OLN: Hopes Requiem

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Arcsol93
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OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Story I've been working on. Don't know if the title will stay as that or if I'll just shorten it to Requiem. I'll see about it later. Anyway I'm posting the first chapter as a kind of test as to see how others would react seeing as the subject matter is...notorious for lack of better term. All I do ask of you is to look past it until the end of the chapter and if I get too much negative feedback I'll change up the transformation slightly. Also, this is a rough draft in all honesty, so the structure isn't going to be pretty. Thank you and I hope the readers like it regardless.
Spoiler! :
In the blink of an eye the world forever changed.My life, as well as everyone else's, had changed. We were all thrown into something much greater than any normal being could dream of. Life was shattered and we were left to pick up the pieces.

The fact of the matter is, normal everyday people didn't know the dangerous truth like us. And that truth is the world is dying. The wind is beginning to die down, the flames of life rage and flicker as they fight from being snuffed out, the seas are in tempest, slowly drying up, and the earth is beginning to wither and crumble to dust.
We are trying to prevent and reverse the damage done before its too late. We are the worlds final hope. And if we fail life as we know it is doomed.

My name is Arc. I am a stalky eighteen year old male with bushy short brown hair and my clothing usually always revolves around video games and a hoodie.
Though...most of my stuff wont fit anymore, The paws, ears and tail mess that up. And yes I said paws, ears and tail. Even a muzzle. I was turned into a humanoid red wolf with blue arrows scattered across my body. But I wasn't the only one who changed. The entire world was when we were swallowed by the light.

Though instead of explaining the entire story I think its better to take you back to the moment of the incident.

-

It was a cold, winter night. I was sitting atop a hill at the end of my neighborhood. The hill itself has a tree nursery on one end and a large forest on the other. I myself was sitting on the wood planks surrounding the nursery looking up at the sky.

I have always loved stars; the stories and myths surrounding them have always been my interest. Every now and then if I found it was a clear night I would come up to watch them. Tonight though was a night a comet would fly near here that only comes once every one thousand years.

And then in the blink of an eye the comet flashed into my view. A bundle of bright white light that slowly streaked across the sky.

But something strange happened in that moment, it was like the comet was frozen even though I could clearly see tendrils of light come from it. Another moment later something else that should have never happened in this region of the world did. There was a horrible earthquake that made me fall to my knees from the sheer shock of it. Trees tumbled and fell in the distance, car alarms sounded out, light posts, telephone, and power poles fell to the ground and the world around me was suddenly plunged into darkness.

But there was a light that seemed to get brighter by the minute. I went into shock as I knew what it was. I looked up to see the comet falling towards me. I forced myself up onto my feet despite the earthquake and began to run through the nursery.

"Oh shit!" I called out as it was getting closer to impact. The earthquake throwing out my legs, prompting my decision to take a leap off the hill. And right at that very moment is when the comet made impact. My winter coat was torn off and I was sent flying as a bright light swallowed me before losing consciousness.

-

When I woke my jacket was in shreds. My body ached, my senses were overloaded. My vision was sharper and more focused than before. My hearing made my head hurt as I adjusted to all the sounds flooding my head at once, car alarms and sirens blaring in the distance, people screaming bloody murder. My taste was different as well, I made a bitter face and spat out a chunk of grass that was lodged into my mouth. The texture of it rubbing up against my tongue making me want to gag. And finally my sense of smell had my sinuses on fire, it was overwhelmed as much as my ears were, the smell of damp grass, and burning and smoldering objects rushed in.

I quickly moved my hands up to cover my nose and made a disturbing discovery from this entire mess. My body was covered in some kind of red fur with blue arrows in certain places, but that was nothing next to my nose feeling deformed, quickly treading through the flooded grass to a puddle to come across yet even more weird things to add to the night.

I looked into the reflection the puddle gave and found I had the appearance of an animal. Pointed wolf ears, snout and paws to boot. But thats not even the best part. It was like winter never happened.
As far as I could see there wasn't a single bit of snow left. Just flooded roads and yards. Not to mention the temperature felt like a warm summers day. It was a moment I would never forget for as long as I live.

I shook myself out of my stupor and ran back to the hill. Thankfully I wasn't blasted too far from it nor injured badly, but my body did ache horribly from being launched such a distance.

Panting as I reached the top of the hill, I was bracing myself for the carnage that was sure to unfold in front of me. But it was as if nothing happened. No large crater, no flaming field, the forest was intact and unmoved. It was as if I dreamed up the entire experience. But there was a difference, I Couldn't help but notice a white wolf woman laying in the center of the field, wearing nothing but white cloth around her breasts and some sort of matching skirt to go with it. Her long snow white hair sprawled across the flooded grass.

The whole thing just seems like it came out of a crazy dream. But my battered and bruised body from being sent flying said otherwise. No this is as real as it gets.

I shook myself out of yet another stupor and called out to the girl. All I got though was some sort of faint mumble in response. "So this is what the earth looks like. The stars look so beautiful and bright here."

Scratching my head in confusion as to what she meant and was about to call out to her again until I heard a familiar voice call out to me.
Turning around, I see a giant purple Michelin Man on steroids running up the hill to me. "Katherin is that you? What are you doing bundled up under all that snow gear?"

The girl leaning onto her legs under all the purple snow gear would be my best friend Katherin, Kat for short. We have been friends since we were little kids. A kind of shy, quiet girl but has a heart of gold and a distinct love of cats. "It's the middle of the winter, it may look nice out but looks can be deceiving meow."

