OLN: World's End

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Nex
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OLN: World's End

Post by Nex »

My first Light Novel.

I have an interest in writing and got motivated to write after seeing the Original Light Novels in Baka-Tsuki. Since this time is as good as any, why not just post a light novel on BT?

Synopsis of Story:
Everyone knows that there is no repeat to life. You only live once, right?
Well, what happens when God, or whoever it is, decides to give you a second chance.
A second chance in a new world.
A world of magic.
A world where you can start anew.
A world where...you are the hero.

Prologue: The Shitty Life I Once Lived
Spoiler! :
"Get out of my way, you asshole!"

Shoved aside into the ground, the bullies look on at me with those pitying eyes.
I know what they think of me as.
The son of a whore, someone born from the a dirtied woman.
In their eyes, I am less than human.

Whether it be a result of religious doctrine or just plain bullying, I understood from a young age that I was no one. Nobody.
My only purpose in life, so my mother told me, was to, quote on quote, "Stay the poke out of my sight!".

Right now, as my body is pounded by the fist of those bullies, I wonder if it would be better if I died. I have nothing left.
In my chest pocket lies a bottle of medicine my mother asked me to steal from the pharmacy. Even someone like me knows what the medicine is for.

"Don't ever come back you pig! And stay the poke out of my sight."

Spit felt on my face as they left me. Crawling up from the dirt, I brushed my clothes clean as I cradled the medicine.
After the reminder by the bullies, I stayed out of sight of everyone. I could not risk the medicine being spoiled.

My palms felt sweaty as I slipped passed yet another gang on the streets. Those gang are dangerous for kids like us.
Peter, whom lived next to me, was found dead after he accidentally pissed off a gang member. He was not mourned.

Leaving modern society behind, I progressed from the shiny cityscape to the districts. Keeping my head down, I trudged down familiar paths to "Love Palace".
A brothel where my mother worked at.

"You are back, Rise."

Sister Amy greeted me as I slipped in through the backdoor. Kids like us don't get to use the front door. Aunt Mary would be pissed if we do. We are not worthy enough to enter through the front door.

"Yes, Sister." I returned the greeting politely. Sister Amy was one of the people who could be considered a friend of my mother. She was not one of the call girls, but rather one of the courtesans. Dressed in classy clothing, she exude the aura of refinement. Only those who are the richest can touch her.

She was the only reason why my mother still has a room in this place. As such, I could not afford to piss her off.

"You are always so polite Rise. Go on, take the medicine to your mother." She smiled and wave me through, every movement still as refine as ever. When she thought I was out of earshot, she sighed and continued, "Little good it would do for her. Her days are numbered. Nobody survives from that."

I already understood that fact. I know my mother was doomed. Yet, I still must take care of her, for she is my mother.

I climbed up the stairs quietly, so as to not disturb the patrons. Noises of pleasure was all around me. Grunts, gasps and the occasional sound of pain, left a unpleasant feeling in my stomach. Even though I lived her ever since I was born, I still could not bear the sounds.

My destination was a little room at the end of the long hallway along the second floor. The room was lit with only a candle and had spares furniture, aside from a bed. In the bed lied my mother. Even though she was near death, she still carried an eternal beauty.

"Mother, the medicine." I took the medicine out of my jacket and gave it to her. She twisted off the cap and drunk everything in one swoop. After that, she when right back to sleep.

I have heard rumors from the Sisters about what my mother gotten, AIDS. Apparently, someone she serviced was carried that disease that infected my mother. I would never forgive the person. How dare he infect my mother even after having his way with her?!

As my I sat next to my mother's bed, I contemplated my future. I need to do something, before I got sold off like those boys in the streets. I know what usually happen to pretty boys without parents like me. There are people with strange tastes after all.

As the day progressed on, a idea formed in my mind.

xxXxx

"Let me see the boss."

In my right hand, I gripped a bloodied dagger. On the left, I gripped the hair of a corpse.

It has been ten days after my mother died. In that ten days, I decided to do something. Join the biggest gang in the city, the "Dragon Warriors".

