Monogatari Series:Kizumonogatari/Koyomi Vamp 016

016

At a time like this, I didn't know of a place to stay -- going back home is, of course, impossible. On the other hand, even assuming there was another abandoned building like that cram school ruin, I didn't have any spirit left to search for it.

I was being chased by time.

The moment of sunrise was getting closer hour by hour -- I was quickly driven into a corner.

In the end.

I thrust not one hand, but both inside my brain, tampering with it for tampering's sake, thinking for thinking's sake -- and I chose as a temporary shelter the PE storehouse of Naoetsu High School.

Temporary shelter -- it was really a temporary shelter.

However, this windowless PE storehouse blocked by an iron door in itself seemed fit for hiding me, a vampire, during the day. I chose it in desperation, but it was not such a bad place. The day I fought with Dramaturgie, I didn't give up and I repaired the iron door by brute force, I am glad from the bottom of my heart I put it back, I thought -- no, I didn't think it.

There was not a thing to be glad for.

I got it all wrong.

"W......wwwwwwwwwwWwWwwwwWw."

My teeth keep chattering.

My body doesn't stop shivering.

Why.

Why.

Why didn't I notice that?

Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade -- is a vampire.

A vampire.

Weak against the sun.

Dislikes crosses.

Dislikes silver bullets. Dislikes holy water. Dislikes garlic.

Dislikes poison.

Dies when a stake is driven through the heart.

Doesn't project a shadow, doesn't have a reflection in a mirror.

Fangs.

Immortal body. Semi-perpetual recovery power.

Eyes that see well even in the dark.

Shape-shifting power.

Healing power in the blood.

And -- she eats humans.

"wwWWWW......waaaaaaaaaah!"

I moaned and moaned and moaned--

But I was feeling only a burst of regret.

I thrust a hand inside my head, and I continued to tamper with my brain -- where did I get it wrong, in what way did I get it wrong, so that it became like this -- I continued to think about it.

However.

I definitely got it all wrong.

"Wwww......wwwwwwwwwwww."

For vampires, humans are food.

For higher beings like them, lower beings like humans, in the pyramid of the food chain, are a step below.

That is.

Something I should have understood in the beginning, isn't it?

The truth is -- she tried to kill me, right?

She tried to eat me, right?

She tried to drink my blood, right?

Like a worthless human being.

Originally, even I--

Was food for her.

Even if she wanted to talk.

Even if I was one-sidedly feeling a bond.

In the end -- I am food.

"............"

For Kissshot -- any human.

Every human is the same.

Of course, she has a high opinion of Oshino’s skills.

But his skills are only on this level.

Or maybe I am talking about something I don't actually know -- I even thought, but still, a human is a human.

Food is food.

Even Oshino understood that.

As proof of that -- before Kissshot became complete and got back her vampire skills -- he left the ruin.

And.

If I try to remember carefully -- Kissshot almost didn't speak with Hanekawa. She didn't even notice her -- far from it.

That's right.

For Kissshot, Hanekawa was food.

She was not treating her as a friend of mine--

She was treating her as my portable food.

The portable food for me, a vampire.

Or maybe, if she had met Hanekawa after she got back her blood sucking power, Hanekawa might have become a victim of that ability -- I think.

Like Guillotinecutter.

She might have been chopped to pieces and eaten.

"Clerics are said to be unappetizing -- but he was quite tasty. I did not think of having likes or dislikes, but 'hunger is the best sauce' is a well said maxim."

"No......"

To the woman who was seductively using her tongue to wipe her mouth from the blood and meat stuck to it -- trying to summon them, I said.

My courage.

And my terror.

Trying to summon them, I said.

"......Y-You -- mustn't eat humans."

"Hm?"

It really seemed like she did not understand.

Kissshot greatly tilted her head to the side.

"But servant, if I do not eat them I die."

That's right.

She was right.

That was a reason extraordinarily easy to understand.

There was a limit even to simplicity.

And for that reason, Kissshot doesn't have any problem with it -- she won't even try to rebut it point by point to me, a former human who wants to turn back into a human after this.

She thinks it's general knowledge.

It is general knowledge.

For a long time -- she has been eating them.

She has been eating humans.

She continued to eat them.

Vampire.

A first subordinate -- and a second one.

Living 500 years, she shouldn't have sucked the blood of just us two -- and with the exception of us, the rest of the people have all been chopped to pieces, and eaten without leaving flesh or bones, like that.

That's her nutrition replenishment for the case when she doesn't create a subordinate.

In rumors.

When a vampire sucks blood, people become vampires without exception -- it seems it's not completely false. After sucking blood, if one doesn't deal with it properly, indeed everyone turns into a vampire.

If she sucks even a drop of blood.

One will always -- become a vampire.

And the proper countermeasure -- is to eat the body of that human without leaving even a piece of meat. Thanks to that, the vampire gets much greater nutrition -- and the corpse of the human whose blood was extracted avoids turning into a vampire.

It seems it goes like that.

Just by having my blood sucked -- I became a vampire.

And Guillotinecutter.

As a meal -- was eaten flesh and all.

However it was not limited to Guillotinecutter, in these 500 years Kissshot continued to do this.

It is natural.

Since it was not even worthy to think about it -- without noticing it, without even wanting to notice it, I just kept averting my eyes.

That's right.

I never understood anything.

Even when I met her in the beginning, even when she was on the verge of death, why did I not try to help the dying Kissshot -- I didn't understand it at all from the beginning.

Why she couldn't receive help.

It seems I didn't understand it.

The edible human -- why doesn't he help the vampire.

The predator and the prey.

Despite us only having a relationship of that kind.

"W-wwww......wah."

Guillotinecutter.

He was a despicable man.

He was a man who was sneaky and foul, a disgrace to humans.

And yet--

He was not a person who should be killed.

Though he gave Hanekawa a terrible experience -- even that was my fault.

Because I was a vampire.

Guillotinecutter.

Whatever the reason, whatever the way, he was just trying to exorcise a monster.

"N...... noo. I can't take this anymore......nooo. I don't want to think -- I don't want to think about it!"

I extract my hand from my brain -- and I hold my head.

"Noo!"

However, my brain didn't stop thinking.

It was not just Guillotinecutter.

Dramaturgie. Episode.

Even them, who already returned to their home towns, intended to exorcise a vampire -- and the one who prevented them from doing so was none other than me.