"Well get that stuff off before you get heat stroke silly." Grinning as I watch her remove layers of clothing and then come to find I wasn't the only one changed. Kat was transformed into a Lynx, fuzzy ear tips and all.

"Whats the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost, meow."

"Have you looked in a mirror? You look like a Lynx." Her eyes widened and she looks behind her in response. She gave her tail a firm grab and pull, proceeding to look like a lightning bolt had struck her.

"H-How did this happen! I don't remember anything!" What came out of her mouth after sounded like a garbled meow. Which sounds like a scream to me.

Suffice to say though, many people went vegan that day when they found they could speak to their pets.

"How in the world could you not notice you were a Lynx? Much less see what I became?" I waved my hands around my body for emphasis.

"I was too busy hiding under my table during that damn earthquake, fearing for my life thats what meow!"

"Uhm excuse me?" Another voice chimed in behind us, but we were too far into our fight to notice.

"EXCUSE ME!" I jumped and swung around to see the wolf girl. Her dark blue eyes cold and staring daggers at the two of us. "If you two are done with your childish bickering we're being watched." She pointed to the abandoned building behind us.

We glanced behind to have a pair of red eyes greet us on the roof of it. What happened next was just adding to the night. The wolf girl suddenly was shouting for us to duck and I proceeded to jump back as Kat fell backwards. All of us just barely dodging the creatures freakishly long claws. The thing looking up at me with maliciousness in its gaze.

I couldn't tell what the thing was from the darkness but it definitely wasn't an animal like us. It didn't matter though, because during that very moment we all had some sort of weapon pressing against its neck.

Kat, with one hand wrapping against its neck while the other had a set of claws pressing into its flesh. I had some sort of hooked blades in both of mine, and wolf girl had what looked to be a trident in hers.
It didn't phase me that we all suddenly had weapons. To me it was like second nature, as if I have used them my entire life.

"So." The wolf girl started, pressing the points of the spear in roughly. "What the hell are you and what use is it of you to kill the three of us?"

The creature let out a deep, raspy laugh. "YOU'RE asking ME what I am? You should know better than anyone considering what you are yourself."

I turned to look at her, not relaxing my stance on the things throat. "What's this thing talking about wolf girl? You some sort of creature like this?"

We were interrupted by more laughter from the thing. "You should talk boy. With what you are you're no better than she is. You're a-." The creature never got to finish its remark, it turned to ash in an instant.

"My my what a mouth you had beast. I send you to test them and you almost reveal everything. Tsk tsk."

Our attention was redirected to the forest. From its dark depths another being appeared. It was a male black wolf, wearing some sort of kamishimo and katana with a twisted, sadistic smile spread across his face.

"Can my night get any stranger or do we need a few more freak shows and strange occurrences happen?" I said, staring daggers at the man.

He pisses me off for some reason, makes my hair stand on end with that smile. I wasn't the only one feeling like this though. The normally silly/sweet Kat, looked ready to gouge his eyes out as her tail rose up in caution.

The wolf raised his shoulders and snickered. "What a welcome party, I really feel the love from you three. I come in peace...for now. Just came with a friendly warning." He said, pointing an outstretched finger at us.

"Things have only just begun. There are many more out there like me now who want your heads. You three best learn fast of what you're capable of before we take your lives. Because I assure you-" He paused, his sadistic smile widening. "I'll have the pleasure of your blood spilling onto me the next time we meet!"

Both mine and Kat's blood ran cold at the sound of his words. It wasn't something we were used to hearing. We have...had normal lives and now all of a sudden we are targeted for death and we don't even know why.

Wolf girl didn't take it too well herself, with the death grip she was giving her spear you would almost think it would bend in half from the force.

Our reactions were enough for the man as he laughed maniacally. "Whats wrong? What happened to that bravado you had moments ago huh?" He laughed until he hunched over. "Well I think on this delicious note I'll take my leave. Enjoy your night 'brave heroes!'" He sneered as he emphasized on the last bit. Turning to walk back into the forest once more.

"Hold it!" I called out. I don't know what came over me that moment, where this burst of courage came from but it didn't stop there. "Our 'hunter' should at least have the decency to give his name before walking off after a statement like that!"

The man didn't turn or slow his pace. For a moment the silence was almost deadly. "The names Itzel. Itzel Gryremor, Remember it well kid." He said, breaking the silence as the forests dark embrace took him in once more.

We all stared at the forest for a long moment. Watching to see if anything else would come crawling out of its abyss. Once I was sure it was finally safe I fell back into the flooded field, slamming my fist down into the muck. "WHAT THE HELL!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. When I was finished releasing my frustrations I took in a deep breath and let out an exasperated sigh.

"How are you two holding up?" I asked, glancing over at both of them after another long term of silence. Kat still standing and staring at the forest with fear in her eyes, shaking uncontrollably.

Wolf girl on the other hand was sitting, trident in her lap, staring at the ground. Her brows furrowed with worry.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared myself. Terrified even, but just waiting scared wont get us anywhere.

"I bet there are many questions for me. Many I wish I could answer myself." Wolf girl broke the silence and let out a weary sigh. "The thing is I cant remember anything other than I'm not from this world and my name." She pauses for a moment. "Might as well get introductions over with. My name is Svette, Svette Vajorrek. it's a...pleasure I suppose. And yours?"

Both me and Kat introduced ourselves and we all got to talking from there. Anything beat the silence and the lingering thoughts.

