OLN: Hopes Requiem
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- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Yeah that might have been what I didn't like about it, I was mainly focusing on developing the characters a bit.
As for the mountains I could have been a bit more detailed when it came down to it. Basically it just came down to them escaping before Itzel and the "Others" could wreak havoc on it. With all routes blocked=they had to cut through it.
A lot more will be revealed in chapter 4 and a proper plot will be shown. (Or rather I'm figuring out how much I want revealed and ways to go about it.)
In the end the plot would have been revealed in that chapter had I not decided to separate their expedition into the mines. But with how much will be involved with it there was no way I could keep it with the chapter. The separation was poorly planned in the first place and I should have put a better foreshadowing near the end of three. Might do it now since you brought it up.
I really appreciate the crit, helps me think things through a bit better. (My older stories 2 years ago...the crit was terrible. So vague and biased...had to throw them away in the end.) So thanks for that.
EDIT: And for the ones who are confused on why they are beasts I will give this since it may be another week for chapter 4. Think of it as a sort of "punishment/repentance". It wasn't just a whim I put them like this~
As for the mountains I could have been a bit more detailed when it came down to it. Basically it just came down to them escaping before Itzel and the "Others" could wreak havoc on it. With all routes blocked=they had to cut through it.
A lot more will be revealed in chapter 4 and a proper plot will be shown. (Or rather I'm figuring out how much I want revealed and ways to go about it.)
In the end the plot would have been revealed in that chapter had I not decided to separate their expedition into the mines. But with how much will be involved with it there was no way I could keep it with the chapter. The separation was poorly planned in the first place and I should have put a better foreshadowing near the end of three. Might do it now since you brought it up.
I really appreciate the crit, helps me think things through a bit better. (My older stories 2 years ago...the crit was terrible. So vague and biased...had to throw them away in the end.) So thanks for that.
EDIT: And for the ones who are confused on why they are beasts I will give this since it may be another week for chapter 4. Think of it as a sort of "punishment/repentance". It wasn't just a whim I put them like this~
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- mania_
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Thanks for posting the pics! Even with descriptions, images always help me better imagine stories. Svette is so pretty ♥ One other thing I wanted to mention is that I really enjoy the writing style. Since I have the worst attention span in the world, I always find short paragraphs very refreshing to read. It really helps make the story feel "alive" too.
I like the conflict in chapter 3; it makes sense given their personalities. Bonus points for Kat being all nervous and helpless, too... She really is the kind of character I just want to hug. That scene between her and Svette was all kinds of adorable.
And then Svette went all tsundere on Arc... oh boy. This is gonna be fun
I like the conflict in chapter 3; it makes sense given their personalities. Bonus points for Kat being all nervous and helpless, too... She really is the kind of character I just want to hug. That scene between her and Svette was all kinds of adorable.
And then Svette went all tsundere on Arc... oh boy. This is gonna be fun
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Thank you ^^ When I was first writing this I was afraid it wouldn't gain interest due to a certain notoriety, so I'm glad I started posting on here. It gives me the confidence I need to keep going with it.
Back two years ago when I first tried writing around the subject of beast people it was really horrible XD. Though around then I was just doing it for attention, now its just for myself and wanting to show the worlds I create to give passion to other people as well so they can pursue what they want to do.
And I feel the same way illustration wise, I just wish I could give a better one for Arc that isn't a spoiler lol. I was lucky to have that one of Svette.
I also had a feeling people would love Kat's character right away, to be honest she is based off of my best friend and is the one who got me back into writing. I promised her during a rough moment for us I would put her in my next story as an honorary character and here we are ^^ I'm just happy to do her silly personality justice.
I'll try to have chapter 4 up by this week, still working on some certain decisions on what to reveal since this will be a very...interesting part of the story. I'm kind of bouncing around between that and chapters for vol 2 and character set up so I've been distracted lol.
Back two years ago when I first tried writing around the subject of beast people it was really horrible XD. Though around then I was just doing it for attention, now its just for myself and wanting to show the worlds I create to give passion to other people as well so they can pursue what they want to do.
