This must have been so hard to translate! Trying to keep track of all the future/present/past tenses...
While reading through it I thought of a few ways to help clarify things, but since I don't have the original text and couldn't read it anyway, I'd like to discuss them so the translation stays as accurate as possible.
First suggestion, to clarify which Nagato is being discussed, I propose we refer to the "past" version as "Nagato of the past" (or something similar) and the other as either just plain "Nagato". This is done in one spot, but I think it would clarify things to do it throughout.
Second, just a minor personal preference, I think a slight rewording of this passage would make it more "natural" sounding:
<i>This Nagato was that Nagato. The Nagato that appeared at the hospital that night was this guy. The one that said her own punishment was being discussed and annoyed the shit out of me was this guy.</i>
I'd suggest simply removing "was this guy" in both cases. Since the two Nagatos are set equal by the first sentence, it doesn't matter which one you're talking about.
Lastly, the following line:
<i>This is all my assumption, and the result will be that we will all be like the helpless Nagato.</i>
The context is very difficult to judge here, just from the way the story is written. But taking a guess, would the it still be accurate to say:
<i>This is all my assumption, and the result would be that we all end up like that helpless Nagato who changed the world that night.</i>
Taking some liberty here, adjusting the tense and clarifying the subject.
I'll have to read through it again, and there are some very minor changes I feel I could make, but I'd like to discuss any larger changes first. [[User:Smidge204|Smidge204]] 04:29, 20 November 2006 (PST)
Prologue Edits?
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Prologue Edits?
This discussion has been moved from the Prologue talk page.
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I'll just address them in order then~
1) I have no clue. lol, seriously.. I just literally translated it, because it would hurt my head even more if I had to think.... Sometimes it says past, sometimes it just says Nagato, sometimes it says future, stabbed, that just stabbed, etc, etc...
And when it just says Nagato, it means one or both of them....
If you want to and have time to, please try and straighthen it out - make it less confusing.
2) Actually, that's not a bad idea. Makes it less confusing. Go ahead. ^__^
3) Hmm....After re-reading it a couple times, I think it should be helpless like Nagato, not the helpless Nagato..^__^
Any minor edits, go ahead, I don't mind..^^
1) I have no clue. lol, seriously.. I just literally translated it, because it would hurt my head even more if I had to think.... Sometimes it says past, sometimes it just says Nagato, sometimes it says future, stabbed, that just stabbed, etc, etc...
And when it just says Nagato, it means one or both of them....
If you want to and have time to, please try and straighthen it out - make it less confusing.
2) Actually, that's not a bad idea. Makes it less confusing. Go ahead. ^__^
3) Hmm....After re-reading it a couple times, I think it should be helpless like Nagato, not the helpless Nagato..^__^
Any minor edits, go ahead, I don't mind..^^
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Well, I guess I'll register an account here and continue
I re-read everything and fixed a bunch of minor typos and such, and limiting ellipses to three dots (pet peeve of mine, sorry!) There were some words in (parens) which I felt worked well, so I kept them. A detailed list of changes with descriptions is below.
I noticed BaKaFiSh made two minor edits while I was doing that, so I was careful not to undo them!
I also added a footnote about "pochibukuro", which I believe is a decorative envelope. If this is wrong let me know! I'm also not sure if putting the footnote at the bottom of the page is appropriate.
Detailed list of changes! Spoiler-tagged because it's long.
(Whew!)
=Smidge=
I re-read everything and fixed a bunch of minor typos and such, and limiting ellipses to three dots (pet peeve of mine, sorry!) There were some words in (parens) which I felt worked well, so I kept them. A detailed list of changes with descriptions is below.
I noticed BaKaFiSh made two minor edits while I was doing that, so I was careful not to undo them!
I also added a footnote about "pochibukuro", which I believe is a decorative envelope. If this is wrong let me know! I'm also not sure if putting the footnote at the bottom of the page is appropriate.
Detailed list of changes! Spoiler-tagged because it's long.
Spoiler! :
=Smidge=
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Aww, I was trying to put the exact same number of ellipses as the actual novel, but oh, well~
I read through it and it makes much more sense now...xD...lots of little typos on my part..xD
and I need to find a longer dash...dunno where to look tho..^__^
Anyway, that was amazing..^^
One thing, I liked the why without the question mark. Less emotion shown on Nagato's part. Your choice~
Food time, translating after.
I read through it and it makes much more sense now...xD...lots of little typos on my part..xD
and I need to find a longer dash...dunno where to look tho..^__^
Anyway, that was amazing..^^
One thing, I liked the why without the question mark. Less emotion shown on Nagato's part. Your choice~
Food time, translating after.
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If there's a specific reason for that many dots, I'll put them back on the next pass-through. No biggie. I'll also fix Nagato's punctuation.
I also see you've discovered the longer dash. :p
I'll be blunt: If you have even the slightest opinion about something, such as with Nagato's punctuation, I'll follow it. From where I stand I basically work for you, so you're the boss! Let me take care of the cleanup :E
=Smidge=
I also see you've discovered the longer dash. :p
I'll be blunt: If you have even the slightest opinion about something, such as with Nagato's punctuation, I'll follow it. From where I stand I basically work for you, so you're the boss! Let me take care of the cleanup :E
=Smidge=
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Smidge204 wrote:limiting ellipses to three dots (pet peeve of mine, sorry!)
BaKaFiSh wrote:Aww, I was trying to put the exact same number of ellipses as the actual novel
For some reason, Japanese ellipses use six dots, not three. (From a Western point of view, that's simply two ellipses in a row.) The dots (especially with the wiki's font) are so tiny I don't see any harm in having the same number as the original novel. Same goes for the long dashes.Smidge204 wrote:If there's a specific reason for that many dots, I'll put them back on the next pass-through
I recently reread Maria-sama ga Miteru and the ellipses/dashes were the same there too. (Source: here.)
Hope this helps!