"Well we have one clue anyway. We're too important to keep alive it seems." I said, picking up my hooked blade and raising it up to my face to get a better look.
"Not to mention none of us being normal in any way...So any ideas as to what these weapons are and why they suddenly appeared for us?"

"Its a faint memory but they are called Soul Arms. Weapons forged from a portion of our very willpower and resolve. Power of the-" Svette bent over and clutched her head, a look of pure agony twisting onto her face.

"Don't force it meow." Kat looked over with concern. "The memories will return in time but you may cause mental damage if you push it."

"Kat's right, you've been plenty help with just this. Take a break for-
"
"I cant just sit and wait for them to return when our lives are in danger dammit!" Svette screamed, tears streaming down her face as it started to rain.

I looked up to the sky and sighed. Wondering just how much things could worsen.

"Lets worry about that later, if we don't get out of this soggy crap the rain will do us in first." I said as I pulled Svette to her feet, walking over to Kat after and giving her a pat on the head and ruffling her hair before leading them back home.

This would be our first of many nights together. Marked for death and left up the creek without a paddle.

May God save our souls.
Last edited by Arcsol93 on Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

Just so you know, I'm not some English master or something. I'm just a native English speaker that knows (maybe not a lot) sentence structure and grammar. So, something I type may not be correct.

So far, I am interested in your story a little bit. I understand that this is a rough draft, but I found it hard to follow. There are sentences that can be re-arranged, split into two sentences, and/or joined into one sentence. Your grammar was better than I expected, and what I mean by that is: Most of the OLN's in this section that I've read do not have good grammar and wording.

For example: "Everyone's life had changed and me as well as a handful of people were thrown into something much greater than any normal being could ever dream of", could be changed to something like this: "My life, as well as everyone else's, had changed. We were all thrown into something much greater than any normal [human being, being, person, I think anything could fit here] could dream of.

"It was a cold winters night" should be changed to: "It was a cold, winter night."
"I have always loved stars, the stories and myths surrounding them and the constellations" should be changed to: " I have always loved stars; the stories and myths surrounding them have always interested me."
I'm pretty sure there are other ways of re-wording that sentence, but I couldn't think of anything else.

There are many other sentences like those, so please read your rough draft carefully and pick out all the sentences that are not correct. If you're not sure about something, feel free to PM me. You can also look up how to re-word sentences or correct grammar on the internet if you're not too sure. I want to read this again once you correct many of the mistakes you've made. Good luck:)
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Thank you!!! Those three sentences have been bugging me since I wrote the thing. My only problem was thinking of a better way to word them or organize them so I just left it as is. Editing it now, thank you for the examples.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

Arcsol93, I have to apologize. Because I'm a new member, I can't send PMs. If you know of another way to send me anything you need help on, please tell me. Thanks.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Its actually the number of posts you make, once you reach a certain number it unlocks. I think my email is shown on my profile but that's really my only other form of contact.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

Ah, ok. Also, your email isn't shown on your profile. Once you enable it to be shown, I'll go ahead and send you a message. Also, I only a Yahoo! email and an email with Google, so I can only use those.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Will be posting Part 2 sometime later today after a few more revisions are done to it. It was just way too short when I first wrote it.

Also thinking of putting some illustrations of the story characters. (Some will be posted later on as some aren't revealed until much later in the story and I don't want them up until they have a proper intro.) Question is is it possible to directly upload the image here? Or do I have to link it from a site?
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

I see you corrected the first Part. Good job:)

Yay part 2.

Also, I think it would be best to put a link to the picture. But, to be honest, I really don't know.
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Well here's part 2, might change a few things here and there. There were a few parts where the wording irked me so its still a draft in the end. Have already been working on part 3 which will probably be the end of the chapter. (Might switch this to prologue.)

I'm thinking for the rest of the story after I might transition to third person so I don't have as much constraining me when it comes down to the content. Hope you enjoy.
Spoiler! :
As soon as we got home I showed Svette and Kat to the living room; everything is in disarray. The walls have deep cracks, many objects lay broken on the floor and part of the roof collapsed in.

It wasn't exactly safe, but with over a foot of water flooding the ground there aren't too many options we could go with.

Once I got them comfortable and got candles and flashlights set up around the room I went to a closet and looked around for something to help us on this situation. Like if anyone else had the same experience as us. Though...

I glanced over at Kat and found her still shaking. Anyone could see her fear clear as day, though almost any person would be scared to death after what she has been through.

"In the end all that matters though is that I keep her safe, even if it costs me my life."

I muttered under my breath, gripping the wood frame hard enough to make it spliter.

I intend to keep the promise I made with an old friend many years ago. Her dying wish won't be in vain.

-

This night hasn't been nice at all to Me, Arc, or Svette. First having a death wish hanging over us, second was having to go through all of that water and making sure it doesn't get into the house. But the worst of all for me is having that guys face flash into my mind.

I couldn't help but grip my legs tight at the thought of that creepy smile, curling into a ball and shivering.

There wasn't anything reassuring about it. It was a smile that enjoyed murder and suffering, it brings back bad memories of a terrible day for me and Arc.

Why, why do people feel the need to destroy anothers life? Don't they have a conscience at all for what they've done? What compells a person to do evil willingly like that?

Clutching my head in agony I desperately try to suppress it, my head begins to throb as the terrible memory begins to surface.
Stop it! Stop with the torture already, I don't want to relive it again!

A hand suddenly runs through my hair softly, caressing my ears.

"Don't worry Kat, You're going to be ok with me and Arc here." Svette smiles warmly to me, breaking me out of that terrible moment.