And as my entrance gift, I bought the corpse of their one of the rival gang leaders, Jack of the Mountain Wolves.

He took me quite a lot of effort to kill. After observing him for the days, I knew of a little know hobby of his. He frequents a little know corner of the slums called "Boy's Hovel" and took pleasure in the boys there. In an attempt to hide this hobby, he never does his deed in a area where it is frequent. As such, all I need to do was to seduce him and kill him.

Easier said then done, considering he almost had his way with me. When the knife plunged into his neck, I got a grim sense of joy from his death rather than hesitation and fear. I did not know killing was so easy.

Bundling the body in a bag, I dragged his corpse here. The gang members who are guarding the hideout eyed me suspiciously, before one of them tried to grab me.
He immediately lost three of his fingers. As I backstepped, I gestured to the corpse and said: "I bring the corpse of Jack of the Mountain Wolves. I mean no harm!"

However, blinded by the shock and pain of losing three of his digits, he rushed towards me in while roaring.

Is he stupid? I thought to myself for a moment before I ducked his blow and stabbed the dagger into his heart. He died moments later, collapse on the ground. His buddy, staring incredulously at his friend, roared in anger before he too, rushed me.

Another fool... I could not help but sighed. One could not survive in the slums with just muscle. He swung around his fist in such predictable manner. Even the bullies can punch better than him. And they are kids, like me.

My knife flashed again, however, just before I could kill him, a voice sounded.

"What is going on?"

A young man, aged in his twenties, walked out of the entrance to the hideout. He had a mob of fiery red hair and had a wild look to him. Frowning at the body of his guard, he tilted his head at second gang member and asked: "What is going on? And why is a kid pointing a knife at your throat?"

The second gang member looked down at the knife with a surprised expression, as if he never saw it there. I took the chance to speak for him.

"I am Rise. I come here to join the Dragon Warriors. As gift," I grasped the corpse once more. "I give you the life of Jack of the Mountain Wolves. As for the first guard, I apologize for killing him. He was too easy to kill."

"Oh? Your name is Rise? I see...I see. You must be thinking why does the guard to the hideout of Dragon Warriors suck so much?" Precisely what I was thinking. "Well, did you notice the sniper aiming at your heart the entire time?"

Sniper? I looked around, scanning the buildings. There was no one.

"No there. There." He pointed at one of the more obscure buildings. Indeed, there was someone pointing a rifle at me.

"You said you wanted to join us. Well, congrats, you are now a member of Dragon Warriors. You pass the test with flying colors."

"What test?" I eyed the red hair guy. He looked as if it was all part of his plan.

"The test began the moment you stepped in here. The two guards are the examinees. And seeing how you could kill them without hesitation, you pass. As for the life of Jack the Mountain Wolves, that is a added bonus point. For that, I would promote you to be part of the Assassins."

I am starting to get an idea of who he is. To be able to speak of such things with so much ease, he must be...

"You are the leader of Dragon Warriors, aren't you?"

"Yup. I am Asura."

xxXxx

10 years later...

I stood over the corpse of Desmond Dion, one of the heads of the Mafia in this area. Currently, the Dragon Warriors are in engaged in a tuff war over control of the city.

Flipping open my phone, I dialed Asura to report news of my successful assassination. Meanwhile, my gun trained on a squirming body by the side of me.

Getting annoyed by the constant whimpering, I clenched my gun unconsciously. A shot flew pass the body on the ground. The whimpering stopped immediately. As an added precaution, I added on: "Shut up Celine before I kill you."

Yup, the person on the ground is Celine Dion, the daughter of Desmond Dion. For some reason, Asura requested that I keep her alive.

"Is Desmond dead?" Asura voice rang out from the phone.
"Yes." My reply was short. I don't like adding pleasantries to my words.
"Good. Now get out of there before Desmond's men arrive. Also, remember to bring Celine along." With that, the phone call ended.