After all.

I took back from them -- the limbs they stole with great trouble from Kissshot. And then, of all things, I let that legendary vampire recover her complete form.

Needless to mention Guillotinecutter.

If from now on Kissshot eats a human -- if she takes a meal, it will all be my responsibility.

If Hanekawa is eaten.

If my sisters are eaten.

If my parents are eaten.

That will be all -- my fault.

Because I saved her.

It's not just the limbs and the heart.

To begin with, in that very first day, at that time.

Under that streetlight, if I didn't save Kissshot -- if I had abandoned her, with that the story would have been over.

At that time I didn't abandon Kissshot -- and I understand why it happened, it was the weakness of my heart.

It is different from the strength of Hanekawa.

Such weakness does not bear the slightest resemblance to Hanekawa's kindness that made Oshino feel uneasy, and made me think she was scary.

That was self-satisfaction, not self-sacrifice.

Just because one lives thoughtlessly -- it doesn't mean that one can die thoughtlessly.

I was eaten by a vampire and died in that manner.

Did I think about what my sisters would have felt?

Did I even think they wouldn't have cried?

"--Bleargh!"

Somehow I resist the nausea.

I resist even the tears.

I resist, because if the dam fell apart for one moment I didn't really know what would happen -- I was afraid to lose control of myself.

For now.

I wanted to preserve at least a little autonomy.

With Kissshot it became an argument, a verbal fight in which I didn't understand what I said anymore -- in the end I rushed out the cram school ruin without a place to go to.

And I finally arrived at this PE storehouse.

The only dark place I had in my memories.

Outside the sun must have already risen -- though Spring Break, the people who do club activities may have come to school, but luckily today is the last day of Spring Break. Club activities should have been forbidden.

I don't have to worry about pupils of sports clubs opening the door of this PE storehouse.

Obviously, just to be sure I am building a barricade from the inside.

"It's my fault."

My thoughts.

They come out from the corner of my mouth, without me noticing.

"It's my fault that even after all this, people -- will continue to be eaten"

By that vampire -- who can't be stopped by anybody.

By that Iron-Blooded, Hot-Blooded, Cold-Blooded vampire.

By Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade!

"It's my fault -- my fault, my fault!"

If I think about it.

Obviously Oshino could read this development.

To begin with, he said it was about the balance, but when he stole the heart from Kissshot in the beginning, he shouldn't have received a request from anybody -- because he met with those three only later.

That means his was an autonomous decision.

It was an action that deviated from work.

A mediation between us and them.

That is to say -- at least, he must have stolen the heart from Kissshot as a decision from the human side.

He didn't go as far as exorcising her.

Because his doctrine is to bring a balance.

An opportunist -- I remember Kissshot defined Oshino like that.

And the balance he brought -- I destroyed it.

If it was unexpected that Kissshot would have created a subordinate, it was also unexpected that a human would have saved a dying Kissshot.

My foolish idea, my foolish move--

Nobody expected it.

I thwarted the efforts of those three.

I got back even the heart Oshino had stolen.

I'm the one who made the story troublesome, aren't I?

It seemed like somebody schemed it, didn't it?

What silly things am I saying -- the one who schemed it, after all, was myself. This state of affairs, in all its aspects, is completely and thoroughly -- my fault.

My rash action.

The payback for my heart's weakness of not abandoning a dying vampire -- resulted in this.

Guillotinecutter died.

He died, eaten.

His head was chewed, his brain was eaten along with the skull -- now there is no way he will revive. Even if I use vampire blood -- he won't revive.

He is dead.

Death.

There is nothing I can do to undo it anymore.

"Why did all this--"

And Guillotinecutter was not the end, but the beginning. For the vampire Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade, this is nothing but a new starting point.

From now on she -- will 'routinely' keep having meals.

Routine is devastating.

I think I have heard someone say those words.

I can't stop her anymore -- the crucial vertex of the triangle, Guillotinecutter, was eaten, not to mention that even the three together were no match for her.

Dramaturgie too.

Episode too.

No matter if it was for work or for personal feelings, they won't fight Kissshot now that she has become complete -- thinking that, I was made to realize how impressive the depth of the beliefs of Guillotinecutter was who challenged her alone.

He was never an admirable man.

Still, that was the power of humans.

Even if rebuffed -- it doesn't pale.

The one who pales -- was me.

Oshino Meme -- Oshino, who managed to steal the heart from Kissshot without being noticed, might be able to stop Kissshot, but he probably won't.

The balance has already been brought about.

The game ended too.

The scales too, are already tipped.

The humans lost.

They were defeated -- by Kissshot.

And also, at this point, with what face could I, of all people, say it -- please stop Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade.

There's no way I can say it.

Even if my mouth split, there's no way I can say it.

"--I can't stand it anymore."

This Spring Break.

I never had the thought that everything that happened in this Spring Break was wrong. I had many vicissitudes, but in retrospect it didn't seem like such a bad Spring Break -- it shouldn't have been such a bad Spring Break, and yet--

It was actually the worst Spring Break.

It was just a hell.

It was only a hellish joke.

I was just a fool who didn't understand anything.

"I loathe it."

Still.

Inside me -- there was still one thing smoldering.

Through regret and self-examination, somehow I am averting my eyes -- I have noticed a terrible truth.

Although, at this point I couldn't avert my eyes anymore.

That's right.

That, too, was obvious.

"I loathe it, and yet I, too."

It's so obvious it's glaring.

"Even I -- am a vampire."

No matter how much I fear, loathe and detest vampires -- I am one of them myself.

Precisely.

Oshino's words weigh heavily upon me.

They weigh in my heart.

They weigh -- in my stomach.

--Ah, that's right.

--Araragi-kun, I ask you this just out of interest--

--Lately, haven't you been hungry--

".....................!"

I am becoming -- hungry.

Now I feel hunger.

--Ah, I see

--Well, I just thought--

--It must have been time for you to get hungry.

--At any rate, two weeks have passed already.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit......!"

At the moment -- I can still bear it.

It's just a little hunger.

However -- if that allusion of Oshino's was implying the current state of affairs -- sooner or later, I will want to suck other's blood.

I will develop the impulse to suck blood.

And I will want to eat humans.

Because -- I am a monster myself.

Because I am a superior being.

"Shit!"

The first subordinate.