"I may not know him well but." She looked over to the boy who was digging through the closet fervently. "If he can trust a random stranger like me and give me shelter then he must not be so bad."

As the tension was draining from my body, I gave a soft smile, leaning into her touch as she sat down next to me. "He's always been like that really, meow. He likes to see the good in others so he casts away suspicion." I said to her quietly.

Svette gave a wry smile. "Is that so? Hmm he may be fun to mess with later."

Looking over to him deviously it seems an idea crossed her mind, her ears perking in excitement.

I couldn't help but slip a giggle out, he really is fun to tease when he's so serious all the time.

I snuck a look at Svette while she was distracted with her thoughts...She is really pretty now that I can get a proper look.
She had the look of a princess with her snow white hair tied back in a ponytail, and sparkling dark blue eyes which showed her strong resolve.

She just had an air of elegance about her with that hourglass frame and the way she sits.

Even in a ruined house like this she was one who could change the atmosphere without even thinking on it with that bright smile of hers. It was like that discomposed girl we met on the hill never existed.

I gave myself a look and pouted. Arc says all the time I'm beautiful but.

Brushing my purple bangs from my face, I gave a peek to Svette's modestly large chest, then my own and my cheeks grew hot.

Mine doesn't even compare...no no no! What are these thoughts, now is not the time for foolish things like these!

"Is everything ok Kat? You look like you've caught a chill, perhaps you were in the rain too long?" Svette asked with her face suddenly close to mine, full of concern as she felt my head.

Getting more embarrassed, my cheeks darkened into a deeper shade of red. "N-No I'm fine, just fine!"

"Hmm but still...Arc we need a wet rag!"

My body tensed with her call as Arc turned around.

"What? What fo-" He says but stops when he sees my face. "You're doing it again aren't you Kat?"

I took my hair and covered my face with it. "I-I don't have a clue what you mean, meow!"

He let out a sigh and scratched his cheek. "If I haven't told you a thousand before, you are beautiful Kat. From your long purple hair to the size of your che-"

I threw a piece of rubble at him square in the face and let out a squeal. "D-Don't say it!!! I'll die from embarrassment if she hears that!"

Svette tilts her head open mouthed. "I don't understand whats going on here. Why would she need to compare herself to you?"

We both stared at her in shock. For a person so pretty its hard to believe she's so dim.

Sighing and slumping, I wave my hand dejectedly. "N-No reason at all, meow...anyway thank you for your concern but I am just fine."

"Well I'm not." Arc grumbles as he rubs the bump on his head. "Some day that shyness of yours is going to get me killed."

All Svette could do was blink at what had happened. Still clearly confused.

For some reason she reminded me of a certain person...Has to be my imagination, that person no longer exists.

After all, I was there to witness her dying moment.

-

After we had all settled down Arc managed to find a crank type radio buried in the closet. He gave it a few turns, sat it down and we all listened with apprehension.

~We are reporting to you tonight the disturbing events that has transpired.
First we will start with the earthquake that has wracked the entire world. Scientists are currently working on discovering the point of an epicenter but they theorize that it came from the very core itself, saying the core may have entered a period of cooling which caused this effect on the planet itself. Long term effects will be released at a later date.

This reported earthquake was recorded at a twelve on the richter scale. The strongest recorded in history. More news within the coming hour.~

"T-That means..." I managed to stammer out. Neither Arc or Svette having the will to finish the dreaded thought.

In the end though it meant mass death and destruction of almost everything. Buildings, roads, landslides, worst of all; Tsunamis. It really was the worst case scenario one could think of.

In the end we are fine since we are in the center of the country but...coastial cities will be wiped off the face of the earth before the end of the night.

"How horrible, from just one earthquake alone." Svette said softly as she brought her hands to her mouth in disbelief.

"I just hope the people near water will be able to evacuate in time, otherwise whatever the current death toll is now won't even compare to what it will be."

Arc said emotionlessly as the dark truth decended upon the room. We may be marked for death, but an even worse fate awated those by the sea.

We went silent once more as another report came through the whethered radio.

~Next up we have a mysterious occurance that leaves the entire world baffled. Cases are pouring in around the world of people having the appearence of a humanoid animal but so far none can recollect as to how it came to be.~

So it wasn't just us; the entire world has transformed into an animal of some sort.

"Wait, something doesn't add up here."

Arc looked confused and then brought his attention to the two of us.

"Did either of you see a light at all?"

Hmm thinking on it now, no. I was scared for my life under my table and the next moment I found I passed out. I thought it was just from the fear but if thats the case...

"No, I fainted like many of the other people in the report. Why, was it different for you Arc?"

"Yes it was actually. I was hit by a meteor and a light came shooting out from it. Once I was enveloped by it though I fainted just like everyone else."

He seemed to shiver at just the mere thought of it, but wait...

"You were hit by a meteor?! Wait is it-"

"Yeah it was the white tail one that appears every milleneum. And it almost hit me I should say, I was blasted away by the shockwave. But when I woke it was like it never happened. No damage anywhere."

"Thinking on it now, I was in the center of the light, just waking up."

Svette was holding her head in thought as if she was remembering something.

"T-The meteor itself was an illusion to make people evacuate, when it 'landed' it was made so it would make people fall asleep to make it seem as if it was just a dream."

She paused for a moment, looking frustrated.

"The memory is slipping but it didn't cause the light, something so widespread from a transportation device is impossible."

And just like that our one and only lead vanished like the illusion created this night. But then what was it? The wrath of God?

"Which brings another question."

Svette gives Arc a serious look and glances around his body.

