Was that what she said? I think so. What the hell does it mean? I mean what the hell does…..
To doubt one’s existence? Did she say that to me? She was smiling at me, so she probably was….did I read her lip right? Did she mutter something else, like I was strange or something? Ah god. Head in my palm as I continue to frustrate over her lip movement and what she was trying to say. I stare into the blank space. Wondering what I should do next.
“Hey….Guy….” My roommate stumbled in, taking huge breath between each word, seemly drunk. I turned as he slammed himself onto the bed face down. “You drunk?”
“Wha?” He blurted out with his face still on the bed. I stood up, took a slice of pizza from the table and went out.
It was a cool night, right after a rain. The breeze was gently moving the branches and the grass. I wipe my hand with some paper and kept walking by the campus, people past me, laughing and smiling. I definitely didn't feel as good as them, I looked at my feet as I walked, suddenly remembering once when I was young, how much time I spent looking at my own feet, and once, I realized the of the oddity of the ways time flows.
How much time has passed since then? I still vividly remember that moment when I realized that time was flowing by me. The way the needle was moving in the clock, slowly but surely moving then I would do something else. But after a while I would look back at the clock, the bigger needle has moved at least by a quarter but when I concentrate, just staring at it, it seemed to never move. Back then I thought I would never age, that I would still remain the same age after 10 years. It’s been exactly 10 years, I looked at my hand. It used to be thrice smaller than that.
I took a seat by the bench, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath and let out a sigh immediately after. She came back to my mind again, I simply smiled. It has become a natural occurrence, so what the hell. My mind then went blank, images of her simply flashed into my mind for the next few minutes. Daydreaming about talking to her, what I should said. It’s a pleasure to meet you…..Were you looking at me yesterday?
I admire the stars and the moon before I went back to dorm.
………What the f*uck is wrong with me? What’s going on? Why am I feeling so goddamn casual? I was her only child. And here I am thinking about some damn girl that I only just met……
The bell rang. The Pizza’s here. I got up, went down and fetch the pizza. “That would be a 20.” I handed him a 50 dollar bill. “Keep the change.” Took the pizza and went up again. As I ate the Pizza, I feel a strange sense of attachment to the girl I met at the hospital, it was a warm feeling in my heart. Her image flush back into my mind again, bloody hell.
I want to meet her again….Maybe I might bump into her in the hospital if I go there again tomorrow. My obsessive nature has surfaced so suddenly and abruptly, I cannot help but wonder if there is really something wrong with me. After everything that have happened to me, and I suddenly recalled the words she said. ‘I think, therefore, I am.’ Was that what she said? I think so. What the hell does it mean? I mean what the hell does…..
To doubt one’s existence? Did she say that to me? She was smiling at me, so she probably was….did I read her lip right? Did she mutter something else, like I was strange or something? Ah god. Head in my palm as I continue to frustrate over her lip movement and what she was trying to say. I stare into the blank space. Wondering what I should do next.
“Hey….Guy….” My roommate stumbled in, taking huge breath between each word, seemly drunk. I turned as he slammed himself onto the bed face down. “You drunk?”
“Wha?” He blurted out with his face still on the bed. I stood up, took a slice of pizza from the table and went out.
It was a cool night, right after a rain. The breeze was gently moving the branches and the grass. I wipe my hand with some paper and kept walking by the campus, people past me, laughing and smiling. I definitely didn't feel as good as them, I looked at my feet as I walked, suddenly remembering once when I was young, how much time I spent looking at my own feet, and once, I realized the of the oddity of the ways time flows.
How much time has passed since then? I still vividly remember that moment when I realized that time was flowing by me. The way the needle was moving in the clock, slowly but surely moving then I would do something else. But after a while I would look back at the clock, the bigger needle has moved at least by a quarter but when I concentrate, just staring at it, it seemed to never move. Back then I thought I would never age, that I would still remain the same age after 10 years. It’s been exactly 10 years, I looked at my hand. It used to be thrice smaller than that.
