Can someone help me Proofread this?

[TheDefend]

<0000> May 16th (Wed)
// <0000> ５月１６日(水)
<0001> \{Kyousuke} (Hey)
//<0001> \{恭介}「うぃす」
<0002> \{Kengo}「Morning」
//<0002> \{謙吾}「おはよう」
<0003> \{Masato}「Yo~」
//<0003> \{真人}「おー」
<0004> \{Riki}「Morning」
//<0004> \{理樹}「おはよう」
<0005> As usual all of us gather here to get breakfast。
//<0005> いつもの顔ぶれが朝食の場に揃う。
<0006> Rin is giving the cat milk and take care it（Probably Lennon the new cat）。
//<0006> 鈴は猫にミルクを与えている（恐らく新入りのレノンだ）。
<0007> Kyousuke is eating while reading newspaper in front of everyone。
//<0007> 恭介は新聞を読みながら、食べている。
<0008> \{Masato}「Do you have to read while eating like that？」
//<0008> \{真人}「なんか目を引く事件でもあったか？」
<0009> \{Kyousuke}「Yeah, it’s good to see what happened in the world right now」
//<0009> \{恭介}「ああ…嫌な事件が世の中起こるもんだぜ」
<0010> \{Kyousuke}「Rin, you should read the news more」
//<0010> \{恭介}「鈴、たまには新聞でも読んでみないか」
<0011> \{Rin} "........."
// <0011> \{鈴}「………」
<0012> \{Riki}「Rin, you should paying more attention to the world. Not just the cat…」
//<0012> \{理樹}「猫の食事に集中しすぎていて、聞いてないね…」
<0013> \{Kengo}「That kind of word coming from someone who only read manga」
//<0013> \{謙吾}「漫画ばっか読んでるおまえが言える台詞か」
<0014> \{Kyousuke}「Whatever、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」
//<0014> \{恭介}「まあ、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」


This script is coming from LB... i want to know if my TL is already good enough or not...

[Dan]

I can't say anything about the translation, but do you want it to be put into proper English as well?

[TheDefend]

My Extreme problem is i understand about WTH is going on. but i can't seem to put the word into proper english...
btw, i remember that you can read jap or something.... any mistake w/ my Tl?

[Dan]

lol I can't read Japanese, but if I have the raw and time to do so, I can go over parts that I don't think make sense or sound out of context. I've edited the above in my quote below, changes are in bold.

<0000> May 16th (Wed)
// <0000> ５月１６日(水)
<0001> \{Kyousuke} (Hey)
//<0001> \{恭介}「うぃす」
<0002> \{Kengo}「Morning」
//<0002> \{謙吾}「おはよう」
<0003> \{Masato}「Yo~」
//<0003> \{真人}「おー」
<0004> \{Riki}「Morning」
//<0004> \{理樹}「おはよう」
<0005> As usual all of us gather here to get breakfast。
//<0005> いつもの顔ぶれが朝食の場に揃う。
<0006> Rin is giving the cat milk and taking care of it（Probably Lennon the new cat）。
//<0006> 鈴は猫にミルクを与えている（恐らく新入りのレノンだ）。
<0007> Kyousuke is eating while reading the newspaper in front of everyone。
//<0007> 恭介は新聞を読みながら、食べている。
<0008> \{Masato}「Do you have to read while eating like that？」
//<0008> \{真人}「なんか目を引く事件でもあったか？」
<0009> \{Kyousuke}「Yeah, it’s good to see what is happening in the world right now」
//<0009> \{恭介}「ああ…嫌な事件が世の中起こるもんだぜ」
<0010> \{Kyousuke}「Rin, you should read the news more」
//<0010> \{恭介}「鈴、たまには新聞でも読んでみないか」
<0011> \{Rin} "........."
// <0011> \{鈴}「………」
<0012> \{Riki}「Rin, you should pay more attention to the world. Not just the cat…」
//<0012> \{理樹}「猫の食事に集中しすぎていて、聞いてないね…」
<0013> \{Kengo}「Those kind of words coming from someone who only reads manga」
//<0013> \{謙吾}「漫画ばっか読んでるおまえが言える台詞か」
<0014> \{Kyousuke}「Whatever、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」
//<0014> \{恭介}「まあ、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」

[elkin]

Looks good Though it needs a bit of tweaking here and there.

<0007> Kyousuke is eating while reading newspaper in front of everyone。
//<0007> 恭介は新聞を読みながら、食べている。

Being picky, but the Jap text doesn't mention "in front of everyone".

<0008> \{Masato}「Do you have to read while eating like that？」
//<0008> \{真人}「なんか目を引く事件でもあったか？」
<0009> \{Kyousuke}「Yeah, it’s good to see what happened in the world right now」
//<0009> \{恭介}「ああ…嫌な事件が世の中起こるもんだぜ」

"Is there anything good/interesting in the news?"
"Yeah... Amazing things are going on in the world"

<0012> \{Riki}「Rin, you should paying more attention to the world. Not just the cat…」
//<0012> \{理樹}「猫の食事に集中しすぎていて、聞いてないね…」
<0013> \{Kengo}「That kind of word coming from someone who only read manga」
//<0013> \{謙吾}「漫画ばっか読んでるおまえが言える台詞か」
<0014> \{Kyousuke}「Whatever、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」
//<0014> \{恭介}「まあ、そういう俺も４コマ漫画目当てなんだが」

"She's too busy feeding the cat- she can't hear you..."
"And that's coming from someone who reads nothing but manga"
"Whatever, then I'm target material for 4-koma manga"