I have no way to know what kind of man he was -- but I think the reason he committed suicide after just some years was more or less because of this. Though we might be different -- in the end, we are the same. He couldn't stand being degraded to a monster anymore-- no, being promoted to a monster. Obviously, it seems Kissshot didn't understand that emotion, but -- it shouldn't be comprehensible to her.

That was a human emotion.

And then, 400 years after that.

Even I, the second subordinate -- had to go through the same experience.

"Ha......hahahahaha."

At last -- a laugh came out.

I could only laugh.

If you think about it, this is quite a humorous story.

As funny stories go, this was well played.

After all this running around in circles, in the end, I was finally made to realize I got it all wrong -- if we imagine this story had an audience, I must have been quite the talented buffoon.

There is a limit even to stupidity.

I looked so goofy -- it was funny.

"What should I do about this -- I have no choice but to die."

That.

Naturally, was the most natural idea.

It was completely pointless.

At this point.

At this point I don't think I want to turn back into a human.

I can't think something so selfish like being guilty of so much, and then think of having just my own wish granted -- wrong.

That sounded handsome.

Surely I don't have such admirable thoughts.

I am just -- afraid.

I am afraid that the moment I turn back into a human, Kissshot will eat me.

It is a given.

I just fear falling down the food chain.

However, I also can't stand being a vampire.

I hate sucking blood and eating people.

Even my immortal body at this point is repugnant.

Therefore.

"I have no choice but to die."

Not to die thoughtlessly -- to die properly.

It is the cause of death for vampires 90% of the time.

It is different from dying of boredom though.

However, the feeling of guilt can kill a man -- therefore.

Similar to the first subordinate, I can only choose death -- that's the only path left for me at this point.

Well, actually -- why did I hide in this manner inside the PE storehouse? Why did I try to survive during daytime by doing this?

Yeah, for example.

For example, if now I removed the barricade, opened the iron door and thrust my body into the sports field -- with that I would be able to die.

A death wish -- I think she said.

Obviously there was the recovery power of a subordinate of Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade, even if I threw my body under the sun, I wouldn't die that easily -- there would just be a cycle of evaporation and recovery, and yet...

I should be able to die before the sun set.

If I take off my clothes, stand naked, and bask into the sunlight, certainly -- in all my life, my first and last attempt at streaking.

It's not king of Kaii <no-life king>, it's naked king <streaking>.

It's an unfunny joke, I think.

It is for this reason that I am basically a straight man.

"......Oh boy."

What a failure.

Really, what a failure.

I thought it could go much better -- I thought it was going well.

However, this is how things are.

What a whammy.

I have no choice left but to die.

"......Ah, yeah."

I just decided it.

As if I was dispossessed of an evil spirit, I could calm down.

I think I have to phone home.

It completely escaped from my head, but I told them I was going out on a journey of self-discovery -- actually, there was no such thing, I have only lost myself.

In fact -- isn't it better to not contact them?

In what way can I tell them that later on I will die -- I also absolutely can't say the reason. If that's the case then I even think that it's better to leave it like this; the older brother went missing while out on a journey of self-discovery.

I don't know how it would be received, but leaving my parents aside, for my sisters it might become a running joke -- the runaway boy.

It is not a small runaway, it is a real runaway.

Well, I think that's fine too.

"But I wanted to talk -- with Hanekawa."

And there is something I must tell her.

Hanekawa was so heavily affected and dragged into this, there is no way I could let her be uninformed of anything like this -- unfortunately, because of the sunlight, at the moment I have no way to contact her from this PE storehouse I had jumped into to run away from Kissshot.

I even personally erased her mobile phone number and e-mail.

In front of her eyes.

I erased them in order to wound her.

Since then, even after I met her again -- I didn't ask for her contact address because it was awkward. Although that may be an awkwardness felt only by me -- at this point I regret even that.

How much a chicken and a coward I am.

Though I am good at math, it doesn't mean I am strong with numbers; I can't remember a row of 11 digits, and needless to say I don't stand a chance with an alphabetic e-mail. If I contacted her once it should be left in the history, but -- I didn't contact her even once, and she didn't contact me either. If you think about it, in that manner I didn't transmit my number and e-mail to her.

She still doesn't know my contact address.

If only I told her that time.

......If only I told her that time, what?

Would Hanekawa phone me right now?

How foolish.

Not even she is capable of an ESP-like feat like that -- no way such expedient developments exist.

If God was so expedient, I wouldn't have had to go through this -- I wouldn't have to be guilty of such failure.

While I think it is futile struggling, for the time being, even to look at the time, I took out my cellphone.

It was 5:00 PM.

It seems I have secluded myself here for more than 12 hours -- it doesn't feel real. However, even if this irrelevant time enters my field of vision, even if it enters my head, it just stops at that.

That aside, I opened the address register in a futile struggle, but -- it wasn't futile, it gave my heart a shock like being hit by a blunt weapon.

There...

Was Hanekawa Tsubasa's name.

"......Therefore."

I let out a voice.

Regardless of whether it was my own callowness or the circumstances I was in, I was deeply moved -- I never thought I could be deeply moved by watching the cold screen of a cellphone.

Although I thought there was not a thing to be glad for.

Although I thought it was just a bad Spring Break.

"Do not touch other people's phones without asking......!"

She always had the chance.

It could have happened at the time of my fight with Episode, when she came to deliver me the phone on the sport field, it could have happened anytime. I am basically very easy-going with the management of my cellphone; I didn't set a password.

That's because I hardly put in any personal information -- however.

In the address register that was empty.

Now there was recorded, once again, the name of Hanekawa Tsubasa.

Her number -- and her e-mail.

"............"

I was thinking I was fine with that.

I thought I wanted to talk to Hanekawa, and I had things to tell her, but a part of me was thinking that even if I couldn't talk to her, maybe I was fine with that.

Although there is no way I could leave her uninformed of anything.

I was also thinking that I didn't want to tell her anything.

Therefore -- talking about expedience, for me it might have been more convenient that way.

But that is impossible.

If it turns out like this, what I have to do is decided.

Actually -- I decided it on my own.

I sent a mail to Hanekawa.

Because with a call I might cry.

What in the world is Hanekawa doing on Spring Break's last day -- studying at the library? I don't know where the library is, but if that was the case, then there is the possibility she has turned off her phone.

