Monogatari Series:Kizumonogatari/Koyomi Vamp 005

005

Dramaturgie.

Episode.

Guillotinecutter.

Those are the names of the people who took Kissshot’s body parts away, Or so I was told.

Kissshot described them to me, though It was difficult to picture them from just her words.

Like using a different country’s language to explain an abstract concept, I was left befuddled about the three men. Still, they were simple compared to the more important matters we'd discussed.

The man called Dramaturgie stole her right leg.

The man called Episode stole her left leg.

The man called Guillotinecutter stole her arms.

The three people each stole an essential part.

They are the reason she was left in such a poor state. If she hadn’t sucked my blood, she would have certainly died.

An immortal body that could have died.

This paradox is one Kissshot knows best.

She had, at the time, known determinately that she would die.

With what little life she had left, using that beaten body. Escaping those three men would have been difficult.

“Why?" I asked inadvertently during her explanation. “Why steal your limbs?”

“I’m a vampire. Ye are humans---hmm, thou art not one anymore, thou art what they call a Monster now.” Kissshot said definitely.

“And of course, they exorcise monsters."

“Those three people specialize in exorcising vampires---they make a living by killing those like me. Beings that specialize in exorcising vampires, thou shouldst have heard of them before?”

Should have. Must have.

If there were vampires, there were those who went against them.

Thinking back, I don’t think I'd ever heard of them, but there was a chance I'd recalled it from somewhere.

“Then, we need to defeat them?”

“What kind of idiot talk is that? Do you have a death wish? Although the point about having my limbs taken away is heartbreaking. I don’t have much regeneration power left----in this situation, how can I fight?”

“So that’s it.”

“Like I said....” Kissshot naturally continued from before. “I just need thee to face those three people--- and retrieve my limbs.”

“Huh....?”

I was speechless.

“Al, alright....It can't possibly be that easy?”

“Hmm, looks like I didn’t explain it clearly to thee, if thou wants to turn back into a human, I need to have my full power restored. Basically, back to my complete form. For that, my limbs are needed.”

“Bu, but- I'm no good with things like fighting.”

I didn’t do anything bad, but my tone seems like I’m making an excuse.

“I'm not unathletic, but I'm not athletic either. My body is as you see here. I have never even been in a fight before...., also, most importantly, won't I get exorcised?”

I was presently a vampire as well. The chance of that happening was huge. My opponents were skilled exorcists. Even if they spared me, an ex-human, it’d be impossible to get them to give me their spoils -- Kissshot's limbs.

“Idiot, thy weakness only applied when thou wast still Human” Kissshot said tiredly.

“Thou right now art my subordinate--- Though thou art weak, in my current state thou couldst easily overpower me.”

“....? Even though you're a Vampire, you're weak?”

“No!” She said, irritated at my words.

Indeed, she was a very easily angered person.

“Based on my appearance now, thou makest rash judgements. Let me maketh myself completely clear. Among vampires I’m of the highest level. I'm called the Kaii Killer.”

“Kaii Killer....”

Her current form made it difficult to imagine her as powerful.

Also, what was "Kaii"?

Some sort of monster?

Regardless.

“Hmm, even if the presently weakened you isn't as strong as me.... You’re stronger than me at full power. Yet those three men were able to take away limbs from the you in complete form?"

“I was ambushed by those three people. I underestimated them; totally underestimated them. Guys at that level, even with three people combined together wouldn’t have been my opponent.”

“Huh.....”

“Basically...” Kissshot sighed angrily. "As long as you fight them one on one, as singular opponents, you should be able to take them on. Honestly, it'll be easy. This kind of task is fair to turn you back into a human."

I definitely wasn’t convinced by her speech.

I decided to take a nighttime stroll.

This was a bit after the sun had set. Finally I was able to leave the abandoned cram school. Finally I was able to confirm my location.