"Illiusion or no, the shockwave is still very real. An ordinary human caught up in it would be mush. So...how are you still here with us?"

"..."

"Are you even human?"

He shrugged, not showing even the slightest emotion.

"Well both my parents were human so I guess I am too."

"I seriously wonder myself considering what we all did earlier." I say silently.

"What was that Kat?"

"Sounded like she said.."

Both Arc and Svette muttered while putting a finger to her lips.

"No. Its N-Nothing."

Soon they got to talking among themselves, giving me a moment to stare down at my hands.

My Soul Arm never appeared, but it wasn't because I didn't have one. I don't want to use it, I don't want to fight.

I'm not as brave as Arc, but I want to be. Though he is strong because he closed his heart to everyone, as long as I'm safe he is willing to forsake his own life. But if that happens I really will be alone.

I need to get stronger, I must.

Though...are we really human? These Soul Arms are something that has come straight out of a fantasy. Giving us abnormal abilities.

Has everything we have been taught a lie?

What is a 'normal' human being anyway?

-

"So, any ideas for what we should do next? Kat? Svette?"

"Honestly I don't think it would be wise to stay in one place for too long. It would put civilians in danger if they tore the city apart looking for us."

"So we run away? Can we even take care of ourselves if we're out in the open? Do we even have any provisions?"

Svette said, tapping her chin while Kat mumbled dejectedly.

"I agree that it's a hard decision. But in the long run I'm thinking for the people. We at least have out Soul Arms to protect us. Everyone else is virtually defenseless." I rubbed my head in frustration.

"Arc is right Kat, and if we stay here it gives them a proper opportunity to trap us. Once that happens we're finished."

"Why did this have to happen to us meow? What makes us so special?" Kat curled up into a ball while Svette held her close.

"There's the million dollar question, and they hold all of the answers." I made my khopesh appear in my hand and slashed the air.

"Its probably because we can use these to begin with. Either way we have a limited time frame to find the truth and I'll be damned if they hunt us down without even trying."

"Hmph, what a clue for those rotten souls to give us."

Svette slammed her fist down and growls.

"We should fight on equal terms, not run like rats. If anything they are the rats for making it so one sided."

Silence descended into the room as we let our situation sink in. After a while I rose and started to walk out of the room.

"Heading to bed, no matter the decision we depart in the morning. We're nothing but sitting ducks otherwise. Guest rooms are to the right."

"All right Arc, goodnight. I'll head off once I calm Kat down."

Kat may not like it but in the end its for her own good. We can't be boxed in, especially if she refuses to use her Soul Arm. thankfully Svette understands the situation as well.

-

My sleep was as expected, restless. Though it seems I'm finally beginning to drift. Will we live? I would like to hope, I won't go down without a fight anyway.

Though it seems that Itsuki of a wolf crept into even my dreams. I was back up on the hill again and once more he walks from the forest.

"Looks like you're having problems getting started boy. Though you are on the right track."

"Get over yourself! How is anyone supposed to think straight with the options they were given?"

His sadistic smile spread across his face as he drew his katana.

"Looks like you'll need a hint. Though you better hurry, the next time I intervene you won't like the outcome."

I was about to object any kind of help from the twisted Itsuki but my thoughts were suddenly shattered as a horrible pain spread through my body.

I looked down to find a katana embedded into my abdomen. My clothing slowly getting dyed a crimson red. My legs lost their strength and I collapsed to my knees as I was coughing up blood.

Laughing like a madman he brought his face close.

"Your soul is bathed in deep darkness kid, work on cleansing it. Your Soul Arm reflects the users soul. It would be a shame if I can't get a good fight out of you before you were slaughtered."

*Lub-dub*

Something began to stir within me and darkness started pouring out of the wound, enveloping the world around us in a black abyss.

"Fall to the never ending darkness and be absorbed!"

Just as I was sure the darkness would consume me completely a bright light shone through it all and a beautiful voice rang out.

~Arc! Arc you have to wake up!~

Itzel clicked his tongue in distaste and began to disappear as I started to wake.

"Detestable woman. Heed my words well boy, otherwise the darkness will consume you and your friends in the end."

-

I woke with a start and summoned my khopesh to my hands, looking around the room frantically.

"It's all right now Arc. His shadow was manipulating your dreams but its over now. Put away your weapon."

The same soothing voice from before said as she grabbed my hand and lowered it. Rubbing it softly as the blades fade away.

As my eye sight adjusts to the darkness I find a white wolf in a nightgown sitting on the edge of my bed, smiling softly.

"S-Svette?! Itzel that rotten!-"

She pressed a finger to my lips and held one to her own, pointing down to the floor.

I bend over to get a better look and find Kat fast asleep, hugging herself against my bed.

"A-Arc, where is the tofu? You said you would buy some more big dummy."

I rubbed my head as she clawed against the bed frame and whined out.

"Sorry about that, I never expected myself to get so worked up over a dream. Thank you for helping me."

Svette gave Kat an endearing look as she petted her head softly.

"Don't worry about it, you helped me out earlier on the hill when I was hysteric so we'll call it even."

She gave me a warm smile as she rubbed behind Kat's ear.

"Though hear me out for what I'm about to say."

"Sure, shoot."

"I'm sure this was already implied but I believe we should stick together if we want to survive this. I do not believe we all came together by pure chance considering our ability to wield those special weapons."

She slides her hand out and blushes softly.

"So what do you say? Partners?"

I didn't hesitate for a moment, reaching out for her hand I shook it.