Well, whatever.

Let's wait patiently for an answer...

I was thinking, but she replied immediately.

I check it, and the time I received that mail was perfectly identical to the time I sent my mail. Not even a minute difference.

Unbelievable......

That was a reply within a maximum of 60 seconds.

I thought it must have been a very concise reply, but I checked the text and, beginning from "Dear" and ending with "Very sincerely yours", there was a full-blown letter.

Amazing.

Girls certainly seem to type mails quickly, but......

Come to think of it, in that day of the closing ceremony, even when she first registered her personal information in my phone, Hanekawa's keystrokes were quite fast...... once again, amazing.

That is to say, I didn't know because I mostly send mail only to my family, but was mail something that must be written with such humble expressions...... I thought they were a more frank tool.

Anyway, summing up the letter I got from Hanekawa, the content was 'I'll come immediately, so wait for me'. In the end I couldn't wrap it up well, and I could send her only an outline of the matter; as expected of Hanekawa, she guessed it all with just that.

Really.

Though I would have liked it better if it was Hanekawa, not me, who had met Kissshot. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, was it? Although Hanekawa and I are the same concerning vampires -- the one whom Hanekawa encountered was me, and it was me who encountered Kissshot.

A sudden thought.

Kissshot became a rumor between girls -- then, excluding Hanekawa, could there have been other girls, counting even the pupils that attend other schools, a person besides me who had encountered Kissshot?

And if there was, what happened?

Did she just pass by her?

Or did she have her blood sucked -- and was eaten?

If such a thing happens it should become a serious affair, I think; but on the other hand if the body was eaten whole, without leaving any evidence, even if it became the talk of the family, or at most of the class, it might be a story hard to spread in the neighbourhood.

Self-discovery or small runaway--

It might just be thought of as something like that instead.

Though if it comes to a large number of people that might not be the case -- that may be a problem of the vampire rank, but it doesn't seem Kissshot needs such a large quantity of 'food'...... this is a possibility.

"Two weeks, Oshino said. Therefore for Kissshot one person per month might not be enough...... then, even counting Guillotinecutter, the victims would have been two or three......?"

Though it is not a problem of numbers.

If that's the case -- she won't be discovered.

"......What is it. I still feel like I am failing to notice something--"

Failing to notice.

Or leaving it undone.

Now that I have contacted Hanekawa, there shouldn't be anything I left undone, I thought -- and.

In that instant Hanekawa arrived.

The sound of someone knocking on the iron door of the PE storehouse.

Knock knock.

"Girl delivery."

"............"

No, I can't laugh.

That's not the right way to show concern.

In any case, I remove the barricade (with vampire physical strength, it is simple both building them and pulling them down), and after I told Hanekawa to come in with her body turned sideways, leaving the door as closed as possible, I stuck to the wall in order to not get hit by the sunlight that got in at the same time of her entrance. It was already sunset, but the evening sun still remained.

Later I am going to bask in the sunlight.

Later I am going to have a full-body sunbath.

However that will be after I talked to Hanekawa.

Hanekawa, even today, is wearing her school uniform.

This girl doesn't feel like showing me her plain clothes...... or maybe she doesn't like me seeing her plain clothes...... but I don't have an obsession over this point, though.

Hanekawa was smiling cheerfully.

It was her usual smiling face.

That too was concern, I suppose.

"What is this?"

In addition, while I was working to block the iron door with a barricade once again, she says this to my back with a tone of voice awfully full of high spirits.

"It looks like I was cleverly locked up in the PE storeroom. What should I do if Araragi-kun played a lewd prank on me?"

"......A prank, you say."

This girl....

Isn't she thinking I could be quite the lecher? Well, I certainly might have showed that side a lot, but I am undoubtedly not a person who likes this kind of lewd talk.

I am more of a gentleman.

"Flashlight, on."

She turned it on, and placed it above the vaulting horse. Since it's a flashlight with a square shape, it doesn't roll. After that, Hanekawa sat on the mat. I sat in front of her.

"Ah--. You are sitting in front, you are trying to peek at my panties."

"You are misunderstanding the kind of man I am."

I said to Hanekawa who was gesturing to pull the cuff of her skirt tight, unable to bear it anymore.

"If, for example, there was in front of my eyes a naked girl, and that girl said to me don't look, I am a man who would be able to not look!"

"That would be normal."

"Guh......!"

Really?!

When did the world's common sense change?

"Err, Hanekawa, you just don't know how much of a gentlemen I am."

"Gentlemen is the plural form."

Hanekawa says.

"Well, if that's true, then I am looking forward to it."

"You are looking forward to what?"

"When the new school term arrives, I will be able to see Araragi-kun’s gentle side as much as I want, right?"

"............"

That's -- to say.

Your intuition is too good.

Although in the mail I revealed nothing of that -- and although I had the intention to cover it to the end.

Because Hanekawa will stop me at all costs.

"Therefore you mustn't die."

"......Hanekawa."

"You mustn't die."

She says.

Through the darkness, she is clearly looking at me.

"Thinking in that way is proof that you’re running away from your heart."

"......You are amazing."

I reflect upon Hanekawa's words, and after that I said what I thought, as it was.

"You are amazing. When you are in front of me -- it seems like I am a terribly insignificant person. Perhaps if I didn't meet you, I would have died much earlier, I think. There were plenty of situations where it seemed likely."

"That's why I am telling you that you mustn't die -- listen to what I say."

"It is all my fault."

I said.

That already felt like a confession.

"My rash action produced this result -- that time, when Kissshot got my blood, it was like I wasn't thinking it would become like this -- it is something that one would understand if one only thought a little. Giving blood to a vampire, what kind of a thing it is -- and yet I..."

That she -- eats people.

That there would be victims.

I didn't think that at all -- after I thought so, it escaped. Even afterwards, no matter that I became a vampire and I had my hands full with my problems -- there should have been plenty of time to reflect on it.

No.

To begin with, I said it in the beginning.

In the closing ceremony day, to Hanekawa.

I was the one who said it.

Your blood will be sucked -- you will be killed.

Exactly like that.

Guillotinecutter got his blood sucked.

He was killed.

He died.

I didn't understand what I should have understood.

"Because of me, a person died."

"It is not your fault. Besides...... surely, for a vampire...... for Heartunderblade-san that should be a very natural thing. It's the same thing as us eating cows and pigs."