Slipping the phone into my pocket, I took out a walkie-talkie strapped to my waist. Bring it closer to my mouth, I whispered over the mic: "Dice, secure our exit."

"Sure thing boss." The person replying was Dice, one of my apprentice in the Dragon Warriors. In the ten years I have been in the Dragon Warriors, Dice is the only apprentice to have survived. My master, Michael, died 6 years ago when we are assassinating the head of Mountain Wolves. It was also during then I ascended to my current position as Head Assassin of Dragon Warriors.

Sounds of gunfire exploded over the intercom. Slinging Celine over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, ran for the exit. Without stopping, my pistol fired on two thugs approaching us. They dropped dead like puppets with their strings cut. I ran into the corridor of the building I am in. My destination is the alleyway behind this building. There is an escape vehicle parked there for us.

However, the more I progress on, the stranger it become. There should not be so many people in the building. What was Dice doing?
Bring up my walkie-talkie once again, I whispered to him: "Dice, what is going on?"

"I don't know." Dice seems to be running. "There is over ten cars parked in the entrance to the building. I manage to blow two of the cars up by sniping the fuel tank but there is still a lot of them left. They seemed to have discovered my position too. Shit!..." Cries of agony rang from the intercom as sounds of gunshots are heard.

"Dice? Dice?! Damn it!" I threw the walkie-talkie on the ground in frustration. Throwing Celine unceremoniously on the floor, I removed the gag on her mouth. My pistol pointed at her as I threaten: "Tell me the where the hidden escape route is!"

"What escape route?" Celine spoke with sarcasm in her voice. "Looks like my father's men has came to rescue me. HERE! HERE!" She started screaming at the top of her lungs. I quickly stuffed the gag back as footsteps drew near.

"Are you poking stupid! How sure are you that they are your father's men. I am not the only person that wants your father dead!" My pistol was trained on the entrance to where I am hiding. As the footsteps came closer and closer, my heart start to beat harder and harder. Finally, just as the shadow of a person appeared in the entrance, I fired.

"Damn!" Someone cursed outside. "Come on out, you cockroaches. I know you are in there, God of Death Rise and the Mikuru Celine."

"Why don't you come in?! Whose men are you anyways?" I shouted back my reply. Does he think I am stupid?

"Hmph! No harm telling you anyways. I am Carter's men. Both of you dying would be in his interest." Carter's men? Damn...so the other mafia boss knew of my mission long ago?

A sound echoed from the back of the room. Someone was there.

A jolt of adrenaline shot through my body as my pistol pointed towards the person in the back. My pistol fired before I even saw the person appear. He collapse without a sound.

At the exact moment, the person who was taunting me ran in and fired towards Celine. My hand reached for the bullet without hesitation. A sharp piercing pain erupted in the my hand. My other hand fired the bullet at his heart.

"Damn!!!" I clenched my hand in agony. Somehow, I manage to divert the path of the bullet using my hand. However, the price is the hole that is now on my hand. Looking at Celine, I raised an eyebrow. Look, they are coming for you too

Removing the gag once more from Celine's mouth, I looked at her. "So, still think they are coming to save you?

"Why did you stop the bullet for me?" Celine asked me. She seemed shocked that I stopped the bullet for her.

I shrugged my shoulders. "No reason. Aside from that, I probably can handle the wound better than you. Now, can you tell me the hidden escape route is?"

"The second room from the beginning of this corridor. The garbage chute there has been refitted to lead to the alleyway." Celine said, voice trembling slightly.

As she was speaking, I tore off a piece of cloth from the shirt I was wearing to bandage the wound. Wrapping it around the hole tightly, I clenched my hand a few times. Thankfully, there is no more bleeding.

"I trust that you can keep quite now?" I took Celine by the hand and pulled her up from the ground. Pulling out my knife, I freed her hands and feet. She rubbed her waist while replying a curt "yes".

"Follow me closely. In the count of three, I am going to rush out into the hallway. One, two, three!" I rushed out into the hallway. My pistol fired once, twice and thrice as I killed exterminated every single enemy in front of me and my destination.