I took a seat by the bench, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath and let out a sigh immediately after. She came back to my mind again, I simply smiled. It has become a natural occurrence, so what the hell. My mind then went blank, images of her simply flashed into my mind for the next few minutes. Daydreaming about talking to her, what I should said. It’s a pleasure to meet you…..Were you looking at me yesterday?
I admire the stars and the moon before I went back to dorm.
Spoiler! :
I woke up feeling like shit. I don’t know what I was dreaming about, but my mind seems to be magically processing through the events that occur the day before. And scrutinizing it, she definitely wasn’t looking at me so why does it matter, my own parent is now dead, I am short of money because no one wrote a will and I feel f*ucking nothing from the death.
I haven’t finished college yet, I have no relatives, little to no friends. I got nothing to live for. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Why did the epiphany of the life’s emptiness have to arrive in the morning even when I slept on a happy note? I think I shouldn’t go to the hospital today. I am just being delusional that someone looking this good is somehow interested in a guy that was lying on the middle of the road in a middle of a rain moreover not even knowing how to shed a tear for his own mother.
I passed the toilet of someone compulsively vomiting in the bowl, took my jacket and my bag, Head down to the hall. The sky was dark, it was around 9. As if it haven’t rain enough yesterday, I thought to myself as I made my way through crowds of people, with the stray thought of going to the hospital, it was burned into my mind.
For the whole morning, all I could think of was her. The emptiness was still in my mind and I can’t get rid of them. It was so f*ucked-up, why am I thinking of some girl I met like a little adolescent teenage boy, and not what my mother had done for me.
I twirl my pencil, not even least interested in the lecture. A lot of things were going through my mind, was I in denial of death? Is that why I didn’t shed a single tear? How can one deny death? I know she is dead, gone, never to return forever. Then why do I not feel sadness? Am I a despicable person?
When the professor released us, I started running. I ran all the way to the hospital, I didn't stop for a second, I ran and I ran. My heartbeat went rampant, but at last I see the white reflection of the building. Panting, I rested next to the pharmacy, a wooden bench. There, I sat as I tried my best to catch my breath, I looked up through my squinted eyes as I panted. As my eyes glide past the surrounding a sight stopped my heart, she was there, I coughed and splat. Taking in huge breaths to stop myself from panting, I approached her.
Her hair looks even grayer than yesterday for some reason. Her caregiver doesn't seem to be there, I wiped the sweats from my forehead and face, trying to make myself presentable. Then my mind regain it’s composure. What the hell was I supposed to say to her? What the f*uck am I EVEN DOING? I acted on a stray impulse of wanting to see her, for what exactly? How the hell am I supposed to start this conversation?
I felt a sense of dread, and an epiphany of my little pointless pursuit of nothing. I turn around, let out a big sigh. Hunched my back, and proceed to return to campus, wondering if I really should see a psychiatrist.
I haven’t finished college yet, I have no relatives, little to no friends. I got nothing to live for. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Why did the epiphany of the life’s emptiness have to arrive in the morning even when I slept on a happy note? I think I shouldn’t go to the hospital today. I am just being delusional that someone looking this good is somehow interested in a guy that was lying on the middle of the road in a middle of a rain moreover not even knowing how to shed a tear for his own mother.
I passed the toilet of someone compulsively vomiting in the bowl, took my jacket and my bag, Head down to the hall. The sky was dark, it was around 9. As if it haven’t rain enough yesterday, I thought to myself as I made my way through crowds of people, with the stray thought of going to the hospital, it was burned into my mind.
For the whole morning, all I could think of was her. The emptiness was still in my mind and I can’t get rid of them. It was so f*ucked-up, why am I thinking of some girl I met like a little adolescent teenage boy, and not what my mother had done for me.