"I have nothing to lose so lets do our best Svette."

Another hand appears on top of ours. Grasping on tight.

"Don't leave me out now, meow. You're both stuck with me like it or not."

She turns to me and glares.

"Or is it that dummy Arc wants to take advantage of the pretty girl?"

"W-What?!"

"K-Kat! You know I'm not like that. T-Though..."

"Yes, meow?"

I scratch my face an awkward silence fills the room.

"You both look very cute and all, but why are you wearing my sisters underwear?"

"You said we could borrow her clothing since she's been gone for a long time, meow!" "P-Pervert!"

Both of them were completely red faced and covering themselves up.

I'm the last living member of my family so theres not a problem with it. Its just embarrassing seeing them in it.

"O-Ouch! Stop hitting me you two! You're the ones who came in dressed like that!"

There really needs to be a limit to my honesty.

No matter how bad things get a means for a brighter future will push us forward.

In the end all we need is each other. As long as we're together we know we'll be fine. And thats good enough for me. We'll get our answers soon enough.

Let the fight for the future begin.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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mania_
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by mania_ »

Third person perspective could work well, though in that case I will miss Kat's perspective... :P She's just so cute. Seriously, her speech, her shyness, everything -- looks like I already know who my favorite character is, haha. For now, anyway. Looking forward to any upcoming development and new characters, too.

Oh, and do please post the illustrations! *_* I would love to see them.
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

Good Part 2, I enjoyed it. I also enjoy the good, sweet moments between characters when they're in a time of devastation or something like that, and I think you did a good job writing that:).
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Thank you both ^^ I was being so hard on myself the entire day thinking I could have done better with it XD

In the end I'll see how it plays out with part 3. The reason why I'm considering third person is because the story focuses on more than one group of characters with some groups joining up off and on. I guess I'll see how I finish up part 3 before making a decision on it.

The good I see from doing it in first person is it really helps delve into the mind of the character itself, helps understand them better. My only problem is making sure I don't overload it with I, me, we, etc... and completely bore the reader and kill the plot.

But I will say there will be many twists and turns when it comes to the characters, but for now it just comes down to keeping myself motivated get to all of it lol.

I'll try to see what I can do about some of the illustrations tonight, most I can't post due to spoilers and changing designs but they will come in due time~ Thanks ^^
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Ok here is two illustrations, one of Arc and a character that I scrapped and the other of Svette. Now these pieces are commissioned from friends so the styles are different. I would post a better pic of Arc but...it would be a major spoiler XD Have patience with me please~
Spoiler! :
Image
Spoiler! :
Image
Edit: Sorry about that, I didn't look at the size before linking x.x
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Arcsol93 »

Here is chapter three (Putting back as chapters, had an idea for something.) It's kind of brief but I decided I wanted to separate the mines into either one or two chapters. And on another note I accidentally finished the epilogue for vol 1 XD. I was working ahead for to get a start on vol 2 and what I put down just fit it so well lol.

It will either be chapter 4 or 5 that will finish this vol up, and vol 2 will focus on a new group of protagonists. And with that I decided the epilogue will be the transition point into third person, it will be fitting since Arc, Svette, and Kats story will be paused for a bit.

Anyway I hope you like chapter 3, I'll probably be messing with it a bit later on since there were many parts I can't say I'm satisfied with.
Spoiler! :
You would think after a moment like that we would be an unstoppable team right? Nope, quite the opposite in fact.

Me and Arc were butting heads every moment we could get much to Kat's dismay. The poor girl was probably the most level headed between the three of us but was helpless to break up our fights as well.

"Get your big head out of the way Arc! Every time a monster attacks you always get between my hits. Sooner or later this trident is going to pop that inflated head of yours when I can't stop it in time."

We were following through with our plan of leaving the city. It's already mid afternoon and we have been running into many monsters. And every time one attacked Arc always got in the way of my or Kat's attack and killed it.

I don't know if he has some sort of superiority complex but it was slowly rubbing away at my last nerve. I'm about to strangle him.

"Whoops, sorry about that. Didn't see you there."

"Didn't see me by butt, you're just obsessed with showing off and fighting muscles for brains!"

He pushed his face close to mine as sparks were flying, a strong atmosphere of killing intent filling the area from the both of us as we stared daggers at each other.

"What did you call me you heap of space junk?"

"You heard me idiot, and I'm sure Kat would agree with you charging in like you own the place every single time."

My eye was twitching incessantly. I won't forget that space junk comment until the day I die, that arrogant guy will pay for that. He will learn to treat a lady with more respect.

Meanwhile all Kat could do was nothing but stare shocked at the scene unfolding in front of her.
"I-I Umm..."

"Oh please! Kat is my best friend, I'm sure if I was like that she would have told me."

Kat was pressing her fingers together and staring down at the ground.

"I...um...c-can't we all just get along? I'm sure if you both talking it out calm-"

""Stay out of this!""

We both shouted out at her, the poor girl slinking away startled with her ears and tail drooping as we growled and butted heads at each other.

"Why do you have to be so thick headed? We're supposed to be a team and yet you've been doing everything on your own thus far. What do you think you're better than us or something? That we're slowing you down?"

Arc gritted his teeth and pressed his face closer. A look of sheer annoyance spread across his face.

"That's not true in the slightest. I just think its more efficient if we have only one person take them out. We need to get out of the city as fast as possible right?"

"You just implied it right there! It's like we're extra baggage to you!"

Arc winced as he realized his mistake and clicked his tongue in irritation.

