Editing User talk:LiTTleDRAgo
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=====Editing on Log Horizon - CrazyAce01===== |
=====Editing on Log Horizon - CrazyAce01===== |
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| + | Well, that's embarrassing! Yes, it should be ancient ''trees''. I went back and corrected it. |
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| − | Thanks for the advice! I'll be sure to stick to the guides. |
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| + | It was right where he remembered it. |
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| − | My number one goal will be to preserve the meaning, no worries. I'll see you around and about! |
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| + | This sentence seems awkward to me, I think this sentence shouldn't be separated from previous sentences. <br>You probably need to do some rephrasing and rewording to keep the meanings intact. |
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| − | --[[User:CrazyAce01|CrazyAce01]] ([[User talk:CrazyAce01|talk]]) 23:37, 5 April 2014 (CDT) |
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| + | Rather than change the meaning, I think this clarifies the meaning that is already intended. |
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| + | Shiroe is wandering through the landscape, recognizing things that he's seen before. This is implied, but not made very clear, by the old version: |
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| + | He went around that stump and made a turn at the two-story building which was where he remembered it. |
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| + | The phrase ''which was'' forms a descriptive clause containing ''where he remembered it''. What it is he's remembering, exactly, is not clear, because before the clause, we have two nouns, the stump and the two-story building. |
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| + | Now, from the previous sentence: |
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| + | A tree stump a few meters tall was there--just as he had guessed. |
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| + | It would make no sense if Shiroe remembered the position of the same thing two times in a row. Therefore, I separated the clause into its own complete thought so as to clarify to the reader that ''It'' is indeed the two story building. The full phrase reads like this: |
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| + | He went around that stump and made a turn at the two-story building. It was right where he remembered it. |
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| + | The ending of the first sentence on ''two-story building'' and the beginning of the next sentence with ''it'' creates a strong and definite connection between what Shiroe is remembering and the right noun. Adding the word ''right'' into the second, separated sentence emphasizes the implication Shiroe is in fact remembering the locations of various objects as he's moving around. |
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| + | The fact of the matter is that this opening isn't very good for the first few lines of a novel, anyway. Starting with a character remembering things from the past right off the bat is pretty confusing and isn't a very strong start. Making it sound not-awkward is pretty impossible. |
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| + | Well, that's what I was thinking when I made those edits! Sorry to write your eyeballs off. |
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===== Cleaning up the editors list - Log Horizon ===== |
===== Cleaning up the editors list - Log Horizon ===== |
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