Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai:Volume 2 Comedy King Kodaka (& Kobato Joining Flag ③)
Comedy King Kodaka (& Kobato Joining Flag ③)
One day after school, I borrowed a book from the library.
"The Path to Mastering The Art of Joke Telling ~ Now You Too Can Become a Comedy King" was the title of that book.
For some reason it was stuffed in the world history section, and when I happened to catch a glimpse of it I checked it out on impulse.
Yozora's and Sena's reactions to my joke I told the other day were still... only very slightly, bugging me.
Well, it's not like I really care what those two who have no sense of humor say or anything, but it couldn't hurt to get better at telling jokes.
After I checked out the book from the library I took it with me back to the clubroom.
Reading a book on how to tell jokes out in public would be kind of embarrassing, and people might get an even worse impression of me than they already have.
When I reached the clubroom and opened the door, I saw Maria sitting inside.
"Huh? Nobody else came today?"
"Yozora is poop."
Said Maria all of a sudden while munching on her potato chips.
"You really hate Yozora don't you..."
Maria quickly shook her head back and forth.
"That's not what I meant! Yozora is really poop!"
"Girls shouldn't go around saying poop all the time, it's indecent."
"I-Am-Tell-ing-you that Yozora went to take a poop!"
Now that she mentions it I can see Yozora's bag on top of the table.
"...Ah-...O-Ohh, I see, she went to the toilet."
...Uh-huh, well, everybody has to use the toilet every now and then. Then all of a sudden Maria gasped and made a shocked face.
"Crap! I wasn't supposed to tell anyone she went to take a poop! Yozora's gonna get mad at me..."
"What, did she force you not to tell anyone about it?"
"Yeah... If I tell anyone then I have to run a lap around the school naked..."
Yozora's as evil as ever.
"...I won't tell anyone you told me so don't worry about it."
Maria's face instantly lit up.
"You're a pretty good guy Kodaka! For a rotten orange anyway!"
"...Maybe I should tell Yozora after all."
"D-don't! I'll do anything, just don't tell Yozora!"
"...I won't tell her, relax. Also, don't go around telling people you'll do anything for them."
This little girl is way too naive about this kinda stuff, it makes me worry.
"But Yozora told me that if I say 'I'll do anything' Kodaka will listen to anything I say."
"W-what the hell is she teaching you...!?"
"You won't listen to anything I say!?"
Maria pursed her lips.
"Muu, I let that Yozora trick me again..."
"...Yozora's ability to spin lies like it's nothing to her is one thing, but Maria, you shouldn't accept what other people say so easily."
"Then does that mean I shouldn't trust what you say either?"
"Eh... Well, it's okay if you trust what I say."
"Okay! I'll trust you!"
Maria made a cute little innocent smile.
She can be a little too blunt at times, but she's actually a good kid isn't she...
I decided to give Maria's head a little rub.
Maria happily gave me a bright smile and let out a long breath.
After rubbing Maria's head for a few seconds, I sat down on the sofa and took out the book I borrowed from the library earlier from my bag.
"What book is that? Romance of the Three Kingdoms?"
Maria plopped down next to me and peeked over at my book.
"No, it's a book about comedy."
"Like jokes and stuff."
"Ohhh, it's a book about jokes, is it funny?"
"The book isn't made up of jokes, but about how to tell jokes so I doubt it's very funny..."
"So it's not funny...?"
I quickly tried saying something to lift Maria's spirits.
"Then why don't I try telling you my own joke?"
Maria's eyes started sparkling again, and I cleared my throat while feeling a little embarrassed.
"Yeah. I don't know why Yozora and Sena didn't get it, but it's really funny. The title is 'Manjuu are Scary'."
"Huh!? Why is a manjuu scary!?"
"You'll just have to wait and see. Once upon a time, in the Heian era..."
I told the story of "Manjuu are Scary (my version)" to Maria.
"Ahahahahahahaha! Coffee! Why do they have coffee back in the Heian era, hyahyahyahya! I-I can't breathe, a-and Mr. A! Mr. A hyahaha why can Mr. A speak English even though it's the Heian era!? Ahyahyahyahya! And those guys all got fooled by Mr. A! Ahaha what a bunch of idiots! H-he actually lovesh manjuu, ahahahahaha! They all got completely tricked!!"
Maria was holding her stomach while exploding with laughter.
This is the reaction I was looking for!
"Okay, next I have an even funnier story. The title is 'The Terrifying Shuumai'."
"A terrifying shuumai!? Ahahaha, that's so stupid, how could a shuumai be scary!? Is Mr. A gonna say he's scared of shuumai now!? Ahaha, they'll all fall for it again! Those idiots will all fall for it!"
I begin to tell the story of "The Terrifying Shuumai (my version) to Maria, who was already exploding with laughter before I even started.
"Ahahahahaha- i-i-it was stuck on the lid! The shuumai was stuck on the lid! Ahahahyahyahya! And he died too! He died of shock from the shuumai! Ahahahahahaha!"
This time she didn't laugh at the part I was going for, but even so Maria kept on exploding with laughter.