I twirl my pencil, not even least interested in the lecture. A lot of things were going through my mind, was I in denial of death? Is that why I didn’t shed a single tear? How can one deny death? I know she is dead, gone, never to return forever. Then why do I not feel sadness? Am I a despicable person?
When the professor released us, I started running. I ran all the way to the hospital, I didn't stop for a second, I ran and I ran. My heartbeat went rampant, but at last I see the white reflection of the building. Panting, I rested next to the pharmacy, a wooden bench. There, I sat as I tried my best to catch my breath, I looked up through my squinted eyes as I panted. As my eyes glide past the surrounding a sight stopped my heart, she was there, I coughed and splat. Taking in huge breaths to stop myself from panting, I approached her.
Her hair looks even grayer than yesterday for some reason. Her caregiver doesn't seem to be there, I wiped the sweats from my forehead and face, trying to make myself presentable. Then my mind regain it’s composure. What the hell was I supposed to say to her? What the f*uck am I EVEN DOING? I acted on a stray impulse of wanting to see her, for what exactly? How the hell am I supposed to start this conversation?
I felt a sense of dread, and an epiphany of my little pointless pursuit of nothing. I turn around, let out a big sigh. Hunched my back, and proceed to return to campus, wondering if I really should see a psychiatrist.
Noon of Day 2
Spoiler! :
“Hey.”
I kept walking.
“Hey, you there, I am talking to you, the hunchback guy with the messy hair.”
I turned. She was calling to me, I can feel blood rushing to my face.
She gestured me to come forward, and I did.
More thoughts was stimulating my brain, going through every possibility of why she called me. Each steps increased my heartbeat, she was even stunning up close. I try to calm my nerve so I wouldn't stutter too much.
“I saw you fell yesterday, you were in a rather sorry state.”
She said the moment I was standing next to her.
I don’t know what to say. I was just so attracted to her, and it was so purely superficial, most importantly at the most, supposedly, vulnerable moment of my life, the very day of her death. I don’t know why. But maybe I might figure it out if I spent a little more time with her……
“I fell, because….”
I didn’t know why I fall yesterday. Maybe it’s because everything seem different, it was so otherworldly. Why is she asking this?
“I felt strange, yeah.”
She looked at me with her mysteriously green pupils and went back to staring into the blank again. Then put her little finger in the corner of her mouth. I suddenly felt something growing in my pants, f*uck, fu*ck, f*uck, f*uck. I hunched even more, I avoided looking at her. Tried staring at the posters in the pharmacy to calm myself, now? of all times?
“Are you having an erection?”
That was so blunt. I looked back at her and she had a curious expression on her face still with her pinky in her mouth.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I don’t mind.”
Woah.
“W-well, they might arrest me for sexual harassment.”
A clearly amuse smile appeared on her face,
“Well, make it disappear. Do it here if you like, it’s equivalent to rubbing your stomach and banishing hunger.”
“W-w-what?”
“I probably got the quote wrong, but whatever, they can’t arrest you for having an erection,”
Followed by an even amused expression.
“Or getting turned on by Austin Powers, but before I get charge for giving bad legal advice, they can arrest you for whacking in public.”
………
“And, oh yes. I have gotten your answers.”
“For why I fell?”
“Exactly that-“
I realized someone was glaring at me. I look up and I saw the woman yesterday. My erection still haven’t cool down yet. So, this is…..
“Get away from her.” I gulp and did as she said.
She grabbed hold of the wheels and pushed her away,
“Calm down now, I am talking to him.”He is insane.” She whisper it through her teeth, the whisper was just loud enough for me to hear.
“Our friend here is not insane; he just has no problem expressing himself.”
The caregiver said nothing and was about to continue pushing the wheels,
“I am joking. You can’t possibly judge someone so quickly, well, despite his strange action yesterday and today. I assure you that there is nothing wrong with him. I don’t really think there is a need to explain this. Besides, you know I don’t have much to do now, it’s fun to be meeting more type of different people.”