This cram school was on the border of the rural town that I lived in. That being said, this area wasn't underdeveloped. I didn't know why the cram school had been abandoned. I figured it got swallowed up by the bigger cram school in front of the station, and finally had to be foreclosed. Kissshot found it fitting for a last-ditch hiding spot.

I decided to phone home.

Luckily, my little sister picked up. The older of the two.

"Tell everyone I'm spending break on a trip to find myself." I said bluntly. She agreed.

I didn't think beforehand, and it took me a moment to realize I had just convinced my sister I was the type of person to take a trip to find myself. I must seem really pathetic.

Just as I hung up, my younger little sister sent a text to me. My sisters were in middle school, so they didn't have cellphones. She used the living room computer to text me.

“To onii-chan. Sometimes people get lost, but, when you calm down you should think carefully about your actions. Where did Tyltyl and Mytyl find the Blue bird?”

.........

My youngest sister was lecturing me.....

Receiving reprimanding texts like these really set me off. To add insult to injury, it wasted my phone's batteries.

I wondered where could I recharge my cellphone....the charger was at home but I couldn’t go back. All I could do was buy a charger at a convenience store.

It's improbable that the cram school had electricity. All I could hope to do was buy a spare battery.

If I could finish my mission before the batteries ran out, it shouldn't be a problem.

“They aren’t a match for me...originally they aren’t a match for me. They also aren’t a match for you.”

Well, it should be easy, right?

Although in the beginning I had trouble believing, my vampire powers truly existed. A demonstration of my abilities would result in a trip to the slammer and a night of police interrogation for sure. That is to say, the area was filled with abandoned buildings. Who cared if I vandalized them a little?

That kind of thing.

“But, we're missing an important detail." I could feel Kisshot's words wrap around me, the tension rising rapidly.

“Where are those three people?” I prompted.

“Don’t know.”

“Don't know, she says.” I mocked her.

“Superfluous worries are useless and unneeded. Just walk around outside, they will find you---they're vampire exorcising specialists. Finding a vampire for them is the same as raising a hand.”

“Is that so?”

"Just stick around. Night is when Vampire's powers are most active -- They are like moths to a flame. They'll definitely come toward thee."

“......”

“Right now, probably in order to find me, they are roaming around this town. Do it well and you’ll meet them tonight.”

Kukuku. Kissshot's intolerable laugh sounded strange.

Well, not having to find them really helped....although the term is "to find a person". I'm not a person, therefore I hoped it'd be impossible.

But, I’m sort of beginning to not pay attention to the rhythm of things. Shouldn’t I be asking more questions? The thing about me becoming a vampire being an indisputable truth, for example.

Unconsciously, I think about another topic. Can I really turn back into a human?

Can no one be sure that Kissshot isn’t lying?

Using me in order to retrieve her limbs, not satisfied with seeing me simply as food. She was the brain, and I was the Limbs.

The issue with that is Kissshot wasn't giving me orders. She was threatening me.

I could have not lent my power to her.

....But in order to prevent me from thinking that it was a waste of time, she was using my desire to turn back into a human to use me.

She was using me as bait. She must have been lying..

Using the matter of turning me back into a human. It’s possible that Kissshot was thinking like that.

“.....”

No. She turned me into a servant so she didn't need to go through the trouble. Wouldn't it just be an order, then?

.....Hmm. Couldn't be. Currently that girl is in a state where she basically can’t use the powers of a vampire---that’s why, if she doesn’t lie she can’t get me to obey?

Well, it isn’t impossible...

She may look ten, but she certainly can't be treated like it. Thinking back to when she was in her original form, her expression looked very intellectual. At least she seemed as though she lived 500 years, like she said. Her thinking wasn’t slow at all. Also, I hadn't asked any important questions. I only thought stuff relating to turning back into a human, avoiding the important things---I forgot to ask Kissshot why she came to this small rural town in Japan?

Monsters really are strange.

But aren’t vampires western monsters?

Aren’t those three brought here by Kissshot too?

“...Hmm.”

No matter how I say it, it’s all speculation.