And I feel the same way illustration wise, I just wish I could give a better one for Arc that isn't a spoiler lol. I was lucky to have that one of Svette.
I also had a feeling people would love Kat's character right away, to be honest she is based off of my best friend and is the one who got me back into writing. I promised her during a rough moment for us I would put her in my next story as an honorary character and here we are ^^ I'm just happy to do her silly personality justice.
I'll try to have chapter 4 up by this week, still working on some certain decisions on what to reveal since this will be a very...interesting part of the story. I'm kind of bouncing around between that and chapters for vol 2 and character set up so I've been distracted lol.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Here is chapter 4, left a few things out to put into chapter 5 since I didn't want to overload it. Chapter 5 will be the end of their story for now though and will bring the attention to some new characters. This chapter may have a lot of mistakes in it since I've been sick from my allergies for two weeks now but hopefully it wont be too horrible lol. I hope you enjoy.
Spoiler! :
Last edited by Arcsol93 on Fri May 16, 2014 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Oooh, next chapter!
Now, for the few mistakes that you missed, I shall correct:)
"A part of me wishes we could of found another way..." The only mistake here is one word, so it should be like this: "A part of me wishes we could have found another way..."
"Kneeling down next to me as some kind of energy was starting to form at her fingertips." To me, this sentence sounds weird, it's not like it's incorrect, but I just think it could be written better. Something like this I think: "Kneeling down in-front of me, some kind of energy was starting to manifest at her fingertips." I substituted the "in-front" part in because it makes more sense for the later sentence: "...as she pressed her finger to my chest."
"Even while muffled my screams were roaring out through the mine." Just a tiny grammar mistake, nothing major: "Even while muffled, my screams were roaring..."
"...Am I going to die like this? My vision is beginning to fade from the pain flowing through me, everything is starting to feel cold." To me personally, it's sometimes hard to separate a character's thoughts and regular information. I know that this sentence is most likely just a simple mistake, so it should be like this:
"...Am I going to die like this?
My vision is beginning to fade...."__________________Also, continuing on from what I was typing earlier about separating thoughts and reg. story information, I think it would be best to change the font-type of the thoughts. Most authors italicize a character's thoughts, so it makes it a lot easier for readers to separate thoughts and reg. information.
"...We'll just say I'm a concerned party, as for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere."--> "...We'll just say I'm a concerned party. As for for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere." Also: "...We'll just say I'm a concerned party...as for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere." Honestly, I think it's actually fine the way it is.
"...like this before but...no now is not the time." ---> "...like this before but...no, now is not that time."...Another option is to take out the word 'no'.
"The Dirge are manipulating you three; The dark twisted souls who seek to spread grief and hate." This sentence actually seems correct to me, but it can also be written like this: "The Dirge, dark twisted souls who seek to spread grief and hate, are manipulating you three."
I'm not sure if I missed any, but there you go.
When I read that Arc destroyed his own shadow after he did the light-blast thingy, I thought to myself: "Shits gonna get real!"
Waiting for the next chapter:)
Now, for the few mistakes that you missed, I shall correct:)
"A part of me wishes we could of found another way..." The only mistake here is one word, so it should be like this: "A part of me wishes we could have found another way..."
"Kneeling down next to me as some kind of energy was starting to form at her fingertips." To me, this sentence sounds weird, it's not like it's incorrect, but I just think it could be written better. Something like this I think: "Kneeling down in-front of me, some kind of energy was starting to manifest at her fingertips." I substituted the "in-front" part in because it makes more sense for the later sentence: "...as she pressed her finger to my chest."
"Even while muffled my screams were roaring out through the mine." Just a tiny grammar mistake, nothing major: "Even while muffled, my screams were roaring..."
"...Am I going to die like this? My vision is beginning to fade from the pain flowing through me, everything is starting to feel cold." To me personally, it's sometimes hard to separate a character's thoughts and regular information. I know that this sentence is most likely just a simple mistake, so it should be like this:
"...Am I going to die like this?
My vision is beginning to fade...."__________________Also, continuing on from what I was typing earlier about separating thoughts and reg. story information, I think it would be best to change the font-type of the thoughts. Most authors italicize a character's thoughts, so it makes it a lot easier for readers to separate thoughts and reg. information.