The caregiver didn’t reply. But she looked displeased.
“Actually, you are dismissed. I will like to spend some times alone.”
She turned her grey head to me.
“Shall we?”
I look at her caregiver, trying to reconcile my damage reputation in her eyes. No words came to me, so I just walk forward while avoiding her intense glare.
“Just push me to wherever.”
I gripped onto her wheels, heartbeat increasing again. Still unconvinced that this unreal situation is actually happening, she was asking me to come alone with her….I dug my nail into my skin, pain. It is real,
“Uh, I am not really train to use a wheelchair.”
“No one is. It’s a wheelchair. Push it.”
She spoke with a soft, gentle tone with a hint of firmness. Her voice…It seems to transcend reality.
“I am starting to get annoyed by how unresponsive you are…..”
There was slight sense of humor in her voice that I can’t seem to grasp.
“Move please.”
I snapped out of it and pushed her forward a little, it was actually not that hard.
“S-sorry.”
“I do not imagine talking to a sweaty man with a boner as this boring.”
Hey! It was a freak accident and a new thing I learn about myself today……
“Push me to my limo. Perhaps we will have more to say once we reached my home. Feeling a little light headed as well.”
“Are you sure you are well? I mean you just left your, I assume, your caregiver there?”
“No. I hired her for a little bit of temporary care, don’t mind her, I can take care of myself just fine.”
There was a sudden sound of ringing.
“Need to take a call, please don’t mind me, the Limo’s around the carpark I think.”
She took out a very small phone. A Nokia, haven’t seen anyone used that in ages.
“Hello…….”
Her voice has gone into an even gentler tone, she sounded like someone I know.
“Right, as much as the state I am in isn't the best, but I assure you I can come to Church this Sunday, well, you know, I did collapsed the last time….. if anything do happen you can read my rite right there…Haha, well, you have a good day too.”
She seems to be a Christian or some sort. It seemed really strange to me.
We arrive at the car park. There was the limousine, someone with a white shirt and checkered pants was smoking next to it.
“Mansion?”
He threw the cigarette on the ground.
“You shouldn’t smoke.”
“Can’t help it.”
The man opened the door, she took a little effort and groan little in pain as she got into her seat. So she can walk, it’s just painful.
“Who are you anyways?”
“She asked me to come alone with her, I am not sure why either.”
“Alright, get in.”
He folded the chair as I got into the car, this seem really strange. The turns of events, the casual way everything happened, I rubbed my eyes a little then chose a seat by the side of the door, it happen to be the nearest.
“What’s your poison?”
She said as she took out a bottle of what seem like whiskey by the shelf, took a glass by the table and put it by the side.
“I don’t drink.”
I said nervously. She drinks?
“I don’t either, not until recently that is….”
She swallowed the whole shot straight down. I can’t even take half a drop before I start coughing. Needless to say I was surprise.
She looked at the glass and smile in satisfaction, she mutter something under her breath and proceed to pour herself another glass, this time sipping instead.
“I am tired, do excuse me.”
“Sure, no problem, I mean, I should hope I am not the one intruding.”
She closed her eyes. Until now did I notice she was simply just wearing a pajamas. I took my eyes off her, and examine the interiors of the limo, it was luxurious. There was a Liquor shelf and another one with books, it was decorated full of red but there weren’t many seats. I felt my hand on the cushion, the leather felt great on my hand. I took in a deep breath. It seems that it was true that I am going to her, what was it? A mansion? She must be quite rich.
I looked outside the window, cars were flashing by, even more thoughts crept in my mind. She was about to tell me about why I fell? I kept looking at her. Her eyes was closed, I can’t see the green eyes behind her eyelid but it felt good to just look at her, I don’t know how much time have past, but it felt only a few seconds. ”
I kept walking.
“Hey, you there, I am talking to you, the hunchback guy with the messy hair.”
I turned. She was calling to me, I can feel blood rushing to my face.