It feels so good to have people laugh at your jokes!
"Okay, then the next one is-"
I told the story of "The Terrifying Miso Soup (my version)".
"Fuahyahyahyahya, c-can't breathe, w-w-why was Augustine, why was he, pfffft, fyahyahyahya! W-w-w-why was his mom in it!? Why was Augustine's mom in his picture!? Ahyahyahyahya! Did he grab her and shove her in there!? Ahyahahahaha, haha, c-can't breathe, ueh, uhehyehya!"
After that I went on to tell a few more funny stories like "The Black Eyed Mackerel Pike (my version)" and "The Cherry Anthias (my version)" to Maria who was laughing so hard after each one she could barely breathe.
"Haa, Ha.... Haa... Ngah... Ahaa... Haa... Fuahaa..."
Maria's cheeks were completely red from all the laughing she did as she lay exhausted on the sofa.
I guess I got carried away and made her laugh too much.
"Here, have a drink and chill out for a while."
I gave Maria my bottle of tea that I drank half of after 6th period's Gym class.
Maria gulped down the tea with her tiny mouth.
"Feel better now?"
Maria smiled, still looking a little tired.
"This is the first time I've ever laughed so much. You're a funny guy Kodaka!"
Said Maria, who then got up off the sofa and opened our clubroom's closet.
There were a ton of bags of potato chips inside. Maria happily took one out, came back to sit on the sofa with me and then happily opened the bag.
"Since when did you have so many bags of potato chips in there?"
"Yozora gives me one every time I do some work for her!"
"Like shining her shoes, sweeping the floor, buying her juice, and doing her homework!"
...She's trained you well hasn't she...
"Wait, you said homework? You know how to do a high school junior's homework?"
"Did you forget I'm a teacher? I'm way wiser than any of you guys!"
I really don't think she's all that wise, but I guess she does have a lot of academic ability.
"Here Kodaka! I'll let you have some as a special thanks for telling me those funny stories!"
While saying that and enjoying her potato chips, Maria held the bag of them out to me.
Well, it's not like I don't like them so I might as well take a few.
While we were eating potato chips together, I asked
"Didn't you just eat a bag of potato chips when I came in here?"
Maria happily nodded at my question.
"Yeah, because potato chips are tasty!"
"No, even if they are tasty... if you eat all these snacks you won't have room for dinner, you know?"
"I don't need dinner so it's fine!"
"No, it's not fine!"
"But the food here tastes so bad."
Said Maria with a clear tone of displeasure in her voice.
"I think that the cafeteria and ala carte stuff they have here is pretty good though, don't you?"
"Sisters of the church aren't allowed to eat that. We all eat three times a day in the chapel's kitchen, but every single day all they make is potato salad and vegetables with a little bacon in them that tastes like poop. I want to eat meat, not that poop! Eating potato chips is way better than eating dinner!"
"Even so, eating potato chips instead of real food isn't good for you..."
Maria ended our conversation there and continued eating her potato chips.
After finishing the whole bag of them she must've been full, because she quickly stretched out on the sofa and fell asleep.
"Don't fall asleep right after eating..."
Sighing, I got up looking for a blanket or something to put over her.
But, I noticed the door to the clubroom was slightly open and I could see that someone was peeking in here.
I asked while glaring at the door, which then slowly opened up.
The people who entered were Yozora, Sena, Rika, and Yukimura. The other members of the neighbors club.
"Eh...? Why were you guys out there?"
"I-it was too hard to come in while you were flirting with Maria!"
Sena said, while blushing for some reason.
"...I never would have thought that you were a lolicon, Kodaka-senpai." said Rika.
"Yozora-anego told me not to interrupt your rape time, Aniki." added Yukimura.
"Yozora... what kind of crap are you making up..."
As I said that, Yozora gave me a look full of pity for some reason.
"...Even I can show people some compassion."
"Even I'd feel bad for getting in your way when you're trying to comfort yourself by telling those stories so awful only someone like Maria would laugh at them... It's like that awkward feeling when you walk in on someone talking to their 'NiNTeNDogs' or 'LoVePlus' because they think nobody's around to see them..."
"I don't wanna hear that from someone who talks to their air friend!"
And besides, those jokes I told were really funny... right?
Later at dinner time that night.
I tried telling Kobato the same jokes that sent Maria into a fit of laughter.
When I did, Kobato made a couple weird faces. One looked like she was about to cry, one looked like she just drank a bottle of vinegar, one looked like she was pitying me, and in addition to that she kept saying
"Kukuku... Going along with my family's merrymaking is yet another one of my duties as the Queen of the Exalted Night I see..."
and other stuff like that while ignoring basically all of my jokes.
"...That's weird... Maria laughed at them so why doesn't anyone else..."
Upon hearing me bring up Maria's name, Kobato's instantly made an angry face.
"...I've told you this before, but you are one who shares his blood with my own of the Exalted Night... Playing around with that abominable pawn of the church will only bring catastrophe unto you..."
Kobato gulped down her tomato juice with a displeased look on her face.
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