As I speed down the hallway, enemies fall down along the path. Empty shells fall to the ground as I my pistol rang on and on. When I reached for more ammo in my pockets, I realized that there is none left.

"Damn!" Another shot flew pass me as I dived to the side. Celine followed suit. There is only one person left before the hidden escape route. Drawing my knife out, I balance it on the palms of my hand. Then, precisely after he fired a shot, my knife flew towards him.

"Argh..." The knife embedded itself on his throat. Another nameless dead corpse. Grabbing Celine's hand, I ran the last few meters to the room, retrieving the knife as I pass the corpse. Pulling the Celine along, we rushed into the room and ran towards the garbage chute.

"Dive in!" I jumped in as Celine followed, just as more people burst into the room.

xxXxx

I was joined by Dice in the car as we drove along the expressway. Dice disassembled his sniper rifle as he spoke to me in hushed undertones. "Who are they?"

"Carter's men." I replied as I drove the car along an side road to an alleyway. My phone rang just as we approached a whitewashed building.

"Is it Rise?" A cold emotionless voice came from the speaker.

"Yes, Liara." I replied as emotionless as her. Right now, she must be aiming at my head through the lens of an sniper rifle. "Let me through." I said once more when she is still aiming at my head.

Dice, meanwhile, in the backseat, was giving her the finger. I did not know what when between her and Dice, but to both of them, as the second best assassin after me, having a rivalry should be normal. I just hope that rivalry does not last.

As she lowered her rifle, the door to the whitewashed building opened. All of us exited the car and entered the building.

In the building, there was only a table. Behind the table, sat Asura. In the ten years since I joined the Dragon Warriors, Asura is no longer the young leader of Dragon Warriors, but well and truly the head of one of the biggest gangs in the city.

"You are back." Asura said as he tapped his fingers along the table.

"Yes." I replied. To any other person, being in the presence of Asura is enough to rattle them. For me, it is normal. As his head Assassin, this is not the first time I stand before him with the blood of another in my hands.

"I see you brought Celine along." Asura gestured towards Celine, who is standing behind me. Throughout the journey here, she did not speak. I could not see what she was thinking of.

"Yes."

"Good job. With Celine in our hands, Desmond's man should not dare to attempt anything foolish. Rise, take Celine with you." I raise my eyebrows at that. Bring her with me?

"You are the person most suitable to take Celine along with." Oh...so you need her alive, but do not want to be the target of Desmond's man's revenge.

"Okay." I agreed. I don't really mind that Celine comes along with me. Even if she tries to kill me, I would still be fine.

After discussing other matter, including the appearance of Carter's henchmen, I left the building with Celine and Dice. Dice offered to stay over with me for today as his home is currently...unaccessible. With the three of them, I made way to my home.

My home is situated along the vicinity of the brothel my mother once worked at. After joining Dragon Warriors, one of my request is that I be in charge of the street the brothel is in. Even if there aren't many good memories there, I still feel a sense of connection to the place.

As I entered the lavish apartment, I am greeted by Sister Amy. Five years after I joined the Dragon Warriors, Sister Amy officially entered retirement. I offered her a chance to work as my housekeeper in return for the favors she did for me and my mother when my mother was sick. If not, her fate would most probably be akin to every whores. She would not even be able to retire in the first place.

I gestured for Dice and Celine to sit while Sister Amy when to get beverages. Before I even sit down, Celine voice sounded behind.

"Don't think I have forgiven you." I looked at her. "From today onwards, I would try my best to kill you. You killed my father. I would never forgive that."

I nodded my head slightly. Dice frowned and looked at Celine. "You can try. Not like I haven't."

Ahh...thats right. Dice has been trying to kill me himself ever since he was my disciple. The only way for him to become head Assassin is for me to die. Unlike me, whose master died on a mission, his master doesn't seem to die at all. As such, he has been trying to hasten his death.