She gestured me to come forward, and I did.
More thoughts was stimulating my brain, going through every possibility of why she called me. Each steps increased my heartbeat, she was even stunning up close. I try to calm my nerve so I wouldn't stutter too much.
“I saw you fell yesterday, you were in a rather sorry state.”
She said the moment I was standing next to her.
I don’t know what to say. I was just so attracted to her, and it was so purely superficial, most importantly at the most, supposedly, vulnerable moment of my life, the very day of her death. I don’t know why. But maybe I might figure it out if I spent a little more time with her……
“I fell, because….”
I didn’t know why I fall yesterday. Maybe it’s because everything seem different, it was so otherworldly. Why is she asking this?
“I felt strange, yeah.”
She looked at me with her mysteriously green pupils and went back to staring into the blank again. Then put her little finger in the corner of her mouth. I suddenly felt something growing in my pants, f*uck, fu*ck, f*uck, f*uck. I hunched even more, I avoided looking at her. Tried staring at the posters in the pharmacy to calm myself, now? of all times?
“Are you having an erection?”
That was so blunt. I looked back at her and she had a curious expression on her face still with her pinky in her mouth.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I don’t mind.”
Woah.
“W-well, they might arrest me for sexual harassment.”
A clearly amuse smile appeared on her face,
“Well, make it disappear. Do it here if you like, it’s equivalent to rubbing your stomach and banishing hunger.”
“W-w-what?”
“I probably got the quote wrong, but whatever, they can’t arrest you for having an erection,”
Followed by an even amused expression.
“Or getting turned on by Austin Powers, but before I get charge for giving bad legal advice, they can arrest you for whacking in public.”
………
“And, oh yes. I have gotten your answers.”
“For why I fell?”
“Exactly that-“
I realized someone was glaring at me. I look up and I saw the woman yesterday. My erection still haven’t cool down yet. So, this is…..
“Get away from her.” I gulp and did as she said.
She grabbed hold of the wheels and pushed her away,
“Calm down now, I am talking to him.”He is insane.” She whisper it through her teeth, the whisper was just loud enough for me to hear.
“Our friend here is not insane; he just has no problem expressing himself.”
The caregiver said nothing and was about to continue pushing the wheels,
“I am joking. You can’t possibly judge someone so quickly, well, despite his strange action yesterday and today. I assure you that there is nothing wrong with him. I don’t really think there is a need to explain this. Besides, you know I don’t have much to do now, it’s fun to be meeting more type of different people.”
The caregiver didn’t reply. But she looked displeased.
“Actually, you are dismissed. I will like to spend some times alone.”
She turned her grey head to me.
“Shall we?”
I look at her caregiver, trying to reconcile my damage reputation in her eyes. No words came to me, so I just walk forward while avoiding her intense glare.
“Just push me to wherever.”
I gripped onto her wheels, heartbeat increasing again. Still unconvinced that this unreal situation is actually happening, she was asking me to come alone with her….I dug my nail into my skin, pain. It is real,
“Uh, I am not really train to use a wheelchair.”
“No one is. It’s a wheelchair. Push it.”
She spoke with a soft, gentle tone with a hint of firmness. Her voice…It seems to transcend reality.
“I am starting to get annoyed by how unresponsive you are…..”
There was slight sense of humor in her voice that I can’t seem to grasp.
“Move please.”
I snapped out of it and pushed her forward a little, it was actually not that hard.
“S-sorry.”
“I do not imagine talking to a sweaty man with a boner as this boring.”
Hey! It was a freak accident and a new thing I learn about myself today……
“Push me to my limo. Perhaps we will have more to say once we reached my home. Feeling a little light headed as well.”
“Are you sure you are well? I mean you just left your, I assume, your caregiver there?”
“No. I hired her for a little bit of temporary care, don’t mind her, I can take care of myself just fine.”
There was a sudden sound of ringing.
