Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time (2)
"I am Aya Otonashi. I'm pleased to meet you," says the transfer student with a faint smile.
Astonished by her amazing looks, the girls start to chat noisily while the boys are left completely bereft of speech.
Of course I’m no exception. I don’t think I've ever seen anyone as attractive as she is before. I couldn't avert my eyes even if I wanted to. Our eyes meet. I am instantly captivated by her eyes. The transfer student acts as though she is used to my reaction and smiles softly at me.
It almost makes me dizzy.
Falling in love with her is probably impossible. We are just too different. It's almost as if we live in different worlds. This may sound a bit mean, but I think anyone would agree after seeing her.
"I’d like to make a declaration," Aya Otonashi says without losing her perfect smile.
"Please—do not make friends with Aya Otonashi—with me."
The classroom sinks into silence at once.
This declaration is enough to silence our entire boisterous class like magic.
"Please do not take offense at my comment. If possible, I would love to make friends with everyone. However, that is not possible. Because—"
"—the existence of Aya Otonashi has to be an illusion."
I swallow even though I still have no clue what she's talking about.
"We are a poor match anyway. We are just ships passing in the night. Because I am the 'transfer student,' I am not acquainted with anyone, and no one is acquainted with me - and I will continuously return to this state. I will have to endure and maintain this relationship-less state for a long time. So I think it's accurate to call me a phantom. But even as a phantom I still have a sense of self. I feel sad about my state as well, but I have no choice but to accept it. Because as soon as I stop being able to accept being an illusion - as soon as I cannot endure it anymore - I am going to be taken in by this false recurrence."
I still don't get it at all. The only thing I understand is that she's dead serious and that no one is able to make fun of what she’s saying.
"In order to become an illusion, I abandoned my real name inside this 'box'. I fear that if I use my real name, I will become my own burden. And if I get taken in by this false recurrence, you will most likely all be erased."
She continues with a steady voice.
"Therefore, I — have to remain an illusion by becoming Aya Otonashi."
I see. I don't know what that means, but she isn't «Aya Otonashi» yet.
She is going to become «Aya Otonashi».
She probably doesn't want to. It's not what she wishes for.
Still, she has no choice but to become «Aya Otonashi».
"But I am not strong," she says bitterly. "I suppose there will be times when I will want to complain. However once things get underway, I will stop being «Aya Otonashi» as soon as I show any sign of weakness. Since this is my last chance, I will permit myself to display a bit of my weakness right now. I—"
It's by chance.
Yeah, I guess it's just by chance, but without a doubt—
—she is looking at me when she says:
"I—want someone to be by my side."
And then she smiles at me.
"Well then, please let me introduce myself once again," she says as if to convince herself.
"I am «Aya Otonashi». I hope we can be on good terms as we walk the long road that lies ahead for us."
Aya Otonashi bows very deeply.
Unsure of how to react, we all remain silent.
So, I start to applaud.
My clapping is the only sound that can be heard.
Finally someone joins in. Another person begins to applaud as well. The applause grows louder and louder.
When all of our classmates are applauding, she finally raises her head again.
But she's not smiling anymore.
Fists tightly clenched, she looks straight ahead with fiery willpower glowing in her eyes.
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