Now, with two people trying to kill me, live would get more interesting.

xxXxx

I sat sipping a Martini as Sister Amy bandage my hand wound. Looking at Celine and Dice sitting opposite of me, I started by saying: "Dice, the usual room is yours. Celine, the room by the side belongs to you. Also, the Dojo is out of access to you."

Celine was silent after her outburst. She does not seem to care much about what I said. Dice, on the other hand, was treating this like his home, which is true, considering he lives here more often than not.

"Celine, let me tell you about Rise..."

Looking at the both of them, I gave an audible sigh. Damn...how am I going to live now.

"Dice, if you are so free, go to the Dojo tomorrow!"

xxXxx

The next day, I stood in the Dojo in a cotton gi. With my injured hand behind my back, I faced Dice who was in front of me. Celine stood by the side, looking on at us.
"Start!" Sister Amy signaled the start of our duel.

Dice struck first, launching a kick towards my side. I sidestepped the kick and lashed towards his throat. He turned to the side and aimed for my kidneys with his free hand as my blow passed harmlessly by.

Fool...

I swung my hand towards his head as I positioned my legs between his. My other hand blocked his blow and I took a step forward. With a surge of strength, I threw him on the ground. Dice quickly rolled away, not before I got a good kick at his solar plexus.

"Damn...why you kick so hard!" Dice complained to me. Serves him right for trying to badmouth me to Celine. I do not know why, but I feel irate at him doing so.

After that, we moved on to weapon training. Pistols, guns and even katanas, we fought each other to a standstill. Dice was better at me than marksmanship, but I thrashed him at everything else. After dying for what was the umpteen time, Dice gave up.

"You are too good, but one day I will surpass you." Dice left me with those words before retreating for dinner. Sister Amy cooked us dinner for today.

Feeling satisfied that I taught him a lesson, I also followed him out of the Dojo.

As a result, I did not see Celine palming a dagger and throwing it at my back.

"That asshole! Even though he killed my father..." Celine muttered at my back.

xxXxx

Days pass by as I deal with numerous assassination attempts by Dice and Celine. Soon, without notice, 5 years passed us by.

During this time, the Dragon Warriors have taken over the city as its undisputed ruler. Meanwhile, my name spread as the right hand man of Asura, the Angel of Death Azrael. The number of people I have killed numbered in the hundreds and everyone lived in fear of me.

Frankly, I thought of it as ridiculous for them to fear me on the way to meet Asura. As I come to a stop in front of a massive skyscraper embossed with the name "Dragon Warriors Inc.", I could not help but feel how things has progressed since 15 years ago when I joined the Dragon Warriors. Entering the reception room, I was greeted by Liara.

"The president requests to see you." Liara, dressed in a office suit, lead me to a private lift along the lift lobby. Taking out a card, she swiped it against a card reader. The lift door, decorated with dragon carvings, opened up. Liara and I stepped into the lift.

"Do you know why Asura wants to see me?" I asked Liara in the lift.

Liara did not show any expression at all. She stared straight ahead at the twin doors. The cubicle descended into silence as both of us spoke no more.
When the lift reached its destination, she gestured for me to go out.

Stepping out of the lift, I came face to face with the leader of the Dragon Warriors, Asura. An intimidating aura exude from him as he looked at me. I returned the gaze without fear. In the years, Asura has became more and more like a ruler than a gang leader. Now, as the CEO of Dragon Warriors Inc. he was one of the most influential person in the city. Nothing happens without his notice.

Gesturing for him to sit, he simply said: "I want you to kill Celine Dion."

I could not believe what I have heard. Looking at him with a confused expression, I asked him: "Why?"

"Do you still remember when you first meet me? I test you then. Now, I am testing you again. Kill Celine Dion and prove your loyalty to me." Asura said, without a hint of hesitation. It is ridiculous. So you want me to kill her just to prove my loyalty. You must know...

"Yes." Looks like that day has come. I got out of my sit and left. My expression neutral, I made my plans.

As I leaved the room, Asura clenched his fist. "Tell Liara to come in. Rise has turned."

xxXxx

The moment I entered the house, I called for Celine.