“Need to take a call, please don’t mind me, the Limo’s around the carpark I think.”
She took out a very small phone. A Nokia, haven’t seen anyone used that in ages.
“Hello…….”
Her voice has gone into an even gentler tone, she sounded like someone I know.
“Right, as much as the state I am in isn't the best, but I assure you I can come to Church this Sunday, well, you know, I did collapsed the last time….. if anything do happen you can read my rite right there…Haha, well, you have a good day too.”
She seems to be a Christian or some sort. It seemed really strange to me.
We arrive at the car park. There was the limousine, someone with a white shirt and checkered pants was smoking next to it.
“Mansion?”
He threw the cigarette on the ground.
“You shouldn’t smoke.”
“Can’t help it.”
The man opened the door, she took a little effort and groan little in pain as she got into her seat. So she can walk, it’s just painful.
“Who are you anyways?”
“She asked me to come alone with her, I am not sure why either.”
“Alright, get in.”
He folded the chair as I got into the car, this seem really strange. The turns of events, the casual way everything happened, I rubbed my eyes a little then chose a seat by the side of the door, it happen to be the nearest.
“What’s your poison?”
She said as she took out a bottle of what seem like whiskey by the shelf, took a glass by the table and put it by the side.
“I don’t drink.”
I said nervously. She drinks?
“I don’t either, not until recently that is….”
She swallowed the whole shot straight down. I can’t even take half a drop before I start coughing. Needless to say I was surprise.
She looked at the glass and smile in satisfaction, she mutter something under her breath and proceed to pour herself another glass, this time sipping instead.
“I am tired, do excuse me.”
“Sure, no problem, I mean, I should hope I am not the one intruding.”
She closed her eyes. Until now did I notice she was simply just wearing a pajamas. I took my eyes off her, and examine the interiors of the limo, it was luxurious. There was a Liquor shelf and another one with books, it was decorated full of red but there weren’t many seats. I felt my hand on the cushion, the leather felt great on my hand. I took in a deep breath. It seems that it was true that I am going to her, what was it? A mansion? She must be quite rich.
I looked outside the window, cars were flashing by, even more thoughts crept in my mind. She was about to tell me about why I fell? I kept looking at her. Her eyes was closed, I can’t see the green eyes behind her eyelid but it felt good to just look at her, I don’t know how much time have past, but it felt only a few seconds. ”
Spoiler! :
We were already outside the mansion, with gardens as far as the eyes can see. We are out of the city.
She was still sleeping, I took a few seconds to look at her again. She took a deep breath, well, I guess she’s waking up. I try opening the limo door, but well, it seems that I didn’t know how to open a limo door. I turned around and she was still sound asleep, should I wake her up? She must be tired, I don’t know her that well, I hope she won’t be cranky when she do…..I hung my head on my hand and suddenly realized the absurdity of everything again. I have a crush on a girl that I just met, I ran from my college lectures to be with her, I didn’t even know whether she was going to be there- I came here to find answers, yeah. That’s right.
There was a knocking sound, and the door opened. The chauffeur was waiting with the wheelchair, I shifted a little and asked “Should I wake her up?”
“No, she doesn’t like that, I will get her in the chair…Speaking of which, do you know where’s the woman she was with?”
“She told her that she’s dismissed because she needed time alone, I-I don’t know, I don’t know about the specifics I mean.”
My sentence structure is worsening, I just don’t know what’s happening, the whole thing is just unreal.
“Follow me, I don’t know why you are here either, but whatever.” He says nonchalantly.
I followed him, I look at the spectacle of a building. It reminded me of the French palace I visited, and around the mansion was full of greens and flowers.
“Do you hire gardeners to tend to these?” I asked, trying to make conversation.
“Yeah, we do.”
I didn’t know what I was saying, of course they do. I kept walking alone with him until we reached the upper stairs of the mansion, I walk in with him as he pushed the wheels in.