"That...didn't come out right. I meant that it would be-"

"Just save it! I've heard enough from that impertinent mouth of yours you jerk!"

And with that I stormed off ahead, leaving behind a nervous Kat who was wringing her heads and a completely speechless Arc.

The rest of the day after composed of us either fighting when killing beasts or one or two instances where we almost turned our weapons on each other. If it wasn't for Kat breaking us up we probably would have.

Maybe I jumped to conclusions with him, so far his actions are showing just the kind of person he is. Many words would fit him so far; selfish, conceited, obnoxious, pig headed. Oooh just thinking about it makes me more furious.

-----

Dusk soon approached, bathing the area in a warm orange glow. We decided to rest and set up camp for the moment in a forest right outside of the city, though we weren't out of this mess just yet. We had to figure out a way to bypass the mountains that surrounded the city.

Arc was lounging up on a nearby hill as Kat was working on getting a fire set up. It wasn't exactly an easy task though with everything still being damp from the sudden climate change. But with the forest being higher up it wasn't flooded like the city was.

I glanced up at Arc, my eyes half open as I muttered some...colorful words beneath my breath.

"I know you're frustrated with him but he really isn't a bad guy, meow. He just feels that he has to take the burden for everything and everyone."

Kat murmured as if she was reading my mind, blowing into the little flame spreading over the kindling solemnly.

"Well not everyone likes that sort of thing. I know I don't like to sit back and watch while someone risks their life for me. I would help in whatever way I can."

"And he understands that, meow...sometimes anyway. You two definitely have the same opinions on that subject. Please listen for a bit though, I have a story to tell."

I tore my gaze from the wolf as Kat went silent for a while. She looked as if she was going to burst into tears.

"You don't have to tell me if the memory is too painful Kat. Please don't strain just for me."

She took a deep breath and shook her head, as if she finally came to a resolution.

"No, I'll be fine. This has to be said.

The reason he's so stubborn like this and why he has closed his heart off to everything is because...our best friend was murdered and I was left gravely wounded."

My eyes went wide hearing her words. It is unbelievable that someone would attack such a sweet, defenseless girl like her. But as if to confirm my doubts she lifted up her shirt and the sight I was seeing shocked me to my very core.

There was a long, vicious scar running down the middle of her chest. The scar itself a mass of angry, red flesh that no amount of fur could hide.

"Arc almost lost two people in his life that day instead of just one. He blamed himself in the end since he was supposed to meet up with both of us that day...her death has affected both of us since."

She gritted her teeth and bit her lip as she stared down at the ground. Gripping the hem of her shirt roughly as she desperately held back tears.

"He was with me in that hospital everyday as I fought for my life, and even stayed after I was in the clear until I returned to health. He refused to leave my side for a moment the guilt was so strong for him.

I came to find out soon after he killed the criminals who attacked us that day. They were still at the scene when he arrived as they were about to finish me off."

My blood ran cold, just thinking on it, even picturing the scene was too mortifying. For one to experience a sight or even a pain such as that would surely drive one insane.

So this is why is like this, because of the burden and regret he chose to put upon himself. None of it was his fault, even I can see that. It was just terrible luck when it came down to it. But still, if I let him pursue that kind of thought I would go insane if I had to sit and watch him throw his life away.

I...I want to save both of them. I want to wipe away the darkness that has a grip over their hearts and show them the joy life holds.

Something gripping the hem of my dress snapped me out of my thoughts. Kat looking up at me as tears ran down her face.

"P-Please Svette at least talk with him. I don't want us fighting anymore. He needs someone there for him besides just me. All I ask is that this story stays between us."

She lost the strength in her legs, I rushed over and caught her before she could fall. In that moment I could see in her eyes the pain and desperation she has been locking away for so long.

I reached over and cupped her cheek, wiping her tears away with my thumb.

"I'll go up there and speak with him, but I want you to make me a promise."

*Hic, hic* "W-What is it?"

I hugged her tight, pressing her head into my chest as I continued to wipe away her tears. Whispering into her ear:

"I want you to promise me you'll shed no more tears. That face is too pretty to have such a sad expression on it. I'll do my best to help the both of you get past this horrible memory ok?"

She looked up at me in bewilderment, as if wondering how I would be able to free them. Though she soon gave up on the thought and pressed head into my chest, letting out her final tears.

"I-I promise, meow. Thank you Svette."

Smiling gently, I stroked her hair softly as I held her close until she settled down. She was adorable, I would do anything to see her smile again.

I will protect them, I swear upon my honor they will be freed of their suffering. But for some reason...my heart is in pain as well. I wonder why?

----

After calming Kat down and letting her tend to the fire as she started setting up dinner I went up to the hill to confront Arc. I can't say I'm too thrilled but I stick to my word.

But as soon as I reached the top my thoughts went away. I could see from here the look of anguish and regret on his face as he starred up at the moon slowly rising against bright orange sky.

Sighing, I leaned up against the tree and pressed my fist on his head.

"It's not polite to make a lady cry you know."

He let out an exasperated sigh and looked down at the ground.

"Seems I did it again, I swore I would never make her cry again."

"Well you're intentions were good, but good or not if a person wants to fight as well there will be repercussions to your will to protect."

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"I know that, I really do. I just don't know what makes me act like that."

I do, Kat does as well, but it's either you're seriously dense to your surroundings or that the trauma has affected you that much.

"Ok think of it this way; you wouldn't like it if me or Kat died. Now switch it around, how do you think we would feel if we saw you die in front of our very eyes without so much as lift a finger?"