"...We'll just say I'm a concerned party, as for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere."--> "...We'll just say I'm a concerned party. As for for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere." Also: "...We'll just say I'm a concerned party...as for where I am, I am both everywhere and nowhere." Honestly, I think it's actually fine the way it is.
"...like this before but...no now is not the time." ---> "...like this before but...no, now is not that time."...Another option is to take out the word 'no'.
"The Dirge are manipulating you three; The dark twisted souls who seek to spread grief and hate." This sentence actually seems correct to me, but it can also be written like this: "The Dirge, dark twisted souls who seek to spread grief and hate, are manipulating you three."
I'm not sure if I missed any, but there you go.
When I read that Arc destroyed his own shadow after he did the light-blast thingy, I thought to myself: "Shits gonna get real!"
Waiting for the next chapter:)
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
And this is why I hate being sick T.T I mess it up a lot more because I can't think straight.
(Though it does give me some really weird ideas that are pretty cool, so one perk lol.)
Chapter 5 will be something lol, I'm afraid it will be short since there was a lot in this one but its up in the air for the moment. But when I do it will be a double post considering the epilogue is already done with. Hell, might be done over the weekend if proper music provides me some inspiration.
(Though it does give me some really weird ideas that are pretty cool, so one perk lol.)
Chapter 5 will be something lol, I'm afraid it will be short since there was a lot in this one but its up in the air for the moment. But when I do it will be a double post considering the epilogue is already done with. Hell, might be done over the weekend if proper music provides me some inspiration.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Hahaha, it's fine, really. Also, Double posting it is fine I'm pretty sure. I've double posted before and I haven't gotten in trouble, but, then again, I put the word RESERVE for that post so maybe it's fine because of that...? I don't know. I totally agree with you on the music part! Listening to music while writing is a lot better in my opinion:D
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Ok fixed up now, though instead of manifested I put down materialized. Sounded a bit better to me. And then changed the intro of -her- to the first example you gave because the way I had it wasn't correct. It was two separate subjects so the sentence should have ended.
Now as for the double post I may just put the epilogue with 5, but that would be a giant word wall XD. I'll decide once I actually have 5 finished. Honestly I probably wouldn't have even finished 4 yesterday if it wasn't for listening to the theme of Mondaiji-tachi, it just fit what happened near the end so well lol
Now as for the double post I may just put the epilogue with 5, but that would be a giant word wall XD. I'll decide once I actually have 5 finished. Honestly I probably wouldn't have even finished 4 yesterday if it wasn't for listening to the theme of Mondaiji-tachi, it just fit what happened near the end so well lol
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
And here is 5, really wanted to write it while I still had the events of 4 still fresh in my mind so I kind of spent all of yesterday writing it lol. I don't know if this will be the finished version or not (It feels kind of rushed, but that may be biased with me being addicted to action scenes and feeling they need to be tense for as long as possible...>.>) so if a lot changes don't be too surprised.
Considering this is my first time writing an action scene please be as critical as possible if its bad, otherwise I won't learn a thing from it XD. Anyway hope you enjoy.
Considering this is my first time writing an action scene please be as critical as possible if its bad, otherwise I won't learn a thing from it XD. Anyway hope you enjoy.
Spoiler! :
Last edited by Arcsol93 on Wed May 21, 2014 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Hahaha, reading it a second time is always good too;D. I was listening to some epic music, so I could picture the action scene a lot better:D.
Honestly, I think the action scene was pretty good. Personally, I think you could've done a better job describing how Arc and Svette slaughtered the black demon things, and also described how some body parts were severed and blood came spilling out, etc. But, you know, if you don't like writing gore-y fight scenes, then you're on the track. I always love when characters are able to create craters in walls and the ground with just swinging the fist or something. I love imagining it in my mind, and basically...I just love it haha.