"Celine!" My voice rang with a urgency I do not know I possessed. Celine came out of the room dressed in a white satin dress. She looked at me with sleepy eyes. I do not know when it happened, but my relationship with Celine changed from one of hate into love. It should be around two years ago, during one of my mission. It was during then, when I came back home drenched in blood, did she decide on her feelings. She could have killed me then, but she let me lived and even nursed me back to health.

"What, Rise?" She replied while yawning. Without waiting for her to respond, I dragged her to the car outside. Sister Amy is already there with the luggage.

"We are leaving the city." I said to her. poke Asura. He may be my boss but screw his deranged orders.

Flipping up my phone, I called Dice. "Began Operation Neverendus."

Operation Neverendus. An plan in the event where there is a need to betray Asura. An plan for me to escape the city.
Sitting in the car, I signaled for Sister Amy to drive of first. Sister Amy drove off with the dummy vehicle, while we followed with a the real escape vehicle.
The vehicle is printed with the words: "Ice Cream Truck" for us.

Meanwhile, Dice should be sabotaging their vehicles, delaying their pursuit time. Little did I know that there is not such thing.
There is only one pursuer. Liara, the only other person capable of begin called head Assassin.

As we drove on the expressway to escape the city, I received a call from Dice.

"Rise, there is trouble. There are no escape vehicles. There is no one pursuing."

At this time, I also receive another call from Sister Amy.

"Rise, the cars that are suppose to be pursuing are not there."

No one pursuing? Oh no...

As I thought about the only possibility, my car is stopped by a wall of vehicles. Tens of hundreds of thugs exited the vehicle, lead by a lone female figure. Liara.

"Is there any chance you could let us go?" I asked Liara while I prepared my gun. What good it would do when there is over a hundred guns pointed at me.

"No." Liara voice was as emotionless as ever.

I gave a barely perceivable sigh as I flipped open a switch in the car.
Plan B. In the event where it is impossible to escape, bring as many people as possible to hell.

"Celine, I love you."

That was the only sentence I manage to say before I rammed the car into the vehicles and pressed the switch.

An massive explosion blacken out the sky.
Last edited by Nex on Sun Jul 20, 2014 2:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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gamerbaki
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Re: OLN: World's End

Post by gamerbaki »

I already read your story and frankly speaking, it is very hard to read. You have some problems in sentence construction, the way you segregate your thought upon the other as well as connecting the story with each other.

On the bright side, I can grasp your idea that the protagonist wants to change his old lifestyle and with a little reading, readers will start to gain interest in your work.

Good luck on writing this story anyway.

--gamerbaki
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.

If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.

Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
Nex
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Re: OLN: World's End

Post by Nex »

Dear All,

I have rewritten the prologue in an attempt to make it better. Feel free to post your comments on how it feels compared to the original.
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gamerbaki
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Location: Philippines! (It's more fun in here! :P)

Re: OLN: World's End

Post by gamerbaki »

I just read your edited version of the prologue (before you deleted that) and I things had changed compare to the you earlier wrote.

You totally changed the entire beginning of the story. Also, you included some mafia stuff giving it a twist. Although the actual setting is undefined, the scenes that happened there makes you think the mere description of a city during nighttime.
I also liked the transformation of Rise from the one who is getting bullied to the one who bullies and kills people for superiority.

That alone made your points regarding on your story.

Moving on to the other side of comment, there are some things I want to say.

1. Your grammar begins to improve compare to former story. But you still have some problems in organizing ideas. Try to use some spacing to emphasize important ideas for better impact.

2. Using vulgar words like "f*ck," "shit, " or any such words are tolerable--as long as you wrote a disclaimer about these words in the beginning. Also, add an asterisk as you write these words to emphasize them clearly (they changed into poke automatically).

3. Try to describe all the necessary characters in the story in order for readers to gain some thought about them.

As a general, the story is better than the old one. Although you deleted this version already, I still hope that you still use this setting for the scenes to come.

--gamerbaki
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.

If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.

Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
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