She stretched before groaning again in pain,
“Kept forgetting about that.”
“Alright, I am leaving, call me when you need the limo.”
“Don’t smoke.”
He looks at her for a few second.
“Everyone dies eventually.”
“You die quicker.”
“Don’t make such a big deal out of this…..”
He looked like he was about to say something. Then he stopped.
“I don’t exactly know what you are going through but I wish the best for you.”
“I do too, so don’t smoke.”
“Sure.” He said dismissively.
Then he was gone. I looked at her as she stared outside the window, for a while it was silence. I didn’t know what to say or do.
“I am most probably going to die within the next 3 months”, finally she looked at me as she ruffled her hair. “Or even earlier I don’t know. Life’s unpredictable.”
This sudden change of event made me speechless once again. “So let’s make the most of it. Shall we?” I stare at her silently, just trying to comprehend her revelations and her causal tone of delivery for the news of her own demise. For a long while I said nothing, and then some semblances of replies finally surfaced in my mind.
“You seem, uh, pretty optimistic?”
She kept looking at the window. “Come again?”
“I mean, you, you know, seem pretty optimistic about the situation at hand.”
“I think therefore I am. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am afraid to die. There is nothing I fear more than that, It’s hardly optimism I assure you.
She was still sleeping, I took a few seconds to look at her again. She took a deep breath, well, I guess she’s waking up. I try opening the limo door, but well, it seems that I didn’t know how to open a limo door. I turned around and she was still sound asleep, should I wake her up? She must be tired, I don’t know her that well, I hope she won’t be cranky when she do…..I hung my head on my hand and suddenly realized the absurdity of everything again. I have a crush on a girl that I just met, I ran from my college lectures to be with her, I didn’t even know whether she was going to be there- I came here to find answers, yeah. That’s right.
There was a knocking sound, and the door opened. The chauffeur was waiting with the wheelchair, I shifted a little and asked “Should I wake her up?”
“No, she doesn’t like that, I will get her in the chair…Speaking of which, do you know where’s the woman she was with?”
“She told her that she’s dismissed because she needed time alone, I-I don’t know, I don’t know about the specifics I mean.”
My sentence structure is worsening, I just don’t know what’s happening, the whole thing is just unreal.
“Follow me, I don’t know why you are here either, but whatever.” He says nonchalantly.
I followed him, I look at the spectacle of a building. It reminded me of the French palace I visited, and around the mansion was full of greens and flowers.
“Do you hire gardeners to tend to these?” I asked, trying to make conversation.
“Yeah, we do.”
I didn’t know what I was saying, of course they do. I kept walking alone with him until we reached the upper stairs of the mansion, I walk in with him as he pushed the wheels in.
She stretched before groaning again in pain,
“Kept forgetting about that.”
“Alright, I am leaving, call me when you need the limo.”
“Don’t smoke.”
He looks at her for a few second.
“Everyone dies eventually.”
“You die quicker.”
“Don’t make such a big deal out of this…..”
He looked like he was about to say something. Then he stopped.
“I don’t exactly know what you are going through but I wish the best for you.”
“I do too, so don’t smoke.”
“Sure.” He said dismissively.
Then he was gone. I looked at her as she stared outside the window, for a while it was silence. I didn’t know what to say or do.
“I am most probably going to die within the next 3 months”, finally she looked at me as she ruffled her hair. “Or even earlier I don’t know. Life’s unpredictable.”
This sudden change of event made me speechless once again. “So let’s make the most of it. Shall we?” I stare at her silently, just trying to comprehend her revelations and her causal tone of delivery for the news of her own demise. For a long while I said nothing, and then some semblances of replies finally surfaced in my mind.
“You seem, uh, pretty optimistic?”
She kept looking at the window. “Come again?”
“I mean, you, you know, seem pretty optimistic about the situation at hand.”
“I think therefore I am. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am afraid to die. There is nothing I fear more than that, It’s hardly optimism I assure you.