Looking forward to the next chapter~:)
Honestly, I think the action scene was pretty good. Personally, I think you could've done a better job describing how Arc and Svette slaughtered the black demon things, and also described how some body parts were severed and blood came spilling out, etc. But, you know, if you don't like writing gore-y fight scenes, then you're on the track. I always love when characters are able to create craters in walls and the ground with just swinging the fist or something. I love imagining it in my mind, and basically...I just love it haha.
Looking forward to the next chapter~:)
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Actually their fight is what bugged me lol. So I will be fixing that now when I get home. Though I like being descriptive with the gore may just go into their sights and whatever else. Maybe add a few more scenes before you know who's awakening. But that did confirm my misgivings, so thanks for that.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
And here is the epilogue for the first vol. I decided before moving on to two that to make up for lack of chapters in the main story I'll be doing short stories of what the main characters do in between it. It will probably be a thing for all the volumes after this.
One that I have planned will better explain Kat's soul arm in better detail since her's is a little more different than Arc's and Svette's. You got to see her fighting ability before so now you'll have a better understanding of how it works when I post it. And no she isn't super strong, she's actually pretty weak compared to the other two in physical strength, she just puts on the illusion she is.
And for one more bonus some more illustrations I commissioned from some artist friends (And before you wonder about Arc, no he isn't one. Think of them as a mechanical appendage, those will also be explained in a short story as well.)
Arc 1
Arc 2
And a little teaser, a peek at our "Goddess"
One that I have planned will better explain Kat's soul arm in better detail since her's is a little more different than Arc's and Svette's. You got to see her fighting ability before so now you'll have a better understanding of how it works when I post it. And no she isn't super strong, she's actually pretty weak compared to the other two in physical strength, she just puts on the illusion she is.
And for one more bonus some more illustrations I commissioned from some artist friends (And before you wonder about Arc, no he isn't one. Think of them as a mechanical appendage, those will also be explained in a short story as well.)
Spoiler! :
Spoiler! :
Spoiler! :
Spoiler! :
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Whoops, messed up there. Didn't mean to bump, I meant to bookmark -_-
To make it relevant I guess the first short story is half way through (Distracted with games and lots of anime lol.) And I've been tossing around ideas for a second story (Maybe even third, though that idea may be shelved for a bit.) so expect some updates sometime soon. The second story will deal with the afterlife, really like the idea I've come up with around it.
To make it relevant I guess the first short story is half way through (Distracted with games and lots of anime lol.) And I've been tossing around ideas for a second story (Maybe even third, though that idea may be shelved for a bit.) so expect some updates sometime soon. The second story will deal with the afterlife, really like the idea I've come up with around it.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
Haha, well....sometimes double posting is fine, it doesn't hurt.
The afterlife...hmm...sounds interesting as of now.
Sometimes just writing out your ideas will help you clear your head. I did that as well, and posted my 2nd story on here but then I took it down b/c I don't think I want to post it...I guess it can just be something to clear my mind.
Waiting for whatever chapter/story thing you post.
The afterlife...hmm...sounds interesting as of now.
Sometimes just writing out your ideas will help you clear your head. I did that as well, and posted my 2nd story on here but then I took it down b/c I don't think I want to post it...I guess it can just be something to clear my mind.
Waiting for whatever chapter/story thing you post.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Arcsol93
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Re: OLN: Hopes Requiem
I've actually been pretty good at multitasking, so I'll probably update both at the same time rather than focus on just one alone. (Truth be told I have about five stories on the mind including the two mentioned, but only three have a general plot in mind. So they will be shelved.)Calculatrix wrote:Haha, well....sometimes double posting is fine, it doesn't hurt.
The afterlife...hmm...sounds interesting as of now.
Sometimes just writing out your ideas will help you clear your head. I did that as well, and posted my 2nd story on here but then I took it down b/c I don't think I want to post it...I guess it can just be something to clear my mind.
Waiting for whatever chapter/story thing you post.
As for the second story it all depends on if I set it up right, the base for it will be parts of nightmares I've had since I was a kid. (Never thought they would come in handy so much, what do you know?) Though it will be a bit lighter compared to Hope's Requiem.
"It's true that the real world is a shitty game. It's both unreasonable...and illogical...But a happy end will never come to those who want to finish a difficult game with ease." -The World God Only Knows