"............"

If I do not eat, I will die.

So she said.

"But -- she thinks of you as my portable food. She didn't feel you were part of the group."

"But your case was an exception."

Life savior.

We are mutually life saviors.

I saved Kissshot--

Kissshot saved me.

If that's the case, there might have been a relationship of mutual trust.

However, that...

"It would be like loving a bright cow...... look, even if they are not cows, there frequently are -- genius dogs, or genius monkeys."

"Are you talking about pets?"

Hanekawa interrupts me.

That's right.

Certainly, even Oshino -- said a similar thing.

Affection towards a pet--

"But for her it is natural -- including the part about me."

"Yeah. Therefore Kissshot is not evil. I am the one who is evil. I am evil -- nobody else is evil."

"I don't think you are evil though. Because good and bad change 180° with the place you stand in."

"You are right."

Oshino said even that.

Each person has a different definition of justice -- he said.

Therefore Oshino.

Obstinately chose to have a neutral standpoint.

"I never thought about it -- Dramaturgie, Episode, Guillotinecutter. Those three -- were the justice of humans."

"At that time you were a vampire -- so it couldn't be avoided. ......then again, don't put it so simply."

"It's even harder not to put it like that. I ended up becoming an enemy of humanity."

"Then do you give up turning back into a human?"

Hanekawa says.

It's not an accusing tone of voice -- but for the present me that was a strict question.

"Have you given up your humanity? Didn't you say you wanted to turn back into a human -- you wanted to go back to reality, didn't you?"

"There was a victim. Now it would be too selfish for only my wish to be granted."

"Since you say selfish, then isn't the present you selfish?"

"Eh?"

"Because..."

As if to confirm the position of her glasses, after taking a short breath -- Hanekawa said.

"You are trying to run away, abandoning the mess you've caused."

"......No."

It's not that, I tried to say, but I fumbled with my words.

Hanekawa added.

"Both the heart and the body are running away."

"............"

"After this, you will try to run away. Because of your mistakes, you will try to reset everything. And since there is no reset button in human life -- you will try to disconnect the plug. Am I wrong?"

"......You are wrong."

You are wrong.

I think so.

"It's not that I want to run away, I want to take responsibility for it. The least I can do for atonement is to personally put an end to this immortal life."

"You will just add a sin to your sins."

Hanekawa says.

"Suicide is a sin."

"What what...... Hanekawa, are you an opponent of suicide?"

"I don't mean to take precisely that standpoint, but in this regard, I believe you surely are the same."

"The same?"

"You feel bad when people die."

Explaining the implication, Hanekawa continues.

"Although you are fine with dying -- you feel bad when people die."

"............"

"Whatever kind of person it may be."

"......Are you talking about Guillotinecutter?"

I recollect him.

Although, I interacted with him only a few times.

"There are people that should die -- but there can't be people whose death doesn't matter. That's the way I think. That's the definition of me. And using those terms, I am already a person that should die."

"You are currently not a human." {in Japanese, "ningen" means both "person" and "human"}

"That's just hairsplitting."

"I split hairs. If it's for a friend's sake."

"Hanekawa."

I said.

It goes without saying that, if I mention this matter to Hanekawa, I will receive some sort of objection and I will be talked down, I think--

But I still said it.

"Certainly at present I am not a human. I am a vampire. Therefore -- like Kissshot, even I will eat people."

"............"

"I tried to imagine it a little...... just by thinking about it I felt sick. I don't want to live if it's at the cost of eating people."

Therefore I have no choice but to die, I said.

If I can't turn back into a human -- then I have no choice but to die.

"Unlike you, I am a weakling, so if I don't die now, I will surely procrastinate it -- sooner or later I will be unable to overcome my hunger."

Portable food.

Kissshot's words.

"Hanekawa -- sooner or later I will see even you as only food."

That's scary.

Although the corpse of Guillotinecutter was scary too -- Kissshot calling Hanekawa that was scarier.

That cognizance.

That common sense, sooner or later it will become my common sense.

If the common sense of when I was a human disappears -- and I acquire vampire common sense.

Undoubtedly I will come to see Hanekawa as only food.

I will want to eat her.

"If that's the case, don't eat."

Hanekawa.

However, without any of the objections I imagined -- without talking me down, she said so with a calm tone of voice.

"Araragi-kun, you can eat me."

"......What are you saying?"

I really didn't understand.

Not what she was saying, her feelings.

"If I can't die for the other's sake, I can't call that person a friend."

"......Err..."

As expected, that definition was too reckless.

Who can stick that definition to himself?

"Exactly. Didn't I say it? If you knew the real me you would be disenchanted."

Hanekawa said with a smiling face.

"......What in the world are you?"

"Hmm? I am your friend. That's what I believe, at least."

"With just that much would you normally get involved this far? How could you do so much for someone like me -- or are you the reincarnation of a cat I saved when I was an elementary schooler, a childhood friend who moved, a comrade in arms in a previous life, that kind of person?"

"Not at all."

"I hope so."

By the way, I have never saved a cat.

I haven't had any childhood friend who moved.

I don't know anything about my previous lives.

"I did tell you this even before, but -- how can you do so much for me who you just met? If you did that for everybody, you would never have enough bodies."

"I don't do it for everybody, though."

Hanekawa says.

"I am doing it because it is you, you know?"

"Even if you do so much for me, I am a minor, so I can't become your co-signer, you know?"

"Actually, I wasn't planning that."

"Even if I were an adult, I am unemployed anyway, so I still can't become your co-signer."

"It is a different problem, but I hope you get a job."

"Saying that doesn't make it easier!"

"Well, certainly you don't have it easy, but......"

Basically, Hanekawa continued.

"If I only have to help you, then one body is plenty enough."

"......Are you saying you are ok with dying?"

"I don't want to die, but you saved my life twice -- so even if I got eaten by you, perhaps I wouldn't utter a complaint."

I think I will say that it hurts, though.

Hanekawa said such a carefree thing.

Though I was not talked down--

I was at a loss for words.

She is really -- amazing.

Honestly, words won't do her justice.

"Therefore you mustn't die."

Hanekawa said once again.

"Don't die."

"......And what about responsibility?"

I -- unintentionally asked.