Whatever Kissshot is conspiring, I, right now, still can’t trust her--- so for now I’ll just do as she says.

The initiative is totally within her control.

First get her limbs back----I’ll deal with the rest later.

No matter how much of it is wrong, I don’t see how those three vampire exorcising specialists could be lies.

Following what Kissshot said, I turned myself into bait. I went somewhere where there weren't any roads. At that moment, at a fork in the road.

I thought the Vampire Kissshot-Accerolaorion-HeartunderBlade hadn't thought it through. Although she had lived 500 years, her thinking was still slow.

If I took them on one-by-one, I should be able to take them. She had said that, but I wondered where the evidence was to back up that claim.

She had been defeated by them. So doesn't that refute it?

I felt like my brain was breaking.

But it was already too late. Or maybe, just in time. It was only a second beforehand that I realized what was happening. Kissshot said I could finish tonight if I worked hard.

But, thinking about it carefully--- I could die tonight.

My second death.

"What should I do?”

First, I noticed the one on my right.

A giant standing over 2 meters, both hands carrying a giant wavy-shaped blade, walking towards me. His figure was enormous. I could use his jeans as a sleeping bag. His shirt was probably made of five times the amount of fabric as mine. He wore a headband across his bangs to hold back his messy hair.

A man made entirely out of muscle, a stone-cold face. Holding onto his wavy blades, he stared at me.

He matched Kisshot's description.

This man is the one named Dramaturgie.

The man who stole Kissshot’s right leg.

He grunted.

I then noticed the man to my left.

He was completely opposite of Dramaturgie. A slim man was walking towards me. Despite a naive face, his stare was sharp.

If I used the metaphor, 'Even a stare can kill people.', I probably would have been killed immediately. It was that sharp.

Sanpaku eyes, and a white student uniform. He seemed young. Perched on his shoulder was a giant cross which defied his stature.

It didn't look constructed, but rather like a silver cross necklace that had been magnified fifty times.

It was three times the size of a man, and was probably over three times the weight. You've gotta be kidding me.

The cross wasn't just some ceremonial object. It was a weapon.

The man with the giant cross on his shoulder smiled. He walked towards me with a piercing glare.

He was consistent with Kissshot's description.

This man was the one named Episode.

The man who stole Kissshot’s left leg.

“What---what should I do.”

Finally, I noticed the one behind me.

I don't know when he arrived, but the man wearing the priest-like robes was honest looking in comparison with the other two. His hair resembled that of a hedgehog, and he permeated danger.

I couldn't tell what he was feeling, nor could I make out if his eyes were open or closed. At least he wasn't carrying a weapon like the other two. Still, he had stolen more things from Kissshot than the others.

The priest-like man, vacantly faced with nothing in his hands walked towards me naturally.

He matched Kissshot's description.

This man is the one named Guillotinecutter.

The man who stole both of her arms.

“---I might as well do nothing....!”

Vampire exorcising specialists.

Dramaturgie, Episode, Guillotinecutter.

Each of these three people converged, with me in the center.

Just like the fork in the road.

No way to escape---like a mouse in a pocket.

“Ah? Well. So popular.”

The first one to open his mouth was the man carrying a giant cross on his shoulder, Episode.

His voice matched his appearance. Messy.

“It’s not Heartunderblade. Who is this guy?”

“■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■”

Ignoring me, the man made entirely of muscle answered. Dramaturgie.

But I couldn't understand a thing he said.

I hoped there was a possibility they had forgotten my presence.

“No, Dramaturgie.”

Guillotinecutter, the priest-like man behind me, spoke.

He talked in a smooth tone.

“If you’re doing business here then you should use the language native to here. That’s the most basic logic.”

“.........”

Of course I wanted to look behind me, but I couldn't. That would have meant turning my back on Episode and Dramaturgie.

Guillotinecutter was the same as the other two, and, ignoring me, he continued talking.

“Well, but, it’s exactly as you said, Dramaturgie. Probably...no, definitely, this teen is Heartunderblade’s subordinate.”