Kat would break, there is no way she would be able to stand the sight after dealing with it once. Your intentions may be noble but you have to see from her standpoint. Please, for the sake of her.

He looked up at me, our eyes meeting again for the first time since our last fight.

"Horrible, useless. The guilt would probably overwhelm me.

I'm...sorry. I never once thought about yours or Kats feelings."

"Honestly speaking you had good intentions, not to mention the fault is mine to take as well. She doesn't like fighting and that's exactly what caused it. But-"

I reached my hand out to him and smiled warmly

"I'm willing to give this another try, but as a team this time."

His entire face lit up as a new expression appeared on his face as he grabbed my hand, he actually smiled. A huge contrast to what I've been used to seeing...I honestly don't want to see that other expression again.

Not that I'm saying I care or anything, I just think this look is much more...c-cute. Though for some reason my face feels hot, and it seems it caught Arc's attention as he tilted his head.

"Uh...yes, I promise to do my best to work as a team from now on. Though are you ok Svette? Your face seems flushed."

"I-I'm fine! Anyway Kat is making dinner for us, lets get back before it gets cold."

And with that feeble excuse I rushed down the hill before he could question me further.

I will give their happiness back to them. Though is it too much to ask for?

-----

"So..."

Kat started as we ate our dinner of canned foods.

"What's our next plan to get out of here since all routes we have tried so far are blocked?"

"Its a tricky problem to be sure. There aren't too many options left other than trying to scale the mountains and risking death.

Arc said as he rubbed his chin.

"What about the mines, meow? Weren't there other exits that led out of town for the miners who lived in different cities?"

Kat's ears drooped down at even the mention of the word death.

"I never really thought about that choice, though the shafts aren't very sound. If something goes wrong down there we could very well--"

Kat shot him a stern look before he could even mention the final word.

Sighing, he put his hands up in defeat.

"Ok ok I get it, I'll bite my tongue on the word. Its a better option than scaling the mountain."

It seemed like a sound idea but there was something I couldn't wrap my head around...

"Uhm what is this mine you two speak of?"

The answer I received was a stupefied look from both of them. My cheeks flushed a deep red

"D-Don't look at me like that, you both know very well I can't remember anything."

"R-Right! Uh well a mine is...what a mine is-"

"A mine is a large group of tunnels dug into the ground or a mountain used to gather materials like precious metals or minerals. It the type of mine depends on the location of where they are located."

Kat finished Arc's sentence with a smile as he scratched his cheek awkwardly.

It was a huge help but my imagination wasn't working with me, maybe it was because of the memory loss. Ohhh I wish I could be of more help, I feel completely useless.

"Everything ok Svette? You seem troubled, meow."

"Y-Yes, it's nothing. So we go into this mine and it should have an exit that leads out of the city?"

Kat nods and smiles, flicking her tail back and forth.

"Yes meow. That's the idea, though that's if that earthquake didn't make the shafts cave in."

"There is something that still bothers me though."

Its something that has been troubling me for a while, and its been staring us in the face for quite some time.

"If all the routes are blocked off besides the mine, where are all of people of this town? Surely we would have seen someone going through there and yet we didn't see a soul, not even the slightest sound."

"Actually that has been bugging me as well. This is a town of eighteen thousand and with all of this damage you would think there would be complete chaos. I mean I know the monsters could have got some of them but..."

He went silent as he voiced his thoughts, coming to the same conclusion. How could eighteen thousand people just disappear?

Yet another mystery for us. What could have happened to all of them? Surely not all of the townspeople could have come to the conclusion to go to the mine. At least not in just a few short hours like that.

"Well this will sound a bit crude, but whether they found their own method of escape or not it doesn't concern us anymore. We need to focus on ours now, we should leave for it after dinner."

Arc said as he shrugged his shoulders. Both me and Kat voiced our agreement. Night was approaching fast and it wouldn't be wise to linger for long.

The final phase of our escape starts now. Though I can't help but feel anxious. There is something very unsettling about all of this
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem

Post by Calculatrix »

Geez, I've taken too long to read this. Hehe, sorry.

I have some criticism available: Right now, I don't think you're doing a very good job of explaining what the 3 main characters are doing, or what their goal is. It would a lot better if you somehow clearly explain what their goal is, how they will try to achieve that goal, etc. Obviously it's how you want to write it, and also there must be some secrets in the story which can't be revealed yet for certain reasons, however, it would be most definitely better if you clearly explained the plot of the story.

So far, what I've gotten from the first 3 chapters, is that a light was in the sky, the main male character got turned into a wolf thingy, then he met up with the 2 main female characters. You clearly(yay) introduced an antagonist, which gives one reason for the main characters to stick together, get stronger, etc.

The transition from Chapter 2 to Chapter 3 left me confused. You didn't give a reason why the main characters had to bypass the mountains. At least, I didn't find the reason why.

The dialogue between the characters made up for most of that(for me, anyways), because I think one of the most important parts in a story is the dialogue between the characters, especially the main characters. At the start of Chapter 3, Svette and Arc clearly had disagreements, and at the end of Chapter 3 they made up. Clear conflict and resolution, which I personally think is good.

I understand that people have different writing styles. However, it's a problem when the author of a story doesn't include a clear plot/goal for the main characters. As I honestly enjoy reading this, it would be a lot better if you clearly(Obviously keep the secrets hidden for when the time comes, etc.[had a hard time thinking of a way to word that hehe] ) explain the goal the main characters strive for.

Thanks, and keep writing;) Long one, ahaha...yea.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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