"I was the one who revived a dying Kissshot -- I carefully gathered her limbs, I got back even the heart without being asked to. What about this responsibility? If we say that to die is running away, then if I don't die will I be able to take responsibility for it?"

"Then will you be able to take responsibility for it if you die?"

"I don't know."

Everything was already over.

At this point there is nothing I can do -- I can't try to tip the scales.

There is nobody who can stop Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade completely revived. It is my responsibility she revived -- and she will unabashedly continue to eat people.

The same way she did until now.

From now on it will be my responsibility.

"Guillotinecutter didn't have any chance -- in the time I went to buy something at the convenience store, like a snack between meals, he was chopped up and eaten. Even Dramaturgie and Episode, who went back to their hometown, will never be a match for her. If I had to raise the probabilities, it would be Oshino -- but he absolutely wouldn't do anything for me more than bringing a balance. He draws a firm line -- for him the matter of Kissshot is already over. Besides, even Kissshot from now on won't let her heart be stolen that easily. Nobody can stop that vampire anymore."

"Not even you?"

Hanekawa said, cutting in.

"Can't you -- stop her? Or rather -- aren't you the only one who can stop her?"

Those.

Were unexpected words.

And -- they were something I failed to notice.

"Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade...... the Iron-Blooded, Hot-blooded, Cold-Blooded vampire, was it? And you are her only subordinate -- Conversely speaking, aren't you the only one who can stop her?"

"......Ah."

What I was failing to notice.

And what I was leaving undone.

Was that.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing -- if neither Dramaturgie, Episode, Guillotinecutter or Oshino can do it.

Then I, Araragi Koyomi, who gathered from those four the right leg, the left leg, both arms and the heart have no choice but to do it.

That's what I should do.

That -- would be responsibility.

Putting aside what I can and cannot do.

Indeed, I made a big mess.

And yet I'm still -- not doing anything!

I -- will exorcise Kissshot.

I said it with words.

They were deeply accompanied by my actual feelings.

That's right.

That is something -- only I can do.

I will stop -- that Kaii Killer!

If that's what I should do -- I have no choice but to do it!

Inside my head something clicked -- I felt that gears engaged.

"Your facial expression changed."

And.

"While we're at it, let's tell you a good thing, Araragi-kun."

Hanekawa Tsubasa said, as she was further pressing on.

"It might be a bad thing, though."

"Hm? Good or bad, which is it? Don't speak cryptically."

"For the present you it might be inconvenient, but for the you of a while before it was convenient."

"It became even more unclear, but......"

"Yesterday I went to the library -- I did some research. The night of the day before yesterday you beat Guillotinecutter-san, and you assembled the parts...... well, you actually didn't assemble the heart, but with that you could turn back into a human. However -- I became a little anxious."

"Anxious, you say."

"I was anxious about whether Heartunderblade-san would really turn you back into a human."

Though I wasn't doubting it, said Hanekawa.

"Therefore, I considered the case in which she didn't turn you back into a human -- and I researched if there were other methods of turning you back into a human."

In other words.

She researched -- a method to revert a 'former human' vampire who was bitten by a vampire and turned into a subordinate back into a human, huh.

"......Does such a method exist?"

"It exists. Just one."

Hanekawa nods.

"When a servant, who must normally obey the master, injures his master, that master and servant relationship will collapse, and the servant's condition of servitude will end."

"......? I don't understand the meaning but......"

"In other words, if you beat Heartunderblade -- no matter what Heartunderblade-san wants, you can turn back into a human."

"Is..."

I.

At first I was just -- surprised about that simple rule.

"Is -- is that so?"

The collapse of the master-servant relationship.

Even now, I can say that it's already collapsing -- by giving the final push.

I can turn back into a human.

So that's how it is.

"I found the same description in several books, so I think it is credible -- for the you who doesn't want to turn back into a human, and wants to die, this might be inconvenient, but it can't be avoided. Because you are the only one who can defeat Heartunderblade-san."

"--That's inconvenient."

Yeah.

After all, if you are well prepared you don't have to worry, huh.

It's something that I hesitate to express as something trite like killing two birds with one stone, it's really--

"It's really -- inconvenient. Everything goes as you think."

"This is what I call scheming. Even if I do say so myself -- I think it's playing dirty."

"You -- know everything."

"I don't know everything. I just know what I know."

Araragi-kun, says Hanekawa.

"With this you have no choice but to turn back into a human, don't you? Because there is no way that, at this point, you can leave Heartunderblade-san be."

"There is no way I--"

"Or will you run away?"

Hanekawa said as a clincher.

"If you still say you will run away, I -- will stop you with all my power."

I wish you would give me a little break.

Of course the responsibility remains -- my responsibility of having caused this state of affairs remains, that is something that won't ever disappear.

But.

This mess is -- cleanable.

I can clean up this mess.

If I can do it, I have no choice but to do it.

Better than a simple death.

Better than an easy death, this was really atonement.

Once again I look at Hanekawa.

And once again I thought she was amazing.

Until a little while back, I was thinking only about dying -- whatever I was saying, I was thinking only of punishing myself, and yet I just talked with Hanekawa a little, and before I noticed I had set aside that question.

I thought I could not die until I talked with Hanekawa -- but conversely, because I talked with Hanekawa, I cannot die anymore.

Hanekawa surely won't allow me to die even after I exorcise Kisshot and turn back into a human. She will use all kinds of wiles, and she won't let me do that, I think.

I made a troublesome friend.

And -- I made a good friend.

"If that's the case, then the problem is -- whether I can or cannot defeat Kissshot."

The vampire closest to Kissshot.

That would be me -- however, that said, the difference between our positions of master and servant could be fatal. Pulling off a revolution should be no ordinary feat, after all.

"I agree. Although I devised plans -- it's not like there aren't holes. The case of you losing would be the worst result, at least for me. You dying as you wished to -- and the Kaii Heartunderblade-san remaining alive.......I might be eaten by Heartunderblade-san. She viewed me as portable food, so she might remember my face."

"Do you have countermeasures for that?"

"Hm? No, I didn't think that far ahead."

Hanekawa shook her head looking troubled.

"She has a precious lineage, doesn't she? Somehow Heartunderblade-san doesn't fit the mold of existing vampires. It is as you and Oshino said, her immortality is so high that the weak points don't look like weak points anymore."

"If we assume I am the same as her fundamentally -- then the problem becomes a difference of career......"

"There is also the mental side."

"Mental side?"

"Whether or not you can defeat Heartunderblade-san with whom you've lived together all this Spring Break."

"............"

She nursed me.

She looked after me with constant supervision.

To save me from being burned by the sun, she too threw her body under the sunlight.

And -- she was my life savior.

The life I tried to throw away--

She didn't go as far as sucking it away.

That may be closer to the affection humans have toward pets--

But still.

For example that time when we were above the roof--

We laughed, that time.

"--I can take care of the mental side."

Putting it all together, I said it.

"I will definitively exorcise her."

"Yes."

Hanekawa nodded.

It looked like there was still something she wanted to say, but she decided to leave it unsaid.

In exchange -- she says "Well, then".

"Of course I will assist you. I have my responsibility as a plan deviser. If there is something I can do, don't hold back and say it."

"Don't hold back -- huh."

"Ahaha, well, even if I said that, I didn't have in mind any further ecchi service though."

Even if she added a paragraph, was Hanekawa really trying to change the atmosphere, laughing cheerfully in that way -- no way.

Therefore this was a misunderstanding...... good grief, wasn't that manner of speaking a lead-in to skillfully direct the conversation, huh.

Why was she trying to assist me with this subject?

Assist me with things like setting up battle tactics!

Really, what silly things are you saying to this gentlemanly Araragi Koyomi, don't hold back, of all things--

"Hanekawa."

"Yes?"

As Hanekawa tilted her head to the side, I said in my most gentlemanly manner, "Could I touch your breasts?"

"............"

Hanekawa's facial expression froze while her head was still tilted.

Nevertheless, she still kept her smiling face.

A heavy air got a hold of the PE storehouse.

What should I do when there is this heavy atmosphere......

"Your breasts."

"I heard you."

Uhmmm, Hanekawa looked up, then down.

After that she looks back at me again.

"Why would you need it?"

"I need it at all costs."

I say.

I make my most serious facial expression.

"You didn't see it. What Kissshot-Acerolaorion-Heartunderblade in her complete form looked like."

"Hm? Well...... I have seen her 12 and 17 year old forms, so it's not like I can't imagine what she looks like as a 27 year old."

"It is probably beyond your imagination."

I say, raising my index finger.

"She possesses breasts that are beyond your imagination."

"......Breasts."

"I fear of losing while I am distracted by those breasts. Those breasts will probably shake a lot in the middle of battle. That's why I want to gain some training on female breasts as a countermeasure."

"Oooh."

Hanekawa groaned.

"That's a surprisingly stupid reason......"

"D-Doesn't it make sense to you?"

"......Hmm."

Hanekawa quietly closes her eyes and brings her eyebrows together as if she has a headache.

"......Fine then."

"Huh!? Really!?"

Why?

Did she concede some parts of it made sense!?

"Wait a moment."

She says.

First Hanekawa unfastens the scarf and takes off the school sweater -- then she extracts the cuff of the blouse inserted in the skirt. While I was puzzled over what she was doing, she also winds both arms around her back, and inserts her hands under her blouse.

Some seconds passed.

From inside her blouse, Hanekawa pulled out her unhooked bra. With an adeppt hand she quickly folds it, and she hides it under the mat she was sitting on.

After that, she looks at me.

"Well then, touch them."

She said.

"............!"

I didn't wish for this much!

What is this situation!?

I can't get my heart ready.

S-She didn't need to take it off!

She didn't need to take off anything!

"E-Eeeeh?"

Besides, what is this?

Somehow, the moment she took off her school sweater and unfastened her underwear, it seemed like her breasts inflated...... is it an optical illusion?

No, vampire eyes are immune to illusions.

Hanekawa now, at least from what I can observe from over the blouse, wouldn't lose to Kissshot, no, possibly she possesses a bust that cannot even be compared to.

Moreover the shape was also splendid.

Although she took off her underwear and they should have lost their support, it was like they were defying the laws of physics -- it's as if Hanekawa can disregard gravity while being an earthling.

This is beyond my imagination.

Of course, it was because I thought Hanekawa was qualified for it that I made that request, but even so, it was very rude to say it was for training.

Hanekawa Tsubasa.

She can have a fair match with Kissshot on her own.

It was unthinkable that Hanekawa had such breasts!

B-But.....?

Getting up, Hanekawa walked towards me (at each step her chest showed a movement that exceeded imagination, so I shut my eyes, and I couldn't move, like I was paralyzed), and then she immediately sits in front of me -- lining up her arms on both sides, she pulled tight her dorsal muscles, and with a jerk she threw out her chest.

In that posture, her breasts seem even bigger.

Undoubtedly this could be said to be asserting one's chest.

Moreover, since it was quite a thin blouse, the whole image of Hanekawa's breasts could be said to be within a hair's breadth of being explicit.

"Araragi-kun."

"Eh? Ah, what?"

"Since you are going to massage them, massage them right."

"R-Right?"

"I think you should massage them for no less than sixty seconds."

"Si-sixty seconds......"

No way.

The hurdle is too high.

What is she meaning with massage them right?

Before I knew it it changed from touching to massaging.

Crap, now I can't say it was a joke......

What am I doing to my precious friend?

"Don't go easy on me!"

"Y-Yessir!"

As told, I prepare both hands by reflex.

I prepare them, but aside from that I don't move.

At any rate, because of vampire grip, I can't really avoid going easy, but I don't know how much force I should use. To begin with, should I touch them from above or from below...... and I haven't the slightest idea of what to do after the first move.

Certainly they won't fit inside my hands......

Therefore I hesitated going from the front.

Maybe approaching from the side -- no no.

Uh, there is a more pressing matter though.

"H-Hey, Hanekawa."

"Hm? What is it?"

"Could you turn your back?"

I say with a vanishing voice.

"It's hard to do it while seeing your face."

With just the light of the flashlight, maybe Hanekawa wasn't able to see me well, but being a vampire I could see her facial expression perfectly.

Her face was already flushing.

She was biting her lips.

It's hard.

"............"

Remaining silent, Hanekawa suddenly nodded meekly, and faced the opposite direction.

I could see the roots of her braids.

I never looked at it carefully, but what beautiful hair...... there really are no signs of damage. I guess it habitually receives a careful grooming.

"Ugh......"

Ah, but even now it's hard.

Since Hanekawa turned her back, I have to move my hands around her body, but in this case her arms neatly aligned on her sides are slightly in the way......

"Ra-Raise your hands over your head."

"Is this radio gymnastic?"

Despite saying that, Hanekawa raised her arms.

With this the way was opened.

And then I slip my arms under those armpits -- obviously, going this far, our bodies are on the brink of contact. Actually, because Hanekawa is facing the other way, if I try to touch her breasts, naturally it will feel like I am hugging her from behind though.......

Even perceiving the distance is hard -- should I cross my arms? No, is it easier to grasp if I keep going normally?

I open my fingers.

Hanekawa had not moved at all from before -- but even from behind I understand she is nervous. However, I am certain I was nervous.

My heart is racing.

"Y-You won't get mad afterwards?"

"Don't worry. I won't get mad."

"Really?"

"Really."

"......Okay then, just in case there is a trial later, please say 'Araragi-kun, please fondle my bra-less boobs'."

Snap!

I have the impression I heard that sound.

It must have been the sound of Hanekawa's veins popping out. Or maybe it was her facial muscles that popped out.

"A...... A-Araragi-kun, p-please, fondle m-my bra-less boobs."

"No, it won't do saying it in such a low voice. That makes it seem as if you hate it and I'm forcing you to say it against your will. You must state in a much louder voice what you want me to do to what, by your own will."

"Araragi-kun! P-please fondle my bra-less boobs!"

"......'It is really an honor to have my boobs massaged by Araragi-kun'"

"It is re-really an honor...... to have my boobs massaged by Araragi-kun......"

"Err......'I developed these lascivious boobs for the sole reason of having Araragi-kun massage them'."

"I developed these l-lascivious boobs for the sole r-reason of having Araragi-kun m-massage them."

"Really. It didn't look like it, but you are pretty perverted, Hanekawa."

"......Yes, I am incredibly perverted, I am sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. No matter how perverted you are, it's not like someone would be bothered by it."

"Th-That's right, ehehe."

"Well then, concretely, in what ways are the boobs of the perverted and serious class rep lascivious?"

"I can boast that th-their size, and their softness...... are peerless in their lasciviousness!"

Aah.

I see, now I get it.

During puberty even I experienced the common perplexity of why I was born in this world...... but now, at the age of seventeen, I finally found the answer to that question.

I was enlightened.

I lived for the sake of this day.

I existed for the sake of this moment.

The person called Araragi Koyomi was born in this world in order to experience the day of today...... no, that's not it. It is not on a personal level anymore.

Surely this world has existed this long just to make me experience the day of today.

From this point on the rest of history will simply be a throwaway match!

"That is to say, normally it's impossible to massage the tits of a friend!"

I ran away.

I was the one who threw my hands up, I made three steps back and I started crying.

It was a posture exceedingly close to prostration.

"It doesn't happen! It doesn't ever happen!"

"......Chicken."

Hanekawa said in a terribly quiet voice.

Without even turning this way.

Without even looking at my posture exceedingly close to prostration.

"Chicken. Chicken. Chicken chicken chicken chicken."

"I am a chicken. I am a coward. I am sorry. No matter what you say, I don't have words to reply with. Please forgive me. It is my fault. I got caught up in the moment. I took advantage of Hanekawa-san's kindness, but thanks to her involvement, I came to my senses."

"Do you think it ends with this? Do you know how much resolve it took for me to sit here like this?"

"N-No, someone like me cannot have even the slightest idea, but while we are at it, I would like to hear how much resolve it was."

"Honestly, I thought it wouldn't have ended just with having my breasts massaged....... Ah, so that's how, my first time will be on a mat in the PE storehouse."

"Isn't it too early for that resolve!?"

"Well, it happens."

"As if!"

Girls these days are confident, but...... under no circumstances!

"And yet, after you terribly teased me and humiliated me, you didn't even touch me with a finger......!"

"That's why I am apologizing, you know."

"If you apologize that will be it. Huh. I am in a position that, if you apologize to me, I am obliged to forgive you. Huh."

"I think it's really inexcusable, but please forgive me, stylish spectacles class rep!"

"......This is the first time someone made such a fool of me."

"Eek."

Was it about the breasts?

Or was it about the glasses?

Maybe it was the class rep?

"Araragi-kun...... am I so unattractive?"

"............!"

Stop it stop it stop it!

Don't bully me by saying such lovely words!

"I-It's because if I massage your breasts in this situation, perhaps I will regret it for the rest of my life!"

I may regret not massaging your breasts.

But I chose to regret not massaging your breasts rather than regret massaging your breasts!

"I-In exchange, could I massage your shoulders?"

"Shoulders?"

"Yes. Shoulders. I want to massage your shoulders."

"......Well, it's a deal."

We came to an agreement.

I massaged Hanekawa's shoulders.

Rub rub rub rub.

Whoa, they aren't stiff at all.

I heard that with bad eyesight shoulders get stiff easily...... she is a healthy girl. In this way, even if I, who am no masseur, massage her, it won't feel good at all......

Obviously she has no meat at all in these places.

I can clearly feel the shape of the bones -- is this the clavicle?

Uh...... That's all.

Wait wait, not yet.

Rub rub rub rub.

60 seconds like this.

"I-It is over. Thank you."

On top of massaging her shoulders, I ended up thanking her.

What a servile character I have.

"Was it enough?"

"Y-Yes. The continuation is on the internet."

"As if you could massage on the internet."

"Th-Then, the continuation is in the new school term."

"Yeah. That's more like it."

Hanekawa nods.

Her braids shake at the same time.

"You made it this far with a girl."

As I took off my hands from her shoulders, Hanekawa got up and walked, going back to where she was before on the mat, but she didn't sit, she turned this way while standing.

"So don't tell me you are going to lose."

"I will win." {polite form}

By now I must go back to my speech pattern, it seems I continued to use polite expressions with Hanekawa all this time.

However, it was not only this.

I could say it clearly.

"I will win." {informal form}

I was able to say it.

"Even at the cost of your breasts!"

"Actually, it was better to leave that part unsaid."

There was a slight difference in spirits.

Hanekawa said "that aside" and cleared her throat once.

And after that she said.

"This one is the final battle."

"Yeah -- it's the closing curtain of Gakuen Inou Batoru."

The moment I said that.

Outside the PE storehouse -- a thundering noise resounded.

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