“Really!” Episode remarked unhappily.

“I thought that vampire didn't believe in making subordinates?”

“She's not incapable of it. She's made one before.”

“■■■……, We forced her hand. She most likely made one to act as her limbs while she recovered.”

Dramaturgie spoke in Japanese this time to my relief.

I figured he was the muscle of the group, but he was able to guess my exact situation.

“Then what does that mean?” Episode smiled as he said it, rocking the giant cross off his shoulder.

"All we can do is ask this runt here about Heartunderblade's whereabouts?”

“That seems to be it.” Dramaturgie nodded, agreeing with Episode. Guillotinecutter nodded as well.

“I'll get rid of this kid and find the real treasure -- Heartunderblade.” He said that easily.

Suppose that means they'll let little-old-me go? Hopeful observation was all I could do at this point.

They ignored me, acting as if I wasn't their equal. They completed denied me as a living thing. I was completely unequal.

“Ehm.” Guillotinecutter cleared his throat.

“That being said, what should we do? Like Episode said, if this child knows Heartunderblade’s location he'll surely give us trouble.”

“Leave it to me.” Episode laughed.

“I'll completely destroy him.”

“No, I’ll do it," Dramaturgie cut in. “I’m the most fitting for this job. I have the most experience.”

“I don’t mind doing it either,” Guillotinecutter smoothly expressed his opinion. “You two must be tired.”

“Don’t!” Episode stuttered, "Don't be so damn self-righteous!"

I collected myself, and without facing anyone or making any eye-contact, roared defiantly.

“What, what are you people saying?? What do you mean you want to exorcise me? I'm just a human? Are you going to kill me?!”

“........”

“.........”

“.........”

At least, it created an instant of silence.

Did my words reach them? Even so, that's all they'd do. My words would reach, but the meaning wouldn't.

No one gave a response.

“Then it’s the same as usual.” Dramaturgie said suddenly.

“Fastest one wins, then." Episode said.

“Good, equal competition based on skill." Guillotinecutter said.

Then these vampire-exorcising specialists, these three people, almost at the same time, charged towards me.

I could see each one of them with my newly acquired vampire's eyes. I could see in the dark with these elite eyes. But, though I say I could see, I had no idea what should I do.

What was I supposed to do in this sort of situation?

“Hm....ahahahahahah!”

I probably did the stupidest thing I could have done given the situation. Instantly, covering my head with my hands and rolling into a ball, I squatted down on the spot. I gave up on attacking, but didn't defend either.

No.

Of course that will happen.

What did I misinterpret?

I had the worst characteristics possible for the main character of an anime, manga, or light novel.

A normal high schooler, expected to battle a bunch of vampire exorcising specialists?

What is this? School Psychic Battle?

How could I win!?

So what if I can break concrete walls?

So what if my jumping improved and I could move faster?

What could I do with these powers?

I'd never been in a fight because I never had any opponents! I had no experience in a situation like this!

Damn it! I'd already discarded my life once. I gave it up to Kissshot. So why should I cherish this not-life?

“-----------“

.............!

.........., ...........

I noticed I had been waiting a long time. No matter how long I squatted, it was clear their attacks would never hit me.

Could it be that they got scared? Could it be that because of my pitiful performance they got bored and left? That was impossible, who was I kidding? They weren't scared of me.

I slowly lifted by head out from my knees.

“......Ha, ha.” I heard this easy laugh.

"Flinging swords and knocking stuff around with a cross? You guys must be energetic to cause such unrest in a residential area!" said the person who caught the blades with his bare hand. Using only his right hand’s index finger, middle finger, ring finger and pinky, he had stopped Dramaturgie's blades. He then halted Episode's cross with nothing but his right foot. Lastly, he raised his left hand, and Guillotinecutter ceased his movement.

Just who was this guy? Just a random middle-aged passerby?

Standing on one leg, holding everyone still, he spoke.

"Did something good happen?"

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