ばか！バカ！　馬鹿ー月！

Please continue discussion of this chapter here now that it has its own thread.

i'm reading the melencholy of asahina mikuru and the translations seem very different. one translation mentions global warming and the other doesn't. I'm SO CONFUSED!

so uh are those like the chinese and japanese verions next to each other? And why does one translation mention global warming and the other doesn'?

First Translation wrote:Right now let's not think about how global warming should be able to completely counteract snow

Second Translation wrote:Trying not to suspect the cold of being a top-secret counter-measure made to combat global warming

Very different takes on it, but I can see how they might both arise from the same original text.
=Smidge=

Smidge204 wrote:

First Translation wrote:Right now let's not think about how global warming should be able to completely counteract snow

Second Translation wrote:Trying not to suspect the cold of being a top-secret counter-measure made to combat global warming

Very different takes on it, but I can see how they might both arise from the same original text.
=Smidge=

It looks like the line (a sort of joke) has been taken in two slightly different ways by the translators. Snow as a remedy to global warming VS global warming as a remedy to snow.

It's like that old joke about cancer being a cure for smoking.

Personally, I think the second translation is funnier and makes a bit more sense. If I were a betting man, I'd lay odds that it's closer to the spirit of the original.

Ah i see. My bad. ONce again i wasn't observant enough lol.

Well just to clear things up, articpheonix did the first translation, while I did the other. Since he was found KIA, I offered to help oni finish translating it. I chose not to continue on from where he left off, since it sounded a bit odd to me.

While translating, I paraphrased quite a lot to make the meaning clearer. Maybe that explains the difference?

It could be that the first translator was using unofficial text back then, but there were a few missing lines, and even a missing paragraph when I compared the 2. But since he did do 20% of the chapter anyways, let's just leave it there as it is right now. There's no harm, other than a longer loading time ^^

“It’s already cold enough outside. If you go out wearing that kind of outfit, you would probably cause vision hazard for the students. [Note: Kyon is referring to the phrase “Ice-cream for the eyes”, which is similar to “A sight for sore eyes”. The two, however, cannot be substituted in this scenario]

Vision hazard sounds........ awkward, to say the best.

Why not a more readily available english phrase such as "visual overload," or change the structure to "you would probably distract students so much as to be a hazard," or "your sight would probably distract the students?" That seems to be what the implied danger is -- that she's so soothing to the eyes that she'll cause accidents from people looking at her and not where they're going.

Or at the very least, say a vision hazard.

edit 1:

time-unrelated

non-time-related would probably work better, or simply "unrelated to time." I'm fairly certain that something is wrong with the original wording. I just don't think you can add a prefix there! I could, of course, be wrong myself.

edit 2:

I stood there listening, with anyhing[sic] much to do or say, like a scarecrow after harvest.

Instead...

without anything.

blah, there's a lot of minor noodly little bits... perhaps I should stop amending my post, otherwise it'll end up a page and a half long! I'm rather picky when it comes to English grammar, and without the skill to translate the raw Japanese my sole focus is on how it sounds in English, so I'd try and do some editing myself, except I'm afraid I'd lose a lot of the original intent or feeling in the work. It would seem that it's a very tricky juggling game to translate a novel!

edit 3: urgh, I'm weak.

Throughout winter, my body had barely sweated. Now, no thanks to the driver, I found my whole body sweating furiously.

how about...

Throughout winter, I had barely broken a sweat. Now, no thanks to the driver, I found myself sweating furiously.

"My body" seems redundant, and "sweated" just kind of sounds awkward (although that's just my opinion).

For the vision hazard thing, I think I should further elaborate.

Kyon is refering to the phrase "Ice-cream for the eyes", which means "A sight for sore eyes". He means that should Mikuru step out, she would be an "ice cream" (for the other student's eyes) and since it's already freezing cold outside, he doesn't think that's needed. I think I need some help paraphrasing this one. Any ideas?

As for the other mistakes, you could just go ahead and correct them. No use posting them in a forum when you can just edit with a click. Just correct any errors you see, there's no need to ask for permission ;P

Wow, there's really no good way to translate that into English at all, without stating everything plainly as you just did. Although the idea of "it being cold, ice cream is cold, you'll be soothing ice cream for their eyes" does kind of translate fairly well into saying that she'd cause visual overload.

Which is way off from the original line, and makes 'cold enough' not work at all.

I just really don't like the phrase "vision hazard," mostly because it makes no sense >.<

“It’s already cold enough outside. If you go out wearing that kind of cool outfit, you'll just make the students shiver even more.”

Something like that. It's a bit blunt, though, and doesn't really fit Kyon. (fun fact: cool is a synonym for 'divine' according to thesaurus.com!)

As for the other stuff, I guess I'll do that. Yet another thing to register for m(_ _)m

“It’s already cold enough outside. If you go out wearing that kind of cool outfit, you'll just make the students shiver even more.”

This sounds okay, but it kinda gives the wrong impression IMO. The first time I read it, I thought Mikuru was wearing a scary outfit, one that sends shivers down yolur spine ;P

Meh, I'll have to edit this again later :groans:

Oh and BTW, you don't have to register in order to edit a page. It's just that should you do so, it would be better since it would make things easier if I or someone else